Shadow of Time

by Jen Minkman

  “Good morning,” she hollered upon entering the kitchen. Ben and Josh looked up from their breakfast plates with wide grins. “Enjoy,” she went on with a glance at the pile of pancakes on the table.

  “Did you sleep well?” Ben asked.

  “Like a log.”

  “Would you like some pancakes too?” Josh asked, nodding at the pile.

  “In a minute. First I’ll grab some O.J., and then I’ll have a shower.”

  “Why did you get dressed if you still need to take a shower?” Ben asked with a grin. “Were you wearing silly pajamas unfit for public display?”

  “Didn’t have any on. I forgot to pack them,” Hannah said without thinking. Ben shot an amused glance at Josh, who gave Hannah a shy look in return. After all, he’d been in her bedroom not five minutes ago, although she wasn’t supposed to know that. She could feel her cheeks flush and quickly turned around to pour herself some juice from the carton on the counter. “I’ll buy a pair of PJs in the village later on. And while I’m at it, can I get you guys anything?”

  Ben chuckled. “How about getting us some more fishing rods?”

  Hannah glared at him. “Sure, I’ll get the neighbors new fishing rods so I’ll be my own berry-picking team for the barbecue.”

  Josh looked up. “What barbecue?”

  “Why don’t you tell him about our barbecue plans while I hit the shower?” Hannah quickly left the kitchen before Ben could crack any more jokes about berry-picking and teaming up with Josh in the woods.

  With warm water from the shower running down her back, Hannah quietly hummed a tune she’d been working on a few weeks ago. She hadn’t played it to Ben yet, but she would, once she’d come up with some lyrics. It probably wouldn’t take long, because she had plenty of time now.

  When she got back to the kitchen freshly showered and made-up, the breakfast table was empty. That was a bit disappointing – Ben and Josh had already left without saying goodbye. She sat down to make herself a pancake with butter and syrup, whistling along to the radio. Still whistling, she walked to the fridge to get some more orange juice, pouring herself a large glass. When she closed the fridge door, Josh was suddenly back in the kitchen, standing right next to her.

  “Oh, hi,” she said, a bit taken aback. “I thought the two of you had already left.”

  “We’re leaving in a minute.” He smiled at her. Hannah shuffled past him and sat down at the table again. She took a large swig of juice and cut off a piece of her pancake. She looked up. Josh was leaning against the kitchen counter, resting his hands on either side, staring back at her. She swallowed hard. Wasn’t this silence awkward? Maybe she should make conversation.

  “Do you want some?” she asked, pointing at the pancakes in front of her. “I can’t finish them all by myself.”

  He shook his head. “No, thanks. I’m full.”

  Hannah put the fork in her mouth and slowly chewed a bit of pancake.

  “So, what do you think?” Josh asked, a small smile dancing on his lips.

  “They’re tasty,” she mumbled with her mouth full. She looked back at him, and then it clicked. “Did you make them?”

  “Yep. I used special flour from the rez. Don’t look so baffled, I have so many talents you have yet to discover.” He sported a cocky grin, and Hannah blinked, literally forcing the blood away from her face. He was doing it on purpose, she could feel it.

  “So it would seem.” She laughed nervously. “Well, at least they taste a lot better than Ben’s baking blunders.”

  “Hey, that sounds like a cool name for a bakery. Can’t you just picture it on the store sign - ‘Ben’s Baking Blunders’?” He made a stately gesture.

  Hannah burst out giggling, nearly choking on her pancake. Josh quickly walked over to her and carefully patted her back. “Are you okay? I’m sorry I’m so hilarious.”

  “You’re too modest.” Hannah coughed, caught her breath again and looked up at him, registering that his hand was still on her back. It made her insides turn to goo.

  Right at that moment, Ben entered the kitchen. “I found the air beds,” he told Josh, his gaze wandering from Josh’s hand to Hannah’s flustered face. Why did she feel like he’d caught her doing something naughty?

  Josh let his hand fall from her back, taking a step toward Ben. “Good, let’s go then,” he said, suddenly in a hurry.

  He joined Ben and they clattered out of the kitchen. “See you tonight,” Ben shouted over his shoulder. “I’m cooking for us. You can invite Emily too!”

  “Yeah, I will.” She didn’t dare ask anymore who exactly was included in ‘us’.

  At noon, Hannah threw her cell phone, keys, and purse into her handbag and pulled the door shut. It didn’t take long to find Grassroots, the vegetarian restaurant in the village center. Her gaze drifted to a Navajo girl sitting at a small table outside.

  “Uhm... Emily?” she ventured.

  The girl looked up from the magazine she’d been reading, and a wide smile appeared on her face. “Hannah!” she exclaimed enthusiastically, getting to her feet. “You’re back!”

  “Em!” Hannah hugged her old friend tightly. “It’s so wonderful to see you again. You look good.”

  “Well, I should look good. I just had four weeks of vacation, so I’m still well-rested. But I also really enjoy my new job. I finished my studies in Tuba City two months ago, and I still had four weeks off before starting my job at the practice. I went camping next to the lake near Navajo Mountain with my sister, and after that Yazzie and Josh helped me build my own hoghan in Naabi’aani. I don’t live with my parents anymore.”

  It turned out nothing had changed in the past four years. Em still talked at two hundred miles an hour.

  They went inside, chatting excitedly, and chose a table near the window. Emily ordered the day’s special for the two of them and poured Hannah a glass of water from the jug on the table.

  “Hey, Josh wears a feather like that in his hair as well,” Hannah commented when Emily’s hair bands caught her eye. Her friend had little bright-red feathers in her plaited hair.

  “That’s right. His father’s clan is my mother’s clan. Feather People.” Emily shrugged. “Well, I don’t mind Josh copied my style. It looks good on him, don’t you think?”

  “Yeah, it does.” Hannah blushed. Of course, anything would look good on him. If Josh decided to wear a bucket on his head she would still think it looked sexy. Quickly, she gulped down some water and stared intently at the menu. “Oh, by the way, Ben invited you to dinner tonight. He’s going to cook for us.”

  Emily’s face twisted. “Ben is going to cook?”

  “He’s going to try. No problem, we’ll help him. Besides, we still have some leftover pancakes from breakfast. Josh made them, with special flour from the rez.”

  Yup, she was babbling. About Josh. When she was supposed to ask Em about herself, not tell her about her latest Navajo obsession. She was a bad friend.

  “I bet Josh is going to have a good time at Diné College,” Emily said. “I really liked the campus. I had a marvelous time there as a student.”

  “So Josh is going to Tuba City as well? He did tell us he was going to study after the summer, but he didn’t say where.”

  “Yeah, it’s about time he went to a reservation school. He was sort of rebellious during his senior year at Page High School.”

  “Oh, really? How so?”

  “The usual. Kicking against standard American culture, disobeying rules going against his traditional upbringing, refusing to use his last name on tests because the Diné don’t even originally use the binomial system.” Emily used the word the Navajos used for themselves in their own language. “When Josh and his band played this ‘anti-U.S.’ song by Blackfire – that’s a Diné band – he offended the entire teaching staff. Blackfire’s lyrics aren’t exactly... subtle.”

  Hannah smiled. “You sound like you sort of enjoyed their rebellion.”

  Emily grinned. “Oh, come on. Every ge
neration needs rebels. Leave that to the Rezboyz.”

  “The Rezboyz? Sounds cool. What does Josh play in the band?”

  “He plays the guitar. Amazingly well, by the way. I can’t believe he picked it up so fast. He sounded like a pro.”

  Great. Emily was unwittingly fueling her feelings for Josh even more by showering praise on his musical skills. This was driving her nuts. It was time to discuss a different subject. “By the way, we’re going to have a barbecue on Friday. We invited our new neighbors too.”

  “Sounds like fun. Count me in.”

  “Which days of the week are you off? I’d love to drop by in Naabi’aani again, so I can admire your hoghan.”

  “Drop by on Saturday. I’m not working then, plus there’s a dance and a rodeo. Remember Hosteen, our old neighbor? His family is organizing it.”

  After a nice lunch, their waitress put the check on the table, and Hannah and Emily dug around in their bags to find some cash.

  “What time are you off today?” Hannah asked.

  “Around seven. I’ll see you after that. And I’ll bring dessert, okay?”

  The girls hugged each other tightly before Emily went into the pharmacy. Then, Hannah made her way to St Mary’s small main street for her second mission of the day – buying PJs she deemed fit for public display.

  "We’re back!" Ben’s voice boomed like a foghorn when he entered the kitchen just as Hannah emerged from the shower. She’d spent the rest of the afternoon sunbathing on the beach and had just rinsed the sunscreen from her skin.

  “Stay back, I’m naked!” Hannah shouted back through the door. She heard Ben and Josh chuckle. “I won’t be long.”

  She got into a black summer dress and quickly ran a comb through her wet hair, deciding to put on some mascara and eyeliner as well. A little make-up never killed anyone.

  “What’s for dinner tonight?” she asked casually, stepping into the kitchen. Josh – thank God he was at least wearing a sleeveless white shirt now – had his back turned to her. Ben was rummaging through the fridge.

  “No idea,” he mumbled.

  “That sounds promising,” she deadpanned.

  Josh let out a chuckle, turning around to face her. “Well, at least we still have those pancakes.”

  “Did you invite Emily?” Ben asked.

  “Yes, she’ll be here around seven, once she gets off work. She said she’d bring dessert.”

  “Great. That’s one thing less to worry about, then.” Ben closed the fridge. “I’ll take the car and drive to the store.” He got the keys from the kitchen table and stomped off toward the door.

  “Wait up,” Hannah mumbled, following Ben without thinking. Maybe she should come with him. The thought of staying behind with only Josh for company made her a little bit nervous.

  “Do you need anything?” Ben gave her a puzzled look.

  She hesitated, suddenly feeling like an idiot because she was practically running out of the log cabin. “Yeah, buy me some oranges. See you soon.”

  Grudgingly, she walked back in. “Do you want anything to drink?” she asked Josh.

  “Sure. Some mineral water, if you have it.”

  Hannah sat down at the table and poured them some water. She met his gaze and saw Josh eyeing her with a half-smile. “What are you humming?” he asked softly.

  Hannah felt her cheeks go warm. “I was humming?”

  He chuckled. “Yeah, you were humming something. Didn’t you notice?”

  “No. Probably a subconscious thing. I’m working on a song.”

  “You should play something tonight. You brought your guitar, right?”

  She shook her head. “I haven’t finished that song,” she said shyly, suddenly remembering Emily praising his guitar talents. She probably couldn’t hold a candle to him.

  “No worries. Let me know when you’re done.”

  Hannah nodded, shifting on her chair. The awkward silences. His intense stare. Why couldn’t she have a normal conversation with Josh anymore?

  “So what have you guys been up to today?” she quickly asked.

  “Oh, we drove to Antelope Point Marina. We tried out Ben’s new fishing rods, but we didn’t catch anything. Too crowded. Too many people, too few fish.”

  “So Ben bought new rods? Well, I hope you’ll catch more on Friday. If not, it’s going to be an embarrassing party. We invited three more people for the barbecue.”

  “I’m sure they’ll take the bait here at St. Mary’s Port.”

  “Hungry fish.” Hannah got up. “Speaking of which… I’m hungry myself. How about some olives and crackers before we start cooking?”

  Hannah grabbed a container of potato salad, a jar of olives and some garlic butter from the fridge. She shoved everything into his hands and dashed to the kitchen cupboard to dig up some crackers.

  Josh put the snacks on the table, one arm carelessly slung over the back of his chair. His long hair moved in the breeze coming from the fan in the corner. He had a gleam in his dark eyes as he watched her. Did he know how much he confused her?

  “You want white or whole-wheat crackers?” she managed to choke out, holding up two different packs.

  “I don’t care,” Josh replied. “Whatever you’re having.”

  Hannah picked the whole-wheat variety and sat down to spread some garlic butter on them. “Damn, that butter is rock-hard,” she muttered. Trying to smoothen it out with her knife, she accidentally broke the cracker in two.

  Josh snickered. “Have some salad.” He pushed the container with potato salad toward her.

  “You play the guitar too, right?” she quickly asked, to avoid another silence. “What kind of music does your band play?”

  “The Rezboyz mainly play cover songs from Diné bands.”

  “That’s what Emily told me. Rebellious Blackfire songs?”

  A smile was dancing on his lips. “I see. You and Em have been gossiping about me.”

  “No, we haven’t.” Hannah blushed. “We only said nice things.”

  “Thanks. You’re a true friend.”

  “You’re welcome.” Hannah stuck out her tongue at him. “Besides, I wouldn’t know what terrible things to say about you.”

  “Well, I bet Em told you I was nearly pulled off stage by angry teachers during the school talent show.”

  “She did, actually. She said the Rezboyz were provoking the audience.”

  He laughed. “The lyrics are kind of, uhm, politically incorrect.”

  “Do you write your own songs, too?”

  “Yes, but my songs are less rebellious.”

  “Are you going to play some songs tonight?”

  Josh nodded slowly. “Only if you promise me you’ll play me some of your songs during the barbecue on Friday.”

  Hannah bit her lip. “Well, okay then.”

  He smiled. “Come on. You know you can sing. I was truly impressed with your performance at the gas station.”

  She moaned. “Shut up, or I’ll never have the courage to sing again.”

  “But I’m serious!” Josh gave her a crooked grin. “You sounded so passionate, yet so aggressive.”

  “Shut. Up.” She tried to sound stern, but failed. With a wide grin, she grabbed a piece of the broken cracker from her plate and threw it against Josh’s shoulder. He stared at his shoulder, remaining silent for a few seconds.

  “Food fight!” he suddenly shouted, and unexpectedly threw an olive from his plate against her forehead.

  “Wait till I get you!” Hannah grabbed the bottle of water from the table and splashed some of it in Josh’s face. Sputtering, he jumped up, ran around the table and filched the bottle from her. The next thing she felt was a stream of water running down her back. Jumping up from her chair, she went after him. “Give it to me!” she laughed, grabbing the bottleneck, covering his hand. He put out his other hand and in turn covered her hand with his.

  “No,” he said defiantly, holding her gaze.

  Hannah fell silent. She looked up at
Josh, feeling the warmth of his hands on hers. Gingerly, she grabbed the bottom of the bottle and half-heartedly tried to twist it out of his hands. “Let go,” she mumbled.

  He took a step forward. “No,” he repeated, more softly. He leaned into her, his dark eyes fastening on her face. Hannah’s heart started to beat wildly. Suddenly, she knew for absolutely sure he wanted to pull her and the bottle against his chest. He was going to kiss her. Swallowing hard, she uncertainly took a step back. Maybe this was getting too close, too fast.

  Then, she froze up when she caught the look in his eyes. Insecure and confused eyes. Oh man, what had she done? Josh clearly thought he’d made a mistake. He probably wouldn’t come close to her in the next two decades.

  "Josh..." she started, suddenly lost for words. The silence stretched.

  "I’m sorry," he finally mumbled, letting go of the bottle.

  Oh great. She had somehow managed to make it sound like she was telling him off. She had to do something.

  But sadly, she didn’t get the chance. The front door swung open. “Hey! I’m here!” Emily hollered enthusiastically.

  Grumbling inwardly, Hannah put the bottle back on the table. She desperately sought Josh’s eyes, but he’d turned away from her and was making his way to the living room door. “I’m going to get your guitar, okay?” he muttered, disappearing through it.

  Hannah shot her friend a bashful look. “Hi, Em.”

  Emily let her eyes drift over the puddles on the floor and the crumbs on the table. “Okay, what happened here?”

  “Accident.” Hannah practically ran to the sink to get a rag. “I’ll clean it up.” She started scrubbing the table and only stopped her maniacal cleaning attack when she noticed Emily was watching her from a corner of the kitchen with amusement in her eyes. Emily cleared her throat. “Let me rephrase that,” she said with a chuckle. “What happened here?”

  “Nothing.”

  “Yeah, sure. I was just imagining all that awkwardness when I came in a minute ago.”

  “Yeah, you were. There’s nothing wrong.” Josh could be stepping into the kitchen at any moment, and she wished Em would shut up.