A Moment to Remember

by Dee Williams

  ‘But you were supposed to be looking after her. What were you thinking of taking her to the park?’ Walton was visibly shaking herself.

  ‘She wanted to go. I’m so sorry. I tried so hard to help her, I really did. You know I would never hurt Jane. You know that, don’t you, Betty?’ Milly asked Betty, who had just come into the kitchen.

  Walton was still holding on to Milly and shaking her with every word, making her teeth rattle. ‘It’s no good you being sorry. You should be ashamed of yourself. All that this family have done for you, and you have killed their daughter. They trusted you.’

  Milly was sobbing so much she couldn’t hear everything Walton was saying, but one word was clear.

  ‘You know you could go to prison for murder!’

  ‘Murder? I didn’t murder Jane.’

  ‘You did in the eyes of the law.’

  Betty looked at Milly. She was a sorry sight. Her eyes were red and sore and her face blotchy. Betty nervously smoothed down the front of her apron and said, ‘I’ve given the missus a hot drink, and the doctor’s with her and is going to give her a sedative. The police have sent telegrams to Mr Green and Mr Richard. Hopefully Mr Richard will be here tonight.’ She sat down at the table. ‘I can’t believe this has happened. Whatever made you do it?’

  ‘I’ve told her that she could go to prison for this; she could even hang.’ Walton had suddenly grown in stature and confidence.

  At that statement Milly felt her knees buckle, and she slid to the floor.

  ‘Milly. Milly.’ Betty was gently patting her cheek. ‘Come on, there’s a love, wake up.’

  Milly opened her eyes, looked around her and quickly closed them again. She didn’t want to remember what had happened. She hoped it had been a bad dream, a nightmare.

  ‘Drink this,’ said Betty, holding a cup to her lips. ‘It won’t hurt you, it’s a drop of brandy. Medicinal.’

  Milly took a sip, and coughed as the fiery liquid took her breath away.

  ‘That’s better.’

  ‘Has Walton gone?’

  ‘Yes.’

  Milly grabbed Betty’s arm. ‘I didn’t mean for it to happen.’

  ‘I know you didn’t.’

  ‘What am I going to do?’ She clung on to Betty’s hand. ‘Could they hang me?’ She gave a long, deep sob. ‘You know that I wouldn’t hurt Jane for anything. She was my best friend. I loved her.’

  ‘Of course I do.’

  ‘But will the police believe me?’

  ‘I hope so.’

  ‘What shall I do? I can’t face Mr or Mrs Green or Richard ever again.’

  ‘I don’t know, love. I really don’t.’ But in Betty’s mind she knew that Milly had to get away from here. The Greens were very influential people, and Milly could finish up in prison. She didn’t deserve that.

  Milly knew that her life here had ended. Her wonderful world had crashed all around her. But the worst thing of all was that Jane, her beloved friend, had gone, and it was all her fault. She knew Walton was right, she shouldn’t have taken her to the park, but it had happened, and Milly would give anything to turn the clock back. But that was impossible. ‘I’m going up to my room. I’ll be down in a little while,’ she said as she stood up.

  ‘All right, love. Try not to bump into Walton, she’s very upset.’

  Although her legs were a little wobbly, she gave Betty a faint smile. ‘I’ll try.’

  Sitting on her bed, Milly was frightened. What Walton had said worried her. Could she go to prison? Surely if the police thought she had done something wrong they would have taken her to the police station and questioned her there. Perhaps they were coming back. After all, when they’d brought her home she’d been wearing wet clothes. Betty had dried her off and given her clean ones. She had answered their many questions and they’d seemed satisfied, but what if they came back and arrested her? She lay back and closed her eyes, hoping this nightmare would go away, but it didn’t. She could still see Jane’s pale face and hear her gargling noises as she struggled to get free of the blanket. Why didn’t I take the blanket away before we went into the water? she asked herself in despair. It wasn’t that deep, but the wheelchair was very heavy and I couldn’t turn it over. And poor Jane was trapped underneath. Tears ran down her face. What could she do? Her mind was in turmoil. What would Richard say? She knew she couldn’t stay here, but where could she go? She stared up at the ceiling, trying to think.

  After a while she realised that she had to leave right away, before the police came back. She began packing some of her clothes. She felt guilty about taking them, as the family had given them to her. It felt like stealing, but she knew she had to have a few things if she was to start a new life. Carefully she put them in a cloth bag, then looked around the room, tears running down her face. She was having to leave this wonderful place, but poor darling Jane would never come back here, and it was all her fault.

  Milly made her way silently downstairs. She didn’t want to bump into anyone. She knew that Mrs Green was in her room and Betty was in the kitchen, so she had to go out of the front door. It was Walton who worried her most. She had never seen the woman so angry, but then she would be. She had loved Jane almost as much as Milly had.

  Milly closed the front door behind her and ran down the path without looking back. Out in the streets, she avoided walking anywhere near the park. She was worried that someone might recognise her. Could she be had up for murder? Her mind was in turmoil and she was wandering aimlessly, unaware of where she was going. She wasn’t thinking of anything except Jane and what had happened. She knew she would never see or speak to her friend again. She felt so guilty and sad. Suddenly she realised she was just a few streets away from her old home. She stopped. Did she want to go back there? Did she want them to see her again? Would they want to see her? She would love to see her mother, but could she face the wrath of her father?

  She turned in to Winter Street and stood looking at the houses. Peeling paint and shabby curtains gave the place a sad, neglected look. The stench of horse pee and manure mixed with the smell of tar that always came up on a hot day. Snotty-nosed kids ran around, some without shoes and all wearing dirty, torn clothes. She felt very out of place and overdressed in her nice hat and coat. She couldn’t stay here, and turned to go.

  ‘Milly, Milly Ash?’

  A voice behind her caused her to suddenly stop. Somebody had recognised her.

  ‘ ‘Ere, ain’t you our Milly?’ asked a young girl pushing a dilapidated old pram. Milly recognised the pram.

  ‘What the bloody ’ell are you doing round ’ere?’ said the girl aggressively.

  ‘Pammy?’ said Milly, shocked at her younger sister’s sorry-looking state. Her frock was too tight and her hair was dirty, long and matted.

  ‘That’s me.’ She looked Milly up and down. ‘And be the looks of fings yer fell on yer feet. So what yer doing round ’ere?’

  Milly didn’t answer. She looked in the pram. The baby inside had sores round its mouth and running eyes.

  ‘I asked yer a question.’

  ‘I don’t know.’

  ‘Yer up the spout and yer boyfriend chucked yer out?’

  ‘No.’ Milly couldn’t believe how Pammy had grown in confidence. ‘Whose baby is this?’ she asked, hoping to change the subject.

  ‘This is yer new brother, Fred,’ said Pammy, pulling a threadbare blanket round the baby, who began grizzling.

  Milly wanted to retch as the smell from the pram hit her. ‘Mum had another one? How is she?’

  ‘Dead.’

  ‘What?’

  ‘She’s dead.’

  ‘Oh no.’ Milly couldn’t believe she was hearing about another death so soon, and this was her own mother. How much more grief could she take? Was she being punished in some way for leaving home and bettering herself? Guilt filled her. She should have been here. She should never have left home, then perhaps both Jane and her mother would still be alive. ‘How long ago?’ she asked tentatively.


  ‘Six months ago, when she had this one.’ It was all said so matter-of-factly; there didn’t seem to be any sorrow in Pammy’s voice.

  ‘Is Dad all right?’

  ‘Yer. You coming back home then?’

  ‘I don’t know.’

  ‘I could do with some money, and by the look of things you must ’ave a few bob.’

  ‘I don’t have a lot of money.’ Milly opened her cloth bag.

  Pammy grabbed it and looked inside. ‘Looks like some decent stuff in ’ere that could bring a few bob in the pawn shop.’

  Milly snatched the bag back. ‘I don’t think so.’

  ‘I don’t fink so,’ mimicked Pammy. ‘You don’t ’alf talk posh. Where yer bin?’

  ‘It’s a long story.’

  ‘So what yer doing round ’ere then. Yer coming back home?’

  ‘I don’t think I’ll be very welcome.’

  ‘I dunno. Yer could be. As I said, looks like yer got some posh clobber.’ Pammy was eyeing Milly up and down.

  Milly looked at her sister. She had grown in height and stature. She was confident and appeared to be in charge. ‘Are Billy and Dan still around?’

  ‘No, they scarpered just after you did, so that left me to look after Mum and the kids.’

  ‘I’m so sorry, Pammy.’

  ‘So you should be.’

  The heavy burden of guilt was weighing Milly down, and she knew she had no choice but to go home. It was the last thing she wanted to do, but this was her sister, and she had the world on her young shoulders. ‘All right. I’ll come home and try and help out.’

  ‘I could do with some help.’

  ‘Don’t think Dad will be very pleased.’

  ‘Dunno.’

  Milly felt very overdressed as they walked down Winter Street. The kids in the street stopped playing and looked at them.

  ‘Who’s yer posh mate then, Pammy?’ asked a boy who was sucking a sweet then passing it on to the others.

  ‘Me long-lorst sister.’

  ‘Cor, she looks a bit of all right.’

  Milly winced. How would she fit in here again, and how would her father react to seeing her? She was stronger now and knew it was her duty; she had to help in any way she could. It was going to be hard, and what was worse, she would be without her mum or Billy and Dan to help her.

  Chapter 18

  MILLY PUSHED OPEN the front door. She had forgotten how dark and smelly this house was. As she went into the kitchen she wanted to cry. She was so unhappy, everything had gone so wrong. The smell of dried pee filled her nostrils and she brushed away the flies that were buzzing around the two children sitting on the bare floorboards squabbling.

  ‘Pack it in, you two,’ said Pammy, giving the one sitting nearest to her a clip round the ear.

  ‘Ow. That ’urt.’

  ‘It was meant to.’

  Milly wanted to turn and run away. This wasn’t what she wanted out of life.

  ‘This ’ere is Milly, she’s yer sister,’ Pammy told them. ‘You remember ’er, she’s the one wot run away.’

  ‘Hello,’ Milly said. ‘My, how you’ve all grown since I saw you last. You must be . . . ’ she hesitated. It was four years since she’d seen them. ‘Bertie?’

  ‘ ‘Ere!’ The boy that Milly thought was Bertie stood up. ‘Don’t she talk funny? And I ain’t Bertie,’ he said, mimicking her. ‘Me name’s Bert.’

  ‘I’m very sorry.’

  At that, the girl who Milly guessed was Iris screamed with laughter.

  Pammy was also laughing. ‘I ain’t ’eard ’em laugh like that fer years.’

  Milly was still standing in the untidy room, wondering what was going to happen to her. Would she finish up like them? Could she end up talking like them again? Even though she felt full of guilt, she didn’t want to stay. Suddenly the door burst open and a young girl stood looking at her.

  ‘Rosie, this is—’ But Pammy got no further before she was interrupted.

  ‘I know, it’s Milly. ’Allo Milly.’ Rosie ran to her and held her waist tightly. ‘I always said yer’d come back.’

  Milly held back the tears. ‘Hello, Rosie. How are you?’

  ‘All right.’ She looked at Pammy. ‘Billy and Dan said you’d come back one day. You gonna stay?’

  ‘I don’t know.’

  ‘I want you to stay. Please.’

  Milly bent down to hug the girl; she was so thin she was afraid she would break her in two. It was then that her mind was made up for her. ‘All right. I’ll stay,’ she whispered.

  ‘That’s good. Mum always said you’d come back. I miss Mum. Where yer bin?’

  ‘It’s a very long story.’

  ‘Right,’ said Pammy. ‘You lot get this place cleared up. Yer dad will be home soon and he’ll want ’is tea.’

  Milly could see that Pammy was in charge.

  ‘What we got?’ asked Bert.

  ‘Bread and cheese and some apples.’

  Bert stood up, looking very proud. ‘I pinched ’em off a stall down the market.’

  Pammy smiled at him. ‘He’s a good lad, keeps us in fire wood and gets a lot of food.’ She ruffled his unruly hair.

  Rosie began putting newspaper on the table.

  ‘Has Dad got work now?’ Milly asked Pammy.

  ‘Yeah, he tries to get a bit of labouring down the docks.’

  Bert began rummaging through Milly’s bag.

  ‘Stop that. What do you think you’re doing?’ Milly grabbed the bag from him.

  ‘Just looking ter see what we can pawn.’

  ‘Well just you keep your nose out of my belongings.’

  ‘Look, Mil. If yer gonna stay you’ll muck in with the rest of us. And that means getting rid of some of those posh clothes.’

  ‘If Dad lets me stay, I’ll need my posh clothes as you call them to get a decent job. I can’t go out to work looking scruffy.’

  ‘She’s got a point,’ said Pammy to Bert.

  ‘S’pose so.’

  ‘So what can yer do?’

  ‘Well, I can read, write and add up, so there should be something round here I can do.’ She wasn’t going to tell them that she had a certificate to prove all this. She didn’t want to give away too much.

  The front door slammed and Milly stiffened as the kitchen door opened. Her father stood staring at her, and everybody else was looking at her as well.

  It wasn’t till he’d taken off his coat and cap and hung them behind the door that he spoke. ‘Wot you doing ’ere?’

  Milly swallowed hard. ‘I’ve come back home.’

  ‘Have yer now? Well yer can just sling yer bloody hook ter where yer come from. We ain’t feeding another mouth.’ He settled down in his battered armchair. ‘We don’t want yer ’ere. Pammy love, what’s fer tea?’

  ‘It’s only bread and cheese, Dad, and a bit of apple.’

  Milly remembered how he would shout and lash out at such a paltry meal when her mother was alive.

  ‘Dad, let Milly stay. She can go out to work and bring in a bit more.’

  He began undoing his laces and very slowly removed his heavy working boots. When he’d finished, he sat back. ‘So what yer doing back ’ere, then? Got yerself up the duff and yer boyfriend chucked yer out?’

  Why did both Pammy and her father think she was having a baby? ‘I don’t have a boyfriend and I’m not expecting.’

  ‘So what yer after?’

  ‘Nothing.’

  ‘Yer must ’ave a reason fer coming back.’

  Milly was trying to think fast. What could she say? ‘I missed Mum.’

  ‘Well she’s dead, so what’s ter keep yer?’

  ‘Nothing, I suppose.’

  ‘Well wherever yer bin, you know how ter talk posh.’

  ‘I got a job in service. They were well-off people.’

  ‘ ‘Ere,’ said Bert. ‘Did yer pinch somefink and they chased yer out?’

  Milly didn’t answer. They could think that if they wante
d to. ‘Would you like me to go and get something more for tea? Is there anything you would like?’

  ‘Some pie and mash would go down well,’ said Pammy.

  ‘Cor, we ain’t ’ad pie and mash before, but when I pass the shop the smell always makes me mouth water,’ said Bert. ‘Tried ter pinch a pie once, but the bloke caught me and gave me a clip round the ear.’ He grinned.

  Milly smiled. ‘Pie and mash it is. Have you got enough milk for the baby?’

  ‘No.’

  ‘I’ll get some.’ Milly held out her hand. ‘Would you like to come with me, Rosie?’

  ‘Can I?’

  ‘Of course. I’d better take a plate for the mash.’

  Milly took a chipped plate from off the dresser, picked up her bag and left the house hand in hand with Rosie. She felt so out of place as they made their way to the market, but Rosie was skipping along happily, chattering on about how Dan and Billy had left after a big row with their dad. ‘D’yer know, Billy wanted to keep on bashing ’im. Dad was on the floor, but Dan said it wouldn’t be right. I’m glad they didn’t, cos then Dad would ’ave hit us.’

  ‘Does he still hit you?’

  ‘Yer, but not Pammy. She’s his favourite.’

  ‘Well she does have a big job looking after the rest of you.’

  ‘I know. I miss Mum.’

  Milly swallowed hard. She knew she should have been here for her mother. Now she was here for this little girl. She looked down, and Rosie gave her such a beaming smile that Milly found it hard to keep the tears back.

  ‘What yer crying for, Milly?’

  ‘Nothing. It’s just so nice to see you all again, especially you.’

  Rosie smiled, and her big brown eyes twinkled, lighting up her face.

  How could she even think of leaving? Her thoughts went to Jane and all the good times they’d shared, but that was all over. What would the family say if they knew the real reason she had come back?

  It was like a feeding frenzy when Milly put the pies and mash on the table.

  Pammy was wearing their mother’s wrap-round overall, which was much too long for her, and looked as if she was well and truly in change. She slapped their hands as they went to grab the food. ‘Pack it in, you lot. I’ll dish it out proper like.’ She carefully put a pie and some mash on each of the plates. She smiled at her father.’ ‘Ere, Dad.’ His plate had the largest amount on.