Finding Redemption (Rollin On Book 5)

by Emilia Finn

  “What are we--”

  Jon stops me. “I want you to get the ink we planned but never got. You say you’ll serve a life sentence for me, well, get our best friend ink. I already got mine.” Jon pulls his shirt up quickly, not giving me a chance to prepare myself or look away, and my eyes zero in on the Rebel Alliance symbol in the middle of his chest. A lot of his body is already covered in tattoos, but this one isn’t lost in the crowd. It has place of pride over his heart, then he has my name and our wedding date scrawled below. My heart threatens to explode and I’m sure I can feel it grow and pulse. But it can’t, not anymore. I can’t do this.

  “Ha!” Ian laughs quick and loud from his spot on a stool by the chair-bed. “No need, bro. I didn’t realize this was the virgin skin you wanted. She’s a virgin no longer.”

  Jon’s eyes snap to Ian’s. “Come again?”

  I shake my head. No, no, no, no. Don’t tell him. “I already took her virginity,” Ian chuckles, but he pulls his shit up real quick when Jon steps up to him. “That is, she came in last week and already got inked. I can still do yours today though, that’s cool.”

  Jon turns to me. “What did you get done?”

  “Nothing.” I turn away in an attempt to run, but Jon grabs me.

  “What did she get done?” He’s asking Ian but I continue my denials.

  “I got nothing.” I’m definitely not telling him I got our best friend ink.

  “Ian, I love you bro. You’re my ink man, but I’ll kick your ass and go elsewhere if you don’t tell me.”

  “She got the Rebel Alliance and some script.”

  “I did not!”

  Jon turns to me with a wicked grin. “You already got our ink?” He leans in close to my ear and his stubble scratches my cheek. My entire body trembles from his proximity. “Show me?”

  “No.”

  Jon pulls back to meet my eyes with a smirk. “Ian, where’d she get it?”

  “I got it on my ass. Ian got to stare for hours.”

  Jon’s lips brush my ear again. “Liar.”

  “She got it on her ribs, just below her--”

  “You see my wife’s breasts, Ian?”

  “Your wife?” Ian sputters. “No, I didn’t see her -- she was wearing a bra.”

  “You saw my wife’s bra, Ian?”

  Ian’s voice turns anxious. “I was just doing my job, bro.”

  “Were you wearing a pretty lacy bra, Sunshine?” Jon’s gravelly voice drags across my body and I shiver. “Did you show him my favorite set?” He moves his face back to look into my eyes again. “Show me your ink.”

  “This is my cue to leave,” Aiden murmurs, turning away with Evie in his arms, but Tina stops him. “I’m not leaving! I wanna see too.”

  “Peaches. I can’t see. It’s against bro code.”

  “So turn around. I’m not leaving.”

  “Show me, Sunshine. Show me now.”

  “I don’t wanna.”

  Ignoring me, Jon pulls my top out of my jeans and reveals my ribs. He slowly lifts the fabric, the soft material tickling my already hypersensitive skin. I don’t bother stopping him. He’s stronger than me and he’s on a mission. His breath comes out in a soft gravelly growl when he reveals the top of my ribs.

  I know what he’s looking at; the exact same Rebel Alliance symbol that he has, but with the words ‘we are encouraged to love’ scrawled below.

  Ironically, Anakin and Padme married in secret, just like Jon and I.

  “You can go, Ian.”

  “Jon--”

  “Don’t worry, you can keep the money. I transferred last week. It should already be in your account.”

  Jon leans down in front of me, folding his giant body and he softly places his lips just above my tattoo. My eyes close without my permission; it’s too much that he’s in front of me again, that his lips are on my skin again.

  “Please stop, Leo.”

  He stands up and meets my eyes, then nods. “Leo.” He smiles brilliantly. “Yeah, I’m your Leo. Hey Sunshine?”

  “Yeah?”

  He smiles wickedly. “I’m glad you know that word. So… will you marry me?”

  A feel the tear fall over my cheek as I laugh and cry in one. “No.”

  “Dammit!” Jon laughs. “I thought I had you that time. It’s okay, I still didn’t get you a ring. Let’s go. We have another stop.”

  Tucking his books, the folder I gave him, and the divorce paperwork under his arm, then straightening my top and lowering the fabric again, Jon takes my hand and leads me away from Ian and back to the front door.

  “Jon, where are we--”

  Jon looks around us, then satisfied Evie isn’t nearby, he turns back to me with a wicked grin. “Shush.”

  “Don’t shush me, Jon Hart, it’s rude.”

  Jon doesn’t say any more, he just laughs and drags me across the street toward Jim and Iz’s house. Stepping onto the front porch, he knocks loudly, then I roll my eyes when Jim answers the door wearing a giant grin on his face and my giant stupid face on his shirt.

  “Really?”

  “Hey there, Tinky Winky, where’s Lala and Poh?”

  “What the fuck are you talking about?” Jon asks as he pushes past Jim and we enter his house.

  “Sorry,” Jim verbally rolls his eyes behind us as he closes his front door. “Bean’s on a Teletubbies binge at the moment. Ignore that. How ya doing, Tink? Did you marry him yet?”

  “She said no,” Jon answers him. “Twice!”

  “Damn,” Jim laughs as we enter the living room. “She’s being stubborn today. That’s alright, we’ll crack this nut.”

  I look around the room, at Bean and Izzy sitting on the single recliner. I roll my eyes at Izzy’s shirt, then at Bean’s white onesie with my drunk face covering her entire torso, but I don’t dwell because I spot the strange older lady in a power suit.

  She’s attractive, but she’s probably at least sixty years old. She has a kind smile though. She has a professional low bun with dark hair with wisps of gray woven through. Her skirt suit is sharp and kind of beautiful, and her shoes while sensible, are kind of awesome. She stands and extends her soft but perfectly manicured hand to me. “Hi, Casey. I’m Sonia.”

  Fuck. Me. Sideways.

  “Please forgive me, but I know a whole lot more about you than you know about me. I don’t mean to have that advantage, but Jon wanted us to meet officially. I’m here to answer any and all questions you might have for me.”

  I look up at Izzy then back to Jon. He can’t possibly want Izzy to know everything, and a lot of my questions are about things he might not want her to know.

  Things like; is Jon doomed to be a man child for the rest of his life? Will he ever want children or marriage? I don’t mean this farce of a proposal today, because today is all about getting his best friend back.

  He was so anti-marriage for so long, I just can’t see him changing so suddenly and swiftly.

  “You can ask anything you want, Sunshine. Anything at all. Sissy and me… we talked. I was caught up in my own shit for so long, I never stopped to notice she’s a grown up. She’s a mom and I needed to trust her with knowledge that I kept from her for so long.”

  I feel my eyes fill again. “She knows everything?”

  He nods. “Everything. She also tried to steal my truck and was willing to do life. We talked her out of it.”

  “We all thought to jump in the bed of the truck and join in,” Jim murmurs angrily as he sits on the arm of Izzy’s chair and pulls her to his side. “We knew a lot of stuff, but we didn’t know it all. We’re sorry we didn’t protect you better, Jon.”

  Jon shrugs. “It’s done. But anyway, I brought Sonia here to talk to you, Case.”

  “About what?”

  “I want her to tell you about the me from when I first started seeing her, to the me of now. I want her to convince you I’ve grown and that I may still say stupid ass things sometimes, but I’ve grown and changed. I can be a family man no
w, I can be a daddy. I would. I want a family with you, Sunshine.”

  “Leo.” I swipe the tears from my cheeks. “You keep forgetting, even if I believed that, I can’t give you babies.”

  “Even if you believed? You don’t believe me?”

  “No.” I’m starting to. Just like him pounding into my head over and over again that he won’t be a family man, he’s now pounding in the opposite message. It’s not so much that I don’t believe him, mostly that I’m scared to.

  “Sonia, do you think I’ve changed?”

  I look up at the older woman and I watch the way her eyes watch him with a maternal pride. “I think you’re the same Jon as always--”

  “Sonia! You’re killing me--”

  She laughs. “Calm down, Jon. You want me to speak, let me speak. I think you’re the exact same Jon as always, I think you’re just less scared now. You were always this good man. You were always a family man. It’s just that now you can say the words out loud. I think you might be one of the most loyal, most hardworking, you might be the kindest and most selfless man I’ve ever known, and considering where you came from, you and Izzy are beautiful flowers that grew from weeds. You were so scared to be a dad, but you don’t acknowledge that you were Izzy’s father figure, her protector and provider since you were seven years old.

  “I think you had a real and true fear of the cycle repeating itself and you being able to see your sister have a baby showed you that it doesn’t have to be that way. You can be happy and you can have a family.”

  “So really,” Iz adds with a goofy smirk. “Me getting knocked up so young did you a favor.”

  Jon looks at his sister with pursed lips and I fight my smile. “Yeah, you really fell on your sword, Sissy. I appreciate your dedication.” Jon nods at her swollen tummy. “You can stop after that one though. You shouldn’t even be having sex.”

  Jimmy laughs loud and without restraint. He doesn’t say a word, he doesn’t argue, he just smugly laughs and holds Jon’s sister possessively against his chest.

  Jon turns back to me. “Sonia is also on retainer. She’ll take your call any time, any day, right Sonia?”

  She nods at me and passes a card across the coffee table. “Right. Any time, any day. Any question. I have permission to answer for you, and you don’t need Jon’s permission to call. He doesn’t have to know we spoke.”

  I stare down at the black and white card with her number and all the letters after her name. This woman has more than one degree. “Okay.” I nod. “Thank you.”

  Jon jumps up and claps his hands together. “Good job, Sonia.” He steps forward and high fives her. Literally. Then he turns to me. “Casey. Sunshine.” Jon drops to his knee and holds my hand between his. “Will you marry me yet?”

  I smile this time. He’s playing with my heart, but his constant requests and reinforcement feels good. “No.”

  “Ahhh.” He lets my hand go and stands. “I knew you’d say that. I still don’t have a ring anyway. Let’s go. We have another stop.”

  Jon picks me up and throws me over his shoulder, and I laugh at the nostalgia. I blush when I spot Aiden, Tina and Evie standing at the living room entrance, then Jon turns and I face Sonia, Jim, Izzy, and Bean. Everyone is watching and I can feel my previously pale face pool with a blush. Jesus, I was never a blusher before Jon.

  He carries me past a giggling Evie, then Tina slaps my ass with a laugh. Jon walks us out Jim and Iz’s front door and across the lawn, then we walk up Bobby and Kit’s front stairs.

  The process is repeated, the deep thump-thump-thump of Jon’s broad fist on the solid timber, then laughter as Bobby opens the door. “Did she agree yet?”

  “Three rejections so far, B. She’s being stubborn.”

  “Damn Tink. Is it shark week or somethin’?”

  “Bobby!”

  I laugh at Kit’s outraged words and the sound of a hand slapping bare skin. “Don’t be so crass, and get out of his way. He’s trying to propose to my best friend.”

  “I thought I was your best friend?” Bobby asks with a whiny voice, but Kit ignores him. Kit steps around Jon’s body and stops in front of my dangling head. I groan at her shirt, at my face stretched across her adorable baby swelled belly. Kit’s hands come up to cup my cheeks then she leans forward and places a soft kiss on my lips.

  “Make him work for it, Tink. But don’t shut him out completely. He loves you, so, so much.”

  I roll my eyes, my only shield against crying. “He can hear you.”

  Kit nods. “He should know what I think of him. You’re my sister, Casey. You’ve always been my sister. I love you so much, and I want you to be happy. Whatever that choice means for you, I want you to be happy. I hope Jon is in that plan though, because he loves you so much. I don’t think there’s a man on this planet who will love you more.”

  Even without seeing his face, I can feel Jon’s smile. “True story, Sunshine.” He slaps my ass, though it’s mostly caress and no sting. “Let’s go. We have more people to talk to.”

  Kit’s hands fall from my face as Jon steps forward, then he passes Bobby – who’s wearing a ridiculous shirt too – then he enters the living room. He stops in the middle of the room and bounces me off his shoulder with a grunt. “Have you been emotional eating, Sunshine?”

  I punch his shoulder as hard as I can. “You’re an asshole, Jon!”

  He just laughs at me. “I’m kidding. Jesus, if I didn’t know you so well, I’d wonder if it was shark week.”

  His words stop me in my tracks. “You know my cycle?”

  He shrugs shyly. “Mostly. You’re a bit all over the place with your endo, but I know it mostly. And I definitely know it a day out. The whole town can feel that storm brewing over our heads. That time you blew up at the gas station attendant has gone down in the history books, Sunshine. Our great- great-grandchildren will know that story about how the dude nearly pissed his pants in fear.”

  I shake my head. “You’re seriously the biggest asshole I know, Jon.”

  “Yes, but I’m yours, Sunshine.” He leans forward and kisses my lips softly. “Forever and ever.”

  “Ms. Irvine.”

  I spin at the sound of another voice, and my eyes flick between two more professionally dressed women. One looks to be mid-forties, the other a decade older. Both have kind smiles and warm eyes.

  “Mrs. Hart.” Jon corrects the younger woman and she meets his eyes with a kind smile.

  “Of course. Mrs. Hart, I’m Catherine Parker. I run a fertility clinic across town. Jon contacted me because he believes you may be having trouble conceiving a baby naturally, and I’d like to help.”

  My eyes spill over immediately as my gaze snaps to his. He’s no longer joking, his smug smile is gone. He’s deadly serious. “I didn’t tell her what happened yet, Sunshine. I didn’t want to violate your privacy, but I googled a bunch of stuff on my own, and I think Doctor Parker can help us. I know you have your own doctor, but I figure Doctor Parker is a specialist and maybe she and yours can collaborate somehow.”

  “That’s correct,” Parker agrees. “I can meet with your regular doctor and we can discuss your case. I can provide you options for whatever your specific case entails. Whether that be IVF, or simply a round of clomid to help bring on ovulation. Then if that doesn’t work we can discuss surrogacy--”

  “I’ll carry your baby.” I spin at Kit’s voice. There are tears streaming from my eyes and my breath comes heavy as I scan everyone behind us.

  “Me too,” Izzy agrees beside Kit. “I’ll carry your baby.”

  “Or me,” Tina adds on the end beside Aiden. “I’ll carry your baby if you want.”

  “And if that doesn’t work,” the older woman speaks for the first time and draws my gaze back to her. “My name is June Henderson. I represent the Department of Child Worldwide Adoptions. I can help you find the perfect child that needs what you need. A family. We can set up an appointment at your earliest convenience and we can get the ball ro
lling. I already have proof of your marriage, financial solvency and career stability. You and Jon make wonderful stable candidates and I’d love to help you.”

  “Jon.”

  Jon pulls me against his chest. “My name’s Leo, Sunshine. You keep messing it up.”

  “You want babies with me? Really, really?”

  Jon nods as his thumbs swipe my tears away. “Really, really. I want you and I want our family and I want you forever. And I want to start today.” Jon stops, watching my face for a moment. He must see the indecision in my eyes. “Am I breaking you down yet? Because I have a cake baking workshop set up in Jack’s place. I also have the premiere tickets for the new Star Wars movie and a hotel room booked. Then Bobby has Taylor Swift on speed dial. We can have her here in an hour. Maybe. Probably not, but maybe you can Facetime and say hey to each other.”

  I feel the giggle roll through my chest. “Jon--”

  “Sunshine. I love you. I love you more than anything in the entire world. Even more than I love Sissy.”

  “Hey!”

  Jon chuckles. “Way more than I love her.”

  “But Jon--”

  He shakes his head. “Leo. My name is Leo.”

  “Leo. You really hurt me.”

  “I know, Sunshine. I know I hurt you, but I’ll spend the rest of my life making it up to you. There’s no one in this world that makes me happy like you do.”

  “But what about what you always used to say?”

  “I love you, Casey.”

  “But why?”

  My words shock him. “Why?” He takes my hands in his. “I love you because you can’t sing for shit.”

  “Potty mouth!” Tina snaps from behind Jon’s back, though Evie giggles.

  “Sorry, Tina. But Casey, it’s true. I love you because you can’t sing, though you try so damn hard. You’re like a walking encyclopedia for musical lyrics. Completely useless information, but you retain the hell out of it. I love you because you remind me of a feisty cartoon character and now every time the Disney channel is on I’m sporting a half wood. I love you because we both have outie bellybuttons and because you’re a psycho who wouldn’t hesitate to lace my cereal if I pi--“ Jon’s lips purse as he reconsiders. “If I peed you off. I love you because when you smile, I smile.”