Lost Innocence

by Susan Lewis

  ‘I think you should at least…’

  His hand went up, cutting her off.

  Annoyed, but too nervous to argue, she turned towards the dusk, watching, but not seeing, the countryside speeding by. Her mouth was swollen and throbbing from where Alicia had punched her, and her dress was ruined. The wine had soaked in now, plastering the silk to her skin. It was like blood, thick and red and completely indelible. If they were stopped, the police would think she’d been shot, or stabbed. She wondered if she wished she had.

  Maybe she had gone too far with the remark about Nathan and his sister, but actually, who was to say she wasn’t right? The boy might be a budding pervert, and if he was, it would be as well to get him off the streets now. She imagined saying that to Robert and felt the words wither inside her.

  The dread of what everyone might be saying now began digging like spikes into her head. She could be dropped for this, and if she was, Alicia would be to blame. The wretched woman shouldn’t have been there, she wasn’t a part of the county set, and none of it would have happened if she hadn’t somehow smarmed her way in with Cameron Mitchell. The woman was a menace, an intruder, a damned nemesis, who should get the hell out of a place she no longer belonged.

  As Robert swung the car into the drive his expression was completely closed, betraying nothing of what he was thinking or feeling inside. Without waiting for Sabrina to get out, he pushed open his own door, slammed it shut, and walked into the house. There was no sign of Annabelle, but the mess in the kitchen showed that she’d made herself some dinner sometime during the evening.

  After filling a glass with water, Robert was on his way to the hall when Sabrina said, ‘Aren’t you going to say anything?’

  He didn’t turn round, only kept on walking, up the stairs, past his and Sabrina’s door and along the landing to the largest of the guest rooms. Once inside he put the glass down next to the bed and tore off his bow tie. No, he wasn’t going to say anything, not because he didn’t want to, but because he was so angry he didn’t trust himself to know when to stop. He needed to calm down first, then focus his mind on what had to be achieved in Washington over the next two weeks, before returning to sort out Annabelle. After that he was going to have a great deal more to say than Sabrina would ever want to hear.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Keeping her head down and hands over her ears Darcie ran out of the school gates, weaving a path through straggling clutches of students and across the road to where Nat was waiting in the shade of a huge brick wall. Una was right behind her, her pretty freckled face stricken with worry.

  ‘They’ve been really mean,’ Una gasped, as Darcie buried her face in Nat’s shoulder. ‘You know, calling her names and stuff. It was horrible.’

  Having experienced his own share of abuse in the sixth-form block, Nat tightened his arms round Darcie, saying, ‘I’m sorry, squirrel, you shouldn’t be having to put up with this…’

  ‘It’s not your fault,’ Darcie cried, bringing her head up. ‘They’re just stupid and don’t know any better.’

  ‘Exactly,’ Una agreed. ‘They’ll be sorry one of these days, when someone picks on them.’

  ‘Come on,’ Nat said, taking Darcie’s bag and swinging it over his shoulder, ‘let’s go and wait for the bus.’

  ‘Where’s Mum?’ Darcie objected, almost in a panic. ‘Why isn’t she here to pick us up, like she said she would?’

  ‘Didn’t you get her text?’ Nat replied. ‘She’s seeing someone at the District Council about the shop. She’ll be home about five.’

  Staying close to his side, with Una linking her other arm, Darcie deliberately avoided looking at anyone else as they started down the hill towards the bus stop. The road was really crowded now, with pupils from two nearby schools spilling out of their respective gates, and dozens upon dozens of parents coming to pick up their offspring.

  Annabelle was walking along the high street with Georgie and Catrina, who’d been waiting outside her classroom a few minutes ago, apparently dead keen to find out how she was and what was happening with the rape thing, as Catrina had put it. It seemed they didn’t mind hanging around with her after school, but no mention had been made yet of whether they’d be inviting Annabelle to parties, or back to their houses, or any of the other places they used to go before Annabelle’s age had become an issue.

  This first day back hadn’t been easy for Annabelle either, being stared at and talked about, as though she couldn’t see or hear anything. Did they think she was stupid, or something? Just because she’d been raped didn’t mean she was blind now, or deaf, or didn’t have any feelings. Just as well no one had tried coming up to her and saying something, she’d have given them a good slapping if they had. It was none of their business what had happened to her, so they should just keep out of her face.

  ‘Oh my God,’ Georgie muttered, coming to a sudden stop. ‘Look who it isn’t.’

  Annabelle followed the direction of her eyes and froze. Nat was barely twenty paces away, on the other side of the street, next to the bus stop.

  ‘Hey, Nathan,’ Georgie sang out nastily. ‘Raped anyone lately?’

  As Nat turned away, Annabelle saw Darcie starting to cry. Nat tried to comfort her, but Darcie suddenly swung round in a rage,

  ‘This is all your fault,’ she screamed at Annabelle, ‘telling lies about my brother. You should be ashamed of yourself.’

  Grabbing her, Nat turned her back towards the school. ‘Come on, we can’t be near her or I’ll get into trouble,’ he said.

  ‘But it’s not fair!’ Darcie protested. ‘She’s the one who caused it…’

  ‘Don’t do this now,’ Nat pleaded. ‘Everyone’s looking. Let’s just get out of here.’

  ‘That’s it, run away,’ Georgie shouted after them.

  ‘There’s Robert,’ Annabelle said, spotting the Mercedes. ‘Come on, quick.’

  Having witnessed some sort of exchange between Annabelle and Nathan, Robert got out of the car not knowing what on earth he was going to do, but his niece was crying, and his nephew looked stricken – he couldn’t just let them go. On the other hand, Annabelle was already running towards him, appearing none too happy herself, and if he turned his back on her now the little trust he’d built up with her would be wiped out in an instant.

  In the end, as Annabelle and her friends piled into the car, he accepted that there was no way he could offer Nat and Darcie a ride home too, and as he wasn’t even sure they’d seen him, he got back into the driver’s seat vowing to do something to make this up to them.

  ‘What happened?’ he asked, catching Annabelle’s eye in the rear-view mirror.

  ‘Nothing,’ she answered. ‘Where’s Mum?’

  ‘She had to wait for a phone call,’ he lied. He wouldn’t tell her the truth, since Sabrina hadn’t actually admitted she was afraid of running into Alicia at the school, but he knew it was the real reason she’d asked him to come in her place.

  When they got home, having dropped off Georgie and Catrina along the way, there was no sign of Sabrina. Her car was gone, and there was no note letting them know where she was or when she’d be back. ‘Give her mobile a try,’ Robert said to Annabelle as she went to the fridge. ‘I still have a paper to finish before I leave tomorrow, so I’m going back to my study.’

  ‘How long are you going to be away?’ Annabelle asked.

  ‘Not as long as I’d intended,’ he answered. ‘I’ll be back on the tenth.’ He was about to add that they’d go up to London the day after for her ‘little procedure’ as Sabrina had taken to calling it, but stopped himself. She knew the date of her appointment, so didn’t need reminding.

  He was halfway across the garden when Darcie’s tears and Nat’s pale face struck his conscience again, and knowing he couldn’t continue without going to find out if they’d got home all right, he redirected his steps out into Holly Way and across the high street to The Close. It was unlikely they’d be back yet, but he could always wait if they we
ren’t.

  Since Alicia’s car wasn’t in its usual place he didn’t have much hope of the door being answered when he knocked, but to his surprise he heard footsteps on the stairs, and then Nat was there. From the expression that came over the lad’s face, Robert knew right away that he’d seen him at the school.

  ‘You’re home already,’ Robert said awkwardly.

  ‘Simon’s mother saw us and gave us a lift,’ Nat replied.

  Robert nodded. ‘Good.’ Then, ‘Where’s Mum?’

  ‘At a meeting about the shop.’

  ‘I see. Well, as long as you’re all right.’

  ‘We’re fine, thanks.’

  Robert raised a hand in a kind of wave and turned back down the path. The fact that Nat hadn’t invited him in told him more clearly than anything how hurt the boy was, and Robert didn’t blame him. In Nat’s shoes he’d no doubt feel let down and betrayed too, but then he only had to think of Annabelle with her pregnancy, and not knowing who the father was, and Sabrina’s refusal even to acknowledge the fact that her daughter had behaved like a tramp, to know where he belonged right now.

  ‘Where have you been?’ Annabelle asked, looking up from her second bowl of frosted cornflakes as Sabrina came in the door.

  ‘I popped out to the supermarket,’ Sabrina answered, hefting a couple of bags on to the table. ‘How was your first day back?’

  ‘Horrible,’ Annabelle replied with her mouth full.

  Sabrina looked at her.

  ‘I don’t want to talk about it,’ Annabelle said, and carried on eating. ‘The swelling’s going down on your lip now,’ she commented. ‘Are you sure you walked into a door and Robert didn’t whack you?’

  ‘Don’t be ridiculous.’

  ‘So why isn’t he speaking to you?’

  ‘He is speaking to me. Where is he?’

  ‘In his office. He’s got some paper to finish, he said.’

  Nodding, Sabrina put on the kettle and started packing the groceries away.

  ‘Mum?’ Annabelle said after a while.

  ‘Mm?’

  ‘What do you think would happen if I said I didn’t want to go to court?’

  Sabrina turned round, aghast, but needing to be certain where this was going before she got off on the wrong foot. ‘You’ve already been told you don’t have to appear,’ she reminded her. ‘You can give your evidence by video.’

  Annabelle looked down at her bowl, but all she was seeing was Darcie’s face as she’d screamed at her across the street.

  ‘What’s the matter?’ Sabrina asked warily.

  ‘Nothing, I just…’

  ‘Just what?’ Sabrina prompted.

  ‘Well, I was thinking, maybe we should just forget about it all now.’

  Sabrina’s head started to spin. ‘Rape doesn’t just go away,’ she said angrily.

  ‘I know that, but everyone’s talking about it and it’s getting on my nerves.’

  Sabrina opened her mouth, but didn’t know what to say.

  ‘Anyway, I saw Darcie earlier,’ Annabelle went on. ‘Someone said people are calling her names, and she looked really upset. So did Nat…’

  ‘You saw Nathan,’ Sabrina interrupted. ‘That boy’s supposed to keep…’

  ‘I know, I know. He was waiting for the bus, so it wasn’t like he was trying to hassle me or anything.’

  ‘Nevertheless, he’s in breach of his bail…’

  ‘Oh shut up, I wish I’d never said anything now.’

  ‘Annabelle, what is going on in that head of yours?’

  ‘Nothing. I just felt bad for Darcie, OK?’

  ‘Well, I’m very sorry if she was upset, but Nathan should have thought about that before…’

  ‘Just leave it,’ Annabelle cried. ‘I can’t talk to you about anything, so forget I ever mentioned it.’

  Stiff with tension, Sabrina turned back to carry on unloading the shopping, until, unable to keep her frustration to herself a moment longer, she suddenly shouted, ‘Did that boy rape you, or didn’t he?’

  ‘Yes, he did,’ Annabelle shouted back.

  ‘Then there’s no more discussion to be had. You did the right thing in reporting him, and now you need to see it through. I understand it’s not easy, so maybe we should give Lisa Murray a ring. She can have a chat with you, and put your mind at rest, because I’m sure a lot of victims go through the stage you’re going through now.’

  ‘Whatever,’ Annabelle said, glancing at Sabrina’s mobile as it started to ring.

  Seeing June’s name come up, Sabrina clicked on saying, ‘Hi, how did you get on with Canon Jeffries?’

  ‘Great as usual, he’s such an old gossip. I swear he’s gay, you know. Anyway, I can now round off my Glastonbury versus God piece, and then all we need is the scoop on the Roswells’ party. How was it, by the way? I suppose the whole world was there, except moi, of course. Let me tell you, it’s no fun being Cinderella at my age, even fairy godmothers are looking for younger models.’

  Casting a sideways glance at Annabelle, Sabrina said, ‘I’ll put something together and email it over. When are we due to meet?’

  ‘Some time next week, Thursday I think, to put the next edition to bed. So tell me, was Cameron Mitchell at the party? Did you meet him?’

  ‘Kind of,’ Sabrina answered. ‘It’ll have to wait until I see you, I’m afraid, Robert’s leaving for Washington tomorrow, and I want to cook something special for tonight.’

  As she rang off Annabelle got up from the table and went to put her bowl and spoon in the sink. ‘You must have done something really bad if he’s not speaking to you and you’re sucking up to him with special dinners,’ she commented, ‘but I don’t suppose you’re going to tell me what it was, so I’m going upstairs to my room.’

  ‘Before you go,’ Sabrina said, ‘how are you feeling now? Any more nausea?’

  ‘I’m cool, apart from first thing, but you were there when I chucked up, so you already know about that.’

  ‘Have you told anyone?’

  ‘No way. Not even Georgie. I don’t want to end up being stared at even more than I was today. Or expelled, thank you very much. Anyway, here comes Robert, so I’ll leave you to your sucking up. Good luck,’ and waving her crossed fingers, she left.

  Feeling a horrible fluttering inside as Robert opened the door, Sabrina smiled affectionately as she said, ‘Hi, everything OK?’

  ‘Everything’s fine,’ he answered shortly, going to unplug his phone charger from the wall.

  Breezing over his abruptness, she said, ‘I thought I’d do a rack of lamb in the rosemary and mint pesto you like for dinner. Would you prefer dauphinois or roast potatoes to go with it?’

  ‘Actually, I’m driving up to Heathrow tonight,’ he told her. ‘My flight’s at nine in the morning, so it makes more sense for me to stay at a hotel nearby.’

  ‘I see,’ she said carefully. ‘OK, well I can always freeze the lamb and we can have it when you come back.’

  Making no response, he picked up the newspaper he’d left on the table and went on upstairs to start packing.

  ‘Mum just rang,’ Nat said, going to stand in Darcie’s bedroom doorway. ‘She’ll be home in about ten minutes.’

  Darcie looked up from her computer. Her eyes were still pink from crying, but she was putting a braver face on things now. ‘Did she say how it went?’ she asked.

  ‘Only that progress is being made and she’ll fill us in when she gets here.’

  Darcie nodded. ‘Are you going to tell her Uncle Robert came over?’

  ‘No. I don’t think we should tell her anything. She’ll only worry and get upset and she’s already got enough to be dealing with.’

  ‘What, you mean we should let her think everything’s all right at school?’

  Realising how hard that was going to be for her, he said, ‘Well, that’s what I’m going to do, but obviously, if you want to…’

  ‘No, I’ll do the same,’ she cut in. ‘I don’t want her to worr
y either, or you. I can deal with it, honestly,’ and getting up from her computer she came to give him a hug. ‘I wish Dad was here,’ she said brokenly. ‘I keep trying to think it’s not horrible without him, but it is.’

  His arms tightened around her. ‘I know,’ he whispered, resting his head on hers. Then, ‘I’m really sorry about the way everyone’s being with you. You shouldn’t be having to put up with all that crap because of me.’

  ‘It’s because of her,’ she reminded him hotly. ‘If she hadn’t told all those lies this wouldn’t be happening.’

  ‘I know, but…’

  ‘I’m really glad I shouted at her,’ she ran on. ‘I wish I’d gone over there and punched her now. I hate her for what she’s doing, and I don’t like Uncle Robert very much any more either. He should make her tell the truth so all this can be over.’

  ‘It will be soon,’ he said, ‘just hang in there and let Mum think everything’s OK.’

  Returning to his room, he closed the door and went to sit at his own computer. There were a lot more suicide websites than he’d expected, so many that he hardly knew which one to choose. The one on the screen now though was probably the one he’d go with, because the way out they were suggesting seemed quick and easy and wouldn’t, so they said, be too traumatic for those left behind. Thinking of his mother and Darcie and how they’d react when they found him brought a lump to his throat. He didn’t want to do this to them, he wanted to be here to take care of them, to make sure no one ever hurt them, but they were suffering because of him, so what choice did he have?

  If he had the courage and tools he’d do it right now, but he didn’t, so bookmarking the site, he closed it down and sent an email to Jolyon. Things getting a bit tough for Mum and Darcie. Any news from Oliver?

  ‘The weasel isn’t going to have much trouble deciding whether to prosecute this one,’ DS Clive Bevan was remarking, as he and Lisa went back into the rape suite after seeing out a frightened young boy and his mother, both victims of sexual assault by the live-in boyfriend. ‘Bet our shifty little CPS wishes it was as cut and dried in the Carlyle case. He’s coming under some serious pressure now to reduce the charge.’