No Life, Only Death

by Francheska Fifield

  I walked out the door with the bag in my left hand. In my right was a gun. I wasn't going to be stopped, no matter whom I had to shoot. I got down to the conference room and kicked the door in. All of our chaperons looked up and saw me geared for battle. I threw the bag at them. “Take your military bullshit and shove it up your ass. You can sit here and let innocent people die, but I’m going to do something about it.”

  I turned and walked out of the room, as they demanded I return. I turned and shot the window out. People screamed and someone was dialing 9-1-1. “The next person who demands I return for punishment or to explain myself is going to end up like that window.” It turned and walked up the stairs. I had to get to the roof. Missy and Nick followed.

  “Where are you going, Helen? What’s going on? Who’s going to die?”

  I stopped and turned. “Missy, did you have family at that school?”

  She shook her head. “No, but my sister wants to join up next year.”

  “If she does she’ll either die or become a breeding machine for an alien race bent on destroying us. Is that what you want?”

  “Of course not!”

  “Pack only your necessities for a mission you might not return from and meet me on the roof.”

  “And this will save the people that the military is letting die?”

  I nodded. “It’s the best chance we have. Don't tell anyone what you are doing and don't let anyone stop you for any reason. Grab your gear and get to the roof. A handler will have all the information to catch you up. Congratulations, you have just turned mercenary.”

  She nodded and followed orders. She would be good because she would be fighting to stop what happened to those young girls from happening to her sister. Big sisters were very protective.

  I turned and started heading back towards the stairs to the roof.

  “Wait, this is stupid. After that stunt downstairs, everyone will be looking for you.”

  “Just tell them what I told you. The part about me going to blow up my former boss. They won't blame you for not trying to stop me. I have more training than you and I’ve been in a combat situation. It’s all in my file. They’ll know you didn’t have a chance; tell them you tried to talk reason into me instead of fighting because you knew you wouldn’t win.”

  “That isn't the point! You just dragged Missy into this!”

  I stopped and turned. “This bothers you why? Do you have special feelings for her?”

  “No, but you can't just grab people and go on some stupid suicide mission!”

  “Why not? It’s what I do. Why do you think my file is impossible to crack? That everything is top secret? Because, this is what I do. I have nothing to lose Nick. That's why I am the perfect killing machine. I have nothing to lose so I go into the impossible situations and I come out alive. I’ve done this before and I survived.”

  “Because Phillip rescued you!”

  I smiled. “He’ll be there to watch my back from the beginning. Plus, some other ex-soldiers, maybe some mercenary’s and people like Missy who have a family to protect.”

  “Let me go with you.”

  My smile dropped. “No. You don't have what it takes.” It turned to walk away and he grabbed my arm.

  “You don't know that.”

  “Yes, I do, Nick. You have already told me you couldn't fire upon your own, even if it meant survival for our entire race. When the military finds out what we are doing, they will come for us. If we have to shoot them out of the sky to get to the alien menace, then we will. You can't even shoot a little girl to spare her from a worse fate. Could you really fire on your own people? Or their army of half-breeds that are expendable? Because that's what we will be fighting first. We need to breach our own defenses and the half-breeds before we get to the alien scum. Can you do it, Nick?”

  I waited in silence for his answer. I didn’t think he really knew himself. I couldn't have people who didn’t know if they could pull the trigger until the time came to do it. I needed surety. If Missy heard the details and couldn't do it, I would pretend to use her as a hostage to get off Earth and drop her off somewhere on the way. I was sure I wouldn’t need to worry about that with her. She had a baby sister, when she heard what they were doing to the girls she’d rage and need their blood. I was counting on it.

  “I didn’t think so.” I sighed and walked on. I didn’t think he had it in him and I wasn't bringing him to get in the way.

  I got to the chopper and Missy was already there, reading a folder and frowning. I could see the fury in her eyes. Perfect. Phillip was right about her. I’d have to congratulate him later. He’d brag, I’d punch him, and we would move on with Operation Humanity. That was as good a name as any. In the end, I doubt we would be considered heroes. But, who knows, maybe in a few hundred years the people would make us martyrs. I wouldn’t mind going down in history as an example. Maybe it could lead to change.

  We arrived at a meeting place a few hours later. I went from one chopper to the next and jumped in. Phillip was inside. I raised an eyebrow in question.

  “What are you doing here, Phillip? You are supposed to be briefing these guys on our mission.”

  “Gabe has all the information, and he’s better at giving the facts and details in a way that makes you want to go and kick ass. I should know since that's how he’s been getting me to do his bidding all these years. You need backup.”

  “No, I don't.”

  “You will when the police get there. I’ll keep them distracted while you get through the defenses to find the one you want to kill.”

  I nodded. His mind was made up. It might be good to have back up, just in case. I looked out the window as the chopper rose into the air. “Are you scared, Phillip?”

  He looked me over and shrugged. I nodded. I didn’t think he’d admit it even if he were.

  “I don't think there has been one moment of my career where I haven’t been scared. It’s not always the fear of death though. Sometimes I was afraid I’d fail, sometimes I was afraid I would turn out no better than our enemy. Other times I had wished for death and then feared it would come. I guess fear can't be eliminated completely, no matter how much our handlers try to erase our ability to feel.”

  It shocked me that he had admitted it, and so thoroughly. We were both silent for a moment.

  “Are you, Helen?”

  “No. I have never been. Not since my rape. I think Jane succeeded when she said she would strip me of my humanity. I haven’t had much in the way of feeling since I was raped. Even during it I felt more hate and anger than fear. Maybe I was already the perfect person to become the perfect killing machine.” I sighed.

  “The only thing I have really ever feared is that I was already like those that had wronged me. I want to be human, I want to have feelings. I just don't. You should have seen Nick look at me when I said I could pull the trigger on those girls with no remorse.” I laughed.

  “I guess I really am heartless. Everyone with us will pull the trigger because it’s their only option, because they can't stand to see those girls suffer. I am doing it because it’s my job. I don't feel sorry for those girls. I’ve been there, done that. If they had fought back they would have died.” I shook my head at my own heartlessness. “If I can feel that indifferent about innocent girls, then I obviously am no more human than our enemy.”

  Phillip was silent for a few minutes.

  “When you think that, just remember you are the only one that wanted to put together a mission to save the world and everyone in it. The worlds, really, since we have two colonies out there with no protection. You’ve been through hell, Helen. No one can blame you for hating the world and everyone in it. Despite that you are the one that told Gabe and me we were doing this. Gabe will be arrested as soon as we all leave and we will all die in battle, or when we return. Yet we are willing to do it. However, none of us would have if you hadn’t planned it up. You aren't heartless, just hard. It’s not a crime.”

  My eyes watere
d and I was glad that it was dark. I didn’t want to ruin my reputation. I laughed at the thought. What the hell was I worried about that for?

  “You know I meant that to be encouraging, not funny.”

  I could hear the humor in his voice; he probably thought I had lost my mind. I got up from my seat and moved over to his. I hugged him and kissed his cheek. “I know and it means a lot to me.”

  He put one arm around me.

  “Besides, Helen, you support so many people that have lost family to the aliens and always feel bad when something bad happens to people. I think you aren’t letting yourself feel anything for those girls because you are afraid it’ll remind you of your own experience and the fear will consume you. It’s not horrible to push it away so you don’t have to always relive it, Helen.”

  I wasn’t answering that. Phillip knew he saw me better than anyone else in the world. He knew more about me than I would admit to even myself. So, I changed the subject. “How long have you known that Jane’s company was working under one of them?”

  Phillip stiffened. “I didn’t know whether to tell you or not. If you found out you were working for the bad guy… I wasn't sure what you would do.” He removed his arm and laughed, running his hand through his hair. “Okay, I did know. I knew you would flip out, especially if you knew Jane was working for the one that rapped you. They were looking to train the ultimate killing machine and you passed the initial test. It would kill you to know it. I knew you could handle it tonight. After killing Jane and deciding to do this. I knew I had to tell you, in case we didn’t come back.”

  I nodded. “I’m not mad. You’re right I probably would have gone in there armed with explosives and killed myself in the process. However, you can't be mad at me when I tell you what I’m going to tell you. I didn’t tell you earlier for much the same reason as you didn’t tell me.”

  “Okay.” He put his arm back around me.

  “Jane knew who ordered the attack on your sister. I always knew Jane had something to do with the aliens, I figured it was a double agent kind of thing. They knew too much about our systems and when to strike where. I didn’t think she was totally corrupt though. Anyway, I found out whom it was that ordered the ship attacked. It was a bitch because it was a small, insignificant company at the time. It was the owner of my company.”

  He squeezed my shoulder and nodded. “I guess it’s appropriate that I come with you then, huh?”

  I smiled and hugged him tighter. We could do this. We would blow the hell out of this building, both for our own reasons, both of those were good reasons, and we would move on to saving all of humanity.

  “Most appropriate. You know if he’s alien or human?”

  “Both, I think.”

  “I assume so as well. Jane was, too good, too good at fucking everything. I learned from the best and became better. It was all their damn training. Humans would make it illegal if they knew what she had done to me to train. No wonder I’m such a bitch.”

  Phillip laughed;

  I smiled and snuggled closer.

  “I saw that Missy came with you.”

  “She has a little sister joining next year. She doesn’t like the idea of her sister or herself being used as an incubator for more freaks. She has a reason to be here.”

  He nodded understanding.

  “Don’t say it, Phillip.”

  “He has reason to be here.”

  I sighed and moved back to my seat. I rested my elbows on my knees and looked at the floor. “He has no reason to be here and he can’t do it. He said so himself, he can’t do it.”

  “He isn’t going to stand around while you get shot at. He’s in love with you, whether you are Celeste or Helen to him. It doesn’t matter. He doesn’t need to shoot the girls. As long as he doesn’t stop his team from doing so. Besides, most of them will probably die when we bomb them from orbit. Out of sight, out of mind.”

  “He isn’t ready. He needs to be level headed, not following me around waiting to take a bullet for me in order to rid himself of guilt for leaving me behind once.”

  “Are you sure it’s him that can’t handle it? Or are you the one that won’t be able to concentrate?”

  I almost stopped breathing. I didn’t want Nick hurt, he wasn’t meant to be a soldier. I didn’t want him to see how cruel the world was. But it wasn’t just that. Seeing those girls, it would show him exactly what I went through. “I can handle anything. He isn’t ready. He’s green and he’ll be a distraction.”

  “Missy is green.”

  I punched the seat and looked up at Phillip. “Why are you pushing this? I said no! He’s not ready to die for humanity! He’s not ready to say to fuck with everyone and blow the hell out of whoever gets in our way! He’ll get his ass in trouble trying to follow me around like a pet dog, and I’ll have to save him! We are all going into this knowing we are it, it’s the people here who will watch our backs and that’s it! Everyone is prepared to take that risk! He’ll be in the way and we won’t have time to rescue a rookie who can’t pull the trigger! So, no Phillip, just no.”

  I put my head in my hands as I said no. It came out barely a whisper but he heard me.

  “Just wanted to make sure you’re keeping him out for the right reasons and not because of any history. We need all the people we can get and love is a powerful motivator.”

  “I am ready to die tonight, Phillip. If I should I’m prepared and accepting of my fate. I’m at peace with it. I’ve done bad things, good things and unspeakable things. But I’ve always done the selfish thing. Tonight, and every night after, while we are at battle, I’m going to do what’s right for the world because - although it is going to hell and I wasn’t born here - Earth is our home world and the people need someone to save them. I need to atone for my sins somehow and this seems like the most appropriate way to do it.”

  I looked up in time to see him nod.

  “What are your feelings for him? Are you worried he can’t pull the trigger and is the same sweet boy you loved? Or, are you worried he can and isn’t the boy you loved anymore?”

  I wasn’t sure how I felt about him. One minute I didn’t really care that he was alive, the next I was wishing I could change time and choose death so I wouldn’t have to be so confused now. But that had more to do with not being used than him. Then again, someone else might have been trained and not feel the need to atone like I did. Guess I was still human.

  I couldn’t bullshit with Phillip like I could to Nick. Phillip and I had been through so much together.

  “I regret that things turned out this way. We had a good thing going before he left. I hadn’t known much love other than him. But we aren’t those same people. We’ve been through loss and pain. We aren’t the same people we were and we don’t fit together like we used to. I’ve been changed, not for the better and not necessarily for the worse, but changed nonetheless. I guess I’m not getting attached like he is because I know it’s a hopeless cause. I don’t think I believe in soul mates anymore, and well, we used to be that. But who, what, I am now doesn’t have a soul mate, just a purpose.”

  “I didn’t really hear a clear ‘I love him’ or ‘I don’t love him’ in that speech.”

  I laughed. “No, well listen up then. I don’t love him. I loved him once, who he was and who we were together. That time is long past and I no longer wish I could go back and convince him to stay and die with me. That’s the only other outcome. It serves no one. At least this way we can do something useful with our lives instead of raising sheep.”

  “So, no distractions no matter what?”

  I shook my head and smiled. “Phillip, I’m surprised at you. You know me better than that.”

  He nodded and stretched his legs. They were long - he was tall - and made creaking noises. I couldn’t help but laugh. “You getting old on me already?”

  “Of course not. Just so damn cramped in these things.”

  The chopper landed on the roof and the driver gave us a thumb up. H
e’d pick us up at a predetermined meeting place when we gave the signal. We jumped out, geared and ready to go.

  “I’m going in too.”

  I nodded. I hadn’t expected him to stay outside. His sister’s memory was at stake here. I wouldn’t deny him his revenge. We broke into the fire escape and entered the building.

  Chapter Twelve (Helen)

  As it turned out, we went into an empty building. We checked every floor and every office. They were all empty. Every training room; even the lunchroom and conference rooms were empty. We made it to the top floor, the executive’s floor, with no incidents. The traps, the sensors, everything was turned off. It made us wearier than anything. We did not relax.

  Phillip was armed to the teeth and I was not far behind. He took the front position, not something that happened often; I tended to do more killing than him. He did infiltration well though. He had his headset hooked up to his computer, which happened to be linked to a government satellite - which they did not know about - which was home to an artificial intelligence that he could turn on and off. Yeah, his computer was a super genius. Did I mention he built the A.I. himself? Yeah, sad but true, he is that smart.

  So, I let him take the lead as his A.I. helped us out with what traps should be where, if any were turned on. When we got to the last hallway leading to the boss’ office, we knew why the place was empty. Every damn soldier on staff and present was guarding his doorway. Phillip and I knew the odds. The people at my work were not as good as us, I was their best specimen, and Phillip was on par with me for most things.

  However, sometimes numbers are everything. There were over twenty and all armed as much as we were. Some had bigger toys than we did, like rocket launchers and flamethrowers. I hated flamethrowers. His computer could analyze and hopefully give us warning when one of the big things was used. Maybe it could also hack into the connection they all had. The down side to this place, no trust. Therefore, everyone was hooked up to an interface that connected to the boss’ computer. If Phillip’s ‘Friend’, as we called it, could hack the system and weapons - or specialties - would be under its control. Phillip gave the order to do so, leaving us on our own as far as the fighting and weapons went. Getting them shut down, especially those with cybernetic enhancements, was more important.