Shadow of Time

by Jen Minkman

  Josh turned around and smiled up at her. “Hey, shimá. Is it time already?”

  “Yes, they expect you in the tent.”

  “Good luck,” Hannah mumbled when he got up and disappeared in the crowd to prepare for his ceremony. It was actually a relief he was gone. That way, she was able to catch her breath and try to convince herself it was no big deal he wasn’t in love with her.

  Josh’s mom sat down next to her and greeted her enthusiastically. “It’s so good to see you again, darling! I already asked Ben last year whether you’d lost your way to the rez.”

  Josh’s mother introduced herself to the rest of the group. Amber shared half a plate of porridge with her, and Ivy passed her an unopened can of soda from the pile. The air was filled with a buzz of togetherness, sharing food and drinks, laughing and talking.

  Nick had moved to Hannah’s other side. “Man, I love this place! The people here are so different than what I’m used to. They’re so friendly and unassuming.” He put away his notebook and pulled a camera from his bag. “I’m planning on filming Josh’s performance. Do you think he’d mind?”

  “No, he won’t,” she replied flatly.

  Absently, Hannah looked around, suddenly seeing a tall, lanky Navajo guy waving at her from afar. He started walking toward the group of visitors from St. Mary’s Port. She raised an eyebrow and poked Ben.

  “Do you know who that is?” she hissed.

  Ben looked up and followed her gaze. “Of course I know who that is,” he said enthusiastically. “It’s Yazzie! Don’t you recognize him? I saw him a few days ago in Wahweap.”

  Hannah batted her eyelids in astonishment. Yazzie had always been a short and chubby guy before. Apparently, he’d finally had a growth spurt – she wouldn’t have recognized Josh’s cousin, who would take them to Rainbow Bridge tomorrow, if Ben hadn’t clued her in. She scrambled to her feet. “Hey, Yaz!” she waved.

  When he finally stood in front of Hannah, he was at least four inches taller than her. “Hi, biligaana!” He embraced her in a warm hug. “Are you ready for the show?” He was wearing skinny dark-green jeans and a black t-shirt saying ‘Rez Litter’.

  Hannah couldn’t help giggling. Yazzie had always worn funny get-ups like a grand declaration of weirdness, and by the looks of it, nothing had changed. He also still addressed her and Ben in the same teasing way – biligaana meant ‘paleface’ in his own language.

  Yazzie tilted his head to the field, which was surrounded by a large crowd of spectators. “I saved some standing-room for you guys. Follow me!”

  He elbowed his way through the multitude, everybody following him in single file. Just before they reached the fence bordering the rodeo ground, they hit an open spot, as Yazzie had promised them. Hannah looked aside and unexpectedly saw Josh’s father standing there. She would have thought he was with his son in the tent, helping him prepare. Or maybe not. That was probably Sani’s job.

  “Ya'at'eeh. Hello everybody,” he said, shaking hands with all of them. He kissed Hannah on the cheek. “It’s been a while. Good to see you again.” He smiled widely, and the crow’s feet around his eyes suddenly reminded her of Josh’s older face in her dream.

  She tried to push the memory far away and smiled back at him. “From now on, I’ll come back every summer. I just can’t go without you guys.”

  A loud drumstroke interrupted their conversation. Everyone turned toward the field to watch the ceremony.

  Josh entered the rodeo grounds, wearing an amazing Diné outfit. His upper body was clad in a velvet blouse with long sleeves. His hair was wrapped up in a headband and tied into a bun, and he was wearing pants in a warm, red-brown color. Dangling from a chain around his neck was a stunning round pendant with inlaid turquoise stones. He was carrying a large drum in one hand, and a long, thin wooden beater in the other.

  The chatter died down, the crowd becoming silent. In that silence, Josh started to drum softly but intensely, singing at the same time. His voice rose above the beat of the drum. Hannah couldn’t help but stare at him as he performed the traditional song with such ease that it seemed he’d been a hataalii for years. His voice sounded very different from when he’d sung his own song. For a split second, it felt like a completely different person was standing there on the ceremonial field – as if Josh was someone else.

  Another, older man entered the field to do a hoop dance, accompanied by Josh’s singing. When the song was over and Josh and the hoop dancer trotted off the field, there was no applause, just a respectful silence. Slowly, the crowd started to murmur again, some of them dispersing to the bleachers lined up in a semi-circle around the rodeo grounds.

  Nick turned off his camera and gave the thumbs-up to Hannah. “Got it! Available on DVD soon.”

  “What’s going to happen now?” Hannah wanted to know, when a set of speakers on the other side of the field started to emit upbeat music.

  “It’s time for the naa’ahóóhai,” Yazzie replied.

  She raised an eyebrow.

  “The rodeo,” he translated enthusiastically, tilting his head at the field.

  “Yee-hah,” Ben supplied with a wide grin. “Are you one of the contestants, Yaz? Or are you too old for that now?”

  “Are you for real?” Yazzie grinned back. “Of course I’m in. I can’t imagine better fun than being thrown off a horse in front of a large audience of family and friends.”

  Ben burst out laughing. “Well, if you put it that way. You think I can join in too?” he asked impulsively.

  “No freaking clue. Come on, let’s go ask.” Yazzie dragged Ben along to the registration desk behind the tent Josh had disappeared into. As if on cue, Josh came out at that moment and passed Ben and Yazzie before joining the others.

  “How did everybody like it?” he asked.

  “It was wonderful,” Hannah said softly.

  “I filmed everything,” Nick added, waving his video camera. “Now all we need is Ben being thrown off a horse and trampled under the hooves. That would be a worthy conclusion to my rez DVD.”

  “Ben is going to be in the rodeo?” Josh raised an eyebrow. “He can’t sign up, trust me.”

  “Yazzie said he was going to try,” Hannah said.

  “Yeah, to try and talk him out of that stupid plan, I hope.”

  Nick, Amber and Ivy decided to check Ben’s progress and sauntered to the registration desk. Hannah suddenly found herself alone with Josh, who was leaning against the fence surrounding the temporary rodeo grounds. He’d changed back into his normal clothes, but he was still wearing his hair in an eight-shaped bun, kept in place by the headband. In a flash, she remembered him wearing his hair in the same traditional style in her dream.

  She caught herself blatantly staring at him while he watched the festivities and the people who’d gathered to see it. Oh, she had to stop doing this to herself. Josh had made it clear he wanted her to be his big sister and nothing more. He didn’t like her like that. He was just confused because he had to find a new way to be with her now that he was a few years older himself. Why did she have to bite back tears over this all the time?

  “Look, there’s Yazzie.” She tried to distract herself and pointed at Josh’s cousin, who had just entered the ring, sitting on a bucking horse, holding on for dear life.

  “I wasn’t allowed to enter, and frankly, I’m happy about it,” Ben shouted, coming back with Nick and the girls in tow. Wide-eyed, he took in the spectacle at the rodeo grounds. Yazzie had just been thrown off and limped away under a round of applause from the audience.

  Although they didn’t know any of the other contestants, they stayed and watched the whole show. It was fun to see how people managed to stay on the horse for as long as they could. Josh bought cans of soda for everyone. Time flew by.

  “What’s next?” Amber inquired when the rodeo was over.

  “Dancing, right?” Ivy said.

  Yazzie nodded. The speakers lined up around the field started blaring out country music, and Yaz gra
bbed Ivy’s hand. “Come on, let’s hit the dance floor!” He pulled her toward the field next to the rodeo, which would serve as an open-air disco.

  Emily shot a glance at Amber. Apparently deciding it was time to pluck up some courage, she grabbed Amber’s hand and smiled at her. Amber’s cheeks filled with color. She followed Emily into the crowd.

  Nick looked around uncertainly. “Hey Josh, how about me asking a Navajo girl for a dance? Is that even allowed?”

  Josh snickered. “Yeah, sure. We don’t completely hate palefaces, you know.”

  “That sounds promising,” Ben chimed in with a grin.

  “If you ask a girl to dance and she gives you some coins, she’s declining,” Josh explained. “If she accepts, it is custom to give her a few coins after the dance.”

  Nick and Ben took off to try their luck.

  “I don’t even have coins on me,” Hannah complained, fumbling through her pockets.

  Josh had a mischievous glint in his eyes. “Sounds like you’re going to be busy.”

  Hannah grinned. “Not necessarily. I can’t refuse the first guy asking me, but if he greatly rewards me for my excellent dancing skills, I can stave off suitors with those coins for the rest of the evening.”

  “You want to dance?” Josh suddenly said, a smile playing on his lips. He extended his hand to her, a laugh in his voice but his eyes serious.

  Oh. She totally hadn’t seen that coming. Hannah blushed, putting her hand in his. “Yes, that’d be wonderful,” she stammered.

  At that exact moment, Josh’s dad appeared out of nowhere. “Hey, shiye.” He put an arm around his son’s shoulders. “I’m glad I found you. They need you.”

  “What for?”

  His dad started to explain something to him in Diné Bizaad, and Josh nodded slowly. He let go of her hand with a sorry expression on his face. “I have to assist Sani with something that can’t wait. I’ll see you for dinner at my parents’ place, okay?”

  “Oh. Okay,” she said flatly.

  “Sorry,” Josh said, and then he was gone, following his father to wherever Sani was hanging out. Hannah stared blindly at the field. Emily and Amber were dancing together like there was no tomorrow, and for just a moment, she felt lonely as heck.

  When the sun had almost set, Hannah walked with her friends to the street where Josh’s family had their large, octagonal hoghan. They had all been invited to dinner.

  While the Navajo family was busy cooking on outdoor grills, Ben, Nick and Yazzie found a place next to the family sweatlodge to smoke a cigarette. Hannah saw Amber, Ivy and Emily enter the large hoghan to have a look around.

  Her eyes wandered to the smaller, hexagonal hoghan to the right of the main building. Of course, it could only belong to one person. She couldn’t contain her curiosity, and made her way to Josh’s private hoghan.

  Tentatively, she stepped inside. Her gaze quietly touched the walls, the two burning candles on the floor giving off a soft light, illuminating the medicine wheel above it. In the middle of the house, there was the typical fireplace – the center of every hoghan. To her right, some cupboards lined the walls. Four bookshelves had been attached to the wall opposite the entrance. And in the far right corner, a mattress was on the floor covered with a hand-woven Navajo blanket. Next to it was an armchair that Josh apparently used as a make-shift guitar stand and clothes rack. An oval-shaped mirror was fixed to the wall above the chair.

  On a peg above the bed, Hannah discovered the most beautiful dreamcatcher she had ever seen. It contained blood-red thread, turquoise beads, feathers and silver wire. Her breath caught in her throat as she bent over and took a closer look at the intricate piece of art. The power contained within the dreamcatcher was almost palpable. Had Josh made this himself? It had to be his. She could somehow feel it.

  Hannah took a step backwards and started to check out the content of the bookshelves. There were textbooks and boxes full of traditional jewelry, but also an impressive collection of novels and scientific journals. She picked up a book lying a bit apart from the others with the spine cracked open somewhere in the middle. Clearly Josh was currently reading it.

  “Edward T. Hall,” she mumbled softly, reading the title on the cover. “An Autobiography.”

  “He lived and worked in Navajo Nation,” Josh’s voice suddenly sounded from the doorway. Hannah almost jumped out of her skin, whipped around and put the book back like a child caught red-handed. Josh sauntered inside, smiling at her. “You can read it if you want.”

  “But ... you’re reading it. Right?” Hannah objected. Crap. She had no idea how to save face. She’d just barged into his home without permission and she’d been going through his stuff.

  “I’ve read it before.” Josh shrugged and picked up the dog-eared book. He was silent for a moment. “I actually met the author.”

  “Oh, really? Where?”

  “At one of his lectures. He was a speaker at a conference in Tuba City a few years ago. I talked to him after his lecture and discussed his work with him.”

  Hannah blinked and made a quick calculation. “So ... how old were you then?”

  Josh bit his lip, a guarded look in his eyes. The look she’d seen too many times already. “Fifteen,” he mumbled.

  “Wow.” She eyed him incredulously. “Well, I’m impressed. I wish my fifteen-year-old students were interested in going to historical lectures.”

  “You can always try and inspire them.” Josh smiled faintly. “Take them to a lecture some time.”

  “I doubt Edward Hall will come and speak in my neighborhood any time soon.”

  “No, he won’t. He ... passed away this year.”

  For a split second, Hannah could swear tears were welling up in his eyes.

  “Oh. Did you know him personally?” she asked, confused by his strong reaction.

  She could see how Josh was grappling with finding an answer. “No,” he finally said, but somehow, it didn’t sound like it was the truth. Why would he lie about something trivial like this, though?

  Josh put the book back and tilted his head to the dreamcatcher. “So what do you think?” he asked, quickly changing the subject.

  “Amazing. I’ve never seen such a perfect dreamcatcher.”

  He smiled. “Maybe we can make one for you next week. I’ll make sure I bring some stuff along.”

  Hannah slowly nodded. Admittedly, the intense dreams she had were freaking her out, but there was clearly something they were trying to tell her. If the dreamcatcher did what the legend said and proved to be effective, she would never have nightmares again, but she also wouldn’t discover new things.

  “By the way, I’m sorry I broke into your hoghan. I didn’t mean to snoop around.” Well, of course, that was exactly what she’d meant to do, but she still felt the need to apologize.

  Josh took her hands in his. “Don’t be silly. You may always enter my home, sha’di.” Hannah felt his palms warm against her fingers, and tried to dismiss the cold feeling spreading through her heart when she heard him use the sister word again. He couldn’t help seeing her like that. She had to get her act together.

  “I like your hair like that,” she said softly, looking at the bun. “I haven’t seen you wearing it like this very often.” Well, except in a dream.

  “It’s a tsiyeel, an eight-shaped hairbun for traditional occasions. Actually, I’m going to get rid of it now. It’s sort of tight.” He raised one hand to untie his headband, trying to untangle the bun with the other.

  “Can you...” he started, and Hannah nodded shyly. She moved behind him and untied the headband for him. After that, she combed his thick, black hair with her fingers. It smelled a bit sweet. “Do you put anything in it?” she asked.

  He reached for a pot of coconut cream on one of the shelves and handed it over to her. Hannah rubbed some of the grease onto her hands and applied it to Josh’s long hair. Now and then, her palms touched the skin of his scalp, his shoulders and neck, and she felt her fingers tingle from
that skin contact. Silently, she moved a little bit closer to run her fingers through the hair falling on either side of his face, wanting to brush it over his shoulders, when her one hand accidentally caressed his cheek.

  She bit her lip and felt the blood rush to her face. Fortunately, Josh was facing away from her, so he couldn’t see the expression on her face.

  Then her gaze drifted across his shoulder to the mirror above the chair. Her own blushing face stared back at her, and Josh had seen her blush.

  Her heart skipped a beat when Josh turned around and caught her gaze.

  He was standing so close. If only she could pull him even closer and kiss him. Or make a casual or funny remark to get rid of the sickening tension in the air. Unfortunately, she couldn’t do funny right now. It wasn’t funny. It was painful, it was entirely her own fault, and Josh was no doubt wondering why she was gaping at him like this. Hannah looked down at the floor, completely flustered.

  As if her guardian angel had decided to butt in and save her, someone whistled outside at that moment. After a second, Yazzie stuck his head round the door. “Dinner’s ready. Are you two coming?”

  Josh faintly smiled at Hannah. “Well, you heard the man. Let’s go, sha’di.”

  Hannah winced when she heard his sisterly way of addressing her again. Thank God she hadn’t just made the blatant mistake of kissing someone who thought of her as an older sister and nothing more.

  “Yeah, let’s,” she replied, slogging defeatedly out of the hoghan and following Josh and Yazzie to sit down for dinner.

  It was late in the evening when the gang finally made their way back to St. Mary’s Port. Hannah sat silently in the back of Nick’s Jeep, contemplating the night sky stretching out above the mesas, the dark desert landscape gliding past her. She was happy the night was over. She was dead beat.

  When Nick dropped her, Ben, and the neighbor girls off at the log cabins, Amber followed her. “Hey, wait up a second,” she called out, as Hannah was about to trot off and hit the sack. Hannah stopped short, waiting for Amber to continue.