Distorted Hope

by Marissa Honeycutt

  My heart was full the next morning when I awoke with Jason’s arms around me. We’d made love so many times I was sore, but I didn’t care. All I cared about was Jason was here, with me.

  “I love you,” Jason murmured from behind me, kissing my ear.

  I turned over to face him and beamed at him. “I love you, too.” I leaned forward to kiss him.

  “You can come to breakfast this morning,” he told me when our kiss ended.

  My eyes lit up. “I can leave the room?”

  Jason nodded.

  “Do you know why Patrón was angry with me?” I asked, tracing his cheekbone with my fingers.

  “No. He wouldn’t say anything about it. He snapped at Mark a couple of times when your name was mentioned.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Mark was trying to get Nathan to let you out of your room, saying you hadn’t done anything wrong. But Nathan got really angry and snapped at him to mind his own business.” Jason shrugged. “I think they’ve known each other for a long time. Like, even though Nathan is Mark’s boss, they seem to be more friends than boss and employee.”

  I snuggled in closer to Jason. “I wish I knew what I did so I know not to do it in the future.”

  “Honestly, Kyra, I don’t think you did anything. I think you… I dunno, triggered something in Nathan and that set him off. That’s what Mark seemed to indicate, anyway.”

  Maybe it had something to do with Danielle.

  “Oh, shit. Is that the time?” Jason sat up and then jumped out of bed. “It’s almost eight-thirty. We gotta go.”

  He pulled on his pants and ran toward the door. “I’ll see you in a few minutes,” he said, glancing back at me before walking outside.

  I dressed quickly and then cautiously opened my door. Nathan was walking toward the stairs and I froze with my hand on the door handle.

  He looked at me for a moment, a strained look on his face. “How are you feeling, Kyra?”

  I wasn’t sure if he was referring to something specific or just trying to be polite. But why would he feel the need to be polite to his slave? “Fine, thank you.”

  “Are your shoulder and back better?” A flicker of regret crossed his face.

  “Yes, Patrón.”

  He nodded. “Good.” He turned and walked to the stairs and I quickly followed.

  After a mostly pleasant breakfast, Nathan told me I was allowed to be out of my room in the mornings but after lunch, I needed to stay inside. It was a strange edict, but I was grateful to be allowed out and I thanked him sincerely. He gave me a stiff nod and then walked away.

  Jason kissed me deeply before walking away with Colin to the workshop—as it was called—where Nathan had taken me the first day. I watched as he and Colin talked animatedly about something before turning and cautiously making my way to the garden.

  I walked nervously down the narrow path between buildings toward the women’s house. Past the house, a grassy yard bordered on one side with a stone wall. An arched entryway about three-quarters of the way down the wall opened up into the most beautiful garden I had ever seen.

  In the far corner, a beautiful gazebo sat beside a koi pond. Along the wall of the women’s house, a wrought-iron bench and several chairs invited me to enjoy the shade of a large tree. Along the wall next to me, dozens of rose bushes of every color and kind bloomed. Flowers surrounded the gazebo and pond with a riot of color, and small beds scattered around the grassy lawn created the illusion of a wild painter’s palette.

  I walked around, mesmerized by the abundant variety of scents and colors. More than once, I bent to smell a particularly pretty flower and the most beautiful fragrances assailed my nose. This was surely heaven on earth.

  I sat down in the middle of the garden, overwhelmed by the sheer beauty of it. How could there be such a place, here, where weapons were created? Why did he have such a place?

  After a while, I wandered over to the gazebo and watched the fish in the water. The sun came out from behind a cloud and their golden-orange skin glowed in the light. I knew, given the opportunity, I would spend a lot of time here in the future.

  The stone wall surrounding the compound was hidden by tall evergreen bushes, some of which had tiny flowers on them. I went to have a closer look and realized there was a small opening in the corner, behind the gazebo. I squeezed through the surprisingly soft needles and found myself in a smaller garden.

  Evergreen bushes made up a square of about ten feet by ten feet. The perimeter was bordered by rose bushes, mostly pink in color. Sitting in the middle of one side was a well-worn wooden bench. Across from the bench, a large gray stone lay buried in the grass. I walked over to it and saw a brass plaque on top. “In memory of my beloveds, Danielle and Natalie. I will love you forever. I will never forget.”

  Danielle again. I remembered Nathan’s ring and the picture on his mantle. Was Danielle his wife? Natalie… his daughter? The girl in the picture had been about my age and held a baby girl in her arms. Had Nathan thought she was me? Was that why he’d gotten so upset? I imagined it would be rather heartbreaking to think a beloved wife was there and then realize it was just his slave. No wonder he had gotten angry.

  What had happened? When had she died? How on earth did he end up here in Panama?

  I sat down on the bench and stared at the stone. It was peaceful here. How often did Nathan come out here? Would he be angry if he found me here? But I didn’t want to leave. There was something soothing about the small square of memory.

  I sighed and was about to leave when I heard voices in the garden. Female voices. Two to be exact. By their accents, I suspected it was Laurie and Amé.

  “…let her out of her room finally,” Laurie said. “Poor thing.”

  “I do not understand why he would not let her out,” Amé responded.

  “I know. I thought he… I dunno. Did you see him kiss her?”

  “He kissed her?” Amé sounded shocked.

  “Yes! I saw it. Right in the middle of the yard.”

  There was silence. “Has he ever kissed you?”

  “No. You?”

  “Non.”

  “Julia said she’s never seen him kiss any woman before. When I asked Mark about it, he was as surprised as I was. And then Mark saw them in Patrón’s office, kissing again.”

  “Lucky girl. I wish he would look at me the way he looks at her.” Amé’s voice sounded dreamy.

  “Yes, but then he isolated her in her room for a week.”

  “Julia said Mark told her Kyra hadn’t done anything wrong. Patrón was just acting strange.”

  “I kept hoping he would kiss me last night, but he didn’t.” Laurie giggled. “I would love to feel his mouth on mine. I like kissing.”

  Amé giggled, too. “We’ll have to ask Kyra when we see her.”

  “Poor thing must be so lonely. We should go find her. I hope she’s not hiding in her room.”

  Their voices disappeared as they went to search for me.

  My mind whirred as I sat down hard on the bench. Nathan didn’t kiss the other girls? Why not? And why did he kiss me? Part of me felt special. Ugly, unpopular Kyra was being kissed by a man who didn’t kiss any other woman?

  I continued to contemplate the conversation I’d overheard as I squeezed out from between the evergreens. At least the girls seemed nice. They weren’t bitter or jealous. Maybe envious, but they didn’t seem to hate me for it. They were even going to look for me so I wouldn’t be lonely. The thought made me smile a little.

  Amé and Laurie found me a while later as I wandered around the large yard. I had seen both girls briefly the first night I’d been there and talked with them a little when I’d been groomed by Pasha. But other than that, I hadn’t interacted with them.

  We sat in the grass near the pool and talked. They had been brought to the hacienda at the same time and had bonded on the way, almost eighteen months ago.

  Amé was a curious girl with deep-set, gray eyes and curly, soot-blac
k hair. She smiled easily and found humor in almost anything. Laurie had a very dynamic personality with round, light brown eyes and fine, chocolate-brown hair. Her enthusiasm about life surprised me, considering where we were. Amé was tall and thin in contrast to Laurie’s petite curves. It surprised me how content they seemed to be.

  Amé had run away from an alcoholic, abusive father when she was sixteen—with an equally abusive boyfriend. When she escaped from him, two years later, she ended up in the hands of a pimp. Mark had found her when he was on a business trip to the area and bought her before the pimp started selling the use of her body.

  Laurie’s parents had died when she was fifteen, and she ended up living on the streets. A man found her one day and took her in to train her as a sex worker. When she’d been ‘trained,’ he put her up on the auction block, so to speak, and Mark bought her during the same trip he’d bought Amé.

  “So, Mark .buys all the girls for Patrón?” I asked, somewhat disgusted with the idea.

  Amé nodded. “We were fortunate enough to catch his eye. Most girls are not so lucky. This is a good place. Patrón is a kind master.”

  I bit my lip. I had seen Nathan’s kindness. And his temper, apparently.

  Laurie put her hand on mine. “Don’t worry about Patrón. He can be moody, but he’s not a bad man. He takes very good care of us.”

  I nodded. “I can see that.” I stared at the ground and blinked back tears. Never in a million years would I have thought I’d end up here, or anywhere, as a sex slave. Who would have wanted me? If it hadn’t been for dating Jason, I wouldn’t be here. But I didn’t regret dating Jason. I only wished I could be with him. Right now, as a matter of fact.

  “Where did Mark buy you?” Laurie asked.

  I looked up. “He didn’t.” Both girls looked at me. “He brought me to motivate Jason. We… he’s my boyfriend.”

  “The new engineer? He is handsome,” Amé added with a glint in her eye.

  “That must be why he rejects our advances,” Laurie commented.

  “Is that why you are in the big house?” Amé asked.

  “I don’t know,” I answered. “Mark said I would be in the house with you guys, and then Na—er, Patrón told him to move my stuff into the room I’m in now.” I ran my hand through the soft, warm grass. It tickled my palm.

  After a few minutes of silence, Amé began asking me questions about myself. I told the other girls about my parents dying and being raised by my grandparents. About working and meeting Jason and dating him, and then my adventures of being kidnapped and brought down to Patrón.

  “You were a virgin?” Laurie exclaimed. “I didn’t think any Americans were virgins.”

  I blushed furiously. “Jason’s my first boyfriend.”

  “Is he nice?” Amé asked.

  “Yes. Very nice. I love him.”

  The girls grinned. “It would be nice to have a man all to myself,” Laurie said.

  “Yes, but it might get boring,” Amé said with a giggle. “We get so much variety here.” I looked at her. “If you ever have any questions about men and fucking, do not hesitate to ask. We know a lot.”

  I giggled. “I can imagine. I hardly know anything.”

  “That will change,” Laurie promised, and I knew it was true.

  I was giggling with the two girls when Nathan approached. The girls moved from their lounging position on the ground to their knees and gave him adoring looks. I moved into the same position but stared at his feet, afraid.

  “It’s time for lunch, girls,” he said in kind voice.

  We stood. Laurie and Amé walked away and I looked up at Nathan. “Lunch, Kitten,” he said quietly and turned and walked back toward the Big House, as the other girls had called it.

  I took my place at the table between Nathan and Mark. My appetite returned in full force and I ate everything on my plate. Nathan seemed pleased; he gave me a satisfied look when he stood at the end of the meal.

  I walked with Jason out into the courtyard. “Will you be able to stay with me tonight?” I asked as he wrapped his arms around my waist.

  “I think so,” Jason replied, leaning down to kiss me. “I really hope so.” He kissed me soundly and then turned to walk away with Colin.

  I watched him for a moment before turning to go to my room as Nathan had instructed. Before I turned, I saw Nathan standing in the doorway of his office, watching me. I paused nervously, afraid of his disapproval, but he simply turned and went inside.

  I hurried up to my room, grateful he hadn’t become angry at me.

  For the next few weeks, things remained much the same. Jason and I were able to spend our nights together, going up to one of our rooms after dinner and avoiding the evening socialization time. Nathan didn’t use me at all and stayed kind to me. I spent the afternoons alone in my room, but during the mornings, I was able to be with Amé and Laurie, and sometimes some of the other girls. I even went to their dance classes with them. They were all kind to me and I began to feel as if I had friends. I missed Stacey but liked my new friends.

  One morning, I woke to a very nauseated stomach. I groaned, clutching my midsection, and tried to get up.

  “What’s wrong, hon?” Jason asked in a sleepy voice.

  “I don’t feel well,” I said, keeping my mouth as closed as possible. All at once, I felt my mouth tingle and water and knew I was going to throw up.

  I ran to my bathroom and made it to the toilet just seconds before my stomach emptied itself. When I’d finished, Jason handed me a wet washcloth and helped my back to bed. “I feel like I have the flu,” I groaned. I’d been achy the last few days and tired. Every afternoon when I’d gone up to my room, I’d fallen asleep reading. More than once, I’d almost missed dinner, which didn’t please Nathan.

  Jason sat by me on my bed and stroked my head. “It’s not unheard of to get sick when in a foreign country.” He kissed my forehead. “You don’t feel feverish.”

  “I feel better. Well, my stomach does. But I’m still achy.”

  He studied me for a long moment. “Stay in bed. I’ll tell Nathan you’re sick. I’m sure he’ll understand.”

  I gave him a grateful look. “Thanks.” I was back asleep within minutes of him leaving to go to breakfast.

  I woke later when Mark came in, bringing Beatriz with a tray of food.

  “How are you feeling?” he asked as Beatriz put the tray on my lap.

  “Better. Still a little achy but not nauseous anymore.”

  Mark nodded. “Nathan said to stay in bed today and if you’re not feeling better tomorrow, I’ll call Dr. Perez.”

  I spent the day in bed reading, watching TV, and sleeping. Jason came in after dinner and stayed with me, though we didn’t make love or even kiss. I didn’t want to get him sick and hoped I hadn’t already.

  The next morning, I woke the same way, running into the bathroom to vomit. When Mark came in to check on me after breakfast, I was trying to get comfortable. I was a stomach sleeper, but my breasts felt weird and hurt and I couldn’t lay as I wanted to.

  I let out a growl as Mark was entering.

  “What’s wrong?” he asked with a laugh.

  “Can’t get comfortable.”

  “That happens when you’re sick. Do you want some Advil?”

  “Maybe. I just want to stretch out on my stomach, but my—” I stopped, cheeks turning pink.

  “What?”

  “My breasts hurt.”

  Mark’s eyes widened. “What?”

  My cheeks turned pinker. “They hurt,” I said, pointing to my chest.

  Mark looked down at my shirt-covered breasts. “Fuck,” he mumbled under his breath. “Fuck!” He turned on his heel and stormed out of the room.

  I stared at the open door in shock. Mark was usually so even-tempered. What had upset him?

  Dr. Perez arrived an hour later. He looked at me carefully and asked me a lot of questions about how I was feeling. Then he handed me a plastic cup. “Go urinate in it and
leave it on the counter.”

  I frowned in confusion. “Ooookay,” I said slowly.

  I heard the doctor and Mark talking quietly in Spanish when I returned a few minutes later. Mark was running his hands through his hair, looking extremely agitated.

  Dr. Perez disappeared into the bathroom, emerging a few minutes later with a sober look on his kind face. He looked at Mark and nodded, to which Mark let out another loud curse.

  I looked between the two men, thoroughly confused. What was going on?

  Dr. Perez sat next to me and took my hand. “Kyra, querida, you’re pregnant.”

  My mouth dropped open and I stared at the older man. “What?”

  “You’re pregnant. The nausea, the achiness, the tiredness.” He motioned to my breasts. “Your tender, swollen breasts. They’re all pregnancy symptoms.”

  I looked at Mark. His face was pale and his hands were locked on top of his head. “But… how?” I looked back at Dr. Perez. “I mean, Jason used a condom when we were on the boat and you gave me the… oh, no!” My hands flew to my mouth as the realization hit me. “It’s Nathan’s?”

  “Nathan never wears a condom,” Mark said. “We don’t have to here. Most girls are already on some sort of birth control when they get here. Fuck, he’s going to kill me.” He walked over to the window and stared outside.

  My thoughts turned immediately to Jason. How would Jason react to me carrying another man’s child? Would Nathan punish me? “What will happen to me?” I asked. “Will he make me… get rid of it?”

  “Unlikely,” Mark answered from the window. “He doesn’t like the idea of abortions.” He turned and gave me a wry smile. “I honestly don’t know, Kyra. But I’ll do my best to keep you safe.”

  I swallowed nervously. Would Nathan hurt me?

  “I’ll need to take the IUD out after you tell him,” Dr. Perez said.

  Mark nodded and inhaled deeply. “I’ll call you and let you know how he reacts.”

  After Dr. Perez left, Mark slumped into the chair in the corner of the room. He tapped his fist on his lips and stared at the wall across the room. Finally, he sighed and looked at me. “I’m not sure if I should take you with me or not when I tell him.”