The Partnership (Extra Credit Book 1)

by Charlotte Penn Clark

  I must have looked awful because Matt and Annika exchange a look. “Have you seen her? Is she okay?” I blurt out. They exchange another look and I want to strangle them.

  “Saw her yesterday! No worries, she’s alive!” Annika sounds too cheery and I glare at her. “She’s got a lot of rehearsals for that alumni spirit event,” she adds, looking at me sympathetically. Oh, hell no!

  And I forgot about that eff-ing event. That’s number three on her Attention Getting list: the public performance. I should go. I shouldn’t go. I should go…. Goddammit! I run a hand over my head, close my eyes, and tip my chair back against the wall, just like that first day when I opened my eyes and there was Lani. I feel totally lost. In the background I hear voices muttering and I think I hear someone whisper “time for an intervention,” but I’m too low to even give a fuck.

  I’m still tuned out when the class ends and Marjorie says she wants a word with me. My mind is still running on Lani—what can I do to hold on to her? What does it mean that she’s not here today? So before Marjorie can say anything I jump in.

  “I’m sorry, professor. It’s my fault Lani’s not here.” I shift my feet, looking at the ground like a second grader. And I’ve always had a hard time calling her by her first name to her face.

  Marjorie doesn’t respond so I’m forced to look at her. She clasps her hands together and smiles at me. “You’re a student of science, right, Kyle? A bio major?”

  “Yeah,” I say, warily, because I don’t see where this is going and I do like things logical.

  “Do you know the difference between correlation and causation?”

  I sigh and nod, getting it now.

  “Can you explain it to me? I’m more of a literary type.”

  “Correlation describes a loose relationship between events; causation means one event came before another and made it happen,” I say. My annoyance is rising.

  “And that’s relevant here because?” she prods.

  “Because even if there’s a connection between my behavior and Lani’s absence that doesn’t mean I caused it.”

  “And if you didn’t cause it how can it be your fault? I assume you didn’t lock her in her room to prevent her from coming to class today?” She tilts her head to study my expression.

  “No, ma’am, I did not,” I grind out.

  “You don’t have to ma’am me, Kyle. I know I’m annoying you. But I want you to be clear on what is your fault and what is not your fault because that seems a hazy line for you. Lots of things may happen around you that relate to you but are not caused by you or by anything you do. Give me an example.”

  “I’m going to be late for my next class—”

  “No, you won’t. You don’t have a class after this and you’ll get rid of me sooner if you answer me.”

  For all her touchy-feely shit she can be tough. I give in.

  “Lani might leave me regardless of anything I say or do. Gee, that’s encouraging!” I sound as bitter as I feel and I slump back into a chair.

  She smiles a little. “It’s neither encouraging or discouraging. It’s just recognizing that you play only one part in what happens around you, not all the parts. Of course what you do and say matters, but it’s not all that matters. Lani has agency too and your task at the beginning of the semester was to help her see that. If she’s acting for herself then it means you succeeded.”

  I smack my desk loudly. “What are you? Professor Glass Half Full? This isn’t good news, goddammit! This sucks.” I know I’m being disrespectful now, but Marjorie doesn’t blink.

  “I know it sucks,” she repeats, with emphasis. “But it’s not your fault. Maybe if you don’t blame yourself you’ll feel better or you’ll see more solutions…. That’s all I’m trying to say.” She sighs. “You’re a good guy, Kyle. Don’t beat yourself up so much.” She pats my hand and gathers her stuff.

  “Thanks, Ms. M,” I say softly, feeling bad now that I blew up at her. But I know she doesn’t want me to feel bad. She just smiles as she leaves the room, and I sit there for several minutes, thinking.

  Meet me at the coffeehouse in 10.

  Unfortunately this text is from Matt, not Lani, so I take my sweet time getting over there. It’s 9 p.m. already. I’m tired. And I’m in no mood for an intervention, which is what I expect when I see Matt and Noah already sitting at a table. They are talking and texting when I show up, late.

  “What?” I say, dropping heavily into a chair.

  “What do you mean, what?” Matt asks. As usual, he’s a picture of suavitude, if that’s a word. Noah, as usual, is a picture of geekiness. “You can’t say ‘hi’ or ‘how’s it hanging’ or anything polite?”

  “No,” I say, rubbing my eyes. “I can’t. What do you want?” I’m irritable as fuck and they may as well know that up front.

  Noah clears his throat. “What’s with you? What’s going on?”

  “None. Of. Your. Fucking. Business.” I glower my best, but to his credit Noah doesn’t flinch. He just sighs.

  “Okay, then. I’ll tell Holly to call this off.” He picks up his phone.

  “Call what off? Where’s Holly? Where’s Annika? Aren’t you two attached at the hip now?” I glare at Matt for good measure too but he just looks coolly back at me.

  “They’re with Lani,” he says, phone in hand. “We’ll just call it off though. No big deal.”

  I straighten in my chair. “What the fuck? Where are they? Call off what? Put down your damn phones!”

  Matt smirks at me. “It was Holly’s idea. She thought you two needed some help.”

  “Of all the interfering little….” I stop at Noah’s warning look. “Okay!” I raise my hands in surrender. They’ve got Lani and I don’t so that puts me in their power, dammit. “What do you want from me? Marjorie’s already given me one talking-to today.”

  “What did she say?” Matt asks. Noah is busy texting and I’m getting antsy. Or antsier than usual.

  “She said it wasn’t my fault. And I shouldn’t be so hard on myself,” I say grudgingly. I’m still not sure why she thinks I’m so hard on myself in the first place.

  “About what?” Matt frowns while Noah taps away at his phone.

  “Fuck if I know!” I throw my hands up again and collapse backward into my chair.

  Noah looks up from his phone and studies me. “Well, Lani seems a little more helpful here. Holly says she says of course it’s not your fault, it’s her fault….” He frowns. “What exactly is the it to which you are both referring?”

  “It’s not her fault either,” I mumble, avoiding their eyes.

  “WHAT’S ‘IT’?” Noah and Matt both yell at me at the same time and I realize people are staring at us.

  “The fight, assholes! We fought at the party and now we’re not talking and I don’t know what the fuck is going on!” I don’t care if people stare. They can go fuck themselves.

  Matt and Noah exchange another goddamned look and Noah starts to pick up his phone but I’m faster. I read the text messages from Holly:

  She looks terrible, poor thing! What did that big jerk do to her?

  She says it’s not his fault.

  Noah, she’s sobbing! Pls rip his head off!

  I drop the phone and jump up, my heart hammering. “Where are they?”

  “Can’t tell you that.” Matt shakes his head. I try to stare him down but he’s like a rock. I turn to Noah and he just narrows his eyes at me. I drop back into my chair and hunch forward. They’re going to find out anyway.

  “Everything was great. I mean, unbelievably great. And then we went to that goddamn party because I was the idiot who thought she should get used to getting attention. I even told her to enjoy it.” I have to swallow hard before I can continue.

  “And she was so amazing—dancing and telling off that dickwad friend of hers. But he reminded her that she was too good for me and I’d be gone soon and then she freaked out and ran away. Again.” There. I stare at the table like it’s got answers for m
e.

  “Wait. Why did the dickwad say she’s too good for you?” Noah is frowning again and now Matt is texting.

  “I don’t remember what he said! But that’s obvious, right? Because she left!” I clench my teeth together to keep from shouting at them.

  Matt looks up. “Annika says she’s all torn up because you have no time left. You don’t know where you’re going next or for how long.”

  “That’s what I said!” This is death by needle jabs. I’m dying here and Lani is crying somewhere. Matt and Noah exchange confused looks.

  “Nooo,” Matt says, annoyingly. “It’s the opposite of what you said. She doesn’t think she’s too good for you. She’s upset because she’s going to lose you.”

  “She’s not going to lose me! I’m going to lose her! I’ve already lost her!” Why don’t they get this?

  “What the fuck, Kyle? Listen to yourself! You haven’t lost her and she hasn’t lost you. Not yet anyway. God, what morons!” Matt shakes his head in disgust. I’m about to punch him in the face when Noah grabs my arm, and he’s stronger than I’d expect.

  “Kyle,” he says quietly. “It sucks that you’re leaving soon but you can talk about that. Lani’s crazy about you. And you’re good for each other. Anyone can see that.” He sounds so calm and serious that his words sink in. “Did she say she wanted to break up with you? That she didn’t care about you?”

  I shake my head slowly. “Why won’t she be with me then?” I whisper, more to myself than to them.

  Noah shrugs. “Ask her, not us. Sounds like it’s painful for both of you. But, man, you guys are lucky.” He shakes his head, looking sad.

  “Lucky?” I repeat, astonished.

  “Yes. Lucky. You both care so much. You know how you feel and what you want. That’s a helluva lot.”

  I turn Noah’s words over in my head as I walk home. They refused to tell me any more about Lani—where she was, what she said, how she felt—but I felt clearer anyway. Maybe Marjorie was right. This wasn’t just about me. I was still an idiot. But I was the idiot that Lani cared about, and that was a helluva lot.

  And I’m luckier than I deserve so I take out my phone again and text Noah and Matt one word.

  Thanks.

  14

  Lani

  Meet me in the quad in 10.

  I didn’t get far from Annika’s dorm room before I sagged onto a bench and texted Kyle. I figured ten minutes would give me time to pull myself together so I looked less blotchy and wrung out. I leaned back and looked up at the night sky, breathing deep. Spring smells different here in New York. Green like leaves, not pink like flowers or yellow like fruit. It’s much warmer now than those cold nights we spent out here weeks ago. Still, I miss the blankets. And the kisses.

  It can’t be more than three minutes before I feel Kyle filling all the space next to me. I close my eyes and enjoy his presence. He doesn’t speak but after a few more minutes he takes my hand in his and holds it. I feel better already.

  I open my eyes and turn to him. “So my intervention was exhausting. How was yours?”

  He looks very serious, but his mouth quirks up a little. “Aggravating.”

  “They mean well,” I sigh.

  “Yeah.”

  Then we’re silent again. What did I call him here for? I just wanted to see him. And we have to talk—so I say the only thing I have to say.

  “I don’t want you to leave.”

  “Yeah. I don’t want you to leave either.” He brushes some hair from my cheek. “Have you?”

  I shake my head and my hair is back in my face again. He brushes it back again. “We may have to be apart, but we don’t have to choose to be, right?” I meet his eyes and now he shakes his head. It’s as if we’re paring this conversation down to its minimum requirements.

  I look up at the dark sky overhead, framed by shadowy trees. “It’s just…. This is so new and then it’s already almost over.” I gulp down my panic.

  “Can we…wait? Talk? See?” He sounds uncharacteristically hesitant, and I’m moved. He thinks he’s asking a lot of me. I squeeze his hand in answer.

  “Can I sleep with you tonight? I mean, just sleep?” I’m the one who’s hesitant now. We’ve been partners, friends, lovers, but I’m not sure how all this emotion fits into those categories.

  “Please!” he says, exhaling in relief. He stands and pulls me up off the bench. “I can’t guarantee I won’t jump your bones in the morning though.” The cockiness is back and now I’m relieved.

  “Likewise.”

  I sleep well for the first time in days and we wake up hungry for each other.

  “What next?” Kyle asks when our breathing has slowed again.

  “Rehearsals,” I say evasively. “I perform tomorrow night, remember?”

  “I’ll be there. How’s that going?” He runs a hand over my hip and down one leg and I shiver.

  “Better than I thought, actually. Maybe it is really about practice—not practice with steps but practice being in a spotlight. It feels a little easier now.” I disentangle myself from him reluctantly and move to get dressed.

  “I’m glad.“ He pauses. “Will you sleep here tonight? We missed all those nights since the party.” He speaks lightly, following me with his eyes, but I hear the tension.

  “I have a lot to do….”

  “Lani—” He flops onto his back and throws an arm over his eyes, looking defeated. I crawl back to him on the bed and pull the arm away to hover over his face. This time I give in to that impulse to soothe him.

  “Okay.” I kiss him gently and pull back, but he holds me in place.

  “Can we agree to spend as much time together as we can before graduation? I don’t want to negotiate with you every day.”

  “Okay,” I repeat. It’s what I want too, but I’m scared of digging in even deeper than we already are. Is that even possible? I’m already in so much deeper than I had ever imagined. Kyle grunts and releases me, then watches while I pull on my clothes.

  “You’ll be happy to hear then that you’re coming to the ballet with me next weekend.”

  “Huh?” He blinks. Either he’s distracted watching me get dressed or he forgot. Or both.

  “You promised, Kyle!” I warn, pointing a finger at him. “New York City Ballet. Next Saturday. 8 p.m. It’s Swan Lake, which is a great starter ballet.”

  “There are starter ballets?” He’s stalling so I just blow him a kiss as I leave.

  I talk a good game, but by the time I’m on a makeshift stage, facing the crowded gymnasium, I’m a mess of nerves. It’s just like always—my palms are sweating and my pulse is racing. I work on slowing my breathing or it will throw off my rhythm. I pull my shorts down, wishing they covered more leg. My cropped top bares my waist too. My whole hip hop class is performing a routine we know well, but I still feel exposed. The music starts and we’re all on our marks, counting when the lights dim.

  And then, the magic that’s supposed to happen happens and I forget about the audience. It’s just me and my team, bouncing and spinning to the beat. I think of Kyle watching from somewhere and it electrifies my body. I can’t focus on anyone in the audience, and I don’t want to. When the room erupts in applause our team breaks into huge smiles before we gather for our bows. I’m exhilarated and exhausted and hugely relieved.

  Off stage I pull a tee shirt over my skimpy costume and run out to look for Kyle and my friends. I squeal as he wraps his arms around me from behind and bends to whisper in my ear. “That was so hot. Can we leave now?”

  I giggle and turn in his arms. “Sure. I’m a mess anyway.”

  We stop to talk to Matt and Annika, who are acting weird. There’s no sign of Noah or Holly. Then we steer toward the door, but people keep stopping to congratulate me so it takes a while. Someone starts making a speech.

  I can feel Kyle’s eyes on me as we move through the crowd. I’ve never been so aware of my body as I am around him. The skimpy costume is suddenly too tight against my h
ot skin and I’m glad I have a good reason to be flushed and out of breath. I drop my gaze, embarrassed to be so turned on in public, but let my eyes wander up Kyle’s long muscular frame. I can feel his tension like a wave of heat. When I finally reach his eyes I’m expecting the desire in them, but I still have to stifle a gasp.

  I keep my eyes on the ground to avoid stumbling as Kyle pulls me along. Then someone calls his name and he stops so abruptly that I bang into him. He wraps an arm around my shoulders to steady me and turns toward an older man in uniform.

  “Sergeant Ruiz, sir.” Kyle snaps to attention.

  “Can you stop by to talk to me this week, Madison?” the sergeant asks. He seems friendly. After Kyle responds he prompts him. “Introduce me?”

  Kyle seems caught off guard. “Uh. Yes. Of course. Lani, this is Sergeant Ruiz of the campus Army ROTC. Sergeant, this is my…girlfriend Lani Ito.” There’s an obvious hesitation in his delivery and he glances at me uncertainly. I step closer to him and smile at the sergeant, who shakes my hand. After he leaves I shoot Kyle a curious look as we pick up our pace once we get outside.

  “Do you…mind?” He sounds nervous.

  “That he reminds me you’re leaving in ten days? Yes. That you called me your girlfriend? No. That he delayed us five extra minutes from fucking?” Kyle’s expression eases and his stride breaks. “Hmm. Not sure about that one. On the one hand, the anticipation is hot. On the other hand, I’m burning up already…Mmmph!”

  Kyle’s mouth is on mine before I can finish and it’s like tossing a match at me. I press against him as tightly as I can, trying to ease the aching. He lifts his head, his face flushed and his breath short, and stares at me.

  “What did I do to deserve you?” His voice sounds thick and I don’t think he expects an answer. I press my lips against his throat and feel him swallow hard. His arms tighten and I try to clear my sluggish brain.

  “Bed?” My voice comes out in a whisper. “Now?” I’m really having trouble getting out more than a word at a time. He nods and we head at a near run to his dorm room, which is luckily empty because I need a shower and soon we’re both wet and naked and entangled.