Inner Demons

by Amanda Strong

  “It doesn’t. You just shouldn’t be taking things that don’t belong to you, that’s all.”

  I sighed. “Joc, what’s really wrong?”

  She stared down at me. “What do you mean?”

  “Did something happen… maybe something I don’t remember?” I waited, hoping she’d open up. She continued tugging at her bottom lip with her teeth. “Did I do something?” I asked. “Or… did Sammy?” I had barely formed the word Sammy when she stiffened and turned on her heel to leave.

  “No,” she called over her shoulder as she practically ran away. “I’ve just got a lot on my mind right now, that’s all.”

  Can’t she even look me in the eyes anymore? My heart sank. We’re sisters. Sure, it’s never been perfect, but we’re family. Judging her reaction to my mention of Sammy, I felt pretty confident of at least one thing. Sammy did something. Now I just have to figure out what.

  Chapter 3

  I didn’t follow her. My heart felt too heavy to do anything but remain on the couch. I tucked my knees against my chest, aggravated I couldn’t remember what happened between the short time I’d left Tonbo and woken up in Jaxon’s lair.

  “Hey,” Blake said softly, breaking the melancholy settling over me. I glanced up to see him in the doorway. “You okay?”

  I nodded too quickly, and he was next to me in an instant. “What’s going on? You look worried,” he said, wrestling one of my hands free. “Sorry we were gone a long time.”

  I glanced over, surprised to detect no teasing.

  “You can blame Blake for that,” my dad said, catching me off guard as he entered the room. Blake gave my hand a squeeze and grinned.

  My dad half laughed, half grumbled. “I had no idea he’d want to shovel half of Durango. Next time, I’ll take you, Samantha.”

  I grinned at my dad, his face red, his neck wet with sweat. He had his back to us as he headed toward the kitchen.

  “I need a drink,” he muttered.

  “I guess you showed off all of your muscles for my dad after all,” I teased, glad for the distraction from Jocelyn. Being part dragonfly made one exceptionally strong and from what I’d seen of his upper body, Blake’s muscles were more than adequate—dragon or not. I flushed, feeling the warmth of his hand covering mine, a thrill rushing through me.

  The sound of my dad pouring himself a glass of water snapped me out of it.

  Black chuckled softly when I jumped a bit. I swear, it sometimes feels like he can read my mind. Scary thought.

  “No, I held back.” Blake winked at me. “I didn’t want you to feel bad, Mr. Campbell,” he called out, loud enough for my dad to hear. He leaned back into the couch, pulling my hand into his lap. Guess hours of shoveling snow had made Blake more comfortable with my dad.

  My dad mumbled something under his breath, and turned around to face us from the kitchen. He downed his drink and then held the empty cup out to Blake, pointing it out accusingly. “Better watch out, son. I’m going to steal you every Saturday now because of the way you showed off today.”

  “It’d be my pleasure,” Blake said with a grin.

  My dad sighed, trying to hide his smile.

  “Hey, how about that date you owe me?” I prodded.

  Blake ran his hand behind his head, scrubbing his neck. “I should shower first.” To my surprise, he leaned over and planted a kiss on my cheek. “Be back in a flash.”

  I giggled as he jumped up from the couch to head home. My gaze followed him from the room, my heart aching to see him go, even if it was for a few minutes. I couldn’t describe the longing I felt around him. I’d never felt it with any other boy before.

  I turned and caught my dad gazing at me.

  “He’s not a bad kid, Samantha,” he said with a shrug. “I was a bit worried with your track record.”

  “Hey, for the record, Mom loved Jeremy,” I said in my defense, not really defending Jeremy. My dad had never cared for him that much. After I’d ended things with him, my dad had let me know how relieved he’d been.

  “Yes, well, she’s always had a thing for the tall, dark, and handsome.” He grinned, gesturing to himself. “Not that I can blame her really.”

  I laughed. “Yeah, well, Jeremy is nothing like you, Dad.” I paused. “Blake’s not like any other guy I’ve dated, actually. Not that I’ve dated that many. But he gets me. All of me.”

  My dad’s gaze softened. We both knew what I was talking about. He leaned against the doorframe and folded his arms. “About that… how are you holding up, kiddo? Still no more blackouts?”

  I sighed. At least this much, I could share with him, as much at it killed me to not tell him about my new life as a damsel. Sammy was safer ground. “I’m good. It’s just strange to know I could lose myself to her at any time.”

  He nodded, and it gave me an idea. Maybe Mack wasn’t the only one who could help me learn who Sammy was. I felt like if I understood her better, perhaps I could piece together the missing holes in my life.

  “Hey Dad, what was Sammy like? I mean, when she was around?”

  He unfolded his arms and walked over to the couch. Sitting down next to me, he said, “She wasn’t you.” He smiled. “You’re thoughtful and kind. Sammy, on the other hand, seemed hell-bent on making your mom’s life miserable. Within minutes of her showing up, I’d hear the two of them arguing over something.” He shook his head at the memory. “Maybe it’s because she had such little control over her own existence, I don’t know. She didn’t like anyone telling her what to do or think.”

  I nodded.

  “Luckily, you were the one around most of the time, Samantha.”

  “How would you know when it wasn’t me, I mean? I know she didn’t like to be called my name, but it seems like she could have fooled you sometimes.”

  “Mm…” He rubbed his chin. “Yeah, she could have, I suppose. But I would have seen through it, I think. Where you were pretty laid-back, Sammy always had an agenda. She seemed driven by something.” His gaze shifted to the carpet. “She made it tough for you, with friends, school… boyfriends. She put a wedge between you and a lot of people because she said whatever was on her mind.” He frowned. “Maybe I shouldn’t be telling you this.”

  “No, really, I want to know,” I begged. “It helps me to understand her. Please, Dad.”

  His brows furrowed as he met my gaze, but then he relented, “Well, after keeping it from you for so long, I suppose I owe you the truth now. I want you to know I was never happy with that therapist’s decision not to tell you. When the normal medication route didn’t work, they assured us it was the best thing for you. I’m sorry, Samantha. I never meant it to feel like we’ve been lying to you your whole life.”

  “I don’t feel that way, Dad. I understand you only did it to protect me. And honestly, I’m glad you did.” I wasn’t going to lie, living with the knowledge that someone else hid within me, trying desperately to come out and take control, terrified me.

  I gave him a reassuring smile, hoping he would tell me more.

  “You know, if you really want to know more about Sammy, you should talk to Mack.”

  I swallowed hard. “Yeah, I will.” Hearing Mack’s name sent pain trickling through me. I missed my friend. I didn’t care anymore that he’d lied about playing a hand in my changing. I knew he only did it because he loved me, not just Sammy. He didn’t want my unfinished dosage to change me into something unknown, or even to destroy me completely.

  “Or you could ask Jocelyn.” My dad’s words jarred me from my thoughts.

  “Really?” I asked, my eyes widening.

  “I wouldn’t say Sammy and she were best friends, but Jocelyn spent more time with Sammy than the rest of us. She acted as a buffer of sorts at times. Maybe she can help you learn more… about your other half.”

  I hitched my lips into a smile, trying to act as if what my dad said was no big deal. Jocelyn and Sammy were friends? Or at least got along? My head spun with the implications.

  D
ad got up off the couch, giving my leg a friendly pat as he went. “I’ll let you get ready for your hot date,” he said with a wink before leaving the room.

  I nodded woodenly, saying, “Thanks, Dad.” But I didn’t move from the couch right away.

  So is that why she seems mad at me? She’s upset I’m not Sammy?

  Chapter 4

  I hated to tell Blake I’d hardly tasted dinner when he asked if my food was good. The restaurant we’d gone to was nice. The singer with the guitar in the corner added the right amount of ambience to the steakhouse Blake had picked. Everything was perfect, including the guy sitting across from me, so why did I feel sick inside?

  I leaned across the table, taking Blake’s hand into mine. He grinned at my touch. “Blake, I need to talk to Jaxon,” I blurted before I lost my nerve.

  His smile melted into a frown. “Sam, that’s not a good idea.”

  “Why not? Is he still not doing well?” I timidly asked. I hated to hurt Blake and talking about his brother’s lack of healing pained him.

  He sighed. “No. Tonbo has tried everything he can think of.” He hesitated, and then said heavily, “I thought maybe seeing his family would help, so I told Mary, his wife.”

  “Wait, what? You did? What did you say?”

  “I showed her what I am.”

  My eyebrows rose. Blake never told anyone he was a dragon. Not even his parents knew the truth. “Did she freak out?” I asked.

  “At first, she seemed relieved when I told her about Tonbo and the Dragon Fae. She assumed that’s what Jaxon was too. With him disappearing more and more with only lame stories of where he’d been, she’d been convinced he was having an affair.”

  “Oh, that’s terrible. Poor Mary.”

  Blake ran his free hand across his mouth, resting his jaw on his palm. “I wanted to stop there, not tell her more. But she had so many questions and… well, I’d still hoped seeing her would help Jaxon overcome this thing. So she had to know truth.”

  “How did she take it?” I asked, fearing the worst.

  He frowned. “By the time I’d explained what Jaxon has become, she said she’d rather he’d been sleeping around.” His voice grew quiet. “I don’t think she understands how little control he has when he’s the bug. As soon as she learned what Jaxon had done to others, she said they were finished. That she could never forgive him, and Noah would never see him again either.”

  “Oh, no.” I groaned, not sure who I sympathized with more at the moment, Mary or Jaxon. “Poor Jaxon,” I mumbled, realizing who had my true empathy. Not that I blamed Mary. Learning your husband had turned into a literal monster who couldn’t control taking the lives of innocent people had to be completely devastating. I tried to imagine Blake suddenly turning into a monster—programmed to kill. I shuddered as a chill shot through me.

  “Maybe with time, when Jaxon’s better, she will feel differently,” I said, squeezing Blake’s hand.

  He shook his head. “I hope you’re right. But either way, I’m not telling Jaxon about Mary leaving him right now. And she swore she wouldn’t say anything either. For now, she’s just telling Noah that his dad is overseas doing charity work. Jaxon’s done that in the past, so Noah’s buying it.”

  When I heard Jaxon’s son’s name, I remembered how it felt to be in that small body with short limbs and a squeaky voice. Transforming into Noah had been the only thing to stop Jaxon from killing his brother. Or his brother killing him.

  “Blake, maybe I can help Jaxon,” I offered with a sudden idea.

  His eyes widened a bit, and then he shook his head. “No, Sam. It’s too risky. Jaxon—or the bug in him—still craves you.”

  My skin crawled, knowing what that meant. “But I’m also the only person, other than Noah, that Jaxon overcame the bug for,” I pointed out. “In the caves, Jaxon pushed the monster away long enough to try to save me. Maybe seeing me will help him somehow.”

  Blake’s lips twitched to the side as he considered my words. “You might be able to influence Jaxon, but the bug’s cravings will overpower it.”

  I shook my head. “Blake, you said yourself, Tonbo has tried everything. Jaxon isn’t getting better. We need to at least try.”

  He shook his head right back at me. “No. There’s got to be another way for Jaxon to overcome this.”

  I wanted to argue, but he held his hand up. “I won’t risk your life, Sam. It’s not worth it.”

  We stared at each other. My frustration finally ebbed away with the realization of what my meeting with Jaxon would mean for Blake personally. Asking Blake to let me see his brother put him in a very bad spot. What if things didn’t go well? What then? I sighed in defeat. Guess I’ll have to figure out another way to get that information.

  I tried to brighten up a bit, deciding to ask a different question. “Okay, but can you at least take me to the island to see Mack?”

  I wasn’t sure if it was hurt or confusion that flitted across his face. Either way, his shoulders slumped. “Alright, but don’t think you can slip away and see Jaxon when my back is turned.”

  I bristled, wanting to remind him of how he’d been the one to slip away with Kory the last time we’d been there, but I didn’t want to argue. I was finally going to the island. I didn’t want him to change his mind now that he’d at least relented to that.

  “Okay, so now to come up with a good cover story to get me there.”

  * * *

  ----------------------------

  * * *

  Turned out, coming up with an excuse was easy. I searched my phone for the next day off from school and discovered there was a teacher workday on January 16. Next Friday. Perfect, gives us a three-day weekend in ‘California’. On the drive back to my house, I called my dad and asked if I could join Blake on his next trip back home, assuring him we’d be staying with Jaxon’s family and in separate rooms.

  I hung up and glanced over at Blake’s anxious face. “Guess your shoveling skills today won my dad over.” I grinned. “He said yes.”

  Blake grunted. “Glad to know the blisters on my hand were worth it.” He chuckled under his breath as he turned down a road that wasn’t ours. I didn’t ask where we were going. It wasn’t exactly as if I was jumping up and down to go home anyway. I didn’t want to face my sister yet.

  When the car stopped and Blake shifted it into park, I glanced out my window. At first, I saw nothing but blackness. Once my eyes adjusted, I made out stars, the mountain’s silhouette, and dark shadowy trees.

  “Where are we?” I asked, unlatching my seatbelt.

  “Somewhere private,” he said, undoing his as well. He made no motion to open his door, only turned to face me.

  The way his eyes danced, I had the feeling he wasn’t thinking about the island at the moment. His gaze lingered on my lips. Funny how the world could seem so bleak and wrong, but right then, with Blake, none of that mattered. I gave him a crooked grin. This was the first time Blake had actually ‘parked’ us somewhere. It felt like such a normal teenage thing to do, despite how unusual our lives had actually become.

  “What are you up to?” I teased.

  “Well…” He reached over, grinning. I giggled as he easily scooped me up, pulling me across the console and into his lap. He released the seat to lean back, leaving me sprawled out on top of him, my long legs feeling like they were going every which direction.

  Feeling awkward, I tried to support my weight with my hands.

  He laughed at my attempts and pulled me down closer. “Stop that, you weigh nothing to me,” he assured. “I figured it’d be better if we didn’t get caught right before our big trip and—”

  “And you don’t dare make out in my room now that you and my dad are buddies, right?” I finished for him, while part of me wondered just how far he wanted this night to go.

  Even with Blake sneaking into my bedroom, we never went much past kissing. Blake would usually be the one to stop and insist on me getting some sleep. It’d become so much our
routine that part of me began to wonder if maybe Blake just didn’t really find me all that attractive. What eighteen-year-old could really be that in control of himself? Maybe he was with me out of pity; he felt like he had to watch out for me still.

  “Maybe,” he said with a grin, snapping me back to the present. I almost forgot what I’d even said to him, and his answer sent a shot of panic through me before I realized he couldn’t hear my internal freak out. Shifting a bit under my weight, he let my body fall on to the seat alongside him. He tucked his arm under my head, my face easily pillowed by his chest. “That better?”

  “Yes, thank you.” I felt like I could breathe again. Being on top of Blake did weird things to me.

  He leaned down, brushing my lips with his, and all my earlier fretting dissolved. My stomach dropped down into my toes, my insides tingling. I kissed him back, getting lost in how soft and warm his lips were. It amazed me that it didn’t matter how many times we’d kissed—it always left my head spinning, my insides craving more of him. His hands wrapped around me, pulling me tight against his warm body. Next thing I knew, I was halfway back on top of him.

  Okay, this scenario is way worse than being in my room. At least there, the fear of getting caught kept things to a minimum. Cradled in Blake’s warm arms, completely alone, while his lips caressed my skin and lips filled me with the pang of desire. The intensity of the moment slightly terrified me, if I were being honest. This was uncharted territory for me, and being lost in the moment wasn’t exactly the time to grapple with where the line to stop should be.

  One thing I did know, my dad expected me to have a ring on my finger before I gave ‘the goods’ away. That’s the line, I told myself as Blake’s hands slipped under my shirt, crawling their way up my back. I shivered, his touch like fire, brushing the goose bumps shooting across my skin. I couldn’t get enough air in; my head was spinning in an intoxicating fog.

  When the tips of his fingers landed on my bra strap, I jumped, pulling back. Line crossed.