#1 Lie

by T Gephart

  It didn’t.

  He was out of the car, stalking toward me when I turned and headed to the courtyard. I couldn’t stop, scared that without the restraints the car had provided us, I wouldn’t be able to resist touching him. So instead I quickly opened the gate, climbing the steps to my first floor apartment like the heavy footsteps behind me were that of an assailant I was trying to outrun.

  My key slipped into the lock and I twisted the knob, saying a silent prayer before I opened the door.

  Please Lord, whatever happens, don’t make it any worse.

  He was right behind me as I entered, shutting the door as I turned on the light.

  Being in the dark wasn’t smart. It would have made it too easy to forget we were there to have a conversation, and instead find my way back to his lips. Talking was so overrated anyway, and I missed kissing him so damn much.

  “I’m sorry.” It rushed out of my mouth before I had a chance to chicken out.

  He took a step forward, closing the gap between us. “What are you sorry for exactly?”

  “For everything. It was a stupid fucking idea.”

  I wanted to grab him, pull him close and forget the past week. For him to touch me like he did in that hotel room in Shreveport, to have permission to touch him back.

  “No, Jessica. You need to be specific.” His hands cradled my chin, lifting it so he could look in my eyes. “Are you sorry we had sex?”

  “No.” I answered without hesitation. “I could never regret that. And I’m not sorry for the time we spent together. But I am sorry I lied to my family, to you, and most of all to myself. It wasn’t supposed to be like this, I never intended to feel this way.”

  His head dipped, his nose skating mine. I was positive he wasn’t trying to seduce me but my hormones didn’t much care for his intention. “I’m sorry too.”

  It was like a slap sobering me, my feet taking a step back as my eyes widened. “What are you sorry for?”

  He dropped his hands from my chin and raked them through his hair. “Take your pick. For being a prick, for wanting to hurt you, but most of all for agreeing to walk away.”

  I wasn’t sure what that all meant—especially the part about him agreeing to walk away—and I would get to all of that in a minute. But the hurt part stuck out the most.

  “You wanted to hurt me?”

  I knew he was angry, and I wouldn’t have blamed him if he hated me, but I never thought he was capable of wanting to hurt me.

  “Yes. I was so fucking mad.” He shook his head, gritting out the words from his clenched jaw. “I couldn’t believe that after everything, you would still go through with that bullshit. And I know you had your reasons, and to you they were valid, but none of it made sense.”

  “I know that, I was just—”

  “Jessica, please let me finish.” His finger rested on my lips. “Asking me to break up with you sucked. I hated it. I hated saying all those lies in front of your family and pretending I could leave you without giving a shit. But what killed me more was that you still thought of us as a transaction. Like nothing had changed. Everything had changed, Jess. It wasn’t a job to me. You were not a fucking job. You shut me out, and you wouldn’t even consider an alternative. In the end, I wasn’t even sure if you gave a shit.”

  “I had to.” My voice louder than I’d intended it to be. “Dave, she was going to die and if she believed—”

  “If she believed what, Jessica? I know you’ve convinced yourself that if she believed you were miserable, she would stick around. But did you ever think maybe you were doing more harm? She’s not an idiot, and she deserved the truth. We both did. Which was why I wanted to hurt you. I wanted you to feel how fucking horrible I felt.”

  “Don’t think for a second it was easy for me.” The tears welled in my eyes even though I promised myself I wouldn’t cry. “I was desperate. I would have tried anything. And I wasn’t sure what you felt.”

  His eyes widened, stepping back like I’d punched him in the face. “Jesus, Jess. I’m not that good an actor.”

  My mind swam, trying to sort out my feelings and thoughts while still trying to remain upright. He’d asked me not to go through with it—that we would find another way—but I hadn’t wanted to hear. I couldn’t. I’d just assumed that a relationship that had started out pretend would be destined to fail anyway, so why prolong the suffering.

  “I was scared, okay?” I stalled out, not sure anything I was going to say was going to come out right. “We were pretending and then we weren’t. And I wanted to believe you felt the same way but I wasn’t sure, and I was too scared to ask. And maybe I was stupid, and using my grandma was an excuse, because admitting to you that I was falling in love with you was almost as terrifying as losing her. My heart wouldn’t have been able to take it if you didn’t feel the same way.”

  I hated my vulnerability, exposing myself so much that there was literally nothing more to hide. But it was too late, my mouth had opened and I wasn’t able to make it stop.

  My parents had raised me to be strong, resilient, and self-reliant. It was how I was able to leave the cocoon of my hometown and come to L.A. with a badass attitude and drive to succeed. I didn’t think I needed anyone. But those days with Dave showed me how wrong I had been, and I needed and wanted him so goddamn much my heart hurt without him. It was easier to shatter it on my own terms than leave it in danger of being torn apart.

  His lips came crushing down on mine before I had a chance to continue, pulling me against him as he hauled me off the ground. “Fuck, Jess. I think I started falling in love with you that night at the coffee shop.”

  I couldn’t speak, losing myself in his kiss as my fingers clawed at him, needing to be closer than I felt I could get.

  “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” I mumbled it again and again against his lips, wishing I could go back and undo all the hurt.

  He lowered me, brushing his fingers against my lips and silencing me. “No more apologies, we’ve wasted enough time, okay?”

  I nodded, my arms still wrapped around him, scared to let go. “No more wasted time.”

  His hand brushed against my hair, holding me close to his body as his lips brushed against my neck. “Does this mean we’re making up?”

  “No,” I shook my head. “It means we’re starting over. No more pretending, no more lies. I want you, and I want you to have me.”

  I felt his lips touch my skin so gently, and it wasn’t enough. I was needy, wanting more of him on me as I grabbed his shirt in my hands and bunched it in my fists. “No more games, Dave. I want it to be for real this time.”

  “It was real the first time.”

  I didn’t get a chance to respond. His lips claimed mine, kissing me like I’d always been his. My mouth opened, letting him in as his tongue stroked mine. I moaned, moving my hands up his chest and threading them through his hair as he gripped my ass.

  There was more of the conversation that needed to happen, but I didn’t care and just wanted him to kiss me.

  “I need you,” I moaned, unashamed of how much I wanted him at that moment. “I need you so goddamn much.”

  He didn’t stop, his lips moving across my mouth to my neck as he kissed and licked my skin, neither of us able to get enough. “You have me. I’m right here.”

  “Are you still mad?” I asked, my fingers desperately sliding off his jacket.

  He lowered me slowly, my feet touching the floor before he turned his attention to his shirt and yanked at it. Buttons went flying as he pulled the two halves apart, stripping it from his body and dumping it on the carpet. My fingers floated over his naked skin, touching the smooth firm muscles of his chest.

  “It would be impossible to stay mad at you.” He swept me off my feet, carrying me to the sofa.

  My body bounced as he dropped me onto the cushions, toeing off his shoes before covering me with his body. “Fuck, I’ve missed you,” he groaned into the curve of my neck.

  “I’ve missed you to
o.” I kissed him, my fingers scrambling with the zipper at my side in an effort to get naked.

  He took over, lowering it the rest of the way, bunching the fabric at the seam and lifting it over my head. He hovered above me, staring down at me as I lay in my underwear.

  His eyes darkened as he dipped his head, lowering his mouth to the swell of my breasts and kissed each one. I writhed underneath him, feeling the familiar pull at the base of my gut as my body tingled. “Take it off.” I moaned as he kneaded my breast through the lace, teasing me with his tongue and teeth.

  Nodding, his hands disappeared, flicking free the clasp of my bra, the lace going slack against my skin. With his teeth he lifted it off, tossing it aside before returning his mouth to my nipples to worship them.

  My hands fumbled with the front of his pants, wanting to get them off.

  “Impatient.” He laughed against my skin, lifting his body so I could unbutton them and lower the zipper.

  I kicked off my heels while he lowered his pants, his hard cock straining against the front of his boxer briefs. My hand pressed against the bulge, rubbing up and down his length until he groaned in frustration.

  “Impatient.” I smirked back.

  He stripped off in a rush and dumped his clothes on the floor before turning his attention to my panties.

  His eyes feasted on my body as his fingers looped around the waistband and slid them down my legs. He leaned back on his heels, taking a moment to admire what was in front of him.

  “Kiss me,” I groaned, reaching across and pulling him toward me, his mouth landing on my thigh. My body wiggled, loving the feel of his lips on my skin as his fingers brushed against my pussy.

  “So wet.” He plunged a finger inside, making my back bow off the sofa. He took that as an invitation and added another, thumbing my clit as I rocked my hips.

  “More, more,” I panted, his hands not enough for me as I lifted into a sitting position and grabbed his cock. “I need more of you.”

  He continued to pump with his fingers while I stroked him, alternating between watching his hand and watching mine.

  “Please tell me you have condoms in this place.” He pulled out his fingers and brought them to his mouth. His eyelids dropped to half-mast as his lips curled around them, savoring what I’d given him as he pushed up to his feet and stood above me.

  It was sexy and seductive and it was driving me crazy. “Give me a second.” I leapt off the sofa, annoyed I hadn’t stashed some protection in my purse, and ran to my bedroom. I carried the pack back to the living room like a conquering hero.

  “Good, you brought the box.” He grabbed it from my fingers, pulling one out and opening it with his teeth. I watched hungrily as he rolled it down his length and gave himself a stroke.

  “Jessica.” His hands lost interest in his erection, planting themselves on my hips as he guided me back to the sofa. He sat, pulling me down onto his lap and kissing me.

  “What do you want?” he growled, the head of his cock rubbed against my opening, teasing me as I twisted against him. “Because I want you to ride me right now until you don’t know your own name.”

  “Yes,” I panted, reaching down between us and lining him up. With a single thrust, I pushed down hard, taking his entire length. I gasped, my body not fully ready and needing a moment to adjust.

  “You okay, beautiful?” His lips pressed against my forehead, holding my hips still with his hands.

  I nodded, slowly grinding against him as my body heated from the inside. With my fingers clamped on his shoulders, I rocked against him, slow and steady, watching his face as I rode him.

  “That’s it,” he encouraged, pulling me down on him harder and deeper as I picked up speed.

  Every part of me tingled as I lost myself in the rhythm, feeling myself climb higher as he filled me again and again. “Fuck me, Jess.” His lips curled around my breast, sucking hard as I rocked. “Fuck. Me.”

  My orgasm tackled me from behind, racing up my spine and overwhelming me in a rush. I collapsed against him, breathing heavy against his neck as he continued to thrust. He was so hard, stretching me as he drove into me again and again.

  “Fuck,” he shouted, wrapping his arms around me and pulling me against his chest, his cock pulsing as he exploded in me.

  I couldn’t move, the waves of pleasure washing over me as I panted against him. His arms were like a cage, holding me prisoner as he kissed my neck.

  “That was probably a little more than just talking, wasn’t it?” He laughed against my skin. “I guess tonight I’m the liar.”

  I lifted my head, focusing on his beautiful eyes as I kissed him on the lips. “I don’t think you got here on your own, buddy. And I wasn’t interested in just talking.”

  “Ah, I see.” He smirked, his hands moving up my back in a soft caress. “You were just using me for my body.”

  “No, I never used you for that.” My hands locked around his face holding it still. “When it was just us, it was just us. It wasn’t an act.”

  A smile edged across his lips. “I know.” He dropped a quick peck on my lips. “Why don’t we move this to the bedroom. I don’t think either of us are done just yet.”

  My feet dropped to the floor as I lifted off him, his eyes followed the lines of my body as I stood.

  “I will never get tired of that view, you’re fucking stunning.” He shook his head as he joined me on his feet. “And I’m the luckiest bastard alive right now.”

  I was just about to argue that I was the lucky one when my phone rang, the clutch I’d dropped on the coffee table when we’d walked in, vibrating across the surface.

  “Why don’t you get that and I’ll get a shower started.” He playfully swatted me on the ass. “And if it’s Jeremy, tell him to fuck off, he can survive one night without you.”

  I smirked, watching him walk toward my bedroom as I picked up my clutch and dug out my cell. The caller ID made my heart stop, the bold capital letters on the screen spelling out MOM.

  “Mom?” I answered, almost fumbling the phone and dropping it. I pressed it against my ear, and said her name again.

  “Hey, baby.”

  She sound tired, completely wrung out, making my pulse spike.

  “Is it Gran?”

  Ice filled my veins as I dropped to my knees, hearing words I knew eventually would come, but I hadn’t been ready to hear. She wasn’t gone yet, but she didn’t have much time left.

  I tossed the phone aside, racing across to my desk, sinking into my chair and turned on my laptop. It was late but if I could get on a flight to anywhere, I was going to book it. I didn’t care if I had to fly to Atlanta and drive from there, the alternative of not going was not negotiable.

  “Book two tickets.” A voice came from behind, Dave’s hand gently brushing the hair off my shoulders. “I’m coming too.”

  “Dave, you don’t have to. This is going to be intense and I haven’t had time to explain to my family . . .” Visions of my brothers laying into him the minute he walked through the door made me want to puke. “It’s probably better you don’t.”

  He took my chin in his hands and kissed me deeply before pulling back. “Better for who? Certainly not for you. I don’t give a shit what they think or what they’re going to do, you are not doing this alone.”

  “Travis is probably going to want to take a piece out of you.” I shook my head, terrified not only of losing my gran but the family drama that would erupt the minute we walked through the door. No man would put up with that kind of crazy, and it was too soon to worry about losing him. Not when I had just got him back.

  Dave turned me toward him, shaking his head as his finger traced my jaw. “You think I haven’t been in a fight before? You know I have four brothers, right? It was like a constant cage fight in our living room so I can handle anything your brother throws at me. What I can’t handle is watching you get on a plane, knowing you’re going to need me, and me not being there. Book the tickets, Jess, I’ll go get
dressed.”

  There was no more time to argue, precious moments ticking away as I tried to find a flight.

  “Damn it.” I stared at the screen, the time difference and the distance making it almost impossible to get home as quick as I needed.

  “Try Houston.” Dave was back, fully clothed minus the buttons on the front of his shirt. “It’s not that much further.”

  I could get us on a United flight just after one in the morning. It would land in Houston shortly after six. Then driving the four hours to Shreveport. It wasn’t ideal but we were running out of options.

  “I’m going to go grab some clothes and pack a bag real quick.” He watched as my fingers booked the flight. “I’ll be back as soon as I can and we’ll head to the airport.”

  I nodded, watching him dash out the door while I printed the ticket confirmation. The next step was to get dressed and pack, the latter consisting of grabbing random shit and tossing it into an overnight bag and hoping for the best. It would be potluck on what actually made it in, my concern getting out the door and not whether or not I had matching socks.

  With my bag packed, I sat on my mussed up sheets and waited.

  I didn’t know what I needed but I needed to do something to keep my mind busy until I could get to her. So I started reciting my truth.

  The one where I told her everything—the lie, finding Dave, and then letting him go. I didn’t care anymore about saving face or if my actions made me look like the dumbest person alive.

  I was the dumbest person alive.

  Not only had I lied to someone I’d loved my entire life and to the new love I’d found, but also to myself.

  I closed my eyes and for the first time in a long time I really prayed.

  I prayed with all my heart that whatever happened, I got there in time.

  Not only to say goodbye, but to finally tell her the truth.

  I ALMOST HAD NO RECOLLECTION of the flight or the road trip, muscle memory enabled me to walk, talk and breathe—going through the motions until we finally arrived at my Aunt JoAnn’s house around ten thirty. My heart thumped in my chest as I stared at the front door, scrambling to get out of the car and terrified we had gotten there too late.