by Jenn Hype
“She looked worried and it came back to me all at once what had happened. I started screaming the words “he killed her” over and over again. I was kicking and flailing, but she wrapped her arms around me tight and held me until I calmed down. She took me to the police station, even though I begged her not to. I was afraid my dad would get even more angry and would come after me. Only this time when they went to my house, my mom was dead, and they couldn’t look the other way.”
“My dad was arrested and two months later was sentenced to twenty years in prison. The cops that had overlooked him beating us were let go from their positions and put on probation. Apparently they had ignored several situations similar to that one. That’s how I found out he’d been doing it longer than I thought, and that my mom had tried to fight back at first. She knew though...she knew what I didn’t. That the police wouldn’t help. If only she had told me. I wouldn’t have called them and she might…” He choked on his last words and turned his back to me, and I knew he was on the verge of tears and trying to shield them from me. I whispered his name, a plea for him to come sit with me, and he did. When he sat back down, I leaned into him, resting my head on his chest.
“I didn’t have any other family so I went into foster care. The teacher that found me ended up adopting me and it was the best thing that ever happened to me. I wouldn’t have made it without her. She got me counseling so I could work through my issues from the abuse and my mother’s death, and she was always patient with me when I would have these freak outs where I would start screaming and breaking things. It was mindless, just a way to unleash the pain pent up inside me. She never got mad or yelled or scolded me. She just kept her distance until I wore myself out and then held me while I cried.”
“She sounds amazing.”
“She was. She died of breast cancer two years ago.”
“Oh.” I had no idea what to say, so I just sat quietly, waiting for him to continue.
“The only thing I’m grateful for out of that whole mess is that I became a cop. I knew not all cops were bad, but I also knew they needed more good ones. I would never push aside something like that, no matter who it was, and I was determined to make a difference so that the same thing didn’t happen to someone else. It took a lot of therapy to help me see straight, and I still don’t think I’m completely healed. Maybe I never will be. I hated my mom for a long time, blaming her for what happened. Then I had to deal with the guilt of hating her for so long. I tried not to be angry at my dad. Not because I wanted to forgive him, but because when I let myself feel angry about what he did the rage would consume me. I was terrified I would end up like him, so I worked really hard to never show anger. Never lose my cool. It’s too risky and I just couldn’t let myself repeat his mistakes.”
“Chad,” I said gently, my hand cupping his cheek and pulling his eyes to mine. “You are nothing like him. That may not mean much coming from me since we really don’t know each other that well yet, but I know, Chad. I just know. If there was at all a possibility that you were even a tiny bit similar to him, then I wouldn’t...I wouldn’t care about you like I do. I see the good in you. So don’t question my judgment or I’ll get pissed.”
Chad gave me a light smile. I so badly had wanted to tell him I loved him. I knew I cared deeply for him, despite how hard I’d been trying to fight my feelings. But it wasn’t until that moment when the words almost came out so easily that I realized I really was in love with him. It just didn’t seem like the right moment. We were sitting in a cemetery while he told me a horrible story about his childhood. When I told him I loved him for the first time, I wanted it to be a happy memory.
We sat there quietly, the only sounds were our breaths mingling in the air as the sun started to go down. My body felt heavy with exhaustion, but I wasn’t ready to stop talking. There was so much more I needed to know.
“You know how else I know you aren’t like him?” He didn’t answer, just raised one eyebrow at me, like he already knew what I was going to say. “You’ve never once hurt me, and if anyone deserves an ass whooping, it’s me.” I nudged him with my shoulder, and gave him a small smile.
“But seriously, thank you for sharing all of that with me. I know how hard that was. It means a lot to me that you trust me enough to talk about that with me. I just...I wondered...How does that story relate to what is going on with us? Are you just sharing because you want to be open with me? If so, then that’s great, but it feels like there’s more reason behind why you brought me here to tell me all of this.”
Something in his expression caused a cold dread to course through my veins. Suddenly I was terrified it would be something I didn’t want to hear, but I couldn’t bring myself to regret asking. Whatever he said wouldn’t push me away, I was there to stay. As long as he was honest, we could make it through anything.
Chapter 31
Chad
I wasn’t sure how to answer, knowing whatever I said would come out wrong no matter how I tried to word it. I just hoped she would understand the meaning behind my words. I thought telling her the whole story would be hard, but it felt freeing. No one knew the whole truth, not even Joe. It felt good to not have to hold it in after so many years of feeling weighted down by the guilt of it all.
So I took a deep breath and faced Stacy, ready to bare my soul.
“It’s been a long time since I struggled to maintain control over my emotions. Something about you just really pushed and pulled at me. At first, I thought it meant I should avoid you. I thought you were toxic.” She winced at that last part, and I hurried to keep going, wanting to reassure her of how wrong I’d been. She was exactly what I hadn’t known I needed.
“I was wrong Stacy. You didn’t do anything wrong. You were perfect. I just...I hadn’t felt anything for anyone in so long. I mean, yeah, I have emotions and I feel sad or happy, but not really. It’s all surface level. Even with sex, it was just a release, never anything intimate. I knew getting close to anyone meant the chances of me getting angry and lashing out at them were higher, so I avoided anything meaningful for so long.”
“All that anger I projected on to you, I was really just angry at myself. I was constantly warring with myself over my emotions. I was an idiot, trying to talk myself out of what I felt for you. I constantly went back and forth between trying to shut my emotions off and trying to give in to them. It wasn’t until I realized I couldn’t fight it anymore, when I finally accepted that my feelings for you weren’t going anywhere, that the anger finally stopped. I was trying to protect myself, protect you, from pain, but all I was doing was hurting us both. And when I found those guys attacking you at your apartment, I just lost it. Then you were afraid of me and…”
Stacy jerked her hand away, and I thought maybe I’d finally made her angry and she was going to leave. Instead she climbed onto my lap and wrapped her arms around my neck, pressing her cheek against mine.
“I was never afraid of you, Chad,” she whispered, and I could hear the sincerity in her voice. “I was in shock and not in my right mind. The only thing I was afraid of that day in my apartment was of you getting hurt. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if something had happened to you because it would have been my fault.” She pulled back and put both of her hands on either side of my face and I could tell by the way her eyes searched mine that she was making sure I knew she meant what she was saying. “I hallucinated my attacker when you knelt down beside me, I wasn’t freaking out because of you. I even tried to cry out for you at the hospital before they took me in for surgery. When you showed up in my hospital room, I was so fucking happy, but in so much pain. I tried to move and it hurt so bad, I can’t even describe it. But I was never, never afraid of you. I could never be afraid of you, Chad.”
She gently brushed her lips against mine before pulling back again. “Wait…” she said, furrowing her brow in confusion. “Is that why Joe freaked out at the hospital?”
“What do you mean?”
“He said you t
hought I was afraid of you. I explained it to him that I wasn’t, and he said he had to take off and see you and that he would explain later. When I saw him again he seemed perfectly fine so I didn’t press it, but is that why he ran out?”
“I don’t know, he never said anything to me. I did think it was strange when he found me at your apartment and just started helping me. He didn’t say a word, actually. If I had to guess, I’d say yeah, that’s why he took off. He knew how much it was killing me that you didn’t want to see me. Based on how out of my mind I’d been over you, he probably thought I was on a rampage, destroying the town or something like fucking Godzilla.”
She laughed and then pulled my mouth onto hers roughly, tugging at my lower lip with her teeth. She gently ran her fingers through my hair, and the contrast of her touch and her almost painful kiss lit a fire in me. I stood with her in my arms and carried her to my Jeep, somehow managing to find the willpower to pull away from her to open her door. If I didn’t get some distance from her fast then I would end up taking her right there in the cemetery, and that would be all kinds of levels of messed up.
After I had her settled into the seat and buckled in, I rounded the Jeep and climbed into the driver’s side. When I started the ignition and turned to face her, I could see everything I’d hoped for reflected back at me. Compassion, understanding, love, desire.
We drove in comfortable silence back to her apartment, and I carried her as quickly as I could up to her apartment while trying to be as careful as possible not to jostle her. I wasn’t sure how she’d made it the whole three hours at the cemetery without once letting on that she was in pain, but I knew she had to be. Stacy was undoubtedly the strongest and most stubborn woman I’d ever met, and she’d put on a brave face for me.
I laid her down gently onto her bed and stood over her, looking down at the woman who had so quickly and completely changed me, made me a better man. Her face was still freshly bruised, a bandaged cut above her eye and her arm in a sling. She looked fragile and it reminded me that despite how strong Stacy was, she was still capable of being hurt. And I swore to never be the one to hurt her, physically or emotionally.
“Chad,” Stacy whispered, her voice low and husky, laced with need. I wanted so badly to be inside of her, feel her wrapped around me, showing her how good I could make her feel. I had a lot to make up for, and once she was healed, I would treat her body with the love and care she deserved. But it wasn’t about me, I just wanted to make her feel good. So I slowly started to peel her yoga pants off of her legs.
Despite being in the hospital for a week, Stacy’s skin was silky smooth and perfect. I sucked in a harsh breath when I realized she didn’t have panties on under her pants, and that she was waxed almost bare just like her legs. I climbed onto the bed, kneeling over her, as I dragged one hand up her right leg slowly, stopping just before her sex.
She arched her back, trying to get closer, but I continued to trail my hands up and down her legs, over her stomach, around her hips. She felt so soft, the perfect contrast to my calloused hands. I took special care around all the places she was hurt, placing soft kisses over every bruise and cut.
“Please,” she begged, her eyes hooded and full of desire. I wasn’t done memorizing every inch of her, but I decided to give her what she wanted, and I slid my hand over her thigh and back up. My finger traced the outside of her sex and I could feel how wet she was already as I slowly dipped one finger lower and flicked it across her clit.
Stacy gasped and arched her back off of the bed, in what I was sure had to be a painful motion, though she showed no trace of pain, just pleasure. As she continued to tremble and writhe underneath my touch, completely surrendering to me, I knew without a doubt that it was the most beautiful and erotic sight I’d ever seen.
Chapter 32
Stacy
God, Chad was going to kill me. My pleasure was building slowly. So slowly that it was almost painful. And yes, I was in a lot of pain elsewhere from the attack, but I could barely feel it. I was so consumed with Chad’s hand massaging me in the place I wanted him most that a fucking tornado could have ripped the top half of my apartment building off and I would have been too caught up in pleasure to even notice.
I was begging for more, rolling my hips trying to gain friction, needing to feel more of him. Finally, when I thought I would lose my mind from the slow and gentle torture he was inflicting, he started to pick up his pace and his movements sped up. When his mouth joined his hand it was only a matter of seconds for my pleasure to course through me, and I cried out his name, my whole body convulsing as I rode out my orgasm. Chad continued his assault, ignoring my plea for him to stop. Instead he kept on devouring me, licking and sucking until the pleasure bordered on pain until I was screaming.
Chad finally slowed down, gently bringing me down from the aftershocks of my orgasm, before scooping me up into his strong arms. My body was completely limp, partially from being sated and also from the day’s events.
Chad carried me into the bathroom and sat me down gently on the edge of the bathtub. I watched intently as he turned on the water and checked the temperature, making sure it was just right, then taking the time to pour in some of the bath salts I kept on the edge of the tub. Then he turned to me and very carefully helped to undress me until I was completely bare before him, and he held me up and eased me into the bath.
I expected him to take a seat next to me, or leave me to myself, but he started to pull off his own clothes. Before I knew it, Chad was climbing in behind me, pulling me into his arms. I could feel his erection stiff against my lower back, but he made no attempt to make it known. He seemed perfectly content to just hold me as he casually grazed his hands up my arms to my shoulders where he started to gently knead the knots in my shoulders.
It felt amazing, soaking in a hot bath with a beautiful man as he massaged all my worries out of me. I let my head roll back and let out a moan.
“I’m trying to be a gentleman here, Stacy, but if you keep making sounds like that then I won’t be able to control myself.” His voice was low and husky in my ear. It sent shivers down my spine, spreading goose bumps all down my arms and legs.
“Maybe I don’t want you to be a gentleman,” I teased. Despite how tired I was and how much pain I was still in, I wanted so badly to feel Chad inside of me, but I knew he wouldn’t give me what I wanted. He would put my comfort before his, even if it meant having blue balls for weeks.
To pretend I wasn’t at least a little shaken up from the attack would be total bullshit, but nothing got under my skin more than some assholes interfering with my sex life. Just thinking about it made me want to kick puppies. Chad must have felt me tense because his hands stopped and he pulled away to look at my face.
“What’s wrong? Are you in pain? Did I hurt you?” The worry in his voice was so sweet, and I couldn’t believe how freaking lucky I was to have him there, taking care of me.
“No, you didn’t. I was just thinking about the pricks that attacked me.”
“You’re safe now, Stacy. I won’t ever let anyone hurt you.” I bust out into laughter, and the sudden movement sent a searing pain through my ribs, but I couldn’t stop. Chad looking at me like I’d lost my damn mind only made it worse.
“No, no. That’s not what I mean,” I managed to say in between laughs. “I don’t care about that. I’m just pissed that we can’t have sex because of my stupid injuries.”
Chad looked confused at first, but then joined in my laughter.
“You are so amazing, Stacy. Truly.” His words were heartfelt and I knew he meant them, so I sank further into his arms and finally let my entire body relax. Chad gave me a lingering kiss on my temple, and I slowly drifted off to sleep in his arms.
When I woke, I was tangled in my sheets, still naked. Chad must have carried me from the bath and dried me off. I looked around the dark room but didn’t see him anywhere. Glancing at the clock I saw that it was two in the morning. Where did he go?
&
nbsp; Chapter 33
Chad
After Stacy drifted off to sleep I carried her to her bed and gently dried her off with a towel, careful not to wake her. Though she was so exhausted that a Mack truck probably could have driven right through her bedroom and it wouldn’t have woken her.
I bent to slip under the covers with her when I heard my phone vibrate on the table next to the bed where I’d sat it when we first got back. A quick glance showed a missed call and voicemail from the precinct. I was tempted to ignore it and catch up on some sleep, but after lying awake several minutes, still wondering what was on my phone, I finally caved and listened to the voicemail.
It was my captain, asking to see me first thing in the morning. He didn’t elaborate, but his tone told me enough. He was terse and his voice tight, and it was apparent something was wrong. The last time I’d heard him speak to me that way was the day before my dad’s last parole hearing, but he wasn’t up for another one for at least a few years, so it had to be something else.
After the attack on Stacy it had been strongly recommended that I take some “vacation” time. I knew there was a possibility that there could be repercussions to my behavior the day of Stacy’s attack, but I hadn’t heard anything since so I thought maybe my captain had handled it. I was due to return to work in a few days, but based on the way his voice sounded and him asking me to come in tomorrow, I had a feeling things weren’t as “handled” as I’d hoped.
“Chad,” I heard Stacy whisper from behind me. She was hunched over and clutching her side, looking drowsy and confused. “I woke up and you weren’t in bed. I got worried.”
I rushed to her side and wrapped one arm around her, gently grabbing her elbow with the other and leading her back to the bedroom. “I’m sorry, I had a voicemail from my captain. I stepped out because I didn’t want to disturb you.”