No Life, Only Death

by Francheska Fifield

  “You don’t have anything to say?”

  I hit the punching bag once. “Nope.” I started pounding on it again. For a while that’s the only sound that was in the room. The sound of me connecting to the bag. Then we heard screaming. Jane’s body had been discovered. I sighed and stopped punching. Nick still stood there, staring at me. He didn’t seem to know what to say either.

  He walked over to me and took my hand. I jumped; I wasn't really used to physical contact unless Phillip was around. I tried to keep my nerves from being jittery. I guess I deserved whatever reaction he decided to give me. I had lied to him and hidden from him for years.

  I braved a look at his face and was shocked to not see burning hatred. I had burning hatred for him after my rescue, and he was still living; he hadn’t lied about his state of being. He reached up a hand a caressed my cheek. It felt wonderful. I enjoyed the caress until he moved his head towards mine. He was going to kiss me. I stepped back out of his reach. He looked at me, confused. I shook my head.

  “You want Celeste, I’m Helen. I’m not even remotely the same girl you left to join the military.”

  “Yes, you are.”

  I shook my head and smiled. “I wish I could be. You have no idea how confused I’ve been since coming here. Sometimes I wished I could give everything up and go back to the way we used to be. But we can't. I can't forgive you for leaving and I can't pretend that all the horrible things I’ve done didn’t happen. I did what I had to do to survive Nick. I won't apologize for who or what I’ve become. And I won't change because something from the past calls. I’m not yours anymore. You had your chance, you made your choice. Now I’ve made mine. I’m sorry.”

  I walked past him to the door. I sighed and wished it didn’t have to be this way. But it was true. We were different people now.

  “I still love you. No matter who you are.”

  I smiled on the inside. I would treasure that forever. But I couldn't tell him the same. “I loved who we were together, before you left.” I left without another word. I would regret what happened to us. But I wouldn’t try to change the past. No matter what I could do now, I couldn't change the past.

  Chapter Eleven (Helen)

  That night was hectic, to say the least. When I got into the lobby someone rushed me to the side to tell me that Jane was dead. I collapsed and cried. I could be a great actress. They asked if I had any idea who would do such a thing - luckily no blood had gotten on my shirt - I told them to check her and my files. She had said where I had to go, whom I had to kill, of course she had a lot of enemies. They nodded their understanding.

  They checked my weapons, saw that none had been fired and asked to look at the rest of my collection. I took them up to my room and they checked out my other weapons. I was clean. I had fired them on my mission, but none of them were the right caliber.

  They were smart enough to check my file and see that I had just come back from a mission to the school that had been destroyed. They asked me to give a verbal mission report, and I did. They didn’t ask what I thought about any of it. Here I had been hoping it would be that easy. Tell one person, tell them all. That was the gossip grapevine.

  Unfortunately, they also saw that Phillip had worked with me. They also noticed that he and his registered gun were missing. That his registered gun was the same caliber as the one that killed Jane. Whoops. They put out an all-call. Meaning, if he showed up at the battle academy, we were to notify them, or if the police on Earth found him he would be turned over. It also meant they would be contacting his handler. Gabe would probably show them some information, proving her a traitor, whether it was true or not I didn’t know, and Phillip would be a hero. Hurray.

  I sat in my room, cleaning weapons and pretending to be depressed, scarred for life. Yeah right, I’d throw a party first chance I got, I mean, a funeral service. I snorted and cleaned my guns. I replenished the explosives in my belt and everything else I had to have replaced. Missy stayed close, saying if I needed anything to tell her. It was a nice gesture. She didn’t know I had ordered Jane’s death. Or that I wished I could have done it sooner. I wouldn’t make Galaxy General as quickly without the support of Jane’s company, but maybe I could change that.

  I sent a message to Phillip to release the information on Jane to the public. It could back fire. I could be thrown out of the military and charged as a traitor. But if I played this right Phillip and I would be heroes; I would be noticed by the Galaxy General. He sent me a message saying he’d discuss it with Gabe.

  It was a good thing Gabe was his half-brother. Bastard half-brother, but still. They didn’t acknowledge each other as brothers, but they had both loved their sister and she had been close to them both. She had raised Phillip until her death and had been the only family member, including their father, to acknowledge Gabe. To everyone else he was a mistake and indiscretion.

  Phillip had been too young to understand anything at that time. He had found out about Gabe by accident. He had gone to an interview to become a mercenary and Gabe had been the one interviewing him. They had found out they shared a sister and the need for revenge had intertwined their fates. They weren’t close. Gabe hated their father and Phillip missed him. The only thing they had in common was the love for a dead sister. So, a partnership was born.

  If only my meeting with Jane had been such a fortunate turn of events. It wasn't fair to blame her for everything, but I remembered her standing over me, telling me death or her way were the only options I had. I had chosen life. She had instilled me with hate and anger. My hate and anger towards Nick was from her pointing out his choice to leave me for a hopeless fight. I didn’t hate him anymore, but I couldn't entirely forgive him either. If only he had listened to me. We could have left before the aliens had come. We could have lived happily ever after. Or we both could have died in the course of the attack. One never knows, I guess. No use looking to the past.

  “Missy, can I have a moment with Helen, please?”

  Missy nodded and squeezed my shoulder. I had finished weapon cleaning and was working on some things on my computer. Phillip and I were making out potential attack plans on the battle academy, to see if we could figure out the Aliens best course of attack and how to defend against it. We had come up with a few scenarios but no way to defend against them. I wasn't in the best of moods and I didn’t want to talk about the past when I was so busy making sure there would be a future.

  “I’m busy, go away.” I didn’t look up but I did see Nick sit on my bed from the corner of my eye. I was sitting at the desk a few feet away.

  “You didn’t send Missy away.”

  “She thought I was grieving so she sat here silently and read. You, I doubt, are here to see if I am upset about Jane’s death.” I continued typing and got a mission failure. I sent it to Phillip so he could look it over and fiddle with it. He sent me a mission failure as well. Okay, the biggest problem was not our lack of forces, but the fact that we had no idea how many troops or ships they were sending. I said as much to Phillip and asked him to have Gabe look into a possible mission. To hell with graduation.

  “We need to talk.”

  “About what?”

  He crossed his arms and glared at me. “Are you serious?”

  “I wouldn’t have asked if I wasn't. See, I’ve already said I don't have anything more to say on the matter of me being Celeste. So, I don't see what else we have to talk about. Unless our superiors are questioning you about Jane’s death and you don't know what to say.”

  “I wasn't there.”

  I nodded. “Good. So, what do we have to discuss?”

  “Us.”

  I shook my head. “There is no us. We have broken up twice in the past few years. Doesn't that say anything to you?”

  “Twice?”

  I got a new idea and typed in everything for the scenario. “Yeah. Once when you left me for the military and once, in this very city, not so long ago. Any questions?”

  “We didn’t brea
k up when I left.”

  “I consider you leaving to be abandonment. I said as much when you left. You still chose to go. Therefore, we broke up. You lost me long before I died.”

  “I don't look at it that way.”

  “Not my problem.” I got a thirty percent success rate. I gave a small shout of joy and sent it to Phillip. Finally, we were on the right track.

  “What are you doing?”

  “Trying to save your, and everyone else’s, lives.”

  “Can't you put that down for just five minutes and talk to me?”

  “No.” My phone rang and I answered. It was Phillip congratulating me. “Thanks, I know. After thirty-minutes, I’m glad we have something. Still, the chances aren’t great. I’d like to improve them. Where is Gabe on getting us another suicide mission..? No, it needs to be just the two of us. No one else. Stealthy and quick. I want you there to watch my back, but anyone else will just get in the way and endanger our lives… No, I’m not asking them. They aren't even ready for graduation; they aren't ready for this type of mission. They aren't ready, Phillip.

  “If we are getting others to join, I want people with flying experience at least. Preferably people that have already graduated as well. People that will take my orders without question. Tell Gabe that's my criteria. It’s that or just us… Fine. You have one day. Get the volunteers and prepare for the mission.

  “I don't care where we start. We will hit every fucking planet from Earth to the next galaxy if we have to… I know they are going to have to have a death wish. That's why I said experienced… Are you sure..? Then I have something to do before we leave Earth. I’ll leave tomorrow… Fine, call me tomorrow afternoon. I want the best planes and the most destructive weapons that you can load on them. Fine, good luck.”

  I hung up and sighed. It wasn't likely I would return from this. But it would be worth it if we succeeded.

  “You’re planning another suicide mission?”

  I shrugged. “I hope it won't be suicide. That's why I told Phillip to hire soldiers with experience.”

  “That won't make a difference with the numbers you’re going to face.”

  “There won't be numbers after we bomb their planets.”

  “That has been outlawed. The governments want to use them for colonies after we win.”

  I snorted. “It won't matter if we don't win. We won't win if we don't deplete their forces, the way they are depleting ours. I’m not suggesting we rape them for babies like they are doing to us. I’m suggesting we kill them all and figure out what to do after.”

  He flinched at the rape part.

  “Was it horrible?”

  “What do you think?”

  He looked down and turned red. I ran my hands through my hair. I had taken a shower upon returning, but hadn’t braided it back up. “Yes. I still have nightmares.” It wasn't his fault and so shouldn’t blame him. Just repeat that one hundred times and I might remember to try and believe it.

  He nodded. He looked like he wanted to say something but couldn't. I turned back to the computer. If I wasn't looking at him, he might feel more comfortable and the sooner he spat it out, the sooner I could get him out of my hair.

  “I don't blame you for hating me.”

  Whatever I expected, it hadn’t been that. “I don't hate you. While I was recovering I had some nasty words for you, though.” I smiled and he did too. It didn’t last long though. “I didn’t really blame anyone. I knew it happened to others. They were too afraid to fight. I wasn't. I fought. Kicked, screamed, and punched, whatever I could do. It took three of them holding me down and beating me while the fourth raped me. Once I was as good as new, I was proud of myself. I killed one in combat and it took four to almost do me in. Jane said that's why she chose me. I was still alive, I was a fighter.”

  He nodded. “It must have been hard.”

  I nodded. “It was, but I think I prefer my outcome to what I saw for those girls in the school while there.”

  “I figured that's where you were.”

  I nodded, affirmative. “It was horrible. I managed to kill a few but it was only supposed to be recon and I wasn't prepared. No one told me they had a camp there, and that they were staying to retrieve babies they made with little girls. Of course, no one knew. I got caught unawares when they filed in to retrieve the babies. It’s my own fault I got cut. I was careless. I was horrified by what I saw. I won't make that mistake again. If I see any girls, I’ll shoot them. It’s better than what will happen to them.”

  He nodded. “Doesn't it bother you?”

  “It would if I hadn’t seen what was happening to them living. They end up dead either way. So, I’m saving them the pain.”

  “I don't think I could do it.”

  I laughed. “I always told you, you were too kind to be a soldier.”

  “I wouldn’t have thought you had it in you either, but you did.”

  “After facing torture, rape, and certain death. You haven’t seen or been through what I have and you are a kind person deep down. You haven’t been weathered down so much that you can shove your kindness aside and do what needs to be done. I can kill an innocent girl because I know that what they are doing to her is worse.”

  “How about saving her?”

  I sighed and rubbed my eyes. “There is no help for them after they are impregnated. The babies eat their way out of them.”

  His face paled and he almost fell over. “You aren't going to faint, are you?” I snapped my fingers in front of his face. It seemed to shake him out from wherever he had gone off to. I knew the feeling. I had wanted to be sick as well.

  “Seriously?”

  I nodded. “We have to win. To do that, we need to fight dirty. So, I’ll take a group of ex-soldiers and mercenaries, and fight dirty. Any of us that return will receive court marital and will be tried as traitors, for the reason you gave. We destroyed potential colonies. Not to mention I am disobeying direct orders in pursuing matters.”

  “Whom did Phillip want you to ask?”

  “You and Missy. He thinks she’d make a great sneak attacker and that you’d be good backup because you don't want me to die. You’ve already admitted to not being able to do what it takes. I might take Missy, but she’s got to know the truth and likelihood of survival. We will be boarding enemy craft and fighting for not only our lives, but everyone else’s as well.”

  “What makes you think she can pull the trigger on an innocent girl?”

  I looked him straight in the eye. “Because she’ll do the same thing I do. She’ll think that could be me and I’d rather die.”

  He didn’t seem to know what to say. I always knew he wouldn’t make a good soldier. Sure, he was great at following orders, but in war there are no rules of engagement. They tell you there is when you join; they give you a booklet on a code of conduct. If you actually read the thing, it says nothing about how you act in battle. The rule is you live, they die. Anything else in between is gray.

  When I first heard why people wanted to train kids for the military and release them to fight once they were all grown up, I was sickened. They say it’s because a child’s brain learns new things easier than an adult brain. That's one reason. The other, and real reason, is that children are programmable. An adult knows who they are and what to believe in. Children can be programmed. Look at me. I was already a teen when they got me and I was programmed. I wasn't given an option other than death or doing their bidding. I had chosen life; my survival instinct had been stronger than my morals. Children could be used, adults had to be handled.

  “I’m sorry this is so hard for you to accept. But the truth is that this war has already destroyed the human race. Hell, it didn’t even take this war to do it. The Earth is going to hell. Pollution, global warming, disease, overpopulation and so on. Space exploration and finding colonies, well, it was the best thing for humanity. Being able to expand. But the countries fought amongst each other over whom the new worlds belonged to. We were already kill
ing ourselves. The alien enemy saw its chance and took it. They are killers with no remorse. If we are going to win the war, that's what we must be as well.”

  My phone rang and I answered. It was Phillip. He told me to pack my bags, a chopper would be there in a few minutes. “Already packed. I have something I need to do first, but I’ll be up as soon as possible.”

  I grabbed my military uniform, my dress uniform, and crumpled it up. Someone came in I recognized as one of Gabe’s minions. “The suitcases are over there. Leave the bag though; I need to change before I leave.”

  He nodded and took my luggage. I went into the bathroom and changed into a suit made for stealth. I had one more thing to do before leaving Earth for the base of operations. I strapped all of my knives and gun halters on. I filled the pockets of my belt with ammo. No need for healing on this one. I grabbed some explosives as well. This would make a nice boom. I threw my hair into a tight bun; I needed it out of the way. I grabbed my guns, yes, I had multiple guns. I had different models and multiples of some of the smaller ones. I also grabbed a sword I had, and strapped it on my back.

  I came back out with the empty bag and threw all of the military junk in there. Might as well turn traitor before going. Well, not traitor, not exactly, but discharging yourself is considered an act of treason, so even though I’ll be doing this for all of mankind, I’d be hung if I were caught. If they were looking around Earth for me, they won't be wondering what I am doing, because they’ll assume I’m trying to lie low and trying to stay one step ahead of the law. So, this mission will serve twofold.

  “What are you going to do?”

  I wasn't sure I could trust him, but if he could confirm where I was going maybe that would keep our superiors going in the direction I wanted them to go. “I’m going to go blow up the building that I used to work in.”