Kissing Snowflakes

by Abby Sher

  Hot tub? There was a hot tub here? How did they know that?

  “What kind of stuff?” asked Heidi with a giggle.

  “You know, my friend Jack D,” said Drew, tipping an imaginary bottle back into his mouth.

  “But we didn’t bring any stuff to wear,” moaned Dina.

  “I’ve got a couple of pairs of boxers and some T-shirts in my bag,” said Drew. “You’ve got some, too, right, T?”

  “Yup.”

  “You guys have towels in your rooms, I assume?” Drew asked me and Jeremy.

  “Yeah,” said Jeremy. I wondered if he was thinking what I was thinking. The two of us in a hot tub. Together. Wasn’t that a little ooky? And ever since the cast party at Dave’s, I’d been pretty nervous around alcohol. I’d never even tasted whiskey.

  “Sounds like a plan to me!” said Liz eagerly.

  What was I going to do, chicken out and go upstairs to watch more reality TV by myself? C’mon, Levy. Don’t be a total loser. This was winter break. This was feeling sexy and sassy and learning how to live a little.

  “Whaddaya say, dollface?” asked Drew. All right, we’d need to work on the lingo a little, but …

  “I’m in.”

  Jeremy led the way as we tried to duck out around the back of the room. Stevie D. was already on the mike again, this time with a Barry Manilow song. Talk about cheesy.

  Then, just as I was turning to head out through the open archway, I saw a figure in a chair in the corner, his head bent over what looked like a large pad of paper, his hand scribbling. Was that …?

  Eric, Phil’s son, looked up and turned the pad over quickly.

  “Hey,” he said.

  “Hey.”

  “Nice work up there,” he told me, nodding at the stage.

  “Oh, that? That was stupid.”

  “Why? I thought it was pretty good.”

  “Whatever,” I said. The candle flickered in front of him and I could see there was a smudge of charcoal on his lower lip. Neither of us said anything.

  “What are you doing back here all alone?” I said finally. I didn’t mean it to sound that rude, but I guess I still wasn’t a big fan of the guy.

  “Just — nothing.”

  “Must be something.”

  “Drawing,” he said. And he pulled the pad closer to his chest.

  “Huh?”

  “Drawing. You know, like sketching? I sketch sometimes.”

  “Really? In the dark?”

  “This is fine.” He lifted up the tea light and gave a kind of crooked smile.

  “Oh.”

  “So, did you go skiing today?” he asked.

  “Yeah.”

  “How’d it go?”

  “Good I guess. By the end I was doing okay.”

  “Drew was your teacher?” How did this guy know — agh! Drew!

  “Yeah, actually, you know what? I gotta go!” I felt really nervous and excited, but mostly nervous now, and a little mad at myself. Why was I still talking to this guy, anyway? I mean it was sad that he was alone and all, but I had to get upstairs. Now!

  I raced through the dining room and then into the lobby. The fire was giving its last licks and the armchairs were empty. I skipped past them and took the stairs two at a time. Made it to the top, too! And then promptly tripped over the Oriental rug lying there, in typical Levy fashion.

  By the time I got up to the room, everyone was changed into T-shirts and boxers. Heidi had her hair up in two cute ponytails, and Liz had tied her T-shirt into a knot just above her smooth belly. Dina came out of the bathroom wearing a baby tee that she must’ve had under her sweater that had a picture of a cat on it. I could tell she wasn’t wearing a bra, either. The guys were on the bed, passing a bottle of Jack Daniel’s.

  “There she is!” said Drew, raising the bottle toward me.

  “We were just gonna come downstairs to find you!” said Liz.

  Jeremy handed me a worn-out T-shirt that said DYSPEPSIA: DEADLY? NO. UNCOMFORTABLE? YES. and a pair of plaid boxers. Not exactly sexy, but I didn’t have much choice. All I had brought were thermals. I said thanks and headed to the bathroom.

  “Sam, honey, do you mind if we head out there? We’re just really excited to get in!” called Liz.

  “Sure!” I called back. Phoebe would never leave me like that. But hey, time to start growing up, Levy.

  “Don’t be too long, Sammygirl,” came Drew’s deep voice.

  I slipped into the T-shirt and shorts and then looked in the mirror.

  “Okay,” I said to my reflection. I rubbed a little more lip gloss on and then mashed my lips into the back of my hand, just for a practice run. It left a glossy circle on my skin.

  “Nerd,” I whispered to myself, and then giggled under my breath.

  Then I leaned in closer. Pimple still underground. Check. Eyebrows plucked. Check. Freckles in line. Check. Go time.

  Downstairs, I tiptoed across the back of the living room. Dara was up there now singing Bette Midler’s “Wind Beneath My Wings.” Stevie D. was standing up, singing just inches from her face. Besides that, it looked pretty empty. I was careful not to look in the corner, in case Eric was still sitting there in the dark.

  I pulled open the sliding door. Yeesh! My whole body trembled as my bare skin met the air. It was much colder outside once the sun went down.

  “Psst! Over here!” giggled Heidi.

  Her voice drifted over from behind a line of snow-covered bushes just past a covered pool. I guessed they used this place all year-round. It was hard to imagine it without a blanket of snow.

  “Hey! Pass it over! No hogging, Liz!” said Dina playfully.

  I turned the corner behind the hedge and there were six figures rising out of a cloud of steam with lights shining up, making them look like they were an alien spaceship that had just landed.

  “Come on in, Sam, the water’s fine!” said Liz, lifting the bottle to her lips.

  Drew put out his hand and I stepped in carefully. The water felt hot and bubbly and I was glad I kept my bra on because my shirt floated up to the surface when I lowered down. Then I slid down next to Drew on a tiled bench that went all around the tub.

  “Want some?” asked Liz. She held the bottle out over the water.

  “I do!” called Dina. “Wait, is anyone gonna come out here and check on us?”

  “Nah, they don’t care,” said Drew. “Besides, aren’t you legal?” He raised his eyebrows with a sly smile.

  “I’ll be sixteen next month!” she twittered.

  “I’m gonna be seventeen!” said Liz proudly. “How about you?” she said, obviously to Jeremy.

  “Eighteen.”

  “Sixteen,” said Heidi, nudging Trey.

  “Seventeen,” he said, tickling her.

  “Eighteen,” said Drew.

  “Sixteen,” I said. “Almost.” Ugh. I couldn’t lie, though.

  “Here, Sam. You want some?” Dina handed me the whiskey bottle.

  “Yeah, sure.” I felt all eyes on me as I touched the cold glass up to my teeth and then slowly tipped it into my mouth. It felt warm and smooth, sliding down my throat, leaving a soft burn in my belly. It was actually pretty nice.

  “You okay?” Jeremy asked.

  “Sure, why?” I said, shrugging. I hoped he wasn’t going to be checking in with me all night. I could take care of myself. I quickly took another swig.

  “That’s what I’m talking about!” said Drew, taking the bottle from me.

  We passed it around again. I watched the steam swirling around in the center of the tub. The night felt magical, the moon a soft slip, carved into the endless sky, surrounded in a misty halo.

  “Hey, I have an idea! Let’s play truth or dare!” said Liz. Her eyes glinted in the moonlight. She was looking directly at Jeremy.

  Jeremy looked at me. I didn’t know what to say, but I guess my face said it all, because he said, “I think that might be a little weird for Sam and me.”

  “Riiiiiight,” said
Liz, smiling.

  “How about twenty questions?” said Heidi.

  “Okay!” said Dina.

  “What’s that?” asked Drew.

  “Yeah, what’s that?” echoed Trey.

  “Easy,” said Liz. “All right. I’m thinking of a person, place, or thing. You have twenty questions you can ask to guess what it is. Ready? Go!”

  When the bottle came back to me I took a long sip, and this time when it slipped down into my stomach I could feel my limbs grow lighter and bubbly. I handed the bottle to Drew.

  “Thank you, madam,” he said in his deep, delicious voice, and now everything was swaying a little bit and a giggle escaped from my lips.

  “Animal, vegetable, or mineral?” I asked, popping up.

  “Animal! That’s one,” said Liz.

  “Jeez, it’s cold out here!” I ducked back down until the water was up to my chin. My arms looked like spaghetti sticks underneath.

  “You can sit here and I’ll keep you warm,” said Drew. He pulled me toward him and sat me in between his legs on the little bench. I felt his hands running up and down my arms, and my chest pounding.

  “Thanks,” I chirped.

  “You still cold, rock star?” he murmured, his breath tickling my cheek.

  “Nope!” I managed, my voice higher still. Be cool, Levy. Be cool. And whatever you do, don’t look at your brother.

  “Nobody’s guessing!” complained Liz, but she was still smiling.

  “Is it a person?” asked Dina.

  “Yes, sort of.”

  “How can it sort of be a person?” asked Heidi.

  “Keep guessing!”

  The bottle came around again. I grabbed it greedily, felt the warm rush of it travel down my throat.

  “Is it George Bush?” said Drew. I could feel his voice rumbling in my back.

  “No.”

  “Is it Harry Potter?” I said. My words were sliding into each other.

  “No.”

  “Is it God?”

  I remembered my little prayer from the night before. Boy, a lot had changed in a few short hours. Now I had an Olympic skier with the most amazing blue eyes holding me, and the sky was so huge it went on forever, and the stars were circling, and everything was gently revolving around me. I didn’t care about Kathy now, or Leo, or … what was his name? Oh, yeah. Aaron. The moon felt closer to me than all of them now.

  “Okay, I’ll give you a hint,” said Liz. “He’s Indian.”

  “Ooh! I know!” cried Heidi. “Is it Mahatma Gundy?”

  And then we were all laughing.

  “Gundy?” yelped Liz, between cackles.

  “You know what I meant!” said Heidi, but she was laughing, too.

  “I know what you said!”

  It wasn’t even that funny. But I couldn’t stop laughing, and it was so great to hear our voices dancing up into the night, bouncing off the trees, fading into the darkness. I felt Drew’s arms holding me tighter now. His breath in my hair.

  My hair. Me. Sam Levy. Super-dweeb.

  “But who was it really?” asked Jeremy after he caught his breath.

  “What? Oh, Buddha!”

  “Yoga freak!” cried Dina.

  “Pat the belly! Pat the belly!” said Liz, and we all laughed again.

  “Who’s gonna finish this off?” said Drew, holding the bottle up over my head. The light from the bottom of the hot tub came through the brown liquid and it sparkled.

  “Ooh, me!” said Dina and I at the same time. I reached my arms up, even though my whole body got goose bumps, but Drew pulled the bottle just out of reach.

  “No fighting, ladies. There’s enough for both of you,” he said, handing it to Dina first, then wrapping his arms around me again.

  “We’re actually going to head in,” announced Heidi. She stood up, pulling Trey with her. Her lips were closed but it looked like a huge smile was just behind her eyes, about to burst. Trey gave a little wave as they climbed out of the tub.

  “Yeah,” said Liz. “We should probably go in, too. I feel like a raisin.”

  Then she turned to Jeremy. “Do you mind letting me back into your room?” she said, blinking slowly.

  “Yeah, whatever,” said Jeremy. That boy was clueless. Then the two of them got out of the tub and disappeared. Dina mumbled something and left, too.

  “I don’t know about you, but I could stay here all night,” said Drew, turning me around to face him.

  “Hmmm?” I said, not because I hadn’t heard him but because his nose was so close to mine, and the moon was dipping and rising above his head and the stars were sliding around. I knew I was kind of drunk, but I was pretty sure that it was just the two of us out here in the hot tub, which would mean we were all alone, which would mean …

  “That is, if you’re not too cold?” I followed Drew’s lips as he spoke. They spread out into a wide smile and there were those perfect, square teeth again.

  “Cold? Me? No,” I slurred. My breath made wild circles of steam in front of my face.

  “That’s what I’m talking about.” He squeezed my arms, and then he ran a hand through my hair. Keep on breathing, Levy. Wait, who’s Levy? Oh, that’s me. Right.

  “So, what should we do now?” purred Drew.

  I felt my stomach leap into my chest.

  “We could play twenty questions again?”

  Drew laughed softly. “That’s not what I had in mind,” he said. He touched my cheek with his hand gently, leading me in, pulling my face forward. This was it. This was really it. The moment I had waited for for fifteen and a half years, spinning right in front of me. I almost said, “I thought you said I was purty.” But this wasn’t a play. These weren’t lines and we weren’t Okies. It was really me and this boy — man, actually.

  Our lips came together. His lips were warm and soft and tasted like Jack Daniel’s and cherry ChapStick. He held my chin and we stayed there for I don’t know how long. It was probably thirty seconds or a minute at least. I tried to count but I lost track. And I closed my eyes because I remembered Phoebe and I had talked about that, the importance of eye-closing. But then everything started spinning even faster so I opened them again and Drew was still there, pressed into me. And I didn’t want to move, but my nose felt like it was kind of in the way, and I couldn’t breathe too well. I hoped he couldn’t tell this was my first time really. He pulled back a bit.

  “Mmmm,” he whispered.

  My lips felt tingly out in the open air.

  “Pretty nice to have this hot tub all to ourselves, huh?” Drew said. His hand traveled down to the dip between my neck and my collarbone.

  “Yeah. Good thing you were prepared.” I thought of his bag full of T-shirts and boxers. The bottle of Jack Daniel’s. This guy came equipped. “Wait — how did you know we would come out here?”

  “I had hopes,” he said.

  “But —”

  And then there was no time for more questions, because his lips were on mine again and he was leaning toward me, his whole body drawing me in. And this time I felt his tongue climbing into my mouth. It was slimy and kind of salty and wiggling around. I knew that I should try to slip my tongue inside his mouth, too. So I pushed and at first it was hard to navigate past his teeth, but then I found space and I tried closing my eyes again and really concentrating. And I was doing it. I, Samantha Iris Levy, was really kissing!

  “Mmm, you taste so good,” he whispered when we came up for air. “Such kissable lips.”

  Was I supposed to say thank you? I wasn’t sure. Nobody had ever called my lips kissable before. Nobody had ever called them anything before.

  “You, too,” I mumbled. And then I stopped. Or at least I tried to. The sky was still spinning behind him though.

  “Wait!” I managed. And I put a hand on his shoulder. My skin was about five shades paler than his.

  “Wait what?” Drew said.

  “Nothing. It’s just — I can’t believe …”

  I looked at him. It w
as pretty unbelievable. Yesterday I was whining about Leo Strumm, and now here I was with a Speedo model in a hot tub! How had this happened? I had to call Phoebe and write in my journal and scream from the rooftops. And I didn’t want to jump into anything too quickly, but maybe there was such a thing as fate or kismet, and was it okay with him that I had already picked out the colors for our cottage in the backwoods of Burlington and did he want a dog because I would walk it and feed it and maybe we could get one from the pound, and should we name our firstborn Max or Sebastian, but whatever he wanted really and he would teach skiing during the day and I would make quilts and play the piano and then at night we would lean into each other like this by the fire and tell ghost stories until there were just embers …?

  “Whatcha thinking, babe?” His lips were glistening, and now he was kissing the tips of my fingers.

  “Me? Nothing.”

  Yeah. I make out in hot tubs all the time.

  “Good. Don’t think anymore.”

  No time for quilts, Levy.

  This time, I tried to put my tongue in his mouth first and wiggle it around. I heard him murmur something that sounded like approval, (at least I hoped so. Did I hit a cavity?), and then we were slowly, gently, lying back against the tiled wall of the tub. I felt us sliding down, but I didn’t want to say anything.

  “Is this okay?” he breathed into my neck.

  “Yeah,” I whispered back. My tongue felt numb from all the kissing and the whiskey. He ran his hands up the sides of my legs, past my hips, and stopped just below my chest, holding me there.

  “Damn, you are just one hot mama.”

  I started giggling. I couldn’t help it. And once I started I couldn’t stop.

  “What’s so funny?”

  “Nobody’s ever called me a hot mama before.”

  “Well, they should have, because you are.”

  He started kissing up my arms to my shoulders and into my neck. Agh! Just stay away from the ears, please stay away from the ears. He must have sensed me tensing up, because he came back to my face and found my lips again. And now his hands were moving up, inside my shirt, closing in around my bra.

  “I want to do everything with you. I want to explore you,” he whispered.

  I could feel my breath catch. Everything? What did that mean? Did he want to go all the way? Right here? Right now? I mean, I guess we needed to before we invested in real estate together, but … It was all going so fast. I needed to at least make a phone call first. Phoebe!