Dear Adam

by Ava Zavora

  “It’s swarming with drug dealers and prostitutes.”

  “I don’t care. I want to go there.”

  “Don’t tell me you’re going to try and run through the wall?”

  Eden didn’t answer.

  “Jesus, that I have to see. Oh, I’ve got tears in my eyes.”

  “Laugh all you want. You’ll see. It’ll work for me. It won’t work for you because you’re a Muggle,” she said with a righteous sniff.

  It took Adam another minute before he finished laughing.

  “I’m so glad to see you’re amused.”

  “Now Edie, instead of taking the train to London, how about we go to Paris?”

  “Paris!”

  “Ever been?”

  “Yes, once with Dante for his 13th birthday. It was our first trip anywhere outside of California. I saved up for a year so we could go.”

  “Well, I know Paris quite well. I want to take you to all the places only a local, or near-local, would know.” Paris with Adam. It was almost too much to imagine.

  “The most beautiful restaurant in the world is in Paris.”

  “Oh, which one? Do you mean the Jules Verne in the Eiffel? We could dine there if you like.”

  “No, not that one. It’s Le Train Bleu. The most stunning place I’ve ever seen. Sumptuous Belle Epoque interiors. Dante and I were awed.” Eden sighed. She and Dante had entered the foyer of the restaurant gaping like bumpkins. “Didn't eat there though. Seemed too expensive.”

  “Then that is where we’ll go. I promise. Someday, we’ll dine there together. The most beautiful restaurant in which you've never eaten.”

  Eden began to daydream about Edinburgh and Paris with Adam. Seeing him for the first time, being able to touch him, hold him ... She had to hug herself tightly, trying to keep her anticipation to herself.

  She felt like jumping for joy, telling everybody, but knew she couldn't, not yet. Not until after they had met. Adam had to remain a wonderful secret she carried everywhere. He had never asked her not to tell anyone about them, but she felt she had to be very quiet. All questions would end up with queries that would make the whole thing look preposterous. "How did the two of you meet?" "What does he look like?" - "We haven't met." "I don't know what he looks like."

  After giggling to herself at work over one of his naughty text messages, Eden was suddenly confronted by Lisa, who was dropping off some files at her desk. "Are you seeing anybody?"

  Eden was flummoxed at how to answer this question truthfully. Both possible answers would have elements of a lie. Technically, she hadn't even "seen" Adam.

  She answered with a dissatisfying "Sort of."

  “Sort of? I’m asking because I think someone’s interested in you …” she said in a sing-song voice.

  “Who?” Eden asked although she had a strong suspicion. She had seen Lisa and Beau, the newbie cop, talking in the hallway half an hour before, their heads close together. They suddenly became quiet and had strange smiles on their faces when she passed by.

  “Why don’t you come to Denali’s tonight and find out.” Lisa grinned and winked at her. “Get your drink on, girl!”

  “Oh, I don’t know.” Her phone vibrated in her hand. A text message from Adam. She had to restrain herself not to open it in front of Lisa, who was looking at her with great curiosity. “I have to get home to my kid.”

  “Oh, that’s too bad. Maybe next time?”

  “Yeah,” Eden said, mustering some vague enthusiasm. “Maybe.”

  "Are you my boyfriend?" Eden asked Adam without preamble that night. She told him about Lisa's question. It had been bothering her all day.

  Adam started laughing. "I'm moving to California to be with you, Eden. I think I can be called your boyfriend. Even though that seems a grossly inadequate label."

  Eden didn't see what was so ridiculous. "You haven't actually asked me. I've been waiting for you to."

  "You ... want me to ask you to be my girlfriend?"

  "Why not? I know you think it's silly, but ..." she trailed off. "It's only proper."

  She imagined him incredulous at the other end, mouth hanging open.

  "I've never asked anyone that question." He sounded bewildered.

  "I need to be asked," she replied primly.

  "Okay," he said slowly. After a moment's pause, he cleared his throat. "Eden, if you don't mind eating amazing food all your life, having your every desire fulfilled, ruling my heart and my bed, and being the happiest of happy, will you be my ... girlfriend?"

  "Yes," she answered after a surprised moment, suddenly breathless. "Thank you."

  "I suppose that was good practice for me. Asking you a very important question."

  She could tell he was smiling on the other end. She was smiling too, a wide smile of unbelievable happiness.

  "And good practice for me as well. Saying yes."

  Chapter 15

  It’s for you, Adam. It’s all for you.

  My god, Eden, you're a wet dream in those boots. You MUST wear them when we meet. Bind me, torture me, then make love to me while wearing them.

  Eden smiled to herself. She had read Adam's iMessage earlier when he first sent it, but she was missing him so much she indulged in a secret pleasure of re-reading his words. She had gone shoe shopping that afternoon but didn't tell Adam what she had purchased.

  "Why no pictures, darling?" he pouted in one of his texts.

  When she got home from the store, she changed into a black slip and black stockings, wore the tall, high-heeled, lace-up boots she had just bought, and sent a picture of herself. She had overcome any sort of shyness or lingering inhibitions about sending Adam more intimate pictures of herself. She was never unclothed or graphic. But it was exciting to buy sexy lingerie that wasn't too revealing, yet revealing enough so that Adam was very happy to see her in them. ("You make me want to jump out of this bed and crawl to San Francisco.")

  The racy photos were a promise, an enticing prelude to when they would finally be together.

  In exchange, he had sent her pictures of his hands, which were big, powerful-looking. Then his muscular arms, with shirt sleeves rolled up, a silver watch round his wrist. His stubbled jaw as he was shaving. They weren't conventionally titillating in the least, but nevertheless, seeing parts of the man she was in love with was sexy as hell, a private, prolonged striptease just for her. She had elaborate fantasies about wearing boots and a black corset and shaving him with a sharp razor while he was bound and helpless. Often she dreamt about his hands cupping her, stroking her ...

  "Yoo-hoo, what are you smiling at over there?" Vivian teased.

  Eden looked up guiltily. She was supposed to be having a girls' night out with Vivian, Sue, and Regine. Yet here she was absentminded and far away.

  Vivian was her childhood friend, the one who knew her longest and best out of all her girlfriends. She had just gotten back from a business trip abroad and had gathered everyone for a dinner. She was the gregarious one, the glue. If it weren't for Vivian's social get-togethers, Eden would probably never go out at all. She now looked at Eden curiously.

  "Nothing," Eden said, slipping her iPhone back into her purse. Putting it away caused her a physical ache. This must be what it feels like to be addicted, she realized.

  "You weren't texting were you?" Vivian exclaimed in exaggerated disbelief.

  Vivian had teased her often about being a troglodyte and for her adamant refusal to text ("I can feel my brain cells dying with every LOL and purposely misspelled word.") If Vivian knew the extent of Eden's texting, Skyping, and extracurricular activities, she would never hear the end of it.

  Eden shook her head slightly and inclined her head towards Regine and Sue. Vivian raised an eyebrow but said no more.

  As soon as Eden excused herself to go to the restroom, Vivian got up as well and followed her.

  "Alright, what is up with you?" Vivian asked as they were washing their hands. "Brand new phone, you're acting all distracted. You and Troy are ba
ck together aren't you?"

  "Troy?" Eden was confused, momentarily forgetting who Troy was. Then she remembered. He seemed like a lifetime ago. "Oh, god, no."

  Months ago she had been resolute but sad over their breakup. And now she couldn't even remember what it was that attracted her to him in the first place.

  "Well?" Vivian was expectant, hand perched on her hip.

  Vivian was a twice-divorced, worldly businesswoman. Her love affairs were the stuff of legend and had Eden hanging at every detail whenever Vivian recounted them. She dallied with the semi-famous and the rich, frequently jetting off to Belize or St. Tropez and other exotic places with her lovers. She lived a life that Eden only read about in novels.

  But now Eden had exciting news of her own, for once. Although Vivian was always supportive of Eden, especially after her bitter divorce and then her sudden breakup with Troy, Eden didn't know what or how to tell her. She wanted to confide in her so badly. It would be such a pleasurable relief to talk about Adam with someone. But Eden knew how Vivian would react if she found that Eden had never met Adam, never even knew what he looked like.

  "Okay," Eden said, after a long, indecisive silence. "I can't tell you yet. But I can, in late December." Adam said that it was likely that their first meeting will be a month from now, and by the time late December rolled around, she would be able to tell Vivian that yes, she had met Adam, and yes, she knew what he looked like.

  Vivian looked intrigued. "Why late December? Why not now?"

  "I can't say right now," Eden pleaded. "But I will, I promise. Late December."

  Vivian appeared as though she wanted to imprison Eden in the ladies' restroom and grill her until she gave up her secrets. She gave her an indulgent smile instead.

  "Alright. I'll wait. But I will definitely hunt you down in December."

  Eden felt guilty for keeping something so important from her friend.

  "His name is Adam," she burst out.

  Vivian's eyes widened. "Adam?"

  Eden smiled and headed for the door. "And that's all I'm going to say."

  Vivian groaned as she followed her behind.

  When they got back to their table, Eden was shocked to see Regine, usually so tranquil, was now red-faced and on the verge of tears. She glanced at Sue, who was sitting next to Regine and had her arm around her. Sue shrugged at both Vivian and Eden as if to say that it was a long, ugly story.

  "Regine, are you okay?"

  The tears that Regine had been holding back spilled. "No," she sobbed. "I'm not okay. I'm sorry, Viv. I know this was supposed to be a fun night out but I can't hold it in anymore."

  Vivian and Eden gave each other a look. Then Vivian motioned to the waiter standing nearby and mouthed, "More cosmos please," while holding up four fingers.

  Regine was the sweetest out of all them but also the one who had the rockiest love life. She had a tendency to go out with men who treated her badly. Sue on the other hand was the stable and sensible one, married happily for seven years. She had the most in common with Eden, in that they were homebodies and often talked about their children.

  "Sweetheart, do you want to talk about it?"

  Regine blew her nose on the tissue Eden handed her and then proceeded to tell them in pained detail.

  "Max was my dream guy. Gorgeous, funny, smart. He had his act together, too. A successful entrepreneur with an MBA. So different from all the losers and deadbeats I've been with. He was always there for me whenever I needed him, listened to all my problems. I told him things I never told anybody else!"

  No one said anything as Regine quietly sobbed. She looked as if her world had fallen apart.

  "I've never felt so close with anyone in my life. It was like we were made for each other. And when he asked me to marry him, I said yes. Why wouldn't I? He was everything I ever wanted. I couldn't believe my luck. I couldn't believe someone like him would want someone like me. That he existed at all."

  Eden listened with dread, waiting for the other shoe to drop. Regine had mentioned Max before in passing, but never in detail. That he had been too good to be true was evident from Regine's tears. Did he turn out to be violent? A cheater? A jealous, domineering jerk?

  Regine had her mouth open but the words wouldn't come out. It was too painful. At last, she was able to continue, "I kept asking him, you know, 'When are we going to meet? We're engaged, but we've never even met.’"

  Eden froze.

  "Hold on," Vivian said, with an undercurrent of incredulity. "You've never met Max?"

  Regine looked at Vivian, threw her hands up in a gesture of helplessness then burst into fresh tears.

  Sue broke in. "He friended her through Facebook."

  Vivian said, "Oh," as if that explained everything. Eden alerted to her tone. Implicit in it was judgment. Regine had fallen in love online. With someone she met in Facebook. How could she be so foolish?

  "He kept making excuses after excuses. He was always too busy at work, then he was out of the country on business, then his mother was sick with cancer. Every time I tried to meet him he had something going on that prevented us from meeting. It turns out everything was a lie. He wasn't an entrepreneur at all. He didn't live in New York. He wasn't even single. He’s an out-of-work electrician in Philly, married, with two kids. His name wasn't even Max! The picture he used was stolen from a model's profile!"

  "That's how we found out he was lying," Sue said. Her face was pinched with restrained fury. "When Regine started telling me about Max, I knew something about this guy was fishy, but I didn't say anything. Now, I wish I had. After she told me he had asked her to marry him, I knew I had to do something. So I looked up his Facebook profile and did what those guys in the show do, you know, the Catfish show on T.V., and did a search for his photo in Google Image Search. That's when I found this other profile, with Max's pictures all over them. Only this other guy was for real. He owned those pictures. Max had stolen them from him and pretended they were his own."

  "I tried to video Skype a few times, but there was always something wrong with his computer. After awhile, I just dropped it. It never occurred to me to wonder, if he's so loaded, why doesn't he get a computer that works? Or maybe I did. Maybe deep down I knew it didn't add up, but I rationalized it to myself. I wanted it to be true so badly. I never asked myself, if he loved me, why wouldn't he drop everything to be with me, the way I would drop everything to be with him? I just feel so stupid!" Regine covered her face with her hands, full of shame.

  "You were catfished," Vivian remarked quietly.

  Regine nodded.

  "What?" Eden asked. Her voice was faint, as though it had come from someone far away. Not her own.

  Sue turned to her. "From that T.V. show."

  Eden shook her head, lost and getting more so by the second. She had been punched in the gut and left on the side of the road in the middle of nowhere.

  "You know Eden, she doesn't watch T.V." Vivian said. "Catfish is a reality show where these two guys go all over the country helping people meet other people they fell in love with online. Only it turns out that the people they thought they fell in love with are actually fakes, imposters and frauds. It's totally depressing. There are people on there who've been communicating online for years."

  Sue turned back to Regine. "At least you found out in time, honey."

  "Eight months!" Regine cried, grief-stricken. "Eight months of my life were a total lie."

  Eden's dinner began its sickening rise. She grabbed her purse and got up. "Sorry, I think I'm going to throw up. I shouldn't have drunk anything tonight."

  She heard Vivian get up after her but Eden waved her away. "I'm going home and lie down. I'll talk to you later."

  Eden staggered to her car, reeling and nauseated. She didn't know how she arrived at her house. The 1/2 hour ride from the restaurant was a frightening blank. She was thankful for one thing, that Dante wasn't home and so she wouldn't have to lie about how or why she felt so ill.

  She climbed
the stairs to her room in a daze, leaving the house dark. She turned on her laptop and when it booted up, she Googled one word: "catfish."

  The Top 10 Ways to Tell if You’re Being Catfished

  1. They don’t have Facebook or Twitter.

  2. If they have a Facebook profile, they have very few friends.

  3. All of their pictures look like professionally taken model shots.

  4. They claim to have an exciting job that seems too unbelievable for their age.

  5. They have no pictures with friends.

  6. They are unable to do video calls, i.e., their computer doesn’t have webcam, they can’t download Skype, their computer is broken, etc.

  7. They say that they’ve never had an online relationship and have rarely communicated with anybody online.

  8. They’re in a foreign country.

  9. They have extreme excuses not to meet up, i.e. got in a car accident on the way to meet you, a family member died, developed a sudden serious medical condition, etc.

  10. They seem too good to be true.

  There were a prolific amount of lists all over the Internet about being catfished. Some were straightforward, others were scathing and mocking. In every single list, Eden could check off at least 75% of the telltale signs. Some obviously didn’t apply. Adam never provided a photo of his face so she could safely say he never claimed to be a handsome supermodel. But it was of no comfort to her since everything else was a devastating, undeniable match.

  She numbly scrolled through at least 50 pages of Google hits on catfishing, opening each link, reading each damning example and vainly trying to figure out how she and Adam would be exempt. Couldn’t it be possible that they were the exception to the rule? Couldn’t it be possible that all of the strange and troubling details of their relationship were symptoms of something other than deliberate deception? She couldn’t possibly fall in love with someone who wasn’t real? Could she?