First Sight_Never Give Up, Never Give In

by Mia Jones

  Garrett gritted his teeth. “Dammit.” He locked his car and headed in that direction. Relief flowed through him the closer he got to her. As much as he wanted to snatch her up and throw her over his shoulder, he knew he had to go slowly with her right now.

  Jessica stood and looked out over the water as the afternoon sun hit the waves and made them glow. She hoped that it would start to soothe the enormous pain tearing at her chest in some way so she could take a normal breath. She thought she was prepared for the pain, but it went beyond anything she thought possible. She’d heard once that a person could die from a broken heart but always thought it was an old wives’ tale. Now she understood how really true it was. She wanted to crawl into a hole and never come out. Nothing in her life had hurt as much as this.

  She knew instantly when Garrett stepped up behind her. Warmth and sorrow and a sensation of panic bombarded her senses. A dark, sickening grief filled her heart and took her breath away.

  “Jessica. We need to talk, baby.” His voice was rough with anguish.

  Jessica cringed at the stark tone of his voice. He didn’t touch her but stood close enough behind her that she could feel the heat of his body wrap around her. She started to shiver. She didn’t know if it was because of the cool weather or a reaction of surprise that he found her. “How did you find me?”

  “That’s all you can say to me after scaring the hell out of me?” Garrett bit off sharply.

  “I already told you, you don’t need to worry about me,” she whispered warily. Jessica watched through tear-filled eyes as the gray foamy waves crashed against a pile of boulders to the left of them. It was a good representation of how beaten she felt.

  A cold knot formed in his stomach at the lifeless, exhausted tone of her voice. “Then I’ll have to stop breathing, because I can’t, I won’t stop until the day I die.”

  A small whimper slipped out as silent tears ran down her pale cheeks. She gasped when his large arms wrapped around her, pulling her back against his chest and into his immense warmth. He held her like this, murmuring soft words into her ears while she wept.

  “Which cabin is yours?” he asked after a short while.

  She pointed behind them and to the right.

  He bent and picked her up in his arms, cradling her against his chest. They both stayed quiet until the door to the cabin was closed and locked behind them.

  He sat her down on her feet, holding her shoulders until he was sure she was steady.

  He released her and then watched as she moved away, pulling off the throw blanket she’d had around her shoulders for warmth.

  Garrett’s jaw clenched when she turned, and he got his first good look of her features. Ravaged was the word he’d use to describe them. Her eyes were red and swollen from crying. Her face was pale, which made the dark circles from fatigue under her eyes more pronounced. He crossed his arms trying to hold himself back from going to her, stripping her, and sinking as far as he could inside her, showing her in the most basic way that she belonged to him, and he wasn’t going to put up with this shit anymore. He gritted his teeth. “What happened?”

  Jessica wrapped her arms around her waist and cringed at the livid tone of his voice and moved around the small cabin. “You know how many times I asked what you did during the day or how many times you had meetings at night?” She continued when he nodded confusion clear on his face. “I never thought you might be with another woman, even with what happened a few months ago. And I know that was innocent, but I knew eventually it would happen. I just buried my head in the sand.” She laughed humorlessly. She held out her hands and desperately shook her head when he took a step forward.

  He stopped and growled in frustration. “I’m still not understanding. Are you accusing me of having an affair?” he gritted out through clenched teeth.

  Jessica shrugged, unable to keep her eyes on his. “I had to remind myself that it was not my business what you do. We’re not married, and we’ve never really discussed where this was going or if we have a future. But I feel sick with the thought of you with another woman. I know it probably sounds juvenile to you. I thought that if I wanted to keep you, I would have to become more sophisticated so you wouldn’t get bored with me and find another woman.” She rubbed her forehead. “I can’t do it. I can’t change myself for anybody. Because if I start to change for you, you’ll take my spirit over until I don’t recognize myself in a mirror. You’re so far above me in so many areas. Socially, emotionally, financially.”

  Garrett’s hands went to his hips, and he hung his head. He knew they would eventually have to deal with that crap. Jessica hinted at her insecurities about their different lifestyles and how much they made sometimes. He thought with time it would calm her fears, but now he had to deal with this. He looked up, and his eyes stared intently at her. “What started this bullshit?”

  She cringed at the hard, cold edge to his voice. “A woman called and told me you’ve been out with other women, and she thanked me because she had a chance with you. The sad thing is I can see you with her more than I can a person like me.”

  His fists clenched. “Who? This Melanie woman?” He got his answer when she flinched and paled more. He looked up at the ceiling, trying and failing to keep his cool. “So you’re telling me we went through this bullshit for a woman I don’t know?” His words escalated until he was shouting. When she took a step back at his anger, he just about lost it. “Please don’t back away from me, baby. I would never hurt you,” he said with pain in his voice. “You have to know I’d cut off my arm before I ever hurt you.”

  “I know that.”

  “Then don’t move away from me like you’re afraid of me.” He waited until she nodded. “I’m sorry I yelled, but please explain this to me?”

  “You know Melanie.” She continued when he shook his head. “I was there the first time you met her.” When he still looked confused and just pissed, she sighed. “The night you met me.”

  He threw his arms out to the side. “I’m not remembering her. That night, all I could see was you. And, baby, every day that passes, it just gets worse. No other woman exists for me. Just you.”

  She lowered her gaze, still not believing him. His chest hurt so much, he was worried he was having a heart attack until the pure sadness filtered through the pain and anger. “You don’t trust me at all, do you?”

  Jessica jerked her gaze up to his when she heard the pain in his tone. “It’s not your fault...”

  A muscle in the side of his jaw clenched repeatedly. “I fucking know that. I haven’t done a damn thing.” There was a hard edge to his voice.

  She moved around Garrett to the large window in the cabin’s living room. After a minute, she turned and swallowed. “Garrett, doubt has been there from the start, and it intensified the stronger I felt for you.”

  “Do you believe me about this woman?”

  Jessica shrugged. “It doesn’t matter anymore. She just reminded me how I’ve felt about us as a couple from the start.”

  “Which is...” His voice and his eyes were growing colder and more remote.

  “That...we don’t live in the same stratosphere. You’re a powerful, extremely rich man. And I—”

  “You’re what?” He gritted out.

  She’d never heard that tone of voice from him. Absolutely no emotion could be seen or heard from him. He could have been made out of stone. “And I’m not. I clean up animal feces all day. You buy and sell businesses worth millions every day. There is no comparison.”

  His eyes bored into hers before his gaze traveled up and then down her body slowly before returning to her eyes. “So what you’re saying to me right now, is you want to call it quits?”

  Tears sprang in her eyes. She knew she was hurting him, and she hated that, but better to do this now than in the future when it would be so much harder. She nodded. “Don’t you think it’s better now than later, when it would only hurt worse?”

  He walked toward her and stopped when his ches
t was inches from her. “So you’re going to give up on us because you’re scared? Scared that we might not make it?”

  She was silent for a long moment before she nodded and tried to keep her eyes glued to his as tears slowly tracked down her cheeks. “Yes.”

  Garrett searched her features for a long minute. His hands came up to cradle her face before he bent and pressed his lips gently against hers. He raised his head and looked at her for several moments not saying anything. He ran his thumbs along her cheeks and tried without success to stem the river of tears that ran down her face.

  Garrett spoke softly to her. “I agree with you. Because I care about you more than I ever have or will ever love another human being. But we shouldn’t be together if you have no faith or trust in me because eventually you’ll let your insecurities come between us like you’re doing now.” He bent and kissed her one more time. “Bye, Jessica. When you finally find the strength to give us a chance, find me. I might still be available.” He turned and silently walked away. All she heard was the click of the door and then nothing.

  Jessica slowly sunk to the floor, her legs unable to support her. Long seconds ticked by when nothing moved. She started to panic when she couldn’t catch her breath. She held her breath to help the spasms in her throat to relax. Finally, she was able to inhale a lungful only to scream out. It came out sounding like an animal in pain. Oh, God, could a person die from this kind of pain? She curled into a fetal position on the cold, hard floor and cried until there was nothing left, until her throat was so swollen she could barely swallow, until her stomach felt like someone had kicked her with boots on. Eventually, she slept, exhausted from a sleepless night and the emotional upheaval.

  When she next opened her eyes, it was dark. She wondered what woke her until a shiver overtook her whole body, making her teeth chatter. She moved to stand and groaned at the muscle cramps all over her body. Every step she took, pain chased through her body. If this is what a hundred-year-old feels like, she didn’t want to live that long.

  She moved slowly toward the bathroom hunched over, unable to straighten. She turned on the heater in the bathroom and closed the door before going into the bedroom to grab the warmest clothes she’d brought with her and pull her hair up.

  She stayed in the warm shower until it started to cool. The shower and the heater made the coldness of her skin start to fade, but she was afraid the cold, gaping hole in her soul would be there for the rest of her life. She put on her sweatshirt, sweat pants, and socks before she crawled into bed and pulled all the covers over herself. She closed her eyes but couldn’t hold back the tears. She cried herself to sleep again and didn’t wake for several hours.

  Next time she woke, it was morning. Jessica made herself crawl out from the mound of blankets and made her way into the kitchen to start a pot of coffee. She stood against the counter and watched the coffee slowly drip, willing it to go faster. When it was done, she filled a cup and sat for over an hour only getting up to refill it. Her thoughts were so chaotic, she couldn’t grasp just one thought. She finally gave up and went back to bed and didn’t wake until late in the afternoon.

  Jessica saw the time on the clock above the sink in the small cabin kitchen and panicked when she couldn’t remember what day it was. Had she totally blown off work? She started her phone, glad that she’d had the mind to plug it in. A relieved sigh sprang from her throat when she saw it was only Sunday. She’d be okay if she could find the energy to pack and drive back home.

  Jessica took her time and just concentrated on the road, trying to ignore the pain until she was home. She just needed to take one minute at a time, and eventually she might be able to take an hour at a time when she got stronger and didn’t feel so isolated and lonely.

  Jack watched while she dragged herself out of the car and into her apartment. He pulled over and parked so he would be able to watch her door then text Garrett. ‘She’s home safe, no problems. I’m parked outside her place and will make sure she is watched. Try to get some sleep, and I’ll be in touch tomorrow.’

  Garrett texted back. ‘Thanks, Jack. I feel better knowing you’re taking care of my girl. Call if you something happens.’

  ‘No problem, Garrett. Talk to you tomorrow.’

  Chapter 22

  It was dark out when she pulled into her apartment parking lot. She pulled her suitcase sluggishly behind her and unlocked her door. She leaned against the door after she locked it, exhausted. She left her suitcase where it lay and trudged into the bathroom. After she brushed her teeth and made sure the alarm was on, she closed her eyes and slept.

  It seemed she’d just closed her eyes when the alarm went off. She pulled herself up and sat. She’d cried so much while she slept, her pillow was not just damp but wet, and she was amazed she had any tears left. She walked into her bathroom and drank two glasses of water before she peered at herself in the mirror. Jessica grimaced at how swollen her eyes were and how pale she was.

  She jumped into the shower, soaped herself quickly, and endured another crying jag. She dressed in her usual attire and, after a few cups of coffee, headed out to the shelter.

  “Oh, God, Jess. What happened? Both Garrett and Angie have called so many times for you.”

  Jessica tried to smile but only had enough energy to hold back a new flood of tears. “Can you manage the place for me today?”

  Kari nodded.

  “Please only interrupt if it’s serious, okay?”

  Kari’s eyes worriedly followed her into the office before the door closed. She bit her lip and looked guiltily at Jessica’s closed door before she picked up the phone. “Mr. Batelli please. He’s expecting my phone call. Tell him it’s Kari.” She only had to wait seconds.

  “Is she there?”

  “Yes, Mr. Batelli, she just came in.”

  There was a moment of silence. “How’d she look?”

  “Truthfully, not good at all. I’ve never seen anyone look as pale as she is and be up and walking.”

  Garrett cringed and cussed under his breath. “I’m sending Angie to her. If she leaves or something else happens, call me.”

  “Mr. Batelli, wait, I feel guilty. I feel like I’m spying on her.” She heard a deep sigh. “What’s going on with her?”

  There was pause. “She’s been lied to.”

  “And it has something to do with you?”

  “Yes.”

  “Are you two together still?”

  “I don’t like answering all these questions, Kari.”

  The sound of ice in his voice sent a shiver of dread down her spine. “I’m sorry, sir, but I figure if I’m giving you information, I should know some things.”

  “All you need to know is we are still together. She thinks we’re taking a break, so I’m giving her time. I’m doing what’s best for Jessica. Just please do as I’ve asked. I want her happiness above everything, and if I thought I wouldn’t be able to fulfill it, I’d let her go.”

  “Yes, sir.” She heard him disconnect and set down the phone with shaky hands before sitting. She hoped she was doing the right thing. The fact that he was calling Angie helped.

  Jessica actually got some paperwork done. If she had to take a half of a bottle of aspirin and drink a pot of coffee to get through the day, that was okay. She held it together. Barely.

  That ended when Angie barged through the door. Jessica took one look at the concern in her friend’s face and burst into silent sobs.

  Angie pushed the door shut and rushed to her and put her arms around her friend when she shakily stood. “I’m so sorry, Jess. What can I do?”

  Jess shook her head. “Just being here is enough.”

  Angie pulled Jessica to the old couch in the office and sat and held her while she cried. She handed Jessica one tissue after another until this bout of crying stalled. Angie’s gaze ran up and down and narrowed in concern at the visible weight loss on Jessica. “First of all, how long has it been since you ate, Jess?”

  Jessica looked con
fused at first before she shook her head. Her gaze stayed glued to the crumbled tissues in her hands. “I don’t know.”

  “Jesus, Jess. You left here Friday afternoon, right?” she asked then continued when Jess nodded. “Did you eat that night?” Jess shook her head. “Saturday at all?” Again, another shake. “Sunday? Today?” Another hesitant shake. “Hold on.” She growled and stood and walked out of the office. A minute later, she came back with some crackers. “You can’t starve yourself, Jess.”

  Jessica looked at the cracker she was handed and tears started pool in her eyes. “I don’t think I’ll be able to swallow it, Ang. My throat is too tender, and my stomach feels like it’s full of lead.”

  Tears stung Angie’s eyes as she pulled her into her arms. “Can you tell me what happened?”

  Jessica sniffed and wiped her eyes. “Melanie woke me up and made me make the decision I should have months ago. I’ve thought several times that Garrett and I are so different from each other. We live in two separate worlds, and I can’t see our lives meshing for the long run.”

  “You know that bitch lied, right?” Anger vibrated through her words.

  Jessica snorted a small laugh through her tears for the first time in days. She wasn’t used to hearing Angie cuss. “Yeah. I don’t know why she did it, and it doesn’t really matter. She said things I’d been saying to myself all along.”

  “What?”

  “The relationship will end. It’s just a matter of time, and I’d rather it ends now, because I don’t think I’d survive when it happens later. I already love him, Angie. So much. But we’re so different from each other, I just can’t see it working.”

  Angie straightened her back and looked confused. “What makes you think it will end? Just because he’s rich? What? For God’s sake, Jess. I wish you could have heard Garrett. It was awful. He was losing it. Did you know he called all the hospitals when he couldn’t find you?”