Just an Illusion, Side A: Side A

by D. Kelly

  “You guys are assholes.”

  Noah reaches over and throws his arm across Sawyer’s shoulders. “Oh, come on, little brother, you know we love you. It’s just so easy to annoy you, we can’t help ourselves sometimes.”

  This is the first time I’ve really witnessed the two of them being brotherly. Sawyer actually hugs him back before pushing him away. They’re adorable together, and I can imagine how cute they were as little boys. I can’t wait to see them with their family at the holidays.

  The drive to Sully’s is short, and Mac lets us out at the door, which is great because it’s freezing outside. Noah laces his fingers in mine and brings my hand to his mouth and kisses it. My heart flutters; I feel like a teenage girl.

  “So this is our first official date,” Noah says to me as we follow behind Sawyer to our table.

  “You don’t consider our movie night in the hotel a date?”

  “Nope, you weren’t my girlfriend then.”

  “Well, no, but people have to date before they become exclusive, don’t you think?”

  “Not always, sometimes, like with us, friendship turns into more. I want more with you, Mel.” He says the words confidently, with no hesitation.

  “I want more with you, too, Noah.” And I mean it.

  “You guys are sickeningly sweet. I’m going to need lots of shots if you’re going to act like this all night.” Sawyer doesn’t seem mad, but there’s an underlying tone to his voice which makes me think he might be. Noah isn’t fazed by it at all, so maybe I’m reading something into it that isn’t there.

  Unfortunately for me, since we’re the first to arrive, I end up between Sawyer and Noah in an extra-large booth immediately to the left of the stage.

  Sully’s is interesting. It’s dark and sexy like a blues or a jazz club. Each table has a lit candle in the middle next to sign-up sheets, pencils, and a massive song list notebook. A waitress stops by with menus, and Sawyer orders a bottle of Don Julio and seven shot glasses.

  Wyatt and Anna reach the table first. Belle slides in next to Anna and Darren takes up the end. She is shooting me warning glances. As if I don’t already know it’s bad I’m stuck between Sawyer and Noah.

  There’s a table to our right with what looks like a similar situation to ours. There are two couples and one single girl. She’s a pretty blonde, and she’s eyeing Sawyer up.

  Great.

  It’s not that I don’t want Sawyer to have fun; I’m just not looking to watch a fangirl experience tonight.

  Sawyer passes the bottle around and soon we all have full shot glasses. Noah’s free hand rests on my thigh, and I relax. This is going to be fun. Sawyer deserves to have fun, and I deserve to be relaxing on a date with a perfect man.

  Sawyer lifts his shot glass in the air. “To friends, old and new, cheers.”

  “Cheers.” We all echo his sentiment and toss back our shots. Darren fills his glass again and immediately passes the bottle back around. After three more rounds of shots, I’m thankful a busboy brought bread to the table.

  “What’s the matter, Princess, can’t handle your tequila?”

  I turn to Sawyer with a smile plastered to my face. “I puke to the right, so if you’d prefer I drink on an empty stomach, you’ll be the one who gets it in his lap.”

  Noah snickers in my ear as his hand grips tighter on my thigh. “Have I told you how much of a turn on it is when you put Sawyer in his place?” he whispers.

  “She’s not lying, either. I’ve been on her right more times than I’d like to admit,” Belle tells him while shaking her head at the memory.

  “Fine. By all means, eat, Princess, but you’re still drinking until I can get you on that stage.”

  “Hell yeah!” Darren high fives Sawyer across the table and Belle’s gaze catches mine. She knows I won’t sing.

  Noah’s arm wraps around my shoulder. “It’s okay, Mel. We can sing a duet, or a quartet, and you can have the smallest part. But the one rule they have at Sully’s is, no one leaves without singing.”

  He points up to a sign above the stage I didn’t notice before and it says exactly that.

  Shit, I’m going to need a lot more tequila for this.

  A couple of random people have gone up to sing, but between my shots and my bread, I haven’t paid much attention to them. Noah just ordered some appetizers for the table, and I know he did it so Sawyer wouldn’t talk shit to me.

  They’re all excited, filling out their songs from the song book, even Belle the traitor is totally into this. Belle slides me a piece of paper with a song for her, me, and Anna to sing, and I nod in agreement. It’s not like I’m getting out of this, and we’ll likely be up later anyway because this place is packed. That gives me plenty of time to consume more tequila.

  There are a few monitors around the perimeter which list singers’ names and songs. I don’t have any idea what names the guys use here to know when they’re up.

  About a half hour later, I’m nibbling on some fries and just finished my fifth or sixth shot of tequila and I’m feeling no pain.

  As I bring a fry to my mouth, Noah leans over and pulls it away with his teeth. When he swallows, he pulls me close and kisses me deeply. It’s not a good idea. I’m definitely drunk, and tequila makes me horny. If he kisses me much longer, I’ll straddle him here and ride him to oblivion. I pull back and raise my eyes to his.

  “Homerun?” I ask hopefully, and he shakes his head.

  “Then stop because tequila makes me a freak.”

  He leans forward again and bites my lip. Sawyer groans next to us, but we ignore him.

  “Told you it would be fun to get drunk together.”

  “Not if you’re not knocking one out of the park, it’s not,” I tell him with a pout, and Sawyer snickers, muttering under his breath.

  “I can’t believe you two haven’t fucked yet.”

  “Me, either,” I say, turning toward him, and they all laugh.

  With a shrug of my shoulders, I turn back to them. “What? It’s true. We’re being good, getting to know each other. Doesn’t mean I’m not sexually frustrated.”

  “She’s so drunk,” Belle replies through her laughter, and Noah takes it like a champ. He pulls me all the way to him and kisses me on the forehead.

  “Soon,” he says sweetly, melting my heart. I’m pretty sure I’ve fallen in love with him, or at least the tequila-imbibed me thinks she has. It’s while I’m swooning over him I remember my promise to not make Sawyer feel bad he’s alone. I pull back and grab another fry and take a sip of my water.

  “Oh shit, look who’s up next!” Wyatt whispers excitedly.

  The monitor says Rhymin’ Rieanne – freestyle, and they all seem excited.

  “This is going to be the best thing you’ve ever seen, you guys.” Even Anna is excited to see her. This chick must be really good or really crazy. Belle looks at me and shrugs; she doesn’t get it, either.

  A few minutes later, after an adorable elderly woman finishes singing a song from the Roaring Twenties, a young girl takes the stage. She’s got to be twenty-one since she’s here, but she doesn’t look it at all. Her dark black hair is cut into a bob, and her massively large black glasses take up at least half of her face. She’s tiny as can be. In fact, I think she’s smaller than Belle, and I’m starting to lose faith in these men who swear we’re in for a show.

  She looks up at the audience as if she’s hesitant to begin, when suddenly, she starts beatboxing into the mic. Belle and I both watch her in drunken awe. How could so much sound come from such a small girl?

  “Wait for it,” Noah whispers into my ear just as she begins adding words to her beats. And holy fuck … they are words.

  “I … love big balls in my face

  Big balls in my face,

  I love the way they jiggle

  And I love the way they taste.”

  I can’t hold back my laughter, but I’m trying hard and cover my mout
h with my hand as she keeps up her rhyme.

  “Big balls in my face,

  Big balls in my face,

  Just lean right over

  And let them shake, baby, shake.”

  I’m going to die. I literally can’t breathe, and Belle isn’t far behind me. This is the most entertaining thing I’ve ever seen in my entire life.

  “Put them in my mouth

  And move them all around

  Let me lick and suck

  Your big balls, I’ll go to town.

  I love big balls in my face

  Big balls in my face

  Then lean your cock down

  And slap it all around.”

  That’s it, I’m crying. Tears are streaming down my cheeks, and my chest heaves up and down. I can die knowing I’ve seen the funniest thing on earth and it exists in Salt Lake City, Utah.

  “Big balls in my face

  I love big balls in my face

  I’ll fuck them with my mouth

  Then suck your big dick down,

  When you finally come, I won’t even frown.

  I … love … big balls!”

  “Thank you,” she whispers, strolling off stage as if she just recited Mary had a Little Lamb and wasn’t talking about her love of cock and balls.

  “What was that?” Belle whispers loudly.

  “Rhymin’ Rieanne is who that was. We told you two she’s been worth the trip every single time we’ve come here.” Darren is smiling like the Cheshire cat at our awe.

  “Does she do the same song each time?”

  “Hell no, what would be the fun in that? I think last time we were here she did something called If I were a Penis,” Sawyer says with a straight face.

  “No way. You’re just messing with us because we’re drunk.”

  “Hand to God, Mel, she really did,” Darren says as he passes a new bottle of tequila around.

  “That was awesome but not as awesome as we’re about to be. Come on, guys, we’re up.” Sawyer slides out of the table, and I follow to let Noah and Wyatt out. I glance up at the screen. They’re listed as Sully’s Crew—how original—and they’re singing Whip It by Devo. This ought to be good.

  I’m surprised they didn’t do something a little more like their own music. Then again, even though they can lay low here, they’re going to be outed if they bring the house down.

  Belle, Anna, and I do our due diligence as fans, cheering and catcalling them while they’re onstage. We’re not the only ones; blondie at the next table is eyeing up Sawyer. They’re really good, but of course, that’s a given. When they come off stage, the blonde distracts Sawyer on his way back to the table.

  Next up: Belle’s Bells. How creative. Then, I see the song and know they tricked me. Instead of Rock Lobster by The B-52’s, we’re now doing The Boy is Mine by Monica and Brandy; it’s a highly lyrical song.

  Damn her!

  “Hey, guys, I decided to do a duet with Wyatt, so I’m going to sit this one out.” Anna is smiling, and when she looks at Belle, I know they did this on purpose.

  “Come on, Mel, it will be fun!”

  “You’re so lucky I’m drunk,” I tell her as I take another shot before standing.

  “I was counting on it. Drunk Mel sings her ass off.”

  “You’re the worst best friend ever.”

  She wraps her arm around my waist as we head for the stage.

  “You’ll forgive me. You love me too much not to. Besides, this song used to be our jam, Mel. Let’s have some fun. We only live once, you know. And to top it all off, you know my voice sucks and you’re going to sing me under the table, leaving me utterly humiliated.”

  She does sort of have a point. Belle is really tone deaf.

  “Makes you feel better, doesn’t it?” she teases.

  “Marginally,” I answer as we take the microphones and the music starts. It’s as if we’re teenagers again; she takes Brandy’s part while I take Monica’s. We must have practiced to this video a million times in her living room. The whole time we look at each other so I don’t have to admit we’re doing this in front of a crowd.

  When we finish, she hugs the crap out of me and we’re met with cheers. I still keep my head down until I get back in my seat.

  “Holy shit, Mel, you’ve got pipes!” Wyatt high-fives me from across the table, and Noah pulls me in close.

  “That was seriously sexy,” he says, guiding my hand to his cock under the table. He’s hard, and I want nothing more than to go back to the bus and fuck his brains out.

  Sawyer slides in next to me, and his blonde friend squeezes in on the end. He doesn’t even bother introducing her.

  Real classy.

  “Princess, that was the shit! You were so good we didn’t even pay too much attention to your pitchy princess pal.”

  Belle makes a pouty face, but Darren sticks up for his woman. “It’s okay, Belle, I’ve got enough musical talent for the both of us. You just focus on playing my bongo, babe.” Belle sticks her tongue out at Sawyer like she’s twelve years old, and he groans at Darren’s words.

  “Why can’t you guys just say fuck, or cock, or dick? Hell, I’d be happy with penis at this point!”

  “I can say penis, cock, dick, and fuck, so what does that get me?” His blonde bimbo addresses him in a fake, sexy, husky voice, and the rest of us girls at the table all groan at the same time. Especially Anna. She’s his best friend, and you can tell from the smirk on her face she’s got something to say.

  “That gets you me for the night. Let’s go.” Sawyer throws down a huge wad of cash on the table as the blonde wraps her arm around his waist. She knows exactly who he is.

  “Hey, Sawyer,” Anna calls out before he gets too far away.

  “Yeah, Bethie?”

  Bethie? That’s new.

  “Make sure you triple bag your dick. Your tramp seems a little looser than most.”

  Blondie doesn’t say a word. If someone said that about me, I’d be pissed. Just goes to show what fans will go through for a celebrity fuck.

  “Always do, Bethie,” he replies.

  “Hey, Sawyer!” I shout, and he pauses again.

  “Yeah, Princess?”

  “Make sure that triple stack comes from your condom stash, not hers. Groupie tricks always seem to travel with pin holes in their condoms.”

  Now that seems to get her attention, and while she fumes, Wyatt and Darren snicker. Noah pulls me even closer, whispering in my ear, “So fucking hot.”

  “You got it, Princess. Anything else?”

  “Have fun,” I add with a smile.

  “That’s the plan,” he snaps back. I guess I pissed him off. Oh well.

  “That was hilarious, Mel. Sawyer sure does get pissed when you put him in his place. It’s quickly becoming one of my favorite things to see.” The twinkle in Wyatt’s eyes confirms the sheer pleasure he gets from my knee-jerk reactions to Sawyer.

  “I second that,” Darren says, lifting his shot.

  “Didn’t she look like trouble?” Anna asks Wyatt.

  “They all look like trouble … most of them are trouble. But my heart belongs to you, so you don’t have to worry about me.”

  “I know, babe, but I worry about Sawyer. He can be so self-destructive.”

  “He’s a grown man, Anna. He’s going to do what he wants, when he wants. It’s why we have the sex in the bedroom only rule on our bus. I don’t want to see him with his groupies.” Noah’s sigh indicates he’s more concerned than he’s letting on.

  “Oh man, we’re going to hear them tonight, aren’t we?” I groan inwardly at the mere thought of listening to Sawyer and blondie all night.

  “Nah, it’s not as bad as you’d think. The soundproofing does help. As long as he closed his door, we’re good.”

  We stayed at Sully’s a few more hours. Anna and Wyatt finally sang their song, which was more laughing than singing since they did Baby Got Back
by Sir Mix-a-Lot.

  We had a few more shots, and by the time Noah called the car, we were all drunk. The ride back to the buses is quick, which is good since we’re all drunk and horny. After saying our goodnights, Noah and I finally enter our bus. My feet are killing me, and I can’t wait to get inside and take my boots off.

  The one thing neither of us were expecting was to walk in on blondie riding Sawyer on the couch. This girl is something else. She turns her head and looks Noah and me up and down, while she’s still riding Sawyer’s cock, no less.

  “You guys want to join in? Or maybe switch partners? I’m not really into chicks, but we can make it a foursome if you want.”

  I’m about to go off on this trick, but Noah holds me back. He’s just as pissed as I am.

  Their clothes are all over the place; her bra is hanging off the Keurig, of all places. There’s a bottle of tequila on the table and two shot glasses. Sawyer is so drunk his eyes can’t even focus but he’s trying because he hasn’t taken them off me since we walked in.

  “Go to bed, Amelia. I’ll be there in a minute.” I’ve never heard Noah this angry, not even when I told him Sawyer kissed me.

  Noah doesn’t wait for me to make it into the room before he flips.

  “What are you on, Sawyer? I can see it in your eyes, you fucking took something! Get your whore and take it to your room. We don’t do this, Sawyer! Never! So what, you just assumed now would be a good time to start when we have Mel on the bus?”

  Sawyer doesn’t say a word, and Noah stalks toward the bedroom, turning around halfway down the hall.

  “Blondie, you need to be off this bus when you’re done. Not after the sun rises, either. As soon as his dick goes limp, you’re out. Don’t make me throw you off myself. There will be a cab outside in fifteen minutes, and it will stay there until you get inside of it.”

  He slams the bedroom door, strips off his clothes, then strips off my clothes and throws me my pajamas. He begins texting furiously on his phone, and when he gets a reply, he tosses it onto the dresser. Sawyer just killed whatever sexual buzz we had going on from our night out. Noah turns off the light and pulls me down onto the bed and spoons me.

  “I’m sorry, Mel. He’s never done this before.” He’s trying to tamp down the anger in his tone, but he’s really worked up.