by Leen Elle
He pulled it out slowly, then turned it over. His breath caught in his chest, she was beautiful. Of course, he hadn't doubted that she was beautiful, Joe only went for the prettiest girls. Though the picture was black and white, he imagined her in color. Her hair tumbled past her shoulders, pushed back behind her ears with pins. Her face an oval, smooth skin rising and falling over her features. Big eyes shone behind long lashes, her lips spread open in a wide smile. She wore a simple dress, dipping down into a v, the bottom flaring past her waist.
His eyes roamed over the picture, memorizing every inch of her. His mind expanded the image and he began to see her laughing, her slim shoulders shaking, her head pulled down with giggles. Then he imagined her with a baby on her hip, a gentle, adoring smile curling her lips upward. He had been imagining life with her, and seeing her face made it all more vivid.
He must have stared at the picture for an hour, unable to tear his eyes from her beautiful face. When he shifted his weight, the letter fluttered to the ground and he remembered that he hadn't read it yet. He set the picture aside carefully, and unfolded the paper. Her handwriting was still perfect, making him smile as he could now imagine her sitting down at her desk, holding the pen delicately, hair falling past her shoulders, pooling on the desk, writing with concentration and care.
November 20, 1943
Dear Joe,
I hope you are still doing well wherever you are. I've been listening to the news broadcasts and it sounds like the Allies have been launching a huge air attack on Germany. Hopefully that will provide some advancement for the Allies! I understand there have been some heavy bombings in London, I only hope the attention doesn't shift to wherever you are in France. If you're still in France, that is. I will be so excited when all of this is over and you are home safe. I have to say I am glad you're not up in the air dropping the bombs. It sounds so dangerous to be up in the air with so many guns firing at you. Not to say fighting on the ground is any less dangerous, but I'll stop my war talk now, as I'm only getting myself more worked up.
I included a picture, like you asked, I hope it is alright. It was taken a few years ago while I was still at school. I hate to say I don't have my picture taken very often, so I didn't have one more recent. I don't look very different though. Since you have a picture of me, I wonder if you would send me one of you? I hate to admit that your image is starting to fade in my mind and Mrs. Metcalf would love to see what you really look like.
Dylan advised you to marry me? I would never have let him write to you if I knew he would do something so embarrassing! You have to forgive him, he's young. Thank you for writing back to him, he was so excited to get your letters. He kept it in his back pocket all day, and read it to his class the day he got it. He's very proud of you, and so am I!
I hope you will keep me updated about Katie. I wish I knew your family, I could be an additional spy for you. Maybe she would confide more in me than you. Of course I don't know him, but she must know I wouldn't attack the man she's fallen in love with. Sorry to say, I have to go, I wish I could write more. Stay safe, I can't wait to talk to you.
Affectionately,
Lilli
Sam smiled at the letter, amazed as always, by her perfect writing and way with words. After a moment, his smile faded, as he re-read the bit when she asked for a picture of him. How could he avoid sending one when she had asked him so specifically? At the same time, how could he send a picture of himself, when she had already met Joe?
They looked nothing alike, their only similarity being their height. Joe had dark hair, so dark it was almost black, which matched his eyes. He had thick eyebrows and a shadow always covered the lower half of his face. Though tall, he had been stocky, thick with muscles. Sam, however, had blonde hair with almond colored eyes. His facial hair was light, except for a row of dark lashes that highlighted his eyes. He was just as strong as Joe had been, but his strength was not as noticeable by sight because of his lean muscle.
He sighed and took out his box of pictures and letters. He sorted through the photographs, looking for one in which he looked like Joe. The easiest thing would be to send a picture of Joe, but he hadn't lied to Lilli yetand he didn't want to start now. His finger slid across a picture of himself, Joe and Wes before they'd left home. "Perhaps," he thought, "I don't have to say which one is me, and I won't be lying, and she would have a picture of me..."
Confident he had discovered a solution to the problem, he turned his attention to Kate's letter. He was anxious to see if she had said anything about her mysterious relationship. Lilli would be interested to read if there was any news, so he would wait to write her back.
November 17, 1943
Hi Sam!
Golly do I ever miss you! It's so strange how life goes on without you here. Time seems to go by quickly when I'm not thinking about missing you. But then, when I want to tell you something it seems like you've been gone longer than forever.
I hope you are still watching out for Wes, I know his family also wants to see him home alive. The Sinclair's have just been a wreck since learning about Joe. Especially Mrs. Sinclair. It's hard to watch them dealing with the grief because you and Wes aren't home safely yet. You just keep yourself safe for all of us here at home, and for Lilli.
I think you're falling in love with her through letters is just about the most romantic thing ever! I wish I had a soldier writing me. I really can't wait to meet her. She must be something really special to have you so enamored. I know you have high standards. After all, Cindy Wallace is the most beautiful, sweetest girl I know, and you wouldn't date her. I could never figure that out. She's married now you know. Met some soldier at the U.S.O., he was about to be shipped overseas and she married him that very night.
This war is causing people to do some pretty ridiculous things. My friend Sally is actually working in a factory assembling bombs! Can you believe it? I feel as though I would be a bit frightened to be working around such dangerous things. One mistake could really hurt someone, or a lot of someones.
Life at the orchard is pretty quiet, except for Annie and her driving. Oh and I think Sarah fancies one of the boys working on the Sinclair's farm. Mr. Sinclair hired a few boys to help with Joe gone. One is older, a couple of years older than you I'd guess. He's really quiet and shy, but she blushes something fierce whenever he brings a bushel of vegetables to the house. Yesterday, she made three cobblers, to make sure she had at least one that tasted good to give him. I wish you were here to make jokes about it with me. I miss you! Let me know how you're doing, please!
Love,
Katie
Chapter 8
December 23, 1943
December 1, 1943
Dear Lilli,
I know mail really slows during the holidays, so let me start by saying Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! I'm not sure when you will get this, hopefully it is before Christmas. I only wish I could send you a gift, then watch you open it. I love picking out the perfect present for someone, and then I love to watch their reaction when they open it. My sisters usually yell at me for staring on Christmas day, but I can't help but be excited.
On the same day I received your letter, I also received a letter from my sister, Katie. She didn't say anything about a gentleman friend, but she did tell me about Sarah's new beau. He works on a nearby farm and is really shy. Katie says she is really smitten, and blushes whenever he comes around. I'm going to have to write to all three of my sisters to find out more about him. There's got to be a reason he's not fighting in the war, and I'd love to know what it is. I'd like to know a lot of other things too, it's the protective instinct. I'll find out, somehow or another.
You, are beautiful, absolutely stunning. Thank you for sending your picture, it is better than any Christmas gift! I can't help but stare at it in my free time. Your letters are more vivid now with your face in my mind while I read. I've re-read every letter you've written with your picture beside me. I can't wait to watch your hair blowing in the breez
e, or your eyelashes fluttering. I think it's fairly safe to say that you will be taking root in my dreams from now on.
I hope the picture I sent is alright. I don't have any pictures of me by myself here in camp. Those are my two best friends with me in the picture, you'll find the names on the back. It is getting more and more cold here in France. I'm hoping they'll be bringing in some blankets soon. The nights are especially cold. I wonder how much longer this war will last. I am ready to come home, and so are all of the other men here. When I am home, I'll cherish every moment of being with you and my family.
Enjoy your holiday's Lilli, I know how much you enjoy them, know that I am thinking about you.
Still Captivated
"Wow," Viv sighed, putting down the letter. "Where's the picture? I need to see the picture." She reached toward Lilli and pulled a string of gum from her mouth, twirling it around a finger.
"Here, he's on the left."
"Goodness, he's dreamy! I only managed to catch a glimpse of the side of his face when he asked you out at Judy and Pete's. I'm so glad I forced you to go out with him! He's perfect for you."
"I think he might be too." Lilli blushed, falling into a nearby pillow.
"His friends are pretty handsome too, maybe you can introduce me to the blonde when they get home."
Lilli took the picture from Viv again and flipped it over, reading the name on the back. "Sam Carter," she sighed, "I think he may have been killed, Joe doesn't mention him, not even when I ask."
"Then, you can introduce me to the other one...he's cute, and alive."
"You're terrible!"
"Yes, yes I am, but a dead soldier doesn't do me much good." Viv smiled, mischievously.
"No, I guess you're right. A dead soldier wouldn't do me any good either. Gosh, I pray he comes home safe every day."
"This is why I don't invest in long term relationships with these guys. I go to the U.S.O, dance a little, smooch a little and go home. That's what you should have done instead of all this letter writing. You don't even get to kiss this man, and you're more attached to him than you are to your own parents!" Viv squealed, coming to her feet in exasperation. She had been making these kinds of comments through their entire relationship. But, Lilli had the feeling that Viv was a little envious of what she had going with Joe. And, she didn't care about kissing him now, all the letters would make it easier to fall into his arms as soon as he stepped off that boat.
"You know I would have never gotten very far at the U.S.O. I've never been kissed, I would never have let a different drunken soldier slobber on me every night. Besides, I'd be so nervous and shy, I wouldn't even talk to anyone. I'd sit at a table in the corner sipping a club soda, watching you have a good time."
"That's true, it did take you two months before you spoke to me, and we lived in the same room!" Viv laughed, which got Lilli giggling on her bed. It took a while to control the laughter the memory caused, and when they composed themselves, Viv took a step toward Lilli. Her face became serious and she tilted her head. She looked...concerned, a look Lilli had only remembered seeing twice before in their five year relationship.
"Lil, I just really don't want you to get hurt. You deserve your perfect man, I hope all of it works out. Not to mention, your mother hates him which is enough to make me root for him."
"My mother really does hate him... She doesn't want me to live on a farm, where I might have to be in the sun for part of my life."
"Do you love him?"
"I love thinking about him, I love reading his letters, I love imagining him coming home and seeing him for the first time. But, how can I be in love with a man I've only had one conversation with?"
"You've had more than one conversation with him, they just haven't involved your voices." Viv corrected.
"He could be very different in real life. He might not be who I think he is." Lilli crumpled, resting her head against the bedpost.
"Or, he could be the man you've always dreamed of." Viv sat beside her on the bed, curling next to her. "Hey, what if he comes back missing a finger?"
"What?" Lilli laughed.
"You know, he's in a war. What if he comes back missing something, like a finger, or a leg, or an eye! Do you think you'll still like him? Honestly, do you think you could sleep with a man with one leg? Or a guy who could never hold your hand if you were standing on his left side?" Viv let out an uncontrolled laugh that sounded like a cackle, she clearly thought herself very funny.
"You're horrible! Of course I would still like him! I'm not interested in his legs, or his arms, or his pinkie finger! I'm interested in who he is, and as long as the war doesn't touch his soul too much I'll be very happy to spend every day of the rest of my life with him."
"Come on, it will take some getting used to if his eye socket is just a big empty hole!"
Lilli started to laugh, the picture in her mind becoming more and more ridiculous. "It might take some getting used to..."she managed to squeak out. "But nothing could change the way I feel about him."
Lilli picked the picture up again, gazing at Joe again, running a finger over his handsome face, pretending she was really touching his stubble covered chin. He looked so happy, so full of life in the picture. Surely he would return home the same way, despite the cruelty of all he would see and hear in the war, he would come back the man she knew. She was worried, worried that he would be different, worried that he wouldn't come home at all. That was the reason she couldn't let herself believe that she loved him. If she loved him, everything would change, so much more would rest upon things she could not control. And then, if she lost him, would it not be more difficult if he was the first man she ever loved?
Viv noticed the clouded look on Lilli's face and proceeded to fill her ears with talk about her boys from the U.S.O. It amazed Lilli that Viv hadn't been tempted to deepen her relationships with any of the handsome soldiers yet. Then again, Viv liked her fun, she always had, and settling down would mean an end to all of that. If Viv ever found her perfect man, she wouldn't be able to get enough of him. She would think about him every waking moment, as often as Lilli thought of Joe.
Chapter 9
December 31, 1943
"Lillian, guests will be arriving in ten minutes, please tell me you're almost ready." Mrs. Windsor said with breathless frustration outside of Lilli's bedroom.
"I've been ready for twenty minutes, I'm reading until the guests arrive." Lilli answered calmly, ready for the storm that was to come. Every year she tried to stay out of her mother's way until the guests arrived, and every year, she failed. Mother always managed to find her at the last moment, making her do some ridiculous chore in her dress and high heels, or primping her for a handsome young gentleman who was coming. Now, the only question was, which storm would come.
"Come downstairs and help me. You and your father are no help! Reading while I'm running around like a crazy person! You would think that no one else enjoys this party, if no one else enjoys it, why do we even have one? I could certainly do without all the business! I had better not have to come looking for you again young lady"
Lilli sighed and put a book mark in her new book, a Christmas gift from her Grandmother. She straightened her black dress before going downstairs, she was in no rush, this was her least favorite night of the year. At least she had managed to get Viv invited this year. Viv promised to be early, Lilli peered anxiously out of the kitchen window as she walked past, hoping to see the platinum blonde hair of her best friend.
"Lillian, what are you doing? Come and open the sparkling cider, pour a few glasses so they're ready for the first guests. When you've finished that, turn off the stove, the coffee should be finished. Pour the coffee in the carafe, then start another pot, do you think you can manage that?"
"Yes Mother."
"Good, now where is your father?" she said, sweeping back out of the kitchen in a flurry.
Lilli shook her head and set to work. Pouring the cider was easy enough, she only misjudged the foam in
one glass, which spilled all over. It was a good thing her mother wasn't watching over her shoulder. She would have been flapping around, squealing like some kind of distressed bird. Lilli quickly cleaned up the mess and continued with her assignments. When she was measuring the grounds for the second pot of coffee, the first guest arrived. Much to her own dismay, it was not Viv.
Lilli slowed down considerably when she heard a male voice. She knew her mother would never bring a guest into the kitchen because it looked cluttered, she was safe here for now. The door opened three more times before Lilli had finished with the coffee. Instead of joining the guests, she began to arrange the appetizers on the trays set out by her mother. The fourth time the door opened, children's voices echoed in the hallway. Lilli dropped her dishtowel and went to greet the O'Connors.
"You came! I'm so glad." she smiled, pulling all three children into a simultaneous hug.
"We thought Bridget was old enough this year, but she might need to borrow a bed at one point." Colleen smiled, placing a loving hand on her daughters head.
"I can stay up! I'm a big girl!"
"Yes you are darling, but if you get sleepy, you can rest in my bed." Lilli soothed.
"Are any other boys coming?" Dylan asked quickly, tugging at his small suit jacket.
"I think the Walters were invited so Daniel may be here. If you get bored, I have some coloring books in my bedroom, just come and find me and I'll get them for you."
"What do you say boys?" Pat asked, his eyebrows raised in expectation.
"Thank you Lilli." the boys said in unison.
"You're welcome, please come in and make yourselves at home. Not too many people are here yet, so I'm not sure if you'll know anyone here. But there's apple cider on the table and appetizers will be out in a minute."
The door opened behind Lilli and Viv entered the house. Lilli wrapped her arms around her friends neck and scolded her in a whisper for her tardiness. Viv apologized, claiming that she couldn't find her shoes. Lilli held in a laugh, knowing that Viv was always late because she waited too long to get ready.