Book Boyfriends Cafe Summer Lovin' Anthology 2015

by Melinda Curtis

  “So, are you up for the rest of the week?” Hannah tried to change the subject.

  “Nope, I’ve got derby practice tomorrow night, so I’m heading south in the morning, but I’ll be back Friday night. We’re still going to the pancake breakfast Saturday, right?”

  Hannah nodded. One of the other Relay teams was hosting a pancake breakfast. She wanted to support the fundraiser.

  “And then you’re off to the Lebanon Relay, right?” Malinda asked.

  Crap. She had forgotten about the Lebanon Relay. Aaron’s Relay. “Probably not.”

  “Hmm … we’ll see what Tabitha has to say about that,” Malinda said.

  Double crap. Tabitha had made Hannah promise to go to Aaron’s Relay. Of course, that was before the whole Aaron has cancer fiasco. Had, she corrected mentally, but a promise was a promise. Hannah always held Tabitha to her promises and knew Tabitha would hold Hannah to hers.

  Malinda laughed, most likely knowing Hannah felt defeated. “Yeah, that’s what I thought. Pick your battles, right?”

  “Would you take her?”

  “No! I’m a proponent for you moving on. I’m not going to enable your avoidance crap.”

  Hannah rolled her eyes, thinking there’s a shrink born every minute. “Then just come with us. Please. I’m just not ready to see him, and Tabs isn’t going to let me break a promise.”

  Then Hannah thought of it from another angle. “Think of it as recon. We can scope out some new ideas for our team.”

  “Alright, I’m in, but you have to talk to Aaron while we’re there. Give him a chance to explain,” Malinda said as she scooped another spoonful of the raspberry dessert and gave Hannah a get over yourself look.

  Hannah reciprocated by giving Malinda the finger. Getting over herself wasn’t an easy task; Neither was getting over Aaron. She wasn’t going to promise to talk to him. All she could promise was she’d do her best to avoid him.

  ~*~

  “So, Mommy, did you and Hawk have a fight?” Tabitha was emptying the papers out of her backpack. There was only a week left of school and apparently there was lots of clean-up going on in the classroom, because Hannah had never seen Tabs bring so many papers home.

  “Why would you think that?” Hannah knew how smart Tabitha was, so didn’t want to risk lying to her. Hannah was still spitting mad, but wasn’t sure if she was more mad at Aaron or more mad at herself. She didn’t want to have to explain the situation to her seven year old daughter.

  “Well, it’s Thursday and he hasn’t come over all week. You haven’t even talked to him on the phone.”

  “How do you know I haven’t talked to him on the phone? Maybe I call him after you go to bed.”

  “Well, that could be true, but he sent you a plant that looks like a white flag. We learned about white flags at school. They use them in wars so everybody will stop fighting. Plus you’re kinda sad, too. Even more sad than you were before he was your boyfriend.”

  Damn, if her daughter wasn’t observant. Though the fact that Tabs thought she was sad before she started seeing Aaron was a little disturbing.

  “What do you mean, more sad?”

  “You’ve always been sad, Mommy. I think it’s because you miss Daddy a lot and you’re lonely, but you haven’t been sad since you met Hawk. You’ve been really happy. So, if you got in a fight with him, you should tell him you’re sorry. Even if it’s not your fault. Then you can make up and not be sad anymore.”

  “How did you get so smart?”

  Tabitha giggled. “Mimi says I’m smart like Daddy. So are you going to call him and say you’re sorry?”

  “It’s a little more complicated than that, sweetheart.”

  “Grown-ups always say that. So what did you fight about anyway?”

  “Tabs, I really don’t want to talk about this, ok?”

  “Why not? You always make me talk about my feelings. Why can’t you talk about yours?”

  Well, she had a point, didn’t she? Hannah didn’t know how to get out of this one. Then the answer came to her. Logic. She would just use grown-up logic.

  “Kids are supposed to talk to their parents because we were kids once, too, so we get what you’re going through. Kids aren’t supposed to take on the burdens their parents face. You’ll grow up fast enough and have to deal with that stuff.”

  “That’s just an excuse not to tell me anything.”

  Yeah, pretty much, but the logic made sense to Hannah.

  The phone rang, interrupting her internal logical discussion. The handset was sitting right in front of Tabitha and she answered it before Hannah could check the caller ID.

  “Hello?” Tabs said politely. Then her face lit up.

  “Oh, hi Hawk … I’m good …Yeah I can’t wait for summer. But I’m going to be bored until swimming lessons start. Mimi and Papa’s house is ok, but the kiddie pool is too small for me now … Yeah, Mommy’s here. We were just talking about you … Well, I asked if you got in a fight because you sent that white flag plant and she’s really sad … She told me it’s complicated … Yeah, grown-ups are weird. I don’t know why you just don’t say you’re sorry and make up … That’s what she always tells me to do when I fight with my friends … Yeah, ok. I’ll put her on.”

  Hannah shook her head and took the phone from Tabitha. She didn’t want to talk to Aaron. It’d be easy enough to avoid him, like she had all week, but it’d be rude to hang up on him now – with Tabitha watching.

  “Tabs, why don’t you go outside and play, ok?”

  “Are you going to say you’re sorry?”

  “Tabs, go,” Hannah insisted in that I am your mother and you’ll do as you’re told voice.

  Fortunately, Tabitha got the message, turning on a huff and stomping off. When she was outside, Hannah finally put the phone to her ear.

  “Hello,” she said with a tone of annoyance, as if answering a call from a telemarketer.

  “Hi, Hannah,” Aaron said.

  She hated how her heart raced as soon as she heard his voice.

  “What do you want, Aaron?” she demanded, still angry and not ready to talk to him. Hannah had hoped to avoid him longer, but Tabitha put a kink in that plan. Again.

  “I just wanted to see how you’re doing.”

  “No, you wanted to see if I’m still mad at you. The answer to that is yes.”

  “Can I come over so we can talk?”

  “No. I don’t want to talk. I already told you how I feel. I can’t see you anymore. Please stop calling.”

  He said her name one last time before she hung up. Hannah stood there holding the phone, half expecting him to call back. After a minute the phone remained silent and she was both relieved and disappointed. It was back to her simple formula – she wasn’t going to fall in love, nor suffer another heartache like she had when Steven died of cancer. No, this was exactly where Hannah planned to be, but her heart didn’t really care about those plans or the simple formula. She was in love with Aaron and it wasn’t going to be that easy to get over him.

  Her eyes welled with tears at the thought of not seeing him again. Then Tabitha’s words played in her mind. You’ve always been sad, Mommy. What was her plan, her formula doing to Tabitha? Hannah didn’t want her daughter to think she was sad. They had a good life together. Just the two of them. They were happy, weren’t they?

  Hannah pulled herself together, needing to get dinner ready. There was a support group meeting to attend tonight, so it was time to get things moving. The group was meeting at their usual spot in the conference room at Littleton hospital at six o’clock.

  Macaroni and cheese was an easy meal for Tabs and Delaney, their regular babysitter. Delaney lived just down the hill and walked up to the house, so that made things easier for Hannah, not having to worry about driving her home later when Tabs would most likely be in bed. Mac and cheese wasn’t high on Hannah’s list of ideal dinners, so she’d grab something to eat from the hospital cafeteria before the meeting got started.

&
nbsp; ~*~

  Hannah wasn’t finding any comfort at the support group meeting. She was the only widow there tonight and felt very out of place. There were a couple new survivors there with their spouses.

  Hal was in his fifties, recently diagnosed with lung cancer. He didn’t say much after he introduced himself. His wife, Wanda, was pretty vocal, though. She was a large woman, both in height and weight, just like Hal. “I’ve been nagging him for twenty years to quit smoking,” she said as her hefty body wiggled back and forth in the little chair. “But just like everything else, he didn’t listen to me. Now he’s going to die and leave me all alone. Fifty years old. Married 32 years and I’m going to be all alone, all because he wouldn’t listen to me. But I’ll remarry, just to spite the son of a bitch. Yep, you can bet your ass I’ll remarry.”

  Hal sat back, rolling his eyes, looking almost like he would welcome death, just to be free of his nagging wife.

  It struck Hannah how much resolve he showed. How much so many survivors showed when their final days were upon them. Steven had been like that. Hal had obviously made peace with what was inevitable now. Apparently Wanda had, too, in her own way.

  The other couple was completely different from Hal and Wanda. Joe and Naomi were younger, maybe in their forties. Naomi, who had breast cancer, was quiet and tearful. Joe did all the talking, introducing the two of them and telling their story. Her first chemotherapy appointment was next week. They were both scared. If the chemo did its job, she may not need a mastectomy, but it was too early to tell and the unknown was pretty scary.

  Hannah could relate. The unknown. Wasn’t that the way with cancer? Even when Steven had supposedly been cured, which turned out to be a farce, Hannah lived in the unknown. She never trusted that the cancer was gone, didn’t have the faith that Steven had. A lot of good that faith did him. He died anyway.

  Listening to these two couples and being the only widow, Hannah wondered if she should keep coming to these meetings. It had been five years. She didn’t really have anything to contribute. She was just the pathetic widow who wouldn’t let herself move on. Oh, she’d come so close, letting Aaron in. Another example of how faith didn’t work. Aaron had cancer. He could die just like Steven had. So Hannah was back in the unknown.

  It was her turn to introduce herself. She told the newcomer’s her name and status. Cancer widow is what she called herself, for five years now. How pathetic – that must be what these people thought. She just wouldn’t let herself move on, kept coming to these meetings … one more link that kept her chained to Steven.

  Hannah didn’t feel like talking about Steven tonight, or what she had been through, but out of nowhere she said, “I was dating someone. His name is Aaron.”

  Everyone smiled and congratulated her, which was not the reaction she wanted. Hannah wanted everyone to say how terrible it was that she was moving on. Maybe they would when they knew the full story. Well, everyone except Wanda.

  “He’s a survivor. I didn’t know that until a few days ago. He didn’t tell me.”

  Her friend Barbi reached out and clutched Hannah’s hand. “Why don’t you invite him to our meetings, honey? We’d love to meet him.”

  “Um, well, I think I’m going to break up with him. I don’t think I can be with someone who has cancer again.” Wait, hadn’t she already done that? She told Aaron she wasn’t going to see him anymore. So why was she talking like she hadn’t made that decision yet?

  Glenn, Barbi’s husband spoke up. “Is he going through treatment?”

  “No. The cancer is gone. He’s been clear for seven years.”

  Glenn smiled, a jolly little man, short and slim, but with rosy cheeks and a bad comb-over. He had such a warm and friendly demeanor, like Santa Claus without the belly that shook like a bowl full of jelly. He was a proud survivor. Prostate cancer – cancer-free for ten years. He and Barbi had started the support group as a couple’s group, but they welcomed everyone, couple’s or singles. They continued to come to offer their support and hope to others.

  “Hannah, that’s wonderful. He was cured. Another reason for all of us to have hope that this disease will be wiped out,” Glenn said. Barbi smiled, nodding her head in agreement.

  “Yeah, I guess I should be happy, but it’s scary. He had the same kind of cancer as Steven. At the same time. I’m just scared it’ll come back – just like Steven’s did. I can’t go through that again. I won’t.” Hannah felt like she was at confession, except she wasn’t Catholic, so really didn’t know what confession entailed. That was the thing with this group. You felt like you could share your feelings. Vent. And Hannah thought they would understand and agree with her.

  Barbi wrapped an arm around Hannah’s shoulder while Glenn kneeled in front of her. “Hannah, don’t deny yourself the chance to be happy just because you’re scared. Do you love this man?” Glenn asked.

  All of the air was sucked out of the room. Hannah choked on the stuffiness, as if suffocating. No one else seemed to realize all the air was gone. They were all still smiling at her.

  She gasped a little, found just enough air to make a graceful departure from this conversation. “You know, I don’t know why I brought this up. I, umm, I don’t really want to talk about it. Would you excuse me!” She almost knocked Glenn over as she pushed herself out of the chair. Hannah rushed into the hall to make an escape, but realized in her haste, she had left her pocket book under the chair.

  Now what? She was going to have to go back in there. Not yet. She could wait until the meeting was over and then go back to get the bag. Hannah headed around the corner to the bathroom, desperate to wash away the tears streaming down her cheeks.

  As she ran the warm water and splashed her face, she caught her reflection in the mirror. Malinda was right, she did look like hell. Sad, too, just like Tabs had said. Hannah’s eyes seemed empty. The frown looked like a permanent fixture, like she couldn’t smile even if she had reason to. No wonder Tabs had noticed. Hannah may as well have worn a sign that said it because it was written all over her face. The gaunt cheeks and pale color made Hannah realize she had hardly eaten all week. She wasn’t hungry. At each meal she’d take a couple bites, but couldn’t stomach more than that. Her eyes were red, from all the crying she had done today, and all week.

  The door opened slowly and Barbi came in holding Hannah’s pocket book. “You left this behind, hon. I didn’t think you’d want to come back in to retrieve it.”

  Hannah tried to smile but all she could muster were more tears.

  “Oh, honey, I don’t know what it’s like to lose someone I love to cancer, but I do know what it’s like to love someone who has been blessed with a cure. It is scary, if that’s what you want to focus on. I don’t. I love Glenn as if every day is our last day together and as if we have a lifetime ahead of us. That’s all you can do.”

  Hannah wiped away the tears, wishing it was that easy.

  “So, Aaron, this is the same man you told me about last month? The reporter?”

  Hannah nodded.

  “You seemed so happy when you talked about him. Happier than I’ve ever seen you. If you let cancer take that away, then you’re letting the disease win again.”

  Hannah sobbed a little before anger escaped in words she had no control to hold back. “He lied to me, Barbi. He didn’t tell me. I found survivor shirts in his bureau. That’s how I found out.”

  “I know that stinks, but maybe he struggles with it. Lots of people have survivor guilt. Even Glenn did for a little while. The fact he survived the same cancer that took Steven, well that’s got to put him in a tough spot with you.”

  Hannah wanted to see the logic Barbi offered, but couldn’t – or wouldn’t. Whatever. It still came down to the fact that she couldn’t put herself through the cancer experience all over again.

  She took the purse from Barbi and forced a smile. “Thanks for bringing this out. I need to go.”

  Barbi hugged her. “Just think about what I said, honey, and call us
if you need to talk. We just want to see you happy.”

  Driving home, the scenic route didn’t offer Hannah the comfort she hoped for. Not that there was much scenery to see after dusk, but she wasn’t ready to go home and the winding back roads of Lyman were usually soothing. She took it slow, hoping the drive would clear her thoughts. Too soon she found herself back on Hodge Hill.

  When Hannah turned into her driveway just after eight to find Aaron’s truck parked there, annoyance replaced the sadness. Not just that he was there – she was annoyed at how her heart raced. The mere anticipation of seeing him had her heart leaping for joy.

  Oh, this has got to stop, she told herself, knowing her heart wouldn’t be easily swayed. She pulled up next to his truck and slammed the door shut. Hannah decided she’d better enter the house a little more quietly since Tabitha was supposed to be in bed. Hopefully sound asleep. She stopped before the door and counted to ten. Then counted again. And just for fun, Hannah counted backwards, as if she were a bomb about to explode.

  Aaron sat on the couch reading what looked like a biography when Hannah walked in. Delaney was nowhere to be found.

  “I paid her for a full night and sent her home. She was reluctant to leave, if that makes you feel any better,” Aaron said, obviously reading the expression on her face. He put the book down and pushed off the couch.

  Hannah’s heart beat a little harder seeing him in the dim light of the table lamp. He must have come straight from work given his clothes, but the navy button up shirt was untucked from the khaki slacks, adding a sexy edge to the professional look. The blue of the shirt seemed to deepen the dark brown of his eyes. She looked away before losing herself in his mesmerizing gaze.

  “Tabitha went to bed at 7:30 … with a little resistance. She said she missed me and didn’t want to go to sleep until you and I made up. I cut her a deal and last I checked, she was sound asleep.”

  “Did she call you and tell you to come?”

  “No, I came on my own. I got here around six. I forgot you had a meeting tonight.”