“I can’t leave you here,” I tell him, feeling sorry for the poor little guy.
So, I pack up his things and take him back to my apartment.
After I set up an area for Milton, I go to bed, where I quickly learn Milton thinks he’s sleeping too. I relent and let him stay. It’s too early to go sleep, but I lie down anyway, still fully clothed. I snuggle into the warmth of my bed while I listen to Milton purring. I wipe away tears as Milton meows around my face, trying to lick me. I giggle, because it’s like he’s trying to cheer me up.
Maybe a thousand cats wouldn’t be such a bad thing after all…
The sound of the front door unlocking startles me. My heart races as I push back the covers and stand up. I walk into the living room, shocked to find Luke standing there.
“Hey,” I say.
My heart pumps wildly in my chest. There are so many things I want to say to him, but I don’t know where to start. I slowly edge closer to him.
“Sorry to walk in. I did knock…”
“It’s fine,” I say with a smile. Milton comes bounding into the room. Luke looks at him, confused. “Iris broke her hip. She’s in the hospital.”
“Shit, are you okay?” he asks.
I nod. “I’m fine.” I wet my lips and look at him. “Why are you here?”
“I just came to get a few more of my things,” he mumbles. “I’m not sure if you got my letter, but I thought it might be best to just go to my apartment and give you some space…”
I nod, blinking back tears. “I’ll leave you to it, then.”
I turn around and walk back into my room, cursing myself for not reaching out to him. I fight back tears as I fling myself on the mattress. Milton plants himself on my stomach, purring madly as I gently stroke his back. I’m such a coward. He wrote me a letter and I can’t tell him the damn truth? I owe him that much. I’ve messed things up for good this time.
I hear a chuckle and open my eyes. Luke stands in the doorway, smiling at me. I smile back, through my tears. I so badly want to tell him everything, but every time I try to speak, I choke.
He smirks as he walks over to me.
“I’ve dreamed of this moment so many times, you know. Walking into your room and finding you on your bed, rubbing your pussy.”
“Only it’s not my pussy I’m rubbing,” I fire back. “It’s my eighty-year-old neighbors.”
He winces. “And there’s that fantasy crushed. Thanks for that.”
I laugh and sit up as he climbs onto the bed next to me.
“You’re not okay, are you? You’re feeling bad you weren’t there for her.”
I’ve been neglecting her since…”
“Me?” he supplies. I smile. It’s like he knows me. “This isn’t your fault, Laura. And she’s fine, right?”
“I know, but I still feel bad.” My heart races. “I’ve missed you so much.” I finally choke the words out. He wraps his arms around me while I lie back down, sobbing.
“I’ve missed you, too. More than anything.”
He tilts my face up to his and kisses me. He hesitates for a moment, like there is more he needs to say. I frown, because I’m not sure what’s next. If anything, I should be the one talking to him.
“Why didn’t you tell me that you can’t have kids?”
I stare at him, my heart aching. I feel like I’ve just been punched in the chest.
He knows. How the hell does he know?
Matt. I’m going to kill him. I sit up and move away, until my legs swing over the edge of the bed. I feel sick, like I’m not sure how to react. What do I say to him? I’m so angry at Matt, because it wasn’t his place to say anything. I should have been the one to tell him. But you didn’t, my conscience says to me. I had the chance to tell him, and I didn’t.
“How much do you know?” I ask, turning back to face him.
He stares at me, concerned, as he reaches for my hand.
“Not much. He didn’t go into detail. Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Because I was scared?” I whisper. “I thought we’d be over the moment I did, and then I fell in love with you…”
“I’m so sorry,” he murmurs. He wraps his arms around me and pulls me into his embrace. “You’re such a strong, amazing woman. Watching Matt and Annie have Elina and now this thing with Allie? I’m so sorry you’ve had to deal with all of this on your own.”
He shakes his head as he caresses my face, kissing me on the mouth. I can’t believe how well he’s taking all of this.
“I wish you could have told me. I think of all the things I’ve said to you, and I just cringe.”
“You mean like having back up kids?” I tease. He glares at me. “Come on. If I can laugh about it, you can too. I know I should’ve told you. I wouldn’t blame you if you hated me, but when I started falling in love with you, the thought of losing you…”
“You’ll never lose me,” he says.
“But isn’t that what’s happening now?” I whisper. “How can you look at Allie and not want more kids?”
“That’s irrelevant, because I look at you and I can’t imagine my life without you,” he growls. His voice is thick with emotion as he fights the tears from falling. “Honestly? If it came to the choice of having to choose between having you and having more kids, I’d choose you every time.”
“You say that now, but how do you know that won’t change? In ten years, you might wake up, hating me.”
“I might do that anyway,” he quips.
I laugh and wipe the tears from my eyes.
“The thing is, how do you know anything?” he asks. “You need to let go of this obsession you have with controlling every situation. You have to step back and live, because you don’t have all the answers.”
“But what—”
“There are not buts.” He reaches behind me and cups my ass, his mouth lifting into a smirk. “Well, except for this one.”
“Hey!” I laugh, pushing his hand away. His expression turns serious again.
“How do you know that in five or ten years, new techniques won’t be available? The reality is, you don’t know anything about the future.”
“I guess you have a point,” I agree.
“You know today, and you can try to predict tomorrow, but beyond that? Anything can happen.”
My body shivers as his words sink in and hit something inside of me. He’s right. I hold on to control so hard that I forget about everything else, but in the end, I’m just kidding myself.
“This is why you’re so focused on fertility as your specialty?”
I nod. “Not just, but yes, it’s a big part of it. On some level, I guess I think that if anyone has the determination to find a way for me to have a child, it will be me.”
“There are other ways we can look into down the road, too,” he murmurs. “Adoption, surrogacy… there are options, if that’s what you want. We can make this work in whatever way you want it to.” He pulls me into his arms, lying me on top of him. I straddle him, my hands resting either side of his head as I lean down and kiss him. “Please don’t push me out again. Don’t keep anything from me, okay?”
I nod, smiling as I press my lips against his. He gently eases his hand around the back of my neck and presses his mouth onto mine, his mouth is soft and warm against my own. I roll off of him and pull with me, so I’m under him, gasping as his fingers move under my shirt and over my bra.
“God, I’ve missed you,” he mutters, kissing my neck as he rubs my breasts. I arch my back and with one hand, unclip my bra. He shrugs it off my breasts, then lifts my shirt up until his mouth finds my nipple.
“Oh, wow.” I moan as he flicks his tongue against it until it’s stiff.
I run my fingers through his thick hair, while he gently reacts with subtle noises to my fingernails penetrating his scalp. He sits up and rips off his shirt, tossing it away, then shuffles out of his pants. I reach out and wrap my fingers around his cock, stroking him, while he stares at me, his eyes hungry
.
“Let’s get these off,” he says, helping me out of my shirt. Then I unbutton my jeans while he roughly tries to tug them down over my thighs. I giggle when he curses, and help, until I’m lying there, wearing nothing but my underwear.
“I want nothing more than to bury my tongue deep in your pussy.”
I shiver, his words driving me crazy. He loops his thumbs around the band of my panties and tugs them off, then he spreads my legs and lowers himself until his mouth covers my lips.
I gasp as his tongue curls around my clit with much more intensity than I’m expecting. He grabs me by the wrists and puts my hands firmly on his head as I sway my hips toward his face. I stare into his eyes as he slowly pushes me to the brink of orgasm.
“You taste so damn sweet,” he murmurs. He licks and sucks his way around my pussy, while I clutch hold of his hair, my legs tensing when he thrusts his tongue deep inside me.
“Oh God, I can’t…” My voice trails off as I come.
He swiftly moves back up over me so his face is against mine. His lips find my mouth and he thrusts his length inside me. I’m still throbbing from my orgasm, but the feel of his cock deep inside me is incredible. He wraps his arm around my waist and pushes me against him, pushing himself deeper into me. He grunts, kissing his way along my neck, then back to my lips, the smell of me on his breath making my heart race.
“Can you taste yourself?” he asks, reading my thoughts. “I could lick you out every day of the week, if it meant watching you taste yourself after. It makes me so fucking hard.”
I take his hand and guide it down my body, forcing his fingers between my legs. He groans as I slide one inside me, rubbing it against my clit and his cock. I kiss him, my mouth exploring his, as I slowly bring his hand back up to my mouth. I lock my eyes on his and suck hard on his finger.
“Holy fuck,” he strangles the words out.
He pumps harder inside me, watching me suck his finger, until he groans. His hips buck against mine as he releases inside me, his cock throbbing against my tightness. I take his hand out of my mouth and wrap my arms around his neck, my mouth engulfing his. He’s breathing hard as he thrusts against me. He pulls out, rolling onto his side. He shakes his head and laughs.
“That was fucking incredible,” he murmurs. “You have no idea what you do to me.”
I smile and roll over, facing away from him. He wraps his arms around my waist, his warm body pressing against mine. I sigh as he kisses my back. I close my eyes and try to stay awake. Milton curls up next to me.
“Probably the only time I can ever joke about having two pussies to myself, huh?” Luke murmurs in my ear.
I giggle, and then drift off to sleep.
Chapter Fifteen
Luke
“Can I stay over with you tonight?” Allie asks.
I glance at Abbey in surprise, who shrugs and then smiles. Behind the smile, I can see the sadness there, hiding in her eyes. This must be hard for her, because as much as I feel sorry for Allie, Abbey has been through just as much, only she doesn’t get to show how much she’s hurting.
“So long as Luke is okay with it.”
“Sure,” I say with a grin. “I’ll set up the spare room.”
I pad down the hallway to the spare room, grabbing some bedding along the way. I’m feeling great, like everything is starting to feel like some sort of normal. I’ve been spending time with Allie nearly every day. It’s been great getting to know her. I feel like every time we’re together, she opens up a little more. She’s such a good kid. It’s hard to get my head around the fact that nearly three weeks ago, I had no idea she existed. My life has been turned upside down, but I wouldn’t change a second of it.
It’s not just Allie where things are progressing. My relationship with Laura is finding its feet again too. She hasn’t met Allie yet and I haven’t pushed it, because it is something she needs to decide on her own. At least, that’s how I hope this will go down. I keep telling myself that by giving her space, she’ll eventually come around to the idea of Allie being in our lives, but a small part of me worries about it.
What if she doesn’t? I’m not sure what I’ll do if I have to choose.
I settle Allie in her bed, then walk back down to Abbey. She smiles at me as I sit down. She’s got something to say. I can tell by the way her eyes keep darting around the room.
“Whatever it is, just spit it out.”
“I have to go back on Monday.” She blurts the words out and then stares at me, her eyes wide. “Sorry, I didn’t know how to tell you, since you and Allie are getting on so well, but I can’t miss any more work, and I need to get back to my husband and child.”
I nod. My stomach fills with anxiety at the thought of her going back home. I really do enjoy having her around.
“So, where do we go from here?” I ask.
“Well, that depends. What do you want, Luke?”
I sit back and think about that for a moment. So many things feel out of my control at the moment. I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that I’m nervous how any relationship with Allie is going to affect my relationship with Laura. I don’t want to lose her, but Allie is my kid. I can’t ignore that. God, I don’t want to ignore that. I look at her and my heart aches over what I’ve already missed out on. I’m not prepared to miss out on any more of her life.
But what does that mean?
The last thing I want to do is uproot her from her life and move her over here. She barely knows me, and a life here would be so different than what she has back home. Home. That’s the thing. Home is over there, where she grew up, where all the memories of her mother are. And I’m over here. I sigh and shake my head.
I just wish I knew what the answer is.
“I’m going to go. Think about it, okay? This isn’t just my decision.”
After Abbey leaves, I get ready for bed. Just as I lie down, my phone vibrates. I pick it up, my heart racing when I see Laura’s name. The last few nights have been amazing, and I’m not just talking about sex. She’s been so happy and full of energy. It’s like me knowing her secret and being okay with it has changed everything for her.
I click on the text and open it.
Laura: I miss you and I love you. I wish you here with me now.
I press call, my heart aching to hear her voice.
“I miss you too,” I say, my heart racing.
“I’m glad you called, I wanted to ask you something.” She pauses. “Can I meet Allie?”
I’m elated, her words making my heart skip a beat.
“You really want to meet her? There’s no rush. The last thing I want is to pressure you into anything.”
“No, I really want to meet her,” she says.
“Okay then. She’s staying over here tonight. Want to come over in the morning, before work?”
“I’m off tomorrow, but that sounds perfect. I’ll see you then. And Luke?”
“Yes?”
“I love you.”
“I love you too.”
#
I’m up early the next morning, because I thought kids got up early to watch cartoons and shit. Instead, I find myself sitting on the couch for nearly two hours, before Allie shows her bleary-eyed face. I smirk at her, because it’s nearly nine o’clock.
“Not a morning person, I see?”
She shrugs. “Not really. I hate getting up for school,” she admits.
“What can I get you for breakfast?” I stand up and wander over to the kitchen. “Cereal, toast—”
“Coffee?” she interrupts, with a hopeful smile.
I laugh and shake my head. “Nice try, but I’m pretty sure that Abbey, or your mom, wouldn’t let you drink coffee.”
She smiles, sadness clouding her eyes. I curse myself for bringing up her mom.
“Sorry about your mom,” I say.
Now that it’s out there, I might as well acknowledge it. We haven’t really spoken much about Maya, or why it’s taken until now for us to meet.
“I didn’t know about you,” I admit. “The first thing I ever learned about you was three weeks ago when you turned up at the hospital.”
“Why would Mom not tell you about me? Was she ashamed of me?”
“God no. Don’t you ever think that,” I say, growling the words at her. “She would’ve been so proud of you. I can tell by the way your aunt talks.” How do I explain this to an eight-year-old? “She didn’t know what to do. I lived over here and she was in Germany. She thought she was doing the best thing for everyone by not telling me.”
“Did you think that too?”
“No, not for a second. I wish she’d told me the moment she found out, because I’ve missed so much of your life. I wish I could go back and be there for everything.”
“I’m glad I met you,” she says softly.
“Me too.”
I reach out my hand. She looks at it for a moment and then creeps her fingers closer to mine.
“So. Who is Laura?” I laugh, because her question is so out of the blue. “I heard you on the phone with her when I got up to go to the bathroom. Is she your girlfriend?”
I chuckle at her, because you really can’t hide anything from kids.
“Yes,” I finally say. “She’s my girlfriend.”
“Am I going to meet her?”
“She’s on her way over here now for breakfast, actually,” I say. “If that’s okay with you?”
She nods and smiles, her eyes lighting up when someone knocks on the door. I raise my eyebrows.
“That’s probably her now.”
I get up and walk over to the door and open it. Laura stands there, holding two coffees and a bag of doughnuts. Allie stands beside me, smiling shyly at Laura.
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