I Hate Myself For Loving You
Page 30
Pretenders “Show Me”
Public Enemy & Stephen Stills “He Got Game”
U2 “Two Hearts Beat As One”
Garbage “#1 Crush”
Derrick and the Dominos “Layla”
Bob Marley & The Wailers “Three Birds”
Breaking Benjamin “The Diary of Jane”
Acknowledgments
For the usual suspects aka The Dream Team, Anna and Rose.
* * *
Thank you both for your wisdom, humor, and honesty. You make me a better writer.
* * *
Miriam you got me through surgery, cancer, and chemo without killing me. That is a debt I will never be able to repay.
* * *
LJ of Mayhem Cover Creations, thank you so much for the smokin’ hot cover. You are a true artist.
* * *
Erin Pace, you are a mighty mighty woman. Thank you for making Declan Shaw behave. You knew it was a dangerous job, but you took it anyway.
About the Author
Once upon a time Simone Harlow decided to write a book. She never understood why she had to write a book she just did. She has a great life. A family that loves her. Friends she can mother. And a dog who thinks she’s his reason for living. (No, really, he told her so.) She should be content. But alas she still had to write that book. So, she did, and it was the beginning of an excellent adventure.
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Sneak Peak of Just a Girl
CHAPTER ONE
“Let me get this straight. You’re not only breaking up with me, you’re kicking me out of the band?” Antonia Bougaslaw said slowly. A part of her wasn’t surprised that she wasn’t more surprised.
Jon, her as of this moment ex, shrugged his narrow shoulders, a lock of his blue-tipped blond hair falling over his hazel eyes. “Come on Toni, you know you weren’t always the best fit.”
He said this as if she should understand, as if there was logic involved. “We started the band together.” She put her fists on her hips.
He gave her a weak smile and wiped the smudged guy-liner from under his eyes. “We need to go in a different direction and I don’t think you’ll get our vision.”
Her spine stiffened. Well wasn’t that interesting? She was always telling him they should be more open to new music. “What does the rest of the band say?”
Jon took off his black t-shirt and wiped his sweaty face with it. “We have an agent looking at us and she said you don’t have star quality. Not like Madison.”
Yeah, sure, Madison could beat the tambourine like a pro. “Madison can’t play the bass or sing. She’s our manager.” Toni had to force herself not to do air quotes around Madison’s “title”.
Jon looked perplexed for a moment. “But she’s beautiful. She doesn’t need talent. She has the ‘right’ look.”
Then it smacked her upside the head. Mother fucker. She thought she was just being paranoid. Live and learn. “You’re sleeping with her.”
He gave her a “duh” smirk. “She’s still prom queen hot.”
Toni itched to punch him. “That was nine years ago.”
Jon shrugged. “Let’s be mature and end, like, you know… friends.”
Toni took a moment to process this tidbit. She got the sense he was waiting for her to beg him. Not that he was going to change his mind. He always liked playing with her head. Refusing to give him the satisfaction, she nodded. “Okay then. Help me load the Gibson into the SUV.”
“What?”
Now it was her turn to give him the “duh” face. As if she was going to leave the shit she paid for with him. “I’m taking my guitar.”
“It’s my guitar,” he whined.
That glint of panic in his eyes amused her. Guess they forgot she had been bank rolling the band with her inheritance from her grandmother from the beginning. She goes, and so does her money and her equipment. “Not according to the receipt with my credit card number on it. Legally, the guitar is mine. Just like the Yukon, the amp you’re using, and even the tambourine you insisted we needed just so that Madison could be onstage with us.”
“But--”
“Unlike some people, I keep all my paper work.” She smiled. “You know, for tax purposes.” A couple of years ago she was popped for a random audit and the IRS was going to be on her ass for the next couple of years. She made sure she stayed squeaky clean. She wasn’t going to risk the IRS’s wrath.
He started to shake. “You can’t take my guitar! What am I supposed use if you take it?”
Really, she thought. Really? “Since I’m no longer in the band, I don’t care. And don’t sing any of my songs or I will sue you for copyright infringement.” That would knock out two thirds of the band’s set list. Not that she cared. Especially since she at least thought everyone else was a friend.
He grabbed her wrist. “Don’t be a bitch--”
Wink, her pit bull stepped in between them. He glared at Jon with his one good, blue eye and puffed up his white and red chest. Wink was ambivalent about Jon on a good day.
Jon released her wrist. Fear written all over his face.
Toni smiled. Wink had badass etched in the scars of his muscular body, but honestly he was sweeter than pie. Unless he thought someone intended to harm her. Jon apparently never figured that out. She held out her hand. “I need the SUV keys and you can carry the amp. I’ll leave the tambourine. I can get another one.”
Jon dug into his pocket and handed over the keys never taking his eyes off Wink.
Toni snatched the keys from his palm and stuffed them in the pocket of her jeans. She turned and headed for the door, letting her outrage stay close to the surface.
“What are we going to do?” He bellyached.
At the moment she was all out of give-a-fuck. “Have Madison get right on that.”
* * *
Sitting the front seat of the SUV, Toni took a moment to cancel the band’s credit card on her phone, after paying for one night at the hotel for them. She forced herself not to be more vindictive. Then she set her phone timer for five minutes. She was going to cry for those five minutes then she was going to pick her behind up and get on the road. To where, she didn’t know. But she had her dog, her bass, and her talent. She’d figure it out like always. Falling on her butt wasn’t a new experience. She’d done it plenty of times before and somehow she always got back on her feet, but first she needed to have a good cry.
A knock on the driver’s side window interrupted her pity party of one. Two middle-aged women were standing outside. The petite dark-haired woman was totally rocking a white menswear suit. The willowy redhead wore her black moto jacket and jeans like she was born in them. Toni thought maybe they were stranded. She hit the window button. “You need help ladies?”
The dark haired woman smiled. “I’m Cherry O’Brien. I’m the agent for Scorned and this is Jocelyn Murray, the band’s manager.”
“Hi,” Toni squeaked. This had to be a delusion. She was losing it. Losing her mind was worse than losing her band. Wait a sec, Toni thought she was the woman she saw talking to Jon after the gig. Was she the-- “What can I help you with?”
“Meet us at the Boston Harbor Hotel for a drink.” Cherry said.
Toni remembered she’d stayed at that hotel once, when her mother had given a lecture at Harvard. Classy digs, she thought. Did they want her to audition for Scorned? With Andy Montgomery’s death they were down a bass player. Shit oh shit, oh shit! Don’t project. You don’t know anything. Breathe, breathe, and then breathe some more. She smiled. “I’d love to.”
Jocelyn grinned at her. “We’ll see you in about an hour. We’re staying in the penthouse.”
Of course they were. Toni gave them a quick wave and watched them walk to the waiting limo. Then she realized she hadn’t even asked what they wanted to talk to her about. Well, she w
as about to find out.
Wink barked.
She leaned over and kissed his wet nose. “I know baby boy. I’m not even going to question this.” She reached behind her for her overnight bag, then grabbed her travel case of baby wipes, and some clean clothes. She was going to try to smell nice for her talk with the legendary agent and her favorite band’s manger.
* * *
Toni tried to stop herself from shaking as she took pictures of the non-disclosure agreement with her phone. After she called her lawyer to tell him she’d been asked to audition for Scorned, he told her to send him pics of the NDA so he could go over it and she could sign them and be on her way to New Orleans to audition for the band. She sat in the middle of the king-sized bed in the hotel room Cherry O’Brien booked for her for the night.
She was still reeling from the conversation she had with Cherry and Jocelyn who both insisted she call them by their first names. Toni was still struggling with that. Even though they’d both been brutally honest with her and told her they tricked Jon into getting rid of her so they could snatch her up, it still hurt that her band could kick her out so easily. Frankly, she wasn’t sure, but they were talking as if the audition was only a formality and she had a place in the band. After being told how expendable she was to her old band, the agent and manager’s praise stroked her ego. Not that she would let it go to her head. She had no problem working for what she wanted. It was just nice to have people of their caliber in her corner. After she sent the last picture of the NDA she cuddled up next to Wink and listened to the steady beat of his heart and it calmed her. He sighed and moved closer to her. Inhaling his doggie scent, she wait for the beginning of her new life to start.