Yearning for Love

by Toye Lawson Brown

  He shook his head. Pinching his fingers together he said, “Pull it back a notch, Nicole. I’m a man that takes care of his woman.” He bucked his broad chest playfully. “Woman, get dinner on the table while I go wash up. I’ve been working all day, and I’m starving.”

  Taking the stairs two at a time, he heard her laughter echo from the kitchen. She had been laughing a lot this past week, and it was a sound he would never get tired of hearing.

  Walker whistled a tune as he turned on the water in the shower to warm. Going across the hall to the bedroom he tiptoed inside. His mother clicked on the light startling him. “Geez, Mom; I thought you were taking a nap.”

  “Walker, get that woman out of your house.”

  Confused he looked at her. “What? I thought you were coming around to liking her.”

  She put her hand in her pocket pulling out a syringe. “I was until I found this in the bathroom. Are you doing drugs with her, Walker? Is this what you’ve reduced yourself to?”

  “Wow, Mom, you had to dig through the medicine cabinet to find that didn’t you?”

  “It doesn’t matter where I found it! Are you doing drugs with that girl?” She said yelling loud enough to draw attention.

  Walker squared his jaw to keep from blowing his top. He was a tolerant man, but his mother was testing his limits. “Nobody in this house is doing drugs! Nicole is a diabetic and is on insulin.”

  Leslie’s eyes drifted past his shoulder as Walker turned around to see Nicole standing in the hallway. “I didn’t know that. I owe you an apology, Nicole,” she said putting the syringe in Walker’s open palm.

  Nicole rolled her eyes shaking her head. Not saying anything, she went down the stairs.

  Walker growled at his mother. “Stay here!”

  Running after Nicole, he jumped off the last three stairs catching her before she walked out the front door. “Baby, don’t walk out on me. I’ll take care of this.”

  She said in a dry voice, “I’m going for a walk. Dinner is on the table.”

  “I’ll go with you. Let me turn the water off in the shower, and I’ll be right back.”

  “No! I want to be alone—just leave me alone,” she said walking out of the house.

  His throat tightened as he backed away from her. Watching her walk down the street holding her arms together had him wondering if she would come back to him.

  The dark sky was threatening rain and the April night was too chilly for her to be outside without a coat. He closed the door resisting the temptation to go after her. She specifically said she wanted to be alone, and he had to grant her that or risk losing her. He started up the stairs to turn off the water in the shower and ran into his mother. Her tears did not deter his anger as he yelled. “Just way can’t you like her? Does it matter to you she makes me happy or are you jealous of what we have together, and you’re determined to ruin it?”

  “I made a mistake. I’m so sorry, son. I do want you to be happy, and if Nicole is the woman for you then you have my blessing to be with her.”

  His hand slapped the wall cracking the plaster. “What you don’t understand is I don’t need your blessings, Mom! I’m going to marry Nicole, and you better get used to calling her your daughter-in-law.”

  Leslie jumped from his angry outburst. “Walker, she is sick. You will have another set of burdens on your hands. Will you be able to handle that?”

  “Her diabetes is under control and she functions just fine.” He started to go by her but stopped. “Mom, this is what will cause her to have a setback. You are stressing her and that bothers me.”

  “Baby, I’m sorry. I’m so worried about you.”

  “I’m a grown man! You’ve done your job raising me; let me take it from here.”

  “All right. I will leave you alone from here on. It is your life, and I need to let you make your own decisions.”

  He shook his head. “I’m not asking you not to be a part of my life. I'm asking you to stop making Nicole out to be a gold digger. If you keep pestering her, I will make a choice between the two of you, and right now, you are losing me,” he said choking in his emotions.

  “Walker, you don’t mean that. I’m your mother. I gave life to you!”

  He nodded. The voice in his head was screaming for him to walk away, but his pride would not allow him to do it. “You did give me life but you’re trying to ruin what I have because your life did not go the way you planned with Mitch Collingsworth.”

  Leslie slapped him across the face. “You will not disrespect me!”

  The stinging from her fingernails scraping his skin radiated to his ear. “I wasn’t disrespecting you. I was making an observation an apparently a true one.” He turned to go into the bathroom.

  Leslie broke down crying. “Before Mitch’s wife discovered we were having an affair, he treated me with dignity. I knew what I was getting into with him, but I loved him and was willing to wait for him. I got pregnant with you on purpose because I knew he would never turn his back on me and his child.”

  “But he did! Now you are blaming me for him walking out on you. You are miserable, and you want me to be miserable with you.”

  “How can you say that? I want you to get married and have kids. You are the one choosing the wrong women. Every woman you have dated you found fault with and they ended up leaving you! Maybe you aren’t perfect.”

  “I’m not perfect—far from it. Mom, when I think about it, all my relationships failed after I introduced them to you.”

  She snarled. “I was the one you came running to when those whores left you. You were crying on my shoulder. I tried to warn you about all of them but you didn’t want to hear any of my nonsense. Look how Mary Ellen did you. It wouldn’t have happened if you’d listened to me!”

  “Mary Ellen probably wouldn’t have cheated if you’d left us alone! Damn, you drove her back to her ex-husband, didn’t you?”

  “I don’t have to take this from you. I’m going home.”

  “Mom, answer me!”

  “I got rid of the bitch for you! You were too stupid to see she was using you to take care of her kids. I don’t know how you got this way. I raised you to be a strong man not some spineless man who’d let women run over him. At least I knew what I was getting into with Mitch.”

  “I got some news for you, Mom! Mitch Collingsworth is lying at death’s door. So you can dig his cold rotting corpse from the grave and cuddling him all you want.”

  Leslie slumped against the wall. “What? That’s not true. He didn’t tell me he was sick. I talked to him last week.”

  “Jeremy told me he is dying from cancer.”

  “I have to go see him.”

  Walker crossed his arms over his chest. “You refuse to let that bastard go even in death.”

  “He’s your father, Walker! There is no way to erase that fact. His blood is in you, boy.”

  “That’s all of him that is part of me, Mom. You have let him control you with the same bullshit for years. He has never come through once for you.”

  “He promised he was leaving his wife for good the last time we talked, Walker. Why didn’t he let me know he was dying?”

  Walker didn’t take joy in seeing his mother suffering, but she had to hear the truth. “He is leaving her, and you better believe he is leaving her and the kids they have together with everything he owns.”

  The tears ran down her wrinkled face. “That is a cruel thing to say about him. He is a good person. You didn’t want to get to know him.”

  “Mitch never reached out to me and I’m okay with that. I’m living my life, and I’m going to enjoy every breath God gives me, and not grieve one minute over Mitch.”

  Leslie raised her hand, and he grabbed it. “Don’t hit me again. I’m sorry I don’t have any delightful words to say about Mitch. But now you can imagine how I feel when you talk negatively about Nicole.” He balled her fingers kissing her knuckles. “I’m going to take a shower. Nicole left dinner on the table; help yourself
to whatever you want,” he said going into the bathroom.

  Chapter Eleven

  Cold and wet Nicole stood under the awning of the pet store. Shivering as the cold wind rattled her body, she braided her tangled wet hair in a ponytail. The owner was kind enough to let her use the phone before closing the store for the night. As she waited for her ride to pick her up, she reflected on the day’s events. She was not making progress with Walker’s mother. The woman clearly hated her, and there was nothing she could do to change that.

  Jumping up and down, she tried to generate heat in her body. She was mad as hell, and it was not a smart move to storm from the house without a coat or umbrella in early April when it still snowed.

  Snowflakes mixed in with the rain as she continued to keep her arms and legs in motion. A car coming down the street slowed to a stop. “Thank God,” she said running to the car and getting inside.

  Patty handed her a jacket from the backseat. “Nicole, are you okay?”

  Nicole’s teeth chattered as she stripped off the soaking wet sweater to put on the jacket. “I am now thanks to you. I’m sorry to call you out on a night like this. I got lost and didn’t have my cell phone or purse with me. Your number is the only one I memorized.”

  “Why didn’t you call Walker? Did you two have a fight?”

  “We didn’t have a fight. Patty, his mother, hates me.”

  “Come on, Ms. Albright is a sweet woman. She doesn’t hate anyone.”

  “Like heck she doesn’t. The woman hates I’m with Walker, and I can’t come between them. I’m going back to Columbus tomorrow.”

  “No, no, Nicole, don’t leave. What happened to cause this?”

  “It is bizarre on how it happened. We were getting along! The next second, she's screaming at him to dump me because I’m a drug user, and turning him into one.”

  Patty stepped on the brake jerking the car to a stop. “You are not serious! Why would she say that about you?”

  “She was nosing around in the medicine cabinet and found my syringes. Instead of asking Walker about it, she automatically assumed I was shooting up and forcing her son to do drugs with me. I don’t need the hassles from her.”

  “Oh my goodness, I am stunned. What did Walker say?”

  “He defended me. I had to get out of the house before I said something inappropriate to his mother.”

  “Okay, so Walker defended you. Why are you going to punish him by leaving? He is so happy being with you, Nicole. He also made up with Jeremy.”

  “I’m glad to hear they made amends. Walker is very important to me, and I might be getting that loving feeling about him.”

  Patty smiled. “I told you he is lovable. I knew off the bat you two were perfect for each other. Even Jeremy had to admit it.”

  Nicole turned on the heat higher in the car. Her bones were frozen solid. “Patty, there is a lot about me you don’t know. I won’t go into details, but I don’t have any family, so this closeness you all have is new to me.”

  “Yeah, you do. You don’t have siblings, but you have a mom and dad.”

  “They are alive but I don’t have any contact with them and haven’t in years. So, I’m not used to the big family gatherings or the conflicts that happen. My life consisted of me going to work and coming home to nothing but me. Let me say, it’s not easy arguing with yourself; no one wins,” she said trying to make a joke.

  “I had no idea, Nicole. Do you have friends in Columbus that you consider family?”

  “I have acquaintances I would interact with sometimes. For the most part, I kept to myself.”

  “Well, we are your family now.”

  She shook her head. “After hearing Walker and his mom arguing, it hit home. I’m not equipped to handle drama. That is what I ran from and what made me the loner I am today.”

  “Girl, if we could script our lives, no one would write in drama. Unfortunately, it happens, and we have to deal with it.”

  “Walker’s mom is not young. I’m not going to be the cause of that woman having a heart attack.”

  “Nicole, you need to stop. Be honest with yourself for once. Are you running because you’re scared to love Walker?”

  “I’m trying to save his relationship with his mom.”

  “He’s not sleeping with his mom! Whatever tiff he is having with her about you will blow over to be something else next week. You’re afraid to love Walker because you don’t know how love.”

  Nicole chewed on her lower lip. “Maybe I don’t want to know how to love.”

  Patty pulled into a store parking lot to finish the conversation. “Yes you do or wouldn’t be worried about him. There are plenty of men and women in this world who have overcome a bad childhood to have a great adulthood. What do you want?”

  “I wish people would quit asking me that,” she said truthfully. “No one understands how hard it is to open up and let another person share my space. No one understands what went on inside my home that I have to hide in order to keep my sanity. I prayed, Patty. I pray for happiness when I was a kid; I got nothing. I am older; I don’t expect anyone to understand why I’m the way I am. You have to live it in order to understand it.”

  Patty clapped her hands. “What a performance, Nicole; can’t you see my tears? For someone who claims to be strong and not have any self-pity, you sure do dwell on your past a lot. I don’t know what went on in your house or why you’re estranged from your parents. So to sound like a total bitch, I don’t care. I care about Walker and what you are doing to him emotionally. Do you love him? That’s all I want to know. If the answer is no, then go back to Columbus and dry up an old lady with no traditions to pass on to a family of your own.”

  Nicole’s face reddened with anger. Keeping her head towards the window watching the rain-snow mix fall harder to melt on contact with the ground, she thought, who did this chick think she was to set her straight? She lived in an ivory tower with rose colored windows where the sun shined every day.

  Patty started the car driving from the parking lot. “I guess I got my answer.”

  The drive to Walker’s condo was quiet between the two women. Nicole did not attempt to expound on Patty’s question concerning Walker. The white and redwood condo came into view. Soon as Patty stopped in front of the yard, Nicole unhooked the seatbelt and got out.

  Before closing the door, she said, “For your information, I do love Walker. I’m going to make sure he knows that tonight.”

  Patty hid her smugness and replied, “I already knew that. You just had to hear you say it.”

  Nicole smiled. “I really need black girlfriends to tell me when I’m being an ass. White girlfriends are for consoling not scolding.”

  Patty wiggled her finger. “I have black sister-in-laws who have taught me to stand up for myself and be tough. So I’ve learned from the best at putting people in check, plus I work with Curtis. He has a habit of putting me in my place all the time.”

  “Well, wish me luck. I don’t know what type of mood Walker will be in or if he is awake.”

  “Nicole, you are a woman. If he is asleep, you have what it takes to wake him and get his full attention. Flaunt those assets and make that man puddle at your feet.”

  “Thank you, Patty. I appreciate the honesty and know what I should do to improve my self-esteem. I will talk to you tomorrow.”

  Taking a breath, she tested the doorknob. The door opened to silence. He must have taken Leslie home and left the door unlocked for her. The lights were on in the living room but the television off. Nicole hung Patty’s jacket in the closet and went into the kitchen and turned on the light. The food was put away and the dishes were cleared from the sink.

  The furnace clicked on filling the room with warmth as she stood in the kitchen. Contemplating on what needed to be done, her heart began to beat so fast it could be seen palpitating under the drenched bra and against her damp skin. You can do this, Nicole. Go up those stairs and declare to that man how much you want to be with him. Don’t w
himper and be pitiful, but strong and arrogant. Be Theodore Carpenter and put the law down.

  A creaking on the wood floor warned her that she was no longer alone. She turned around to face his towering height. Their eyes joined together.

  He reached for her, and she went gladly into his open arms. Her wet bra and soaked jeans instantly created a water stain on his t-shirt and pajama pants. So, it happened again. She wanted to cradle him. No, she wanted him to hold her tighter, never let her go. Her arms went around him fanning the palms of her hands against his broad back. He smelled fresh. Her head was pressed against the solidity of his chest, listening to his strong heartbeat.

  She closed her eyes, letting all her inhibitions drift away. “I need you, Walker. I need you more than you know.”

  He grinned, releasing those lethal dimples. “You have me.”

  “I didn’t think you would want to see me again after what happened tonight.”

  “Nicole, I love you. Mom and I will have our differences and you may be the topic of the majority of those disputes but don’t you ever doubt my feelings for you.”

  “Okay, but I need something from you.”

  “Name it and it’s yours.”

  “I’m asking you to be patient with me. I’m new at this. I’m already skittish and apt to run at the hint of trouble. You have to stand firm with me and correct me if I’m overreacting to certain situations.”

  He raised an eyebrow. “You mean how you overreacted tonight?”

  “That would be a prime example. In my defense, I didn’t want to mouth off at your mother.”

  “Believe me I would have understood if you had. We had one of the worst arguments ever, and we got a lot off our chests.”

  Nicole turned his face to the side. Her finger traced the red scar on his jaw. “She hit you?”

  “Yeah. That was the first time she ever hit me.”

  She skewed her nose sniffing around the room. “What are you doing?” He asked.

  “I’m sniffing for bleach.”

  “Why?”

  “Umm, where is your mom?”