Piece of My Heart

by Layce Gardner

  “We need to get out of the house and walk this off,” Brooklyn said. “And maybe take you to a chiropractor.”

  “Is this what sex after forty is going to be like?”

  “You mean dangerous to your health?” Brooklyn said.

  “Something like that.”

  “Yes,” Brooklyn said. “But it’s worth it.”

  “At least my hip joints aren’t creaking,” Jenna said then added, “yet.”

  Brooklyn kneaded Jenna’s shoulders. Jenna groaned. Everything was sore. Brooklyn kissed the nape of Jenna’s neck. “Oh, don’t start that again or we won’t make it to the chiropractor,” Jenna, despite the temptation, said. “I’m going to take a shower,” she paused, “alone.”

  “Ah, you’re no fun, but all right. I’ll get us coffee. I don’t suppose you have an extra robe?”

  “I do.” Jenna hopped up. If she didn’t get up that moment she’d succumb to Brooklyn’s ample charms. She went to the closet and pulled out Lee’s robe that she’d never worn.

  “Ooh, fancy,” Brooklyn said.

  Jenna pulled the tag off. “I must’ve known the love of my life was coming along.” She looked at Brooklyn and gulped. Did she really just say that?

  “I love you, too,” Brooklyn said. She slipped into the robe. “Fits perfect.”

  Jenna breathed a huge sigh of relief.

  “Now, that we have that out of the way, you go shower, I’ll make coffee, and we’ll remove ourselves from the premises,” Brooklyn said. She smiled and kissed Jenna on the forehead. “But just for a little while.”

  ***

  Jenna stood under the showerhead, reveling in the hot water as it pounded her sore muscles. Everything seemed better in her life now that Brooklyn was in it. The shampoo and apricot soap smelled more fragrant. She didn’t even mind shaving her legs because now she had a reason to do so. She could imagine Brooklyn’s strong hands run over her smooth legs. Brooklyn had the best hands, strong and supple.

  Jenna got out of the shower before she got aroused all over again. She put on her robe. At that moment, yelling erupted from the living room. She knew that voice. It was Lee’s! She was hurling insults at Brooklyn. When Jenna heard her ex-girlfriend calling Brooklyn an intruding bitch, she rushed down the hallway and into the living room, all guns blazing. She skidded to a halt and yelled, “What the hell are you doing here?”

  “I came to see you,” Lee said, oh-so-sweetly. Lee took in the matching robes. “So you’re sleeping with her?” Lee asked, cocking her head in Brooklyn’s direction.

  “That is none of your business,” Jenna said. “You left and she’s here.”

  “I never planned to stay in Italy. It was a retreat. I always figured on coming back. I sent the postcard and the wine for a reason. I wanted to let you know I was coming. I can’t believe you hooked up so quickly. It’s not like you.”

  “A retreat? Are you kidding me? Geez, I’m not that stupid,” Jenna said. “She probably threw you out.”

  Brooklyn stepped in between the two. “Let me get this straight. You ran off with another woman. That doesn’t work out, so you waltz in here and expect to pick up where you left off?”

  Lee said, “Jenna loves me. I knew my leaving upset her, but I figured I could make it up to her. Having an Italian lover has always been on my bucket list. I had to do it.”

  “Is she serious?” Brooklyn asked Jenna.

  “Yes, she is. What I ever saw in her is beyond me.”

  “Come on, Jenna. Let me stay. This is my place,” Lee said.

  “Uh, no it’s not. Check the lease.”

  “She can have this apartment. We’ll buy a house,” Brooklyn said. “And get married, and have a rescue dog, and a cat from the Humane Society. They’ll be best friends and we’ll post cute memes of them on Facebook.”

  “Come on, my sources tell me you’ve been in Jenna’s life for approximately one week,” Lee said. “I was there for six years. I’ve got a lot more invested here than you.”

  Jenna looked Lee straight in the eye and said, “I wouldn’t come back to you if you were the last lesbian on earth.”

  “Wow, you must really be smitten,” Lee taunted.

  Jenna stomped her foot. “Do you have any idea what it feels like to have the woman you’d lived with for six years just up and leave without a word?”

  “I never promised forever,” Lee said.

  “You up and left without talking about it for months on end?” Brooklyn asked. “That’s completely against all the lesbian mating rules.”

  “I know, right? Jenna said. “You can imagine how devastating that was for me. Most couples fight and scream and spend lots of hours in therapy before they break up. You just walked out,” Jenna said.

  “Wrong. I fucked you senseless, left some roses, and a goodbye note. I think that’s a much better way. And I planned on coming back. I didn’t put it in the note in case something unforeseen happened.”

  “You are a butthole, a complete butthole,” Jenna said.

  Lee took a baby step forward, “Come on, babe. I know you love me. You can forgive me.”

  Jenna slapped away her hand. “Don’t touch me.”

  “Look, Brunila was never long-term material. What can I say? I missed hamburgers.”

  “I am not a hamburger!” Jenna slapped Lee across the face. With her palm stinging and tears streaming, Jenna rushed out the door.

  ***

  Jenna rang Dale’s doorbell. Her feet were filthy and sore. Her robe was dirty. Smudged tear tracks ran down both cheeks. She looked like death warmed over. As soon as Dale opened her front door, Jenna collapsed into her arms, sobbing.

  “Oh, sweetie. What’s wrong?”

  “Everything,” Jenna sobbed.

  “Don’t you worry,” Dale said, patting Jenna’s back and leading her to the living room sofa. Jenna didn’t let go of Dale as she sat.

  “Everything’s going to be okay,” Dale cooed while Jenna hiccupped her way to not crying. She handed Jenna a tissue.

  Jenna wiped her face. “Aren’t you going to ask me why I’m wearing only a robe?”

  “How did you get here? Where’s your car?”

  “I hitched a ride with the senior citizens’ bus. They’re doing a tour of casinos. Your house was on their way.”

  “I’ll find you some sweats to wear. You sit here and collect yourself.” Dale disappeared down the hallway.

  After she dressed in a pair of Dale’s old sweatpants and a T-shirt, Dale had a cup of coffee waiting for her on the back deck. Jenna sat and drank. After her first sip of coffee, things started looking better. Well, not better exactly, but not so horrible.

  “Okay,” Dale started, “what happened?”

  Jenna told her everything that had transpired that morning. When she mentioned the slap, Dale smiled. “Good for you! That was a long time coming.”

  Jenna chuckled. “It did feel really good.”

  “She really shouldn’t have compared you to a hamburger.”

  “Did someone mention hamburgers? I’m starved,” Taylor said, coming out onto the deck. Jenna did a double take. Taylor had very little hair. Very little. Like almost no hair.

  “You did that intentionally, right?” Jenna asked, pointing at Taylor’s head. Remarkably, Taylor was still gorgeous. Even if she was basically bald.

  “Yeah, I forked over big bucks to have Henri fix it.” She ran her hand over the stubble on top of her head. “This was all he could do.”

  “She’d tried her own whack job first. It wasn’t pretty,” Dale said.

  “Is it okay if I join you all? I wouldn’t want to interrupt your intense discussion,” Taylor said.

  “Of course you can,” Jenna said. “We’re going to need extra input on this one.” She sipped her coffee while Dale filled Taylor in.

  “Whoa, a hamburger. Now that’s definitely the way to patch up a relationship,” Taylor said.

  “She is nothing but a huge-ass bitch,” Dale spat. She looked at Jenna. “
Please tell me you’re never going to have another thing to do with her.”

  “No way. I love Brooklyn. A lot.”

  “Good choice,” Dale said.

  At that moment, Brooklyn’s truck pulled up the driveway. She got out and walked up to the deck with a paper sack. She held the sack out to Jenna. “Clothes. I thought you might need them.”

  Jenna looked at her closely as she came up the stairs. “Is that a black eye?”

  “’Fraid so. Never saw it coming,” Brooklyn said. She took a chair. “You okay?”

  “Yes. I just got my feelings hurt,” Jenna said. “Hamburger. That hurt.”

  Brooklyn smiled. “That was a bad analogy if she was trying to win your heart back.”

  “Damn, she whacked you a good one,” Taylor said, leaning in closer to look at the shiner. “I’ll get you a bag of frozen peas.”

  “New haircut?” Brooklyn asked, studying Taylor.

  “It was a weed whacker accident,” Taylor said, running her hands over the top of her head again. She went inside the house.

  “Why’d she hit you?” Dale asked.

  “Wait for me. I gotta hear this,” Taylor called through the open door. She returned with a bag of frozen peas.

  Brooklyn put them on her left eye. “Thank you. That feels better already.”

  “Why’d she hit you? I was the one who slapped her,” Jenna said.

  “I guess she figured I deserved it. After you left, she tried to take the box of Melissa CDs and that ceramic cow you have on the end table. I didn’t think it was right. I got between her and the cow and she clocked me. I’m afraid she got the box of CDs.”

  “I was done with them anyway. I was going to donate them to the Community Center. The cow is mine and it has great sentimental value. My grandmother gave it to me. You have earned a kiss.” Jenna leaned in, gently removed the bag of peas, and kissed her.

  After the kiss, Brooklyn said, “You didn’t let me finish. She got the cow, too. Do I have to give the kiss back?”

  “She actually took the cow? She knows how much it means to me,” Jenna said.

  “Well, there’s only one thing to do,” Taylor said.

  “Go punch her back?” Jenna said.

  “No, get your cow back,” Taylor said.

  “You mean steal it back?” Jenna asked.

  “No, it’s your property. That’s not stealing,” Dale said.

  “Do you know where she might be staying?” Taylor asked.

  “Most likely with Margot,” Jenna said.

  Taylor said, “I hope you all have black clothes?”

  Uh-oh, Jenna thought, what have I gotten myself into?

  Chapter Fourteen

  Dressed all in black down to their socks and up to their beanies, the four women sat in an enormous black SUV that Taylor had borrowed from a friend for the evening. They didn’t really need a black SUV, but it did add to the drama of what they were about to do. They were parked in the back lot of Margot’s condo.

  The condo was on the second floor of a high-rise building. Its balcony overlooked Lake Oswego. Actually, it was more of a pond than a lake. Margot’s condo was still swanky even if it did overlook only pond. Lee always had rich friends. She figured they were the best to have. Lee never made much money, so with rich friends she had people to help her out financially. Jenna was certain Ms. Italy had paid for all of Lee’s expenses.

  “I feel like I’m guest starring on an episode of The Sopranos,” Dale said.

  “We’re just going to make Lee see reason about the cow she stole,” Jenna said.

  “Yeah, by busting her knee caps,” Taylor said, with a mock swing of a bat.

  Dale’s eyes widened.

  “I’m kidding,” Taylor said. “There will be no actual kneecap busting.”

  “So, what is the plan?” Brooklyn asked.

  “It’s a three-step plan. One: Go in. Two: Get the cow. Three: Run,” Taylor said.

  “All of us are going in?” Dale asked.

  “No, just me and Jenna. I want you two to watch the outside of the building in case Lee makes a run for it,” Taylor said. “If she does run, do your best to save the cow.”

  “You think she’d actually try to harm the cow?” Brooklyn asked.

  Jenna nodded. “She might have picked up some bad habits from those Sicilians.”

  “All right, but you guys be careful. She’s already been violent,” Dale said, cocking her head in Brooklyn’s direction.

  “I should go with you,” Brooklyn said, her hand on the door handle.

  “No,” Jenna said, reaching over to stop her. “Knowing Lee, she’ll focus all her energy on you. She’ll make this whole mess your fault.”

  “She’s got a point. Lee is a master manipulator. Let us go, and if we need back up, I’ll call you in—deal?” Taylor asked.

  “All right,” Brooklyn said. She kissed Jenna’s cheek. “Don’t be a hero.”

  ***

  Taylor rapped loudly on Margot’s door. They waited five seconds.

  “Maybe nobody’s home. Should we come back later?” Jenna whispered.

  “No. If no one answers we’ll just go in and get it.” Taylor knocked again. This time she called out Lee’s name. Still no response. Taylor pulled a small black leather pouch from her black utility vest.

  “What’s that? What’re you doing?”

  “Picking the lock. Once we’re in, you find the cow while I guard. And then we’re out of here,” Taylor said. She opened the door in less than a minute. “What a pansy lock. I was hoping for more of a challenge.”

  “How’d you learn how to do that?”

  “I’ve got a friend. Went to college with her.”

  “You went to Berkeley.”

  “So?”

  “With a cat burglar?” Jenna asked.

  “She only steals from the rich,” Taylor said in her defense. “I mean, look at us. We’re stealing a cow.”

  “The cow is my property. You said it wasn’t stealing if it’s mine.”

  “See, there’s no crime here. Hence, no worries,” Taylor said.

  Jenna tiptoed inside and listened. Taylor shut the door quietly behind them. She looked out the peephole. “This is a deluxe one—good for a lookout.”

  Jenna glanced around, quickly scanning the living room for her cow. Then they both heard noises coming from the bedroom. They froze and listened. They heard a lot of grunting and moaning.

  “Either those are sexy-time noises or they’re doing an aerobics video,” Taylor said.

  “It’s Lee. I’d know those grunts anywhere.”

  Taylor whispered, “Who do you think she’s fucking?”

  Lee’s voice called out, “Oh, Margot! Omigod, Margot!”

  “I guess that answers that question,” Taylor said.

  “Gawd, she didn’t wait very long before she hopped into bed with someone else,” Jenna said.

  “Margot better know how to make a hamburger.”

  “That hamburger thing is going to stick to me forever, isn’t it?”

  “Uh, yes it is.”

  There was another set of animal noises. “Gross,” Jenna uttered.

  “We better work fast,” Taylor said. “I’ll check the kitchen.”

  Jenna did a quick run through of Margot’s china cabinet, thinking her beloved ceramic cow might reside there. It didn’t.

  Taylor tiptoed out of the kitchen. “I found it,” she said, holding it under her arm.

  “Where was it?”

  “In the trash can.”

  “That bitch.”

  “We got what we came for. Let’s go,” Taylor said.

  With Taylor leading the way, they tiptoed out of the living room and toward the front door. Taylor’s hand was turning the doorknob when a voice behind them said, “Put the cow down.”

  Taylor froze. Jenna slowly turned around. Lee stood behind her. She was wearing only underwear and a T-shirt. She was holding a pistol and it was aimed right at Jenna’s chest.


  “It’s my cow,” Jenna said.

  “Nope, nine tenths of the law is possession and I possess it. Put it down on the coffee table now,” Lee ordered. She waved the gun at them, directing them to the living room. Quietly, they obeyed. Taylor gently set the cow down on the coffee table and asked, “What do you want with a ceramic cow anyway?”

  “I want it because I know how much it means to her,” Lee said.

  Margot came out wrapped in a sheet. She gasped when she saw Taylor and Jenna. “What are you doing in my house?”

  “The door was open. We came to retrieve our property,” Taylor said.

  “I’m calling the police,” Margot said, feeling around in the sheet for a pocket and a phone it did not possess. “As soon as I find my phone.”

  “I don’t think that’s such a hot idea considering your girlfriend is pointing a gun at us,” Taylor said.

  Margot turned to Lee. “Lee, for crissakes, put that down. You don’t even know how to use a firearm.”

  “Sure, I do. Point and pull. The Sicilians taught me.”

  “Oh, my god, she really did hang out with Sicilians,” Jenna muttered out the side of her mouth to Taylor.

  “Listen, just give us the cow and we’ll be on our way,” Taylor said to Margot.

  Lee, still holding the gun on them, went over and picked up the cow. “Tell you what… I have a better idea.” She moved toward the balcony and opened the sliding door.

  “Let’s not be rash,” Taylor said. “Margot, can’t you talk some sense into her?”

  “Lee, just give them the damn cow,” Margot said. “You told me you were over Jenna. So prove it by giving her the damn cow.”

  Lee exploded, “I didn’t say I was over her! I said I was trying to get over her! There’s a difference. The cow is the first step to my recovery.” Lee stepped outside onto the balcony. “Bye, bye, cow,” she said, holding the cow out over the railing.

  That was all Jenna could take. She charged Lee like an enraged bull seeing red. Unfortunately, she tripped over the rug and ended up head-butting Lee right in the stomach. Lee dropped the cow and emitted a big “oomph!” She dropped the gun in order to grab the railing and keep from going over the balcony. The gun hit the floor, slid behind Lee, and—