Yearning for Love

by Toye Lawson Brown

  Very few people knew her true identity and that’s how she wanted it. Her father kept her away from the limelight and she was rarely seen or mentioned in the media. However, the tell-all book she was writing would be the bomb to bring both her parents to reality. Octavia didn’t have to be dragged through the mud and portrayed as weak and spineless individual had she opened her eyes.

  She begged her mother to come clean but she refused. Her career as a bankruptcy judge and the wife of a prominent senator was far more important than exposing her husband as a shady politician who took bribes, shook down businessmen, or twisted the law to work in his favor.

  A dry imaginary tear slid from her eye. She had to imagine she produced tears since no real tears would fall. “What a wonderful life,” she mumbled to herself. Reaching over to turn off the lamp, she heard a light knocking on the door. She sat up grabbing her robe. She slipped it on praying it wasn’t Patty checking on her again.

  Her bare feet padded across the dimly lit room to open the door. Surprised by the visitor she could only ask. “Walker, what are you doing here so late?”

  His head was down as he spoke. “I know it’s late. I was driving and before I knew it, I ended up here. I need to talk, Nicole. I need to talk to you.”

  She stepped aside allowing him to enter the room. “Sure, come in and have a seat.”

  Nicole closed the door not sure what was going on. Pulling her robe together, she tied the silk strings tight to make sure her body stayed covered. They had flirted heavily earlier, but she was standing by her decision not to do anything foolish with him no matter how her body reacted when she was near him. He sat on the couch with his head looking down at the floor.

  She sat in the chair he’d moved earlier, keeping a distance and using the coffee table as a low barrier between them. She asked. “Well, are you going to talk or do you need to be alone?”

  He rubbed his forehead with two fingers leaving a red streak in its path. “Have you ever had one of those day when getting out of bed was a mistake?”

  She grunted. “I’ve had my share of those days.”

  He leaned back on the couch letting the back of his head thump against the wall. “I’ll admit I don’t have many, but boy, has this been one of those days.”

  Nicole noticed his hands when he folded them. The knuckles on his right hand were bright red and smeared with blood. She also noticed he didn’t have on a coat. She bit down on her lower lip to avoid asking questions. “You want to talk about what happened when you left? You look like you’ve been in a fight. Did a fight break out at the bar?”

  He covered the redness spreading across his knuckles; the cuts from Jeremy’s teeth were stinging a bit. “Yeah, it did.”

  “Did anyone get arrested? Did Jeremy get arrested? Have you told Patty?” She asked getting agitated.

  “Nobody got arrested, Nicole. I got in an argument with Jeremy and punched him.”

  She took a deep breath releasing it slow and low. “That’s not good.”

  “No it’s not.” He got off the couch and went to the window to look out. “I won’t be at the wedding or reception tomorrow. I wanted to see you before you left town.”

  Nicole decided not to comment on the fight since she didn’t have any facts concerning the history of the brothers. Letting him talk by lending an ear was the best she could offer. “I’m disappointed you won’t be there. I don’t know anyone in the family but the three of you.”

  “I don’t belong in their family. It’s high time I realized that and go my own way.”

  “Walker, I don’t understand.”

  “Jeremy is my half-brother.”

  Nicole steadied her balance in the chair as she reeled from the news. “Huh, I didn’t know that. May I ask what parent you share?”

  He turned around leaning against the window frame. “Unfortunately, I’m the bastard child of Mitch Collingsworth.”

  “Phew…I’m at a loss for words to be truthful.”

  “You hadn’t notice Jeremy and I don’t share a lot of resemblances to each other.”

  “I was aware you are taller, more muscular, and….”

  “And, what? Go ahead say what is on your mind.”

  “Okay, I was going to say handsome, but Jeremy is not unattractive. He reminds me of a preppy frat boy, with the sweater vests, and leather loafers he wears.”

  “That’s because he grew up with money and went to private schools. I grew up dirt poor and wore whatever clothes my mother could afford to buy.”

  “You two seem so close. Why were you fighting?”

  “There isn’t enough time to explain my troubles. Although, I’ve come to the conclusion I’m not a Collingsworth and I don’t want to be. My brother and Patty have been lying to me for years and I’m left to figure out a way to pay off a debt caused by them.”

  She walked over to stand in front of him. His eyes were downcast and his long body positioned for defending the pain from cutting deeper. He was hurting. The strong man that’d saved her life earlier was in need of saving and she didn’t know where to start. She lifted her hand hesitating to touch him.

  Extending her arms she closed them around him not sure what to do next. He smelled of smoke and stale beer and he was cold even though the hotel room was warm. She didn’t flinch when his head rested on her shoulder like a child in need of comforting. Smoothing down his hair with one hand, she held him, not saying anything.

  The backs of her legs set off a trembling to rumble through her body when his arms went around her waist bringing her closer to him.

  He asked. “Why are you trembling?”

  Nicole was uncomfortable with his closeness and he felt it. Although she could smile on contact, her body language she could not control so easily. “People don’t usually come to me for comfort. I’m a little out of my element.”

  “Your arms are built for comfort and you smell good. I know I stink like an old bar bum,” he said nuzzling his head on the nook of her shoulder and neck.

  His breath tickled her ear setting off another round of fridge shivers to run down the backs of her legs. Not only that, his closeness was causing a knot to tighten in the pit of her stomach. “I didn’t want to say anything but you do. Walker, why don’t you go home, take a bath and sleep off the alcohol. Tomorrow will bring a better perspective for you to work with.”

  He waited an excruciatingly long moment to move away from her. “Home is not a place I want to be right now. I have to deal with Mary Ellen’s stuff there and other crap I’m not ready to deal with.” He straightened his body fingering his hair. “I’m going to leave and let you go to bed. My problems are not your problems to deal with.”

  Wringing her fingers she waited until he was almost to the door. “You can stay—that is if you don’t mind sleeping on the couch.”

  She saw his face brightened in the dimness of the room. He closed the door and locked it. “I’ll take the couch or the floor, doesn’t, matter as long as another person is in the room with me.”

  “Feel free to use the shower and I believe there may be extra sheets and blankets on the shelf in the closet.”

  “Go to bed. You have a big day ahead of you tomorrow,” he said stripping off his shirt. “I’ll find what I need.”

  Nicole’s gaze fell to his masculine chest. He was just as she’d imagined—firm, ripped, and sexy. She stepped backwards getting her foot caught in the hem of her floor-length robe. Tangled in her own clothing, Walker caught her as she stumbled across the floor falling into him head first.

  She quickly removed her hands from his chest. The feel of his hard body seared on her palms; she couldn’t rub the sensation away. She cleared her throat. “I’m okay. I’ll see you in the morning….I’m going to bed now.”

  “Yes, you will see me in the morning.”

  His arms remained circled her waist, and his deep voice rumbled through her like an earthquake suffering magnitude 3 aftershocks. “Thank you again,” she said in a low voice tugging his ha
nds from around her waist. She moved to stand by the bed.

  He smiled. “The pleasure is mine. Nicole, since I won’t be at the wedding, will you go out with me later, after the wedding? We can meet for a drink or a late dinner.”

  Nicole slipped off the robe covering the sheer red negligee, laying it across the end of the bed. She saw Walker’s Adam’s apple rise and fall as he ogled her in the sexy nightgown that she damn near broke her neck stumbling over. “Won’t it be a little late to go out?”

  “I see it as the perfect hour for a date. You can relax and deprogram after spending a long day with a bunch of high-society strangers.”

  She nodded. His motions were cat-like as he was standing in front of her and she hadn’t realized he’d moved. “I really like Patty but I am not looking forward to tomorrow. I don’t do well in large crowds at all.”

  “Our party will be an intimate gathering for two. So, do we have a date?”

  His voice was gentle, kind. Nicole felt it cover her like a warm blanket. Looking into his deep blue eyes, she couldn't understand why it was so difficult to say yes since there was an obvious attraction between them. She was taking the steps necessary to change her life. She was aware the possibility of being asked out by men would happen, but not so soon. Attending a big wedding and putting her anxiety on the line to mingle with hundreds of people she did not know, was the beginning step. The dating and getting physical with men was more difficult for her and she had not sought those details through yet.

  “This is always the hardest part, not knowing what to say,” she said. “I’m going to accept your date, Walker. The logical way to get over my hang-ups is to go for it. Whether I sink or swim is up to me, right?”

  “That depends. What hang-ups do a beautiful woman such as you, need to get over?”

  She rubbed her hands together. “I’m not a very social person. I don’t date or go to clubs.”

  “By choice?” He asked with a lace of skepticism in his voice.

  “Yes, by choice,” she said giving him a mordant look.

  “What do you do for fun?”

  “I create on my drawing board or write. I keep myself busy, so I don’t miss that sort of entertainment.”

  “Good God, woman. How do you keep the men off you? I mean look at you,” he said creating an outline of her curvy figure with his hands.

  “Keep that up and I’ll cancel our date.”

  “I’m fooling around but curious how a woman like you doesn’t have a trail of men sniffing after her.”

  “It’s hard to be noticed when you’re practically invisible.”

  “I noticed you right away. That smile is impossible to hide.”

  His flirting was stirring her insides. It was something about Walker that held her attention. He was unlike the one male friend she had years ago who would fit in with the cast of that nerd show, if they had a black character or handsome character. Walker was raw yet refined in a social way she wasn’t.

  She cleared her throat. “I have to get to bed. Patty will kill me if I have dark circles under my eyes from lack of sleep.”

  “All right, I’ll see you in the morning. Hey,” he called after her.

  Nicole pulled the bedspread up to cover her chest. “Yes.”

  “I’m looking forward to our date.”

  She switched off the light so he couldn’t see her blushing. “Me too.”

  *****

  Nicole checked the time on her cell phone. Walker was running late for their date. She’d agreed to meet him in the hotel bar for drinks instead of waiting for him in the room. He found her sitting at the bar nursing a glass of wine. “Nicole, I’m sorry I’m late. I got held up at the shop,” he said taking a seat on the stool next to her.

  Fiddling with the napkin under her glass, she responded, “I haven’t been waiting long. May I buy you a drink?”

  “How many of those have you had already?”

  “I’ve only had one so far. Not nearly enough to make this day a blur but since I’m diabetic, one will be my limited tonight. I had a glass of champagne at the reception,” she said turning to face him.

  Ordering a beer Walker ushered her to a booth for privacy. “How was the wedding? Was it as stressful as you thought it would be?”

  Nicole couldn’t get over how handsome he was. The wine might have been helping her see him differently, but she was definitely attracted to him. She often thought of how he cared for when she was lying flat on her back. Although she never considered dating a white man, Walker’s charm and rugged good looks was causing her to think twice, that was if she were dating any man at all.

  “It was nice and elegant. Patty and Jeremy made a beautiful couple. The only piece of the picture missing was you.”

  “Yeah, well it went off without a hitch, and that’s all that matters,” he said taking a swig of his beer.

  “After a short delay you caused by being a no-show, it finally got underway,” she said watching the couples dancing. “I left the reception a little early. I was beat and needed a nap.”

  Walker watched her closely. She was still in full makeup from the wedding. Her hair was in a fancy upsweep with curls framing her face, but she had changed into an off the shoulder cream-colored sweater with sparkly glitter splattered across the front and beige dress slacks. “So, how many dances did you get?”

  She played with the teardrop pendant dangling off the end of the pearl necklace around her neck. It and the matching earrings was a gift Patty gave each of her bridesmaids. “Honestly, not one person asked me for a dance. Oh wait, I take that back, Jeremy did ask me for a dance. I believe Patty took pity and forced him to do it.”

  “I’m not being forced to ask you. Will you dance with me?”

  The music playing in the lounge was soft and sensual. Nicole had never been on the dance floor unless she was walking across it to get to the other side of the room. She did enjoy listening to music, and would dance around in her bedroom as a little girl. Even as an adult she attempted to learn a line dance from an online video she’d seen; it proved she had no rhythm to be a black woman. Somehow none of that mattered as she still hankered to know how it would feel to be held by a man, leading her around on the dance floor.

  She protested shaking her head. “I don’t know. I wasn’t born with the rhythm gene.”

  “I’m not a great dancer either. We’ll get laughed off the dance floor together. It will be fun to walk a mile of shame back to our seats.”

  She twisted her lips contemplating. “You are a daring man. But, okay—I’m game,” she said excited and up for the quest.

  Walker escorted her to the dance floor filled with couples dancing slowly to the soulful music. As he embraced her small frame, they began moving rhythmically to the beat of Brian McKnight. Nicole relaxed enclosing her hand in his. Walker held her hand tightly against his chest as his arm circled her waist.

  Nicole felt his heart beating against her as she snuggled against him letting him lead the slow paced dance. He kept the beat, and she managed not to step on his feet or trip over hers when he spun her around in a slow circle. Walker pulled her back into his arms. His arms were warm, and she yearned to stay for a bit longer. The desire was short-lived when the song ended. He released her but held her hand as they returned to the booth.

  Nicole took a sip of wine to calm her nervousness. “Thank you. I always imagined what it would be like to slow dance. And, you lied—you can dance.”

  “The worst dancer can slow dance. Throw on some hip-hop music, and I would clear this place in ten seconds flat. The term dying from laughter would be a true statement.”

  She giggled. He was naturally funny without trying to impress her. “Me too! I don’t only have two left feet, but two left arms! I have no concept of rhythm at all.”

  His short chuckle gave away to a serious tone. “You didn’t attend any school dances or your prom?”

  She folded her fingers around the stem of the wine glass. “I was home schooled by tutors. I
told you that.”

  “Oh yeah, you did. You missed out on your adolescent years of acting wild and stupid. You won’t be here long enough for me to show you what we young people do for fun,” he said winking his eye.

  “Afraid not, but I enjoyed the dance. You made my first adult attempt at that fun.”

  Walker reached his hand over until he was caressing her fingers with his index finger. “Are you trying to make me blush, Nicole; I do that pretty easy when I get compliments from a pretty lady.”

  “Really, so you get all rosy and giddy,” she said teasing.

  “Yeah, I actually do.” He moved to her side of the booth. “Seriously, Columbus is only a couple of hours away; I would love to visit you?”

  “I might take you up on that offer, someday.” Her hand took a direction of its own and reached up to caress his face. Leaning towards him, she kissed him on the cheek whispering. “Thank you for this. I’m having a wonderful time.”

  He closed his eyes as her soft warm lips touched his cheek. “You’re welcome, Nicole.”

  “Patty was right, you are fun. Your girlfriend had to be insane to let you go.”

  “It wasn’t meant to be and life goes on. I don’t dwell on it. So, here I am back on the market again for some unsuspecting lady to whisk me off my feet.”

  She sighed not wanting to touch that loaded gun. “Oh well, good luck with that.”

  Walker drank more of the beer that warmed from sitting on the table, mumbling, “I see that went over your head.”

  “No, it didn’t go over my head,” she said drinking a sip of wine.

  “You heard me?”

  “I sure, did.”

  “I didn’t mean anything by it. I’ve never had to work so hard to get a woman’s attention before.”

  “You have my attention. I’m sitting in a booth with only you and engaging in conversation with only you.”

  “Right you are. But…”

  “You are amazed I’m not batting my eyelashes uncontrollably or gushing over you as most of your dated do.”