Forbidden Paths

by Belden, P. J.

  Faith hangs her head and shakes it slowly. “Things haven’t been the best for me. I found out not long after walking away that he had a wife and kids. There’s money or something being exchanged for our wedding. I just haven’t nailed down what. That’s when I decided if they wanted to make me look stupid, I’d do the same. So I called Lia and told her I wanted to do it. Believe it or not, but it saved me.”

  She meets my eyes and I can see she’s not telling me everything. Her eyes have always been so expressive.

  “Saved you? How?” I ask hoping she’ll tell me.

  She takes a deep breath. “Are… Are you sure you want to know?”

  “Yes.”

  But for whatever reason, I wasn’t so sure I did.

  “Tony was raping me and beating me any chance he could get.”

  The chair hit the wall as I quickly stand. My hands go to my hair as I pull at it. Biting hard on my lip to keep from screaming, I pace back and forth. I’m livid. He put his hands on my girl. Worse yet, I let her be put in that position.

  Faith continues speaking as if I hadn’t reacted.

  “So after I found out about his family and I called Lia, I just didn’t care anymore. While I was out doing ‘appointments’, he couldn’t touch me. Sadly, those times didn’t give me what a moment with you does,” she ends softly.

  “Faith…” my voice cracks as I look at her.

  She stands from the bed, knocking the blanket from her shoulders. The look on her face was fear and heartache. As she nears me, she lifts her hand in a gesture that told me that she wants to touch me, but she stops herself obviously thinking it may not be welcome.

  “I know this is a lot of information for you to take on. Just so you know when we shared our night last… I hadn’t been with anyone in months. Tony or otherwise. I’ll go so you can process everything. If you want to talk more, I’m staying with Lia.”

  She starts to walk toward the door, but before she leaves she turns around and gives me a sad smile.

  “I never stopped loving you.”

  Faith stares at me a moment then nods and walks out of the room. This time, I let her. There was so much I need to process, to think about. Could we actually be here right now ready to reconnect and mend our souls?

  The thought of letting her walk out the door tightened my gut so painfully that I felt the urge to throw up, but I couldn’t keep her here until I knew what I want and need from her. Can we both look past the past six years and move toward our future together?

  Soon I hear the car they all had come here in, start up and drive away. Collecting myself, I head downstairs to find me a drink. I need to find a way to clear my head.

  I was just pulling a beer from the fridge when Leif walks into the kitchen.

  “Whoa man, I thought you’d be with your woman all night. You’ve not stopped talking about her.”

  “Yeah, well she’s given me a lot to think about.”

  “Think? Dude you know that head doesn’t really have a brain right?”

  I glare at Leif.

  “Don’t be a dipshit,” I hiss. “I know who she is now.”

  “Oh and you aren’t happy with that?”

  Resting my arms on the counter, I drop my head between them. “It’s Faith,” I whisper.

  “Wait, what?”

  I turn and face him. “My mystery girl is Faith,” I say softly.

  “Oh shit,” Leif breathes.

  “What am I supposed to do? What should I do?”

  Chapter Ten

  Faith

  Two days later…

  It’s been two days since I saw Logan. Since I walked away yet again. This time though, I wanted him to stop me, but he didn’t. He didn’t make a move. My heart broke even more.

  I’ve not left my room since coming home. Lia’s tried to talk to me since we got back, but I’ve just wanted to be left alone. Curled up in bed, that’s where I plan on staying.

  “Knock, knock, knock,” says a far too chipper Lia.

  Groaning, I pull the blankets over my head as I roll over facing the wall. The room that Lia has moved me into is small. My bed has to be pushed up against the wall in order for me to have walking room. There’s carpet and linoleum – peel and stick, if I remember correctly – for the flooring, and peeling wall papered walls.

  Lia’s house was spectacular. This was just one of the rooms she hadn’t remodeled yet. She told me that I could do whatever I wanted to it, but I thought that I’d be out of here sooner than I have been. Lia seems in no hurry for me to go.

  I think she likes having the company. A break from all the silence that surrounds her. She talks about nothing to no one. Even I don’t know her whole story and she claims me to be her sister.

  “Come on, girl. Talk to us,” Lia says.

  Us?

  Pulling the blankets down just enough to see Hazel and Lia at the end of my bed.

  “No. Go away.”

  Lia growls and pulls the blankets off me. With laughter in her and Hazel’s eyes, they stare down at me with their hands on their hips.

  “Oh, fine! I’ll talk just give me the blankets back,” I whine.

  Scooting up to a seated position, Lia tosses the blankets at me. They sit down and wait for me to start.

  “Logan is my mystery guy,” I breathe.

  Their mouths drop open in shock and I feel good knowing they didn’t know who he was… but then that doesn’t make sense.

  “Why are you so shocked, Lia? You said you knew who he was.”

  “Logan? As in the Logan you are madly in love with and had ripped out of your life because of your sick as family? The Logan that you were never supposed to meet according to Beau. That Logan was the mystery guy from the party?”

  “Yes,” I say slowly and drawn out, confused by her reaction. “You said you knew their names, Lia.”

  Shaking her head, she looks at me briefly. “That wasn’t the name used. Roger, Carl, and Barney were the names given. Damn,” she breaths.

  Her eyes wide with shock.

  “I guess that would make sense. You did say that the reason for these parties is because they aren’t comfortable with paying for sex,” I say more to myself than to either of them.

  “What happened?” Hazel asks, placing her hand on mine.

  “He wanted to know why I took off while he was sleeping when we had both agreed we wanted to go again. So I went cryptic and told him my story and explained why I took off. Then suddenly he’s staring at me and reaching for my mask and saying my name. I took off, he chased me. We went back inside and talked. He asked questions and I answered them honestly. Then I walked away telling him I was staying with you if he wanted to talk,” I shrug.

  The girls were quiet for a moment. I’m sure they didn’t know what to say and really I didn’t expect them to say anything. This was my mess. I created it by leaving him to begin with. It was my fault and I had to deal with it.

  “Did you tell him you were pregnant?” Hazel asks quietly after a moment.

  I shake my head. “No, he was already overloaded with seeing me there…”

  “Wow,” was all Lia could say.

  She seems to be elsewhere, lost in thought. Hmmm. But whatever it is she quickly snaps out of it.

  “You’re going to tell him, aren’t you?” Hazel asks.

  I shrug. “I don’t know. It’s been two days and he hasn’t called or came by. Maybe he…” My voice trails off as a new bout of tears spring to my eyes.

  Lia leans forward and takes my hand. “Maybe he… what?”

  “Maybe he can’t get past the fact that I sold my body? I told him that I hadn’t had sex with anyone for a few months before we did at the last masked ball,” I shrug again.

  “I think that night was a wakeup call for all of us,” Hazel mutters.

  “What happened to you? Were you hurt?” Lia immediately on defense.

  “No,” she drops her head and I see her smile sadly.

  “What then,” I ask, a sharp pa
in shooting through my head.

  “The guy I was with… He told me he thinks he’s falling in love with me,” she whispers.

  “Oh my! What did you say?” I ask, curious.

  “I told him the truth. That he couldn’t love me because I was a whore,” she says barely above a whisper.

  “Oh Hazel. You’re not a whore. If you’re anything, you’re lost. You always said that you believed this was your way to find love. The man you were meant to be with. What if it’s this guy?”

  “We’ve only met two times though,” she says in disbelief.

  “I had just met Logan and I felt this,” I cough. “I felt this pull to him. Undeniable and I couldn’t explain it. I don’t think there’s a time stamp sweetie. We all have soul mates out there. Our one forever, that no amount of time of knowing someone… it’s there and always will be.”

  “Did you feel anything for him?”

  “Yes,” she squeaks. “But last time I trusted them…”

  “Oh beautiful. You can’t base your future on past mistakes. If you do…” I groan closing my eyes.

  My whole body ached. My heart was racing causing my head to spin. Licking my suddenly dry lips, I tip my head back and wait for it to pass. When I lower my head down, I’m met with confused stares by Hazel and Lia.

  “If you let your past lead the way then you’ll have no new experiences,” I say breathlessly.

  Lia looks at me and her face changes. She leans forward placing her hand on my forehead.

  “Are you feeling okay?”

  “Not really, which is why I was lying in bed,” I glare at the pair of them.

  Lia and Hazel stand up. Suddenly they transform into nurses. Lia left and grabs a thermometer. While Hazel makes me lay down and tucks the blanket around me.

  Lia frowns at the thermometer. “You’re running a fever.”

  Hazel hands me a cup of water and some meds. I take them without protesting. Finally, I could go back to sleep.

  They leave the room in hushed voices and I close my eyes quickly drifting off.

  # # #

  Lia

  “Haz?” I call from my room.

  “Yeah?” She pops her head in my room.

  “I’m going out for a minute. Can you keep an eye on Faith or do you have plans today?”

  She smiles sadly. “No plans and of course I will.”

  Grabbing the last few things I need, I head for the door.

  “I won’t be gone long. If she gets worse let me know okay?”

  “Yes mommy,” she smiles kindly at me.

  Hugging her, I left. I am a woman on a mission. A woman ready to beat the shit out of a man for breaking my sister’s heart…again. Hopping in my BMW E550, I fire up the car. Its gentle hum calms me and fuels me at the same time. This was my favorite purchase. She’s red with a black roof. It was nice when I can lower the roof. It seats four very comfortably. It was my baby and I love it.

  Today, however, gentle and calm as I normally am with her, was not happening. Not caring if I get pulled over or not, I speed off. It was a twenty minute drive from here to Logan’s. The journey only served to spike up my already borderline rage.

  Thinking back to that night, a smile spreads across my face. Though I’m irritated about being lied to, I’m thrilled beyond belief right now. Being in love with a guy…

  No, I can’t think about that right now. I needed to stay angry. Angry was what Logan deserves right now. Looking behind me, I check to make sure I can make my merge and then floor it.

  “Who the hell do you think you are,” I yell the minute the door opens.

  Imagine my surprise when it’s Leif and not Logan. Shit!

  “Um, Leif,” he says with that sexy as sin smirk he has.

  “Where’s Logan?” I huff.

  His face drops a little. “At work.”

  “Text me where,” I yell over my shoulder heading down the steps.

  “You look beautiful, Lia,” I just hear him say.

  My heart stutters in my chest. Looking over my shoulder, there was something on his face, something different. The breath whooshes from my chest.

  You reading too far into a look, you whore! A voice inside my head screams. Managing a small smile, I take him in. He’s wearing some sort of work out shorts, his amazingly naked, toned, unbelievably mouthwatering chest. His hair was messed up and damp.

  “You look as sexy as ever,” I say softly with a sad smile on my face.

  His face changes when I say this and he starts to walk toward me.

  “Lia…”

  “I’ve got to go. I’m going to kick your brother’s ass,” I hiss.

  He laughs. “Are we still on for Friday? I really need to talk to you.”

  “Of course. I can’t wait,” I say softly. “Text me where please.”

  Hurrying around my car, I jump in. Starting it up, I slip on my seatbelt and take one last longing look at Leif before pulling out of the drive. A few moments later, my phone signals a text.

  From: Leif

  To: Lia

  Take a left onto the highway, go toward downtown. Turn left on Spencer. Drive until you reach a T. Turn right follow all the way to the end and you’ll see James Construction right at the end. On the right hand side you’ll see a guard shack. Tell Howard that I sent you, you’ll be sent right over to my brother. Xo

  Staring at the last to letters of his text. My heart is hammering in my chest. Two letters from the man I have loved from the day I met him… mean far more to me than any of the men pledging to love me.

  From: Lia

  To: Leif

  Thank you. You may not want me to use your name. It’s not going to be pretty. :P XO

  Giving him back what he was giving. Maybe I shouldn’t tread this line. Leif, outside of Fay, was my only friend. I’ve always been able to count on him. I’m willing to spend the rest of my life secretly in love with him if it means he’s still by my side.

  From: Leif

  To: Lia

  Man you really need to record this. Tell Howie to record it. LOL I miss you. xx

  Oh my God! Why can’t he see me the way I see him? To be loved by this man…

  From: Lia

  To: Leif

  I’ll think about it. I gotta go now. ILY xx

  Oh shit! I just fucking sent that to him. Oh my God! Tossing my phone into the seat next to me, I turn onto the highway and head for the ass beating that is about to take place. Shaking my head, I ignored my phone buzzing next to me. I’m never going to be able to look at him again.

  Soon I’m pulling up to the guard shack. Just as Leif had explained, Howie gladly took me over to Logan.

  “Who the hell do you think you are?” I rant as I start toward him.

  He spins around. “Lia? What are you doing…”

  Smacking him across the face, effectively cutting his sentence off, I’m livid.

  “Whoa!” Another burly looking guy comes over and steps between us.

  “You and I need to talk… NOW!” I hiss, venom thick in my voice like smoke in a fire.

  Chapter Eleven

  Logan

  What the fuck?

  I’m fuming as I head back toward the trailer, or my office. What the hell was Lia so pissed about? Damn, I’ve never seen her this pissed off before.

  We enter into the small trailer. There’s a bathroom and then an wide open area where a desk and two chairs sat on one side and a meeting table with chairs on the other. Filing cabinets cover one wall and a fridge sat near a corner on the other.

  She slams the door as she enters. Spinning around, I face her.

  “What do you want?”

  My face still stinging from her smack. She’s been friends with Leif for a while and not once have I ever seen her like this.

  “Who the hell do you think you are?” She hisses again.

  “You keep asking that,” I say irritated.

  “And you’ve yet to answer me,” she says unfazed by my irritation.

&nbs
p; “Considering I have no fucking clue what you’re talking about, I can’t give you an answer,” I glare at her.

  “Why have you not contacted Faith?”

  Oh. That’s what this was about. Honestly, I couldn’t answer that either. I kept fighting the urge all weekend long to just call her or call Lia to find out where she lived. For me, I thought if we stepped back and reassessed everything that has happened over the years, we’d move forward with the knowledge that we’d made the right decision.

  “I thought we needed a cool down period,” I say, holding her eyes.

  “A cool down period?” She looks at me as if I’m a complete fucking moron. “Do you know that she thinks you haven’t come around because you think she’s a whore? That you can’t get past her past?”

  I take a step back at the venom dripping from her voice. She was not happy with me right now. She needed to see my side of things.

  “I don’t care what she’s done. Hell, I was paying for sex. Six years ago, I fell in love with a woman so completely that I couldn’t move on, move past, let go whatever. She left me for another man, to marry another man. Now she’s appeared again and I feel all the love I still have for her, but with that the pain of it all too.”

  Lia sighs heavily. Rubbing her temples, she walks toward me and I tense.

  “I know this isn’t easy to move around. No simple solution. I get that. But Logan how much more time are you willing to lose because the past still hangs over your head. She’s been through so much hurt, pain, betrayal. Don’t be another person to tear her apart. If you can’t be with her then tell her that. Please don’t leave her hanging with the unknowns.”

  Nodding my head, Lia was right. It wasn’t fair to keep either of us in the dark. We needed to talk.