Shadow of Time

by Jen Minkman

  “I think you mean afternoon. You practically slept through an entire week,” Ben grinned. He pointed at the kitchen table. “Look, I got us some tickets for the opening show of Movies in the Park. All our new friends can tag along.”

  Hannah let out a sigh when she sat down at the table to have a look at the tickets. Ben’s lighthearted chatter almost made it possible to forget about the bizarre encounter she’d had this morning. Sitting there, with the bright sunlight streaming in through the windows, it suddenly seemed ridiculous she’d felt threatened and freaked out by a bunch of lumberjack guys carrying beer cases, auras or no auras. And yet, she couldn’t get it out of her head.

  “Ben?” she started softly, when her brother put the lid on the pan of pasta and sat down to light a cigarette. “I want to talk to you about something.”

  He frowned, alerted by her serious tone. “What’s up, Han?”

  “I feel so stressed out ever since that evening at the lake.” She stared at her hands, balled up into fists on the tabletop. “I’m afraid of guys in groups. It feels like I’m losing it.”

  “Come on. Don’t be so hard on yourself. It’s normal to be afraid after going through something like that. You usually trust people so quickly, and now a bunch of assholes betrayed that trust.”

  Hannah swallowed. “Okay, true, but it’s not just about groups of men. I freak out when I see three of them together. I ran into three guys at the supermarket today, and they seriously gave me the creeps.”

  “Huh? Why? What were they doing?”

  “That’s the thing. They weren’t doing anything. Just staring at me with this peculiar look in their eyes.”

  “Lecherous, you mean?”

  “No. They gave me this look as if…” Her eyebrows furrowed. “As if they’d been waiting for me. It was a look of recognition. Yeah – that’s it.” She nodded, as if to emphasize her words. That’s why she’d felt so uncomfortable under their gaze. Even though it was impossible, these men knew her somehow.

  Now it was Ben’s turn to frown. “You know what, if you run into them again, call me. I have no idea why those guys would give you odd stares, but they’d better explain themselves to me next time it happens.”

  Hannah smiled at Ben. He didn’t think her feeling was absurd, and even if he thought it was weird, he wouldn’t hesitate to defend her if needed.

  “Thank you,” she said simply.

  “Sure thing.” He gave her a broad smile and went back to his pasta. “By the way, we’re going on a hike to Rainbow Bridge after the weekend. Nick is tagging along. He’s going to make sure he keeps Wednesday, Thursday and Friday free so he can come with us to the rez.”

  “That… that long?” Her heart sank. That meant she’d be alone in the cabin for a while.

  Ben cocked his head and put a hand on her shoulder. “Hey, no worries. I bet Emily can stay with you for a few days if you feel unsafe.”

  “Yeah, there’s a thought.” This whole unreasonable anxiety thing was utterly frustrating. Normally speaking, she would revel in some alone time. Stupid aura-less woodchoppers.

  “I’m popping down to the beach before we go,” Ben said after turning off the stove. “You want to join me?”

  “No, thanks. I don’t feel like sunbathing today. I’m going to play some guitar.”

  “Fine with me. I’ll be back at three. I promised Nick I’d meet him here.”

  Soon afterwards, Ben left the cabin whistling a tune and carrying a beach bag, and Hannah sat down on the porch with a book and her guitar. As soon as her brother was out of eyeshot, however, she got up again and went into Ben’s bedroom to get his laptop. He probably wouldn’t approve of her using his horribly expensive roaming internet USB modem – or understand why she wanted to do a Google search for ‘people without auras’ – so she’d decided to not even ask.

  She opened the laptop and waited for Windows to start up and the internet to connect. Then, she Googled the topic and browsed through the list of search results. No real hits except a website maintained by an aura reader who claimed that people without an electromagnetic field had crossed over to the other side, or were about to pass away.

  Hannah shivered. Maybe Amber had made a mistake after all. Perhaps she hadn’t been receptive to the men’s auras. There was simply no other explanation. Unless they really were dead. Damn, she should just stop thinking about it. She was creeping herself out.

  After putting Ben’s laptop back on his night table, Hannah settled herself against the porch railing and tried to concentrate on her book. When Nick parked his Jeep next to the cabin at three o’clock on the dot, she’d managed to forget about the events of this morning, if only for the time being.

  Nick walked up the porch steps. “Hey Han, look at what I brought!” He held up a notebook. “So I can scribble down some notes this afternoon.”

  “Whoa, someone’s going to be a busy-bee.”

  “Yeah, or a brainiac, more like.” After putting the notebook down on the table, Nick pulled two packs of ground coffee from his bag. “And I bought this. Does coffee make a good gift?”

  Hannah nodded. While she poured Nick a glass of soda, he rambled on. “You know, it’s really awesome I met you in Page. Without you and your friends, I’d be stuck at a dead end with this whole dissertation thing. But now I’m feeling so inspired. Josh told me so many things about Diné history and traditions. It’s downright freaky he knows that much. I mean, does he ever sleep?” He opened his notebook. “I have truly come to respect the Diné way of life. That principle of always being in balance with the forces of nature and supernatural powers? It’s fantastic.”

  Hannah smiled. “Yeah, they call it hózhó. It means beauty, harmony and balance all in one.”

  Suddenly, Nick nudged her from the side, staring straight ahead at the road. “Look, there’s a dog standing there. Actually, it looks more like a wolf or something.”

  Hannah turned around and blinked in surprise. Was that a coyote standing by the side of the road? It couldn’t be. Of course, they lived in this part of the country, but they rarely ventured out to populated areas. The animal stood among the shrubs across the road – immobile, menacing. It fixed them with a predatory stare.

  Her heart skipped a beat when two other coyote-like dogs emerged from the bushes and lined up on either side of the first one. The animals remained still, keeping the same posture while watching her. Six yellow-brown eyes observed her with unsettling intensity.

  Uncertainly, she took a step back, the hairs on her neck prickling. Three guys. Three men. And now, three dogs. What the heck was going on? If Nick hadn’t been here, she’d have thought she was imagining things, but the animals really were there, across the road, pinning her with their stares.

  “Hannah? You okay?” Nick gave her a worried look, grabbing her shoulder. Only now, she realized she’d been staring, transfixed, at the side of the road, with sheer panic in her wide-open eyes. “Are you afraid of dogs?”

  She blinked rapidly. “No,” she managed to choke out. “I just…”

  Before she could say anything else, the nearby grumble of a car engine grew into a roar. A large pick-up truck appeared around the corner, trundling past the cabin in clouds of dust. When Hannah looked back at the bushes on the other side of the road, the three coyotes had vanished. She shook her head. Nick was looking at her, his face a big question mark.

  “I just don’t like coyotes very much,” she finished feebly.

  “Well, fortunately they’re gone. Shall I get you a drink?”

  Hannah nodded listlessly, and followed Nick inside to get some more Coke. She rubbed her forehead and breathed deeply in and out. Okay, so it was sort of weird that she’d seen three coyotes near the cabin, but she shouldn’t link up events that had nothing to do with each other. She had to stop riling herself up like this.

  When Ben and the neighbors returned from the beach, she’d calmed down again. Eager to make a good impression on the rez, Hannah went to her bedroom and change
d into a new pair of jeans and a black halter top. Rummaging around in her beauty case to find a nice piece of jewelry, she pulled out a necklace with turquoise beads. She remembered making it by hand, together with Josh, sitting in his aunt’s hoghan on a rainy day when he’d been nine years old. She had always kept the necklace because she loved the color so much. Thinking back to that afternoon, she wondered if Josh still remembered they had made this necklace together.

  Her bedroom door suddenly swung open and Ben walked in. “Are you coming or what? You said you wanted to leave at three, right?”

  Hannah quickly got up. “Hey, don’t rush me. I was just... thinking.”

  Ben’s smile faded. “Are you still breaking your head over those men in the supermarket?” He pulled her against his chest in a protective gesture. “Don’t worry. They probably meant no harm. And if you ever run into those guys who harassed you, just call me and Josh. We’ll kick the living shit out of them.”

  Hannah couldn’t help laughing. “Pacifist,” she said.

  They went out and got into Nick’s Jeep. Amber sat in the back seat with her sack of flour and a six-pack of soda cans in her lap.

  “Hey.” Hannah plunked herself down next to Amber. “How was the beach?”

  “Fantastic. How are you? Were you able to unwind a bit?”

  “Yeah, sure.” She didn’t feel like mentioning the coyote-dogs-whatever that showed up at the log cabin. She was probably just making a mountain out of a mole-hill.

  Ben and Ivy got in, Nick started the Jeep and it didn’t take them long before they were on Lakeshore Drive, driving in the direction of Page. “Where to next?” Nick inquired once they’d passed the Page welcome sign.

  “Keep going south.” Ben pointed at a few road signs. “If you follow Navajo Route 20 you will end up in Naabi’aani.”

  They passed the intersection at Big Lake Trading Post were Nick stopped to get some gas. Everyone in the Jeep was in good spirits. Nick had switched on the radio and tuned in to a Native American-sounding channel with panpipe music, and Hannah thought up a song to teach the newcomers some important Navajo words. By the time the first hoghans of Naabi’aani came into view, Nick and the neighbor girls had learned that ahe'hee meant ‘thank you’, ya'at'eeh was ‘welcome’ and ayor anosh'ni ‘I love you’.

  “Park it here.” Hannah indicated a free spot at the side of the road. It was best to walk the last bit to Emily’s parents’ house, because the road was blocked by a multitude of cars and RVs further up ahead. Their owners had all parked around the tiny village center to attend the rodeo.

  Once everyone had gotten out, Hannah and Ben led the way toward the Begay family hoghan, elbowing their way through the crowd on the village square.

  “What’s that smell?” Nick sniffed and looked around. “Makes me hungry.”

  “Traditional frybread,” Hannah replied. “And it’s a traditional calorie bomb, too.”

  Nick grinned. “No problem. I have a lightning-speed metabolism. I never gain any weight.”

  “I hate you,” Hannah sing-songed.

  “Honey, I love you too. Or should I say: ayor anosh'ni?”

  Hannah let Ben, Nick and the girls go ahead of her as the crowd closed in around them. She trailed behind Nick, making her way through the mass of people, passing a family with three small children clinging to their mother’s bright red skirt, begging their father for candy. Hannah gave them a friendly smile when she passed by. The kids on the reservation always reminded her of cheerful, tiny Inuit – the same slanty eyes, the same tanned skin and the same thick, black hair. Sometimes their entire appearance changed when they got older, Josh being a case in point. Come to think of it, where could he be? Hannah looked around and tried to spot him among the people in the crowd.

  Her heart started to hammer in her chest when she saw him on the other side of the field that would host the dance festivities.

  He wasn’t alone. He was standing next to a drop-dead gorgeous woman with long, black hair – a broad smile on his lips and his hand tightly holding hers.

  Ouch.

  She never knew she could be this jealous. Hannah desperately tried to calm herself. Josh was perfectly allowed to stand hand in hand with a girl. It didn’t have to mean anything. Right?

  In the meantime, Josh had spotted her too. He started to cross the makeshift dance floor, still holding the girl’s hand. Hannah’s jaw clenched as she tried to ignore the sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach.

  Josh stopped in front of her and looked down with a broad smile. “Welcome! Ya'at'eeh. You just got here?” The others had walked on, and Josh looked sideways to wave at Ben for a moment.

  “Yeah.” She made a halfhearted attempt at smiling back. “We were on our way to Emily.”

  He nodded, his eyes scanning her face curiously. “Are you all right? You look a bit stressed out.”

  Oh, she couldn’t be better. Suffering from nightmares, chased by aura-less lumberjacks, and stalked by coyotes. And meanwhile, he’d managed to hook up with Miss Navajo Nation.

  “Of course I’m all right,” she snapped. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

  Josh almost imperceptibly raised an eyebrow. “Never mind. I’m going to go talk to Ben for a minute.”

  He stalked off, leaving Hannah wishing she could crawl into a hole and stay there. And to top things off, Josh’s infuriatingly perfect girlfriend was still standing next to her.

  “Sorry,” she mumbled, shooting her an embarrassed look.

  “No problem,” the girl replied. “My cousin isn’t angry with you, if that’s what you think. I can tell.”

  Hannah blew out a breath. “Your – cousin?” Her green-eyed monster was retreating into the shadows, where it rightfully belonged.

  “I’m his paternal cousin. We’re visiting today. Me, my husband and my two kids. We live in Chinle.”

  “Ah,” Hannah nodded, hoping the relief wasn’t too apparent on her face. “Well, it’s very nice to meet you.” She shook hands with Josh’s cousin. “I’m his best friend’s sister.” She didn’t say her name on purpose, or ask about the girl’s name, knowing she would hear it from other people later on.

  Ben and Josh appeared next to her. “Are you coming or what?” Ben asked. “Or do you want to drag that sack of flour around all day long?”

  Both boys snickered, and Hannah sheepishly joined in. She followed them and cautiously shot a sideways glance at Josh to check that he really wasn’t upset with her.

  “You’ve never met Linibah before, have you?” Josh asked her. “She’s my uncle’s youngest daughter.”

  “No, I didn’t know who she was.”

  He smiled at her. “By the way, thanks for bringing along some Blue Bird flour. That’s very thoughtful of you.” His eyes drifted to the turquoise necklace she was wearing, and his smile intensified. He didn’t say anything about it, just gave her a happily surprised look.

  Hannah blushed a little bit and stared at her feet. Apparently, Linibah was right after all. Josh didn’t seem to mind in the least that she’d been a total snappy bitch two minutes ago.

  Ben poked the two of them. “Hey guys, look, Emily’s waiting for us over there.”

  “Yeah, she’s standing by the Hosteen family home. They’ve organized the rodeo.” Josh gestured to the octagonal hoghan behind Emily.

  The father, mother and two sons of the Hosteen household stood up from the buck skin on the floor they’d been sitting on when everyone entered.

  And then, they suddenly bowed in reverence for Josh, who emerged from behind Hannah and started to speak to his clansmen. Everyone else who’d been chatting fell silent.

  Hannah observed the faces surrounding them. Now she finally understood fully what Emily had tried to explain to her about the people of Naabi’aani – Josh’s tribesmen were in inexplicable awe of the seventeen-year-old guy she’d known all her life. He was the focus of everyone’s attention, and it felt natural. She could see the respect and admiration in their eyes when he talked to
them in Diné Bizaad, their own language.

  When Josh was done speaking, Ben came forward with his large pan of pasta, and Hannah shuffled after him to shake hands with the Hosteen family. She didn’t miss Emily’s fond hint of a smile as she looked at Amber, who shyly stared at the floor and gripped the cans of soda tight under one arm.

  One by one, the presents were handed over. Afterwards Josh led them out of the hoghan to sit down in the grass on the left side of the house. People were sitting around cross-legged, chatting and eating food the Hosteens had prepared for the occasion.

  “Don’t you want anything to eat?” Hannah asked Josh, when he plonked down next to her only holding a can of Coke.

  “No, I am going to do the opening ceremony for the rodeo in a little while. I’d rather do that on an empty stomach.”

  “Oh? What kind of performance?” she asked curiously.

  “Singing. And hand drumming.”

  “So you’re going to sing a traditional song?”

  Josh nodded. “I am one of the hataalii of Naabi’aani. Sani is the oldest medicine man of the village, and I am the youngest.”

  Hannah gaped at him. Emily had mentioned Josh helped Sani, but she’d left out that he was a medicine man himself. “Where on earth do you get the time to become so good at everything you do?”

  He looked back at her. “Well, time...” he started out, his voice trailing off. He shook his head. “Let’s just say I am a quick study.”

  A woman walking around with bowls of corn porridge on a tray tapped his shoulder. Josh declined, but nudged Hannah. “Sha’di? Would you like another bowl?”

  Hannah gulped down a sudden lump, looking at Josh tongue-tied. Okay, that was clear. Crystal. Not shilah to address her as his female friend. He’d just called her sha’di, like before. His big sister. So nothing had changed after all. She had to swallow back sudden tears. How could Ben have been so wrong about the way Josh saw her?

  Still in a daze, she turned around when she heard Josh’s mother call out to them from a distance. She was walking toward them, addressing her son. “Shiyáázh?”