Defensive Heart: The Donnolleys, Book 2

by Dorothy F. Shaw

“Wow. Really?”

  “Yes, really. You don’t have to make this such a big deal. It’s not a big deal.”

  He crossed his arms. “Even fucking better.”

  “What is that supposed to mean?”

  “Did it ever occur to you it might be a big deal to me?”

  Sonja stopped pacing and faced him. “What occurred to me is you should understand.”

  “I see. So you believe I should roll over and let you cut me off—again, no less. This will make it, what? The third time you’ve pushed me away?”

  “I’m not pushing you away!”

  “I dare you to back that statement up and let me be there tomorrow when he comes over.”

  “Can’t you understand this is what I need from you right now? Can you try and see it from my point of view? If you did, you’d see I am not trying to push you away.”

  “The hell you aren’t. And I’m over it. I honestly don’t know what else to do.”

  Panic rose in Sonja’s chest and her heart galloped, pounding in her ears. “What are you saying?”

  “I’m saying I don’t want to deal with being pushed aside anymore.”

  “James, please.” Tears pricked her eyes. “I’m not pushing you aside.”

  “Yes, Sonja, you are. Otherwise, you’d let me be there, by your side, where I belong. I think I need to step away.”

  A tear slipped down her cheek. Sonja swiped it away and tried like hell to keep the others, waiting to spill out, at bay. “He’ll be gone before any time has passed. One, maybe two days at the most. Please, don’t do this. Don’t walk away.” He couldn’t mean what he was saying. Not after everything they’d struggled through to get where they were. Sonja reached for him. “Please don’t walk away.”

  James took her hands within his own. “Goddammit, Sonja.”

  “Please.” The desperation in her voice burned in the back of her throat.

  “Mo chroí, do you have any idea how much I feel for you?”

  “Yes.” She gazed at him through blurred vision. The tears she’d tried so hard to swallow filled her eyes and streamed down her cheeks. Tilting her head back, she caught his lips in a kiss.

  She felt for him too, perhaps more than she was willing to put into words at the moment, but nonetheless, she felt. She felt too much. James cupped her face in his hands and deepened the kiss. His tongue was so sweet, so strong. A lifeline for her. One she needed with an unparalleled desperation.

  He broke the kiss and gazed at her as he tucked a stray hair behind her ear. “How about I come over when he’s not there? When he goes back to the hotel or wherever he stays. How ’bout that? I mean, at least then I can see you and Casey. Be there for you.”

  Shit. Sonja bit her bottom lip and broke their eye contact. Once she got done explaining why his idea wouldn’t work, he’d definitely leave her.

  “Hey?” James placed his finger below her chin and raised her face to his, forcing her eyes to meet his own. He looked at her for what seemed like forever, yet at the same time it felt like time had ground to a halt.

  Sonja licked her lips and drew on what little courage she had left. She was about to lose him, and she knew it. “That won’t work.”

  His face fell, disappointment coating his features and she cringed. He took a step back. “You want to tell me why?”

  “Because…because, he doesn’t stay in a hotel when he’s here.” Ice-cold dread flowed through her veins, followed by a generous helping of self-loathing. After all, she was about to commit relationship suicide. Sonja wrapped her arms around her middle, as if somehow she could protect, or at the very least, comfort herself.

  “Where does he stay?” James placed his hands on his hips and glared at her.

  She could tell by the look on his face, he already knew the answer. She didn’t need to give it, but she would anyway. “James—”

  “Where!”

  Flinching, she looked at her feet. Without a doubt, Thomas would never sleep in her bed again, but it made no difference. Her inability to keep Thomas out of her house was proof that her supposed independence was an illusion. One she’d been stupid enough to be believe existed. “He stays at my house.” The words came out in a whisper. She didn’t want to hear them, let alone say them. God only knew what James felt.

  But Sonja didn’t get a chance to see, or hear what he felt because without saying a word, he turned away from her, and walked out.

  Chapter Forty-Two

  Sonja stood in her kitchen the next morning, readying the coffee pot and making breakfast for Casey. Running on about two hours of sleep, she yawned and cracked three eggs into a bowl. She’d spent the night steeped in emotional anxiety. Between Casey’s antics and the mountain-sized chip on her shoulder, and James walking out on her, Sonja’s nerves were shredded to a bare thread.

  She glanced at the clock and then poured the beaten eggs into the pan. It was almost seven a.m. and Thomas would be there in the next couple of hours. Sonja wasn’t sure she’d survive. Casey wasn’t up yet, but she planned to wake her with a nice breakfast in bed. Not that her daughter had earned such a nice gesture, but Sonja hoped—perhaps foolishly—if she started the morning off on a positive note, things might have a chance of being a little smoother.

  Glancing at her phone, she checked to see if James had texted or called. He hadn’t. Sadness weighed on her like a heavy blanket, making every move strenuous. She’d sent him more than a couple texts and left at least three voicemails since he’d left the hospital last night. Letting out a deep sigh, she layered a pile of cheese on the eggs. With the spatula, she carefully raised one side and folded the egg over on itself. The toast popped in the toaster, and Sonja jumped. She pressed her hand to her racing heart and drew in a breath.

  She needed a vacation. A long one. On some beach somewhere, far away from all the difficulties parading through her life. Maybe someplace with just her and James.

  James. Sonja frowned.

  That option was off the table now, wasn’t it? Amazing how he’d become a part of her life in such a short time. Amazing how she’d grown used to him being there. Even worse, she’d been the one to ruin it all. So much for it being easier. “Good God, maybe I should get a few cats and call it a day.”

  Grabbing the toast, she buttered it and placed it on the dish. She scooped up the omelet, laid it next to the toast and added some fresh fruit. After fixing a cup of coffee for Casey, she set everything on a serving tray and walked it down the hall. Balancing the tray on one hip, she got the door open and stepped inside. Sonja placed the tray on the bench at the foot of Casey’s bed and then moved to the side where her daughter was sleeping. “Honey, wake up. I made you some breakfast.”

  Casey was on her back, her black-booted foot propped up on two pillows. She opened her eyes and moaned. “I don’t think I’m hungry.” Yawning, she rubbed her hands over her face. “Do I smell eggs?”

  “Sure do.” Sonja smoothed her daughter’s hair off her forehead. “You need to use the bathroom first?”

  “No. I’m okay.” Casey pressed her hands down at her sides and tried to raise herself up on the bed, but failed and scrunched up her face in obvious pain.

  “Let me help you, honey.” Sonja wrapped her arms around her daughter’s body and sat her forward, then propped two of the other pillows behind her back. “Better?”

  “Yeah. Thanks.” Casey rubbed her eyes. “Is Daddy here yet?”

  Sonja retrieved the tray and placed it on her daughter’s lap. “Not yet. But I’m sure he’ll be here in the next couple of hours.”

  “Mmkay.” Casey cut into the eggs and took a bite.

  “Good?”

  Casey nodded and chewed. Sonja smoothed her hand down the back of her daughter’s hair before taking a seat at the foot of the bed. “How about you tell me what happened?”

  Her daughter glanced up from the fo
od. “Now?”

  Sonja nodded. “I think now would be the perfect time. You can fill me in between bites.”

  “Fine.” Casey set the fork down and then took a sip of her coffee. “Drake and me were walking down an alley between two houses and a dog jumped up on a chain link fence and scared me. I slipped.” She shrugged. “It was no big deal.”

  “Between two houses? Was this in the Bronx?”

  Casey picked up the fork and speared into a piece of fruit. “I don’t know, Mom. I guess, yeah.”

  Sonja frowned. “Why were you walking between two houses? Where were you going?”

  “Dunno.” She shrugged.

  Sonja let out a sigh and called on every ounce of patience she had within her. Getting the whole story was going to be akin to pulling molars. “Well, where were you coming from?”

  “A party.”

  “Why didn’t you stay there? Did something happen?”

  Casey ate another piece of fruit and rolled her eyes. “It doesn’t matter. What matters is I got startled by a stupid dog and I slipped and broke my ankle.”

  Sonja cocked her head to the side. “Casey, it matters a great deal to me. You were gone. I had no idea where you were. Or if you were laying dead in the street somewhere.”

  “Well, I’m not dead. I’m fine!” Her daughter glared at her.

  “You can stop looking at me like that. Yes, thankfully you’re not dead, but clearly you are not fine.” Sonja glanced over her daughter’s body then back to her face. “What happened when Drake got into the fight with Mr. Franklin?”

  “God, Mom.” Casey took another sip of coffee. “We were at a burger place. The guy banged into Drake and Drake got pissed. The rest you know from the police report.”

  Sonja rubbed the spot between her brows. “Seems an innocent thing, to just bang into someone. Was it an accident?”

  “I don’t know.” She set her fork down. “Drake just freaked out.”

  “I wasn’t aware he had such a temper. I’m definitely not comfortable with you seeing him anymore. Especially after James had to go get you from that other party you were at with him. That boy is trouble, Casey, and now you’re getting dragged into it. I won’t tolerate it.”

  Casey stared down at her plate. “Fine, Mom. Whatever you say.”

  “Casey, you can give me attitude all you want. But there’s no way this will continue, so you better just resign yourself to it now.” Sonja stood.

  “Goddddd. I said fine. Just don’t expect me to be happy about it.” She cut into another piece of egg and shoved it into her mouth.

  “Noted. You eat. I’m going to go take a shower. When I’m done, I’ll come and help you in the bathroom.”

  “Mom, seriously? I can manage.”

  “Not as easy as you think, Casey.”

  She bit into a piece of toast. “I’ll figure it out.”

  “Promise me you’ll wait until I am done before you make your attempt. We don’t need any more broken bones.”

  Casey rolled her eyes and took a sip of her coffee. For sure, there was more to the story than Casey was telling her, and there was nothing Sonja could do about that. With a shake of her head, she ignored her daughter’s crappy attitude and exited the room. Going back to the kitchen, she retrieved her cell. She checked for messages again as she wandered to her bathroom.

  When she finished the unexpected crying jag in the shower and had gotten dressed, Sonja made her way back to her daughter. As she feared, Casey was already in her bathroom. Sonja tapped her knuckle on the door and opened it a crack. Casey was in the bathtub, her booted foot hanging out of the side. Sonja rushed in. “Oh my goodness, are you even comfortable like that?”

  “Mom, it’s fine.”

  “It may be fine right now, but the last thing you need is to get that thing wet. I don’t think you want to deal with it getting all stinky. I’ll get you a bag.”

  “Ugh. Fine.”

  With her nerves jagged and threadbare, Sonja smoothed her hand up the back of her hair and counted to ten. “Thank you.”

  When she returned Casey had sunk down into the tub, submerging the entire upper half of her body, including her head. Sonja knelt in front of the tub and got the bag elastic-banded around the boot. Her daughter surfaced and wiped the water from her eyes.

  “Tomorrow we’ll take it off so it’s easier. You’ll have no choice but to let me help you. Do you want me to wash your hair?”

  “Nope. I got it.”

  “Okay well, I’ll leave the door open. Just holler when you’re ready to get out.” Sonja moved to the door. “Casey?”

  “God! Yes, Mom. Stop fussing over me. It’s creeping me out.”

  Sonja chose, once again, to ignore the attitude. Instead she forced a smile. “See you in a bit.”

  Grabbing the tray of empty plates, Sonja went back to the kitchen. The housekeeper was already doing the dishes. Hoping for the distraction, Sonja had wanted to do them. Bidding the woman a good morning, she swallowed the lump in her throat, poured a large mug of coffee and wandered into her study.

  As she was about to sit, she heard the front door open. Thomas. Agitation rose, fast and hard, like a summer rainstorm. She really needed to get the house key from him or change the locks. Sonja moved out to the hall toward the front door. Thomas hadn’t been in town since they’d had their huge fight. It’d been about four months, she guessed. When she reached the foyer, Thomas was dropping his keys in the bowl on the entryway table. Yes, she definitely needed to get the key back.

  “Hello, Sonja.”

  “Daddy!”

  Sonja turned around when she heard Casey’s enthusiastic call for her father. She crossed her arms and took in the joyful expression on her daughter’s face. Sonja would give anything to have Casey look at her like that.

  “There’s my little kitten!” Thomas moved to Casey and pulled her into an embrace. “Look at you and your big boot. How cool is that, huh?”

  Casey giggled. “Dad, it’s not cool at all.”

  “Sure it is! It’s like something out of a sci-fi movie.”

  “I guess. How long are you gonna be here? Think you can come with me when I have to go back for X-rays?”

  Sonja stepped next to them. “Probably not.”

  Thomas glanced at Sonja, then back to Casey. “I’ll be here just a few days, kitten.”

  Casey frowned. “Bummer. Okay. Glad you’re here now though. I’ve really missed you, Daddy.”

  “Let’s go have a seat in the living room, shall we?” He nodded to Sonja as he pressed his palm to Casey’s lower back and led her down the hall. “We have some things to talk about.”

  Taking it slow, they made their way toward the living room. “Are you mad?” Casey said.

  “I was worried. There’s a difference.”

  Once they’d entered the room, Sonja went to the kitchen and prepared a tray with coffee and hot cocoa, along with some cookies. When she entered the living room, Sonja glanced at Casey, who was in the larger chair with her foot propped up on a few pillows atop the ottoman. Sonja settled the tray on the coffee table and filled a cup for Thomas.

  “I’m sorry, Daddy.”

  Thomas bent and pressed a kiss to Casey’s forehead. “I know you are, kitten.”

  Sonja brought the mug of cocoa to Casey, then handed Thomas his cup.

  “Thank you.” He took a sip. “Perfect.”

  After fixing herself a cup, she took a seat on the far end of the couch. “You’re welcome.”

  Silence stretched out between them and tension filled the room. Sonja had assumed Thomas would begin the conversation and when he didn’t she took a sip of her coffee and then cleared her throat. “I guess I’ll break the ice. Casey, why don’t you tell your father what happened?”

  “Didn’t you already tell him?”

 
Sonja leaned forward and rested her elbows on her knees with her mug cupped between her hands. “I think it’s best you inform him of the details.”

  “Go easy on her, Sonja. I’m sure she’s had a rough enough time.”

  Already he was going to make this painful. Sonja called what was left of her patience—which wasn’t much. “I’ve been very easy on her, Thomas. Maybe you should consider being a bit more stern?”

  A closed-lipped smile spread across his mouth, a muscle in his jaw twitched and he sighed through his nose. Interesting. Apparently he was having a hard time keeping his patience too. Good, he could suck it up and deal with her. She wasn’t backing down.

  “Are you going to start fighting again?”

  Thomas turned his gaze to Casey. “No, no, kitten. There won’t be any fighting. Why don’t you tell me what happened?”

  Her daughter brushed her hair away from her eyes. “Fine. But promise me you won’t get upset or overreact.”

  “I can promise you that I will not overreact.” He leaned toward her and patted her leg. “You don’t have to worry, sweetheart. I doubt you’ll even be grounded over this. Your injuries are punishment enough.”

  Shock and annoyance boiled in Sonja’s stomach. Was he nuts? “Thomas, don’t be a fool. Of course she’s going to be grounded for this.”

  “Sonja!” He snapped his head in Sonja’s direction, his jaw set like he was gritting his teeth. “Watch your tongue.”

  She glared at him as anger oozed from every pore in her body. “I beg your pardon? I most certainly will not watch my tongue. Now I suggest you start acting like a father instead of a Disneyland Dad.”

  Thomas didn’t respond to the comment, just stared at Sonja. His jaw was set tight—the muscle jumping every few seconds. She let the silence stretch, silently daring him to give her a reason to kick him out again. He must’ve realized the predicament he was in as they stared each other down for what felt like forever. Thomas’s eyes remained stone hard, but Sonja didn’t flinch or back down at all. There was no way in hell she ever would again.

  Chapter Forty-Three