Book Boyfriends Cafe Summer Lovin' Anthology 2015

by Melinda Curtis

“What’s going on?” Aaron asked as she slipped the boots on.

  “Take me home,” Hannah demanded, focusing completely on the laces and doing her best to avoid eye contact. Tears pooled, so she closed her eyes, desperately trying to keep the rushing waters behind the dam.

  In the kitchen, the burner clicked off. Then Aaron was right in front of her with his hands holding her shoulders. She could hear him breathing, could even feel his warm breath skate across her cheek.

  “Hannah, what’s wrong?”

  “You have cancer!” she bellowed out, finally looking up at him.

  “What? I don’t have cancer.” His voice was steady. Hannah would have believed him except for the way the muscles in his neck flexed as he swallowed hard. Oh, yeah, and all the Relay shirts.

  “I saw the purple shirts, Aaron. Survivor shirts. You have cancer!”

  “I had cancer, Hannah. Had,” he emphasized, as if that mattered. “A long time ago. It was caught early and I was cured.”

  Cured. Fat chance.

  “Take me home!”

  “Hannah. Come on. It’s not a big deal.”

  Sobbing now, she pushed him away. This is what cancer did to her and she hated it. “It is a big deal! I can’t do this again. I already lost one man I love to cancer. I just can’t do it again!”

  She counted to ten in her head, trying to get the sobbing under control. “Why didn’t you tell me? God, Aaron, how could you not tell me?”

  “It’s not something I talk about. It’s not even something I really think about. It’s just something that happened to me. A long time ago.”

  “It doesn’t matter. It’s gone.”

  “What kind of cancer, Aaron?” The words came out slow slow as she tried to control the anger and all of the other emotions clouding her senses.

  Aaron sighed. She wasn’t sure he was going to tell her, but she had to know. Then he said the one word that had already shattered her heart into a million tiny pieces. “Testicular.”

  She pushed by him and hollered as if in agony as she raced around the area rug in the middle of his living room. How could he have kept this from her knowing from day one how she had lost Steven? All the memories of Steven’s cancer came flooding back. All she could do was walk in circles and cry.

  “How could you do this to me?” Hannah mumbled between sobs.

  He tried to stop her racing, but she pushed his arms away again. She didn’t want him to touch her. She just wanted to run away.

  “I haven’t done anything to you. It was a long time ago. It’s gone. It was cured. None of this matters.”

  She stopped the carpet race and looked at him. He looked sad, maybe even regretful. “How long ago?” she asked.

  He paused for a long time, but she stood her ground until he finally told her. “It’s been seven years.”

  She hollered again and dropped into the chair right behind her. She buried her face in her hands, shaking her head in disbelief. Seven years. That was when Steven had cancer. Testicular cancer, but he hadn’t been cured. Initially, the doctors said he was, but less than two years later the cancer was back and had spread to his lungs. Then consumed him until the man she loved was gone.

  Aaron’s hands were on her shoulders again and she didn’t have the will to shake them off. “This doesn’t change anything between us. I love you.”

  “It changes everything,” she snarled. She couldn’t remember ever being so angry. Whether it was because he’d had cancer or because he hadn’t told her, Hannah wasn’t sure. She was sure that it did change everything.

  She looked down at her hands and started to fiddle with her fingers, rubbing the empty spot where her wedding ring should be. “I can’t be with someone who has cancer. This was a mistake. I never should have let things go this far with us.”

  “Hannah, I don’t have cancer. Listen to me. It was seven years ago. I was cured. I haven’t had cancer since.”

  “Had, have, it’s just semantics. What if it comes back, Aaron? I know you probably think I’m selfish, but I just can’t go through that again.” Nope, never again. It was time to get back to her trusty formula.

  “I’m not at any more risk of getting cancer than you are. The fact that I’ve had it is irrelevant.”

  “It’s not irrelevant. Everyone is at risk, I know that. That’s why I didn’t want to fall in love. Ever again! That’s why I shouldn’t have let things go this far. God, what was I thinking!”

  “So you do love me?” he asked.

  “What? No, no. No! This isn’t happening.” She shook herself out of the panic and looked straight into his eyes. “I don’t love you,” she lied. “Now take me home!”

  “I think we need to talk about this. I know last night meant something to you. Just like it meant something to me. You can’t just walk away from me now.”

  “We’ve talked about it! You had cancer! I don’t love you! Last night was just about sex, nothing more. Now take me home!”

  Hannah wasn’t one to lose her temper, but she was boiling mad. Why? Because she had fallen in love with him? Because he had cancer? Because he lied to her? Well, it didn’t matter. She had to walk away. The only way to do that was to keep lying. Maybe if he fell for the lies, Hannah could believe them herself.

  She finished tying the boots and stood. “I want you to take me home,” she demanded, opening the door. Hannah didn’t care it was still raining. She could take a shower and change clothes at home. Then she’d go pick up Tabitha and get on with her life – without Aaron Hawkins in it.

  Aaron pushed the door closed. “We need to wait out the rain,” he said, “Let me make you breakfast.”

  Like she could eat breakfast. Feeling trapped, Hannah sat down in the chair next to the door. Her only way out of there was to walk or steal Aaron’s motorcycle. She wasn’t into grand theft auto, and knew he wouldn’t let her walk away. She thought about calling Malinda, but had no idea how to give directions to Aaron’s house.

  As Hannah sat brooding, she tried not to watch Aaron work in the kitchen, but he still wore only those low slung sweatpants and his body was some kind of wow. As he made coffee and a couple omelets, her body got all warm watching the muscles of his back flex and bunch. He brought the plates to the small farmhouse table that occupied the dining area of his small kitchen.

  “Breakfast is served”. When she didn’t join him at the table, he came over to her. “You should eat something.”

  “I’m not hungry.”

  “Then just come and keep me company.” Aaron grabbed her hands, lifting her out of the chair. Hannah couldn’t muster the energy to fight him off.

  Aaron was being the perfect gentleman, as usual. He led her to a chair at the table and pulled it out for her, scooting the chair in as she sat down. When he kissed the top of her head, the same attraction shot through her, stirring all the other emotions, including frustration. He sat and waited a few moments before taking a bite. She guessed he was waiting for her to dig in, but Hannah just sat there, still brooding, refusing to look at him.

  “You don’t know what you’re missing,” he said. “I make the most amazing omelets on the planet.”

  Like that would surprise her. Everything Aaron did was amazing. The way he kissed her. The way he looked at her. The way he made love to her, and, oh, yeah, the way he had lied to her. That was pretty amazing, too.

  Hannah sat there in silence, her thoughts going back to Steven. Had he really come to her in the dream and let her go? Would he really want her to love someone again? Or was it just Hannah’s subconscious? Her way of giving herself permission to fall in love? It didn’t really matter. She couldn’t continue down this path. Not when Aaron had cancer. Past or present, didn’t matter. It was a reminder of why she had vowed to never open her heart to anyone again. Hannah wouldn’t put herself in a position to feel that kind of loss all over again.

  When Aaron finished breakfast and cleared the plates. He came up behind her and rubbed her shoulders firmly. His touch felt good, comfo
rting. Too comforting. How could she have let herself fall in love with a survivor? Or with anyone, for that matter. This went against her plans. It was outside of her simple formula. Hannah wanted to erase the past month, go back to the time before she had ever set eyes on Aaron Hawkins. All she could do now was walk away, and she had to do it now.

  The rain finally stopped.

  “Can you take me home now?” she asked quietly.

  When they finally got to her house, she climbed off Aaron’s motorcycle and headed straight for the door, saying nothing, not even good-bye. Just walked away. Aaron followed, though, and grabbed her hand. “Hannah,”

  “Just let me go,” she pleaded, looking at her fidgeting feet, tears pooling in her eyes again.

  “I love you. I can’t just let you go.”

  “Then you know where I’m at. I told you. I still love Steven. I can’t just let him go.”

  “I know you love me too. I also know that scares you. If you need time to accept that, I can give you time. If you need space, I’ll give you that, too, but I’m not letting you go.” He lifted her chin and kissed her, so soft, so sweet.

  She didn’t want to kiss him back, but couldn’t resist the soft touch of his lips on hers. She forced herself to pull away, to walk inside, leaving Aaron, and hopefully the love she felt for him, behind her.

  Chapter 17

  Hannah sat on the dry grass under the mid-day sun. Three empty beer bottles lay on the grass next to her, the fourth in her hand, about to join its well-used friends. She had heard the car engine cut out behind her and the soft crush of grass under light footsteps. Hannah didn’t have to turn to know who it was. Malinda always knew where to find her.

  “You’ve been avoiding me,” Malinda said as she came up behind her.

  Well, duh, Hannah thought. It was the first time in like, forever, she had gone days without talking to her friend. She didn’t want to tell her about Aaron – or the incredible sex – or that she wasn’t going to see him anymore. She just wanted it all to go away, which it wouldn’t once she got on the phone with Malinda. Now Hannah was screwed.

  “So what’s up? You had sex, obviously. Guessing by the number of empties, it was either really amazing and you’re feeling guilty, or it was pretty lousy.”

  Hannah didn’t say anything, just took the last swig of beer, tossed the bottle aside and grabbed another out of the backpack.

  “Got one in there for me?” Malinda asked, but didn’t wait for an answer. She just reached into the bag and swiped one of Hannah’s bottles of liquid therapy.

  “What are you doing here? It’s the middle of the week.” Hannah asked.

  “You haven’t called me. You don’t answer when I call. I knew something was up.”

  Hannah heard the pop and swiping air of the bottle being opened. She didn’t really want to share her therapy or her thoughts with her yang. Good thing she had more beer at home.

  She took another long drink, relishing the cold brew as it slid down her throat. She’d been sitting at Steven’s grave for a couple hours. It was a quiet place to think. A quiet place to drown unwanted emotions in a six pack of her favorite amber ale. She’d been a wreck all week and was glad she had every other Wednesday off. Tabs was in school, so spending the afternoon with Mother Nature, Steven, and a six pack seemed like a good idea.

  “You look like hell, by the way. And you know I’m not going to let it go, so you may as well start confessing now.”

  Hannah finished the beer, which went down in record time. She reached for the last one and popped it open. “It wasn’t lousy,” she confessed, before taking a long drink. Far from it. It was probably the most amazing sex ever.

  “So you’re feeling guilty?” Malinda asked.

  Hannah shook her head. Guilt wasn’t the issue. At least not about the sex. It riddled her for the way she left things with Aaron. Deep down she knew she wasn’t being fair to him, but she tried to keep that feeling buried deep to focus on getting rid of the other feeling, that whole being in love with him thing, that had her heart breaking and her stomach in knots.

  “Holy crap, you’re in love with him.” Malinda said like it was a revelation. “Is that why you’re feeling guilty?” Malinda asked.

  “He has cancer,” Hannah slurred. “Or rather, had cancer.” She thought about how Aaron had stressed that word. The semantics of it all were obviously very important to him. That didn’t matter to her. Has, had. It was cancer. Something Hannah couldn’t deal with.

  “What? What do you mean he had cancer?”

  Hannah explained the discovery of the survivor t-shirts and Aaron’s admission about being a survivor.

  “So,” Malinda drawled.

  “I can’t do it again. I can’t watch someone I love die of cancer again.”

  “What makes you think he’s going to die of cancer?”

  “It could happen. I’m not going to be there if it does.”

  Malinda took a sip of beer as if contemplating Hannah’s perspective. She has to understand. She was there, too, watched Steven die. Hannah knew how much it broke Malinda’s heart. She and Steven were as close as a brother and sister could be. They were friends who shared in each other’s joys and suffered with each other’s pain. So Malinda had to understand why Hannah couldn’t let herself love Aaron Hawkins.

  “You know, he could wreck his motorcycle. Or drown in a flash flood. Or choke on a slice of cucumber. So could you. None of those are good reasons to deny yourself a little happiness. I know you’re happy with him,” Malinda added. “And you deserve to be happy, Han.”

  Hannah took another long drink. She hated that. It was like saying the sky was blue. Duh, of course she deserved to be happy. Most people did, but she had been happy before Aaron, living by her perfect little formula. She and Tabs had been happy. “I just want to be alone, L.”

  “Yeah, I don’t think so. Let’s pick up these bottles and get you home. I’ll make you some coffee. You need to sober up before Tabs comes home. I’ve got that fat free raspberry dessert you love sitting in your fridge. I’ll share it with you if you give me all the luscious details from Saturday night.”

  When they got back to Hannah’s house, Malinda got the coffee brewing, grabbed two spoons out of the drawer, and brought the raspberry dessert over to the island in the middle of the kitchen.

  Malinda handed Hannah a spoon, but slid the dessert away. “Uh huh. First you have to dish. Was it incredibly romantic? Was he the perfect gentleman? Or was it really hot and heavy? Did you have that much-needed orgasm?”

  Hannah laughed. Malinda sounded like Tabitha with the semi-automatic questions firing away. “Yes, yes, yes, and ummm, yes,” she answered, reaching across the counter to scoop out some of the delicious raspberry dessert.

  “How did he do it? How did he make the first move?”

  “Well, he didn’t. I made the first move.”

  Malinda continued to probe for the details and Hannah continued to answer. She had to. Malinda wouldn’t let up, so the only way to shut her up was to tell her everything. Reliving the night wasn’t necessarily a bad thing. It had been amazing. The more Hannah did of the kiss and tell, the more she found herself missing Aaron.

  “I’m guessing the plant is from him,” Malinda said, nodding at the Peace Lily standing in the middle of the island. “Good symbolism. Handwritten card is thoughtful. I don’t get the note though,” Malinda studied the small card in her hand. On it was written They would not find me changed from him they knew – Only more sure of all I thought was true.

  “It’s from a poem by Robert Frost,” Hannah said matter-of-factly.

  “Ok, I’m not up on my Frost hymns. What’s it mean?”

  “It’s his way of saying that I should get over my stupid self, that nothing has changed,” Hannah said, frustration filling her voice.

  “What exactly has your panties in a bind? Is it that he had cancer or that he didn’t tell you?” Malinda asked.

  “Both.”

  “Well
, it’s not fair for you to be mad that he had cancer. I’m sure he didn’t wish it upon himself. As far as not telling you, have you asked him why?”

  “He said it’s not something he talks about, that he would have told me when the time was right.”

  “The world’s not painted in black and white … or even varying shades of gray, and neither is Aaron. I’m sure he has his own very personal reasons for not telling you. So, maybe you should just get over it.”

  “Yeah, whatever.”

  The phone interrupted the debate. Hannah knew who was calling, even before checking the caller ID. Aaron knew she had the day off. They had been planning to spend the afternoon together – before she decided to walk away. She wasn’t ready to talk to him, just like each time he had called over the last few days. So as usual, Hannah let the machine pick it up.

  “Hey, Hannah. It’s Aaron. I just wanted to see if you wanted to go for that hike this afternoon like we had planned. I just, well, I wanted to see how you’re doing. Call me when you get this. Doesn’t matter what time. Please, just call me, Hannah. I love you.”

  “He loves you,” Malinda repeated, a wide smile crossing her lips.

  “He said it Saturday night,” Hannah admitted.

  “Before or after you had sex?” Malinda asked.

  “After.”

  “Good, so he wasn’t just trying to get you naked. Did you say it back?”

  “No. He gave me an out. Told me he wasn’t expecting me to say it back. He gave me an out on the sex, too. Told me he didn’t want to rush me.”

  “He was probably worried you were going to call him Steven again.” Malinda gave her a sly smile. “But you do love him. You’re wearing it all over you. You have been for weeks.”

  “I’m just not ready for this, L.”

  “You’re as ready as you’re ever going to be, Palindrome. Just for the record, Steven would want this for you. He’d want you to be happy, and to fall in love again. You deserve to be loved.”

  Another duh. “I really hate it when people say that.”

  “If you’d let it happen, we wouldn’t have to remind you.”