Dear Adam
Page 22
“No! I’m trying to make it easier for us to meet. I want to see you. I need to see you. Please, Adam.”
“Look, can you wait until October? I’ll re-arrange everything so I can take time off. It will be a waste if you come here next month and I’m up to my ears in work. Just a few weeks more, Eden. Surely you can wait a little bit longer so that we can do this right. Aren’t we worth it?”
Adam made sense of course. His was the voice of reason. They had known each other less than a month. She was falling for him fast, but that didn’t mean she should forego clear thinking and jump on the next plane. She was a single mother with a son about to go to college in a year. She should behave more sensibly.
“Okay.”
She heard him sigh with great relief, and at the same time, she felt a dark shadow settle over them.
“I’ll wait,” she said. “But I have to say this now. Maybe if I say it out loud, it won’t come true. I’m afraid that something unexpected will happen. It will seem as though it were out of your control. And it will ultimately keep us from ever meeting.”
Chapter 14
Eden’s phone buzzed, indicating that she had just received a text message. It was from Adam, a first time. They usually just e-mailed each other when she was at work because international texts through her cellular network would have cost a small fortune.
I had an accident today and fell 20 feet. In the hospital A&E waiting room with Luca now.
Everything stood still as the words all ran together on her screen, and then Eden was a storm of motion. She grabbed her bag and was heading out door as she told the others, “I have to go to the bank. Be back in an hour.”
She didn’t remember the drive to Starbucks, just sitting in a chair outside and calling Adam’s Skype account, praying he would answer.
“I’m in one piece,” he said when he answered. His voice sounded heavy. Weary.
“Oh, Adam,” she said, relieved that he was able to answer.
“Edie, I’ll be fine.” She was trying not to cry, knowing it did no good and would only upset him.
“Is it okay for you to talk? Are you being seen by anybody?”
“I’ve just been seen. Waiting for x-rays now.” She heard him wince. “I can talk. My chest hurts. They’re concerned about my lungs.”
“I’m sorry. I won’t force you to talk. You must be in very great pain.”
“No, I want to hear your voice. You’re taking my mind off of it. I need you.”
“I’m here, darling.”
“You must be in Starbucks. I didn’t mean for you to rush out of work like that. I just wanted to let you know because I might be knocked out later and I didn’t want you to worry.”
“Thinking of me when you’re hurt – Oh, Adam, it was nothing. I just wish I was with you. Not thousands of miles away when I can’t do anything.”
“You’ve already done what I needed. You’re here. That means everything.”
“What happened?”
“I was climbing on a beam to put lights in a chandelier today after wiring up the electrics in that room and the beam broke. The house is so old, I should have checked to if there was wood rot. I happened to have my phone with me so I was able to call Luca. It could have been much worse, Edie. I could still be there on the floor now, unable to move, and with no one the wiser.”
“Thank god for Luca!”
“Yes, he’s been amazing. He got here immediately, lifted me, and drove me to the hospital. He’s been a rock.”
“Right now, I want to kiss him more than I want to kiss you.”
“Let’s not get carried away.”
“Oh, Adam, why did you do even that? Don’t you have workers coming in?”
“I know, Edie. I was impatient. The builders won’t start for two more weeks. Just before I did it I was thinking I shouldn’t, but then I thought, fuck it, I want light in this room now.”
“It must hurt everywhere. Can they tell if anything’s broken?”
“My ribs and ankle hurt the most. They won’t know for sure until the x-rays.”
“Adam, do you want me to come? I’ll stay with you for a week at least, maybe more.” The words were out before she had time to think. But there needed to be no thought behind it. Of course she had to go to Sicily. He had no one else. No family, no close friends.
He didn’t say anything for a few beats, but when he spoke, his voice was thick with emotion.
“Edie. More than anything I want to be with you, but I can’t let you see me like this. Broken like I am. Not for our first time.”
“I don’t care. You’re going to need help.”
“Darling, you’re very kind. Especially since I know it’s not a simple matter for you to come over here. But a man’s got pride. I’ll hire a nurse if I need to, so you don’t need to worry about me being on my own.”
“I want to help you.”
“You are helping, Edie. You dropped everything to be with me. I’m astonished.”
Adam turned out to have two broken ribs, a hairline fracture on his right ankle, two broken toes on his right foot, a sprained wrist, in addition to his cuts and bruises. The doctor told him he had to be kept off of his feet for at least two weeks and was prescribed powerful painkillers. He hired a full-time nurse to move in and put Luca in temporary charge of the business, not trusting himself to make sound decisions while he was medicated.
The thought that he could have been paralyzed, or worse, frightened Eden more than she ever let on to Adam. One cruel twist of fate could have ended it all. That possibility changed everything.
Aside from Dante, Adam became her priority.
That same day she got rid of the old relic she had been using and got an iPhone. She wanted Adam to be able to instantly access her via iMessages and Skype any time of the day in case anything else should happen without fear of incurring a huge cellular bill. This made Adam very happy, not only because of the convenience, but oddly enough because of security.
"Your phone has a top notch operating system, darling. Our messages will be encrypted end-to-end."
He was so eager to help her set it up when he felt better that Eden didn't even ask him who he thought would be trying to read their communications.
She decided to put her boxing classes on hold while he recovered so that they could have more time together.
“I don’t want to interfere,” he said.
“You’re not an interference, Adam! I want to do this for you. Do you not want me to fuss over you? I’ll understand. You don’t feel well at all. I’ll leave you be so you can rest. I just want to be available should you need me.”
Adam sighed. “You’re the only thing that’s keeping me together. Please don’t go." He paused and in a small, hesitant voice, sounding so much like a lost little boy, "I'm scared."
"What? Why?"
"Of what you might do. We won't be able to meet in October, now that I'm like this."
"We can still meet can't we? You might not be fully recovered, but can't I still come to Sicily?"
"I can't let you see me like this."
"But I don't care about that. All I want is to be with you. It doesn't matter where, it doesn't matter if you're not healthy."
"Please, Edie, grant me this one dignity. I just need to know that you'll wait for me."
"Of course I'll wait for you! Forget what I said about us meeting. I don't want it to upset you. You shouldn't be thinking about that now. Please focus on healing."
"I'm injured and far away. I worry that you'll find some other man. Someone who's there, someone who’ll be strong for you."
"Adam," she managed to say, choking on a strange and sudden despair. How can he not know? How can he not tell? It was a plain, unadorned truth. Even without a face, even without his physical presence, just by his voice and his words alone, Adam had rendered every other man insubstantial. She had been ruined forever. "There will be no other men. Not now. Not ever."
She swallowed the tears that were th
reatening to spill and tried to calm down.
“Shall I stay with you until you fall asleep?”
She could sense him hesitating, wanting to be strong. It was hard for someone so proud to be suddenly so weak and vulnerable.
“That would be … I can’t express how much that would comfort me."
She stayed with him that night. With the quiet of dusk descending, she lay on one side of her bed and imagined a man occupying the space next to her. A broken man, a scarred man. Unlike all the other nights, which had been full of debates and teasing and seductive scenarios, this night they spoke very little. He didn't have to say how much he needed her. She didn't have to say how much she wanted to ease his pain. She had opened her arms to him and he had settled into them, childlike, vulnerable. She had never felt as intense a connection with him as she did that night.
When she heard his breathing change, she waited a few beats, listening to its rhythm, so close that she could swear he was right beside her. Her heart ached, too full.
“Darling, are you asleep?” she whispered tenderly.
He didn’t answer, fast asleep. She couldn’t wait any longer. She needed to say it, even if he won't be able to hear.
A few more beats and then in her quietest voice, “I love you, Adam, so, so much.”
That night marked another turning point in their already fast-moving relationship. Staying with him until he fell asleep became their nightly ritual. Adam said that she soothed him like no one else and he only slept well if she was there to send him to sleep.
Though he was often sluggish compared to his sharp and alert self before the accident, they still had long talks which wound down to a quiet hour where they lay silently together. Each night, Eden would wait until he drifted to sleep before telling him that she loved him. Saying it was a relief to her heart, which was full to bursting with feeling.
During the day, their messages to each other exploded in volume. They exchanged even more e-mails, now accompanied by hundreds of texts, taking full advantage of her new iPhone and extensive data plan. Before Adam, she rarely texted and often belittled people who were constantly on their smart phones. But now she saw it as her lifeline to Adam. With technology's aid, their connection grew stronger and stronger, unconstrained by time or distance.
It didn't feel like a mere daydream of the two of them together in the future - Adam was a strong presence, helping her make day-to-day decisions, an active participant in even the most mundane of tasks. Even Dante had come to see Adam as part of their lives. Adam waited with her in suspense to see if Dante passed his driving test. He knew about Dante's first girlfriend even before her family did. Sometimes Adam would even join in their conversations, as though all three of them were in the same room.
Knowing how he hated being immobile because of his injuries, Eden took Adam with her everywhere. They would go grocery shopping together and she would send him pictures of the food she was buying. He would be there as she cooked or baked. They would gently bicker over which olive oil looked best, how much pepper to use for a particular dish.
During the weekends, she would plan outings for them, such as festive Sunday farmers' markets where they would have a leisurely stroll among the booths.
"What do you think of these beautiful heirloom tomatoes, darling?" she would text, sending him a picture then waiting for him to text back before buying.
"Mmmm," he would reply, "Would go well with the brie we bought earlier. Perhaps we should go back and get that olive tapenade you sampled."
Warm California weather lasted through to October so there were plenty of events and festivals that she and Adam could attend. San Francisco became their playground.
"Where are we going this weekend?" he would ask, eager to be transported away from his bed.
Shakespeare in the park, food fairs, art exhibits, even a gigantic annual book sale where she and Adam spent ecstatic hours combing through tables of bargain books. Several times Adam would remark how life there seemed so wonderful, and Eden would smile to herself. She was doing more than entertaining Adam by letting him see alluring glimpses of home. She wanted Adam to fall in love with California, so much so that he would consider living there.
"You're an angel."
"The drugs must be kicking in."
"I knew you'd say that."
Adam sounded alert, more like his old self, before the accident. Eden felt bad now. She had sounded like she was trivializing his feelings, but really it was for herself. She didn't want to take too seriously anything he might say when he was on strong painkillers.
"I've come to some decisions."
Eden stopped folding the laundry. He sounded serious, purposeful.
"Now before you scold me, I want you to remember that I have a very high tolerance for pain. I'm not like other people, you know. I don't curl up into a ball. I actually think best when I'm in pain."
Eden knew before he said his next words. "Oh, Adam, you didn't."
"I stopped taking my pills for today. I needed to think."
She gasped.
"Now, Edie, it's a one off."
She decided to shut up and let him say whatever it was he needed to say before begging him to take his pills. Was this was what it meant to love Adam? Constantly in fear that he might put himself in danger and unable to stop him?
"I've decided that Luca will take over the business once I step down and become a silent partner. How he's managed so far in the past two months while I've been laid up has shown me that he's the right man for the job. I trust the business in his hands. I'm confident he'll do well. Secondly, I've decided to speed up the process. I want to retire in less than a year's time, instead of two years, like I originally planned. Which brings me to us."
Eden unclenched her hands. Unknowingly, she had balled them into tight fists, imagining how much pain Adam must be in.
"All the women I've been with in the past couldn't hold a candle to you, Eden. If I were there, I'd fall on my knees and kiss your feet. I worship you. I have to be where you are."
Eden was speechless, then a huge wave of happiness burst inside her. "Does that mean you'll move to California? To be with me?"
"If you'll have me."
She started crying.
"Are those tears of joy or dread?"
"Oh, Adam, I, I, I -" It was on the tip of her tongue. She wasn't afraid to say it and not get the right response. But she wanted to save that moment for when they were finally face-to-face, looking into each other's eyes. She would have to wait, even if it hurt.
"I'm so happy," she said instead. "Please take your pills now! I can't stand to think of you in pain."
She heard the familiar rattle of the pill bottle, then Adam twisting off the cap, and taking a swig of water.
"There, done. Feel better?"
She laughed, shaking her head. "The point was for you to feel better."
"Edie, Edie, Edie," he said. She could tell he was leaning back against his pillows, settling into his bed. "I want us to start making real plans now. For our future."
"In one year?" It hardly seemed possible.
"Less than a year, darling. Compressing the transition will mean that work will be more hectic for me in the meanwhile, especially because my injuries have set us back a few months. But once I'm healed, I'll direct all my energies toward us being together by this time next year."
She hardly dared to ask.
"Permanently?"
"Permanently.
She had been disappointed when Adam told her they wouldn't be able to meet in November either because the doctor told him his injuries would take at least another month to fully heal. But his life-changing decision had staggered her. It silenced the little, nagging voices of doubt.
Their talks now revolved around what it would be like to live together - when he should start shipping his things over, where he could dock his boat, how Dante would handle another man in the house, what her family would think of him. It was real. It was truly going to happ
en.
They had also begun to talk about possible places for their first meeting, the date of which kept changing because of his injuries and work commitments. Not Sicily, Adam decided, though he didn’t explain why. They would fly somewhere in between Agrigento and San Francisco.
“It has to be somewhere beautiful,” she insisted. “Somewhere you’ve never taken any other woman.”
He pondered this for a bit. “How about Edinburgh? It’s a city made for book lovers. Old buildings steeped in history, cobblestones, tons of bookshops. We could meet in one.”
“Meet for the first time in a bookshop …” To be surrounded by books when she first lays eyes on him. It was a perfect setting, considering how they found each other. Edinburgh took hold of her imagination.
“It wouldn’t be too far for you to fly. And I wouldn’t have to learn a new language.” She tried not to get too excited. But she was already Googling Edinburgh and trying to figure out when she could go to the library to clean out their travel guide section.
“We could go driving in the countryside. It’s very green and lovely.”
“Ooh,” she was seized with an idea. “We could take a train to London! Spend a few days there.”
“Why do you want to go to London?” Adam’s tone was strangely wary, as though London was the last place he wanted to visit.
“I don’t know. I’ve never been there.”
“Do you want to go to the Tower of London, Buckingham Palace, all that?”
“No,” she answered, suddenly shy. “Just a couple of museums and … well …”
“Where do you want to go?” His voice was now very curious.
“I want to go to King’s Cross Station,” she declared loftily.
“Oh, no.” He started laughing. “You’re not serious.”
“I am. I really want to go there. Platform Nine and Three-Quarters.”
“Darling, it doesn’t exist.”
“Yes, it does,” she insisted, not at all swayed by the fact that she had never heard Adam laugh so hard.