Distorted Hope

by Marissa Honeycutt

  I huddled in the corner and was relieved when I didn’t hear Nathan. I didn’t know how long I should stay hidden, though.

  I was afraid. Afraid of Nathan for the first time in I don’t even remember how long. I wished Mark were back. He’d know what to do. The other guys were good guys, but they didn’t know Nathan the way Mark did. I don’t think they’d cross him to protect me. I thought Mark would. I hoped he would. But it didn’t really matter, because he wasn’t here and would likely be gone for another month.

  I stayed hidden through the morning and through lunch. Then I started getting hungry. Really hungry. Surely Nathan had calmed down by now. I couldn’t imagine him doing anything but sleeping at this point. He was probably worried about me.

  I stretched and stood slowly. I wondered if I should stop in the kitchen for something to eat, but thought I should go find Nathan first.

  He wasn’t in his office and I sighed in relief. He was probably sleeping. I went upstairs and slowly opened the bedroom door, not wanting to disturb him if he was asleep. I saw his feet in bed and sighed in relief, and closed the door behind me, and tiptoed toward the bed.

  And then I nearly threw up.

  Nathan was in bed, but he wasn’t alone. Amé was in bed with him. Naked. They were having sex. I let out a cry of surprise and they both looked at me. Amé gave me an apologetic look; Nathan looked at me with an almost triumphant look.

  I turned to leave, but Nathan stopped me. “Don’t you dare leave,” he growled. “Sit down and enjoy the show.”

  I stared at him for a long moment. “No.” I turned on my heel and started to run away.

  “If you leave, I will find you and fulfill my painful promise from earlier.”

  I froze. If I stayed and watched the man I love have sex with my friend, he would stretch my ass before fucking me there. If I left, he wouldn’t. I think I’d rather have the physical pain. I sobbed and ran out of the room.

  I didn’t know where to go. All my things had been moved into our bedroom long ago. The room I stayed in when I first arrived had been turned back into a guest room.

  No, he hadn’t found me in the garden before. That was my safest place. I ran downstairs and back to the garden. I certainly wasn’t hungry anymore.

  Why was he doing this? Why was he with Amé? Why was he having sex with another woman in our bed? Why did he want to hurt me? Why? Why? Why? The questions kept circling in my head as the tears streamed down my face.

  I stayed in the garden until I was shivering in the night air so badly I couldn’t stand it anymore. I stretched my stiff limbs and walked slowly back to the house. The lights were on and I heard voices in the living room. I’d missed dinner and my stomach growled.

  As I walked inside, my stomach stopped growling and started churning. Although Mark and the three others who had kidnapped me were gone, the other guys were still here. They were sitting around with Nathan in the living room, talking and laughing. They each had a girl between their feet, Nathan included. It was Yolanda this time and somehow that made me feel better. At least he didn’t seem to be forming a relationship with my friend.

  Amé was sitting along the wall with Laurie, looking upset. She looked up when I walked in and tears filled her eyes. She mouthed something to me; I think it was an apology. I swallowed back my tears and nodded slightly. At least she felt bad about what happened. She did it because she had to. I couldn’t hold that against her.

  I figured I’d sleep in my old room tonight and started toward the stairs. Eventually, Nathan would calm down and get his head on straight. He had to.

  “Kyra!” Nathan shouted. The anger was very evident in voice and I stopped, but I didn’t look at him. “Come here.”

  I slowly turned and walked to the sitting area, stopping at the edge and staring at the ground. The room became silent.

  “Look at me.”

  I lifted my head and looked at him through my tears.

  “I believe I am the only one here who has had the pleasure of your mouth on their dick. That is going to change.” He began speaking louder, not taking his eyes off me. “From now on, Kyra is simply one of the girls. A sex slave like the rest. I expect you to treat her as such.”

  My jaw trembled and I shook my head. “Please don’t, Nathan,” I begged. “Please don’t do this.”

  Nathan snorted. “Why? You think you’re better than the other girls?”

  “Of course not, but I love you. You love me. There’s still a chance—”

  “I was a fucking idiot and I won’t make that mistake again.” He pushed Yolanda aside and stood, pushing his erection back into his pants. “I believe I have a promise to fulfill.” His eyes were cold and hard—harder than they were when I met him. Hard like they were when he had guests.

  He walked to me and glared at me. “And don’t you ever call me by my name again,” he growled, loud enough for the room to hear. “I think you need some training in how to act as a slave. You never were properly taught.”

  He grabbed my hand and pushed me to the stairs. I heard murmurs from the others fade as Nathan dragged me up to the second floor to our room. Or was it his room again?

  “Undress and kneel at the foot of the bed,” he growled as he closed the door. He pushed past me and walked to the bathroom.

  It was like my first night all over again. I pulled my dress off and knelt by the bed as instructed, trying not to cry. Why was he acting like this? This wasn’t who he was!

  Or was it? Was this the true Nathan Pierce? Cold, hard Nathan?

  No, I’d seen the softer side of him. I knew it was in there. Maybe if I stopped fighting him, he’d come back. Hope was all I had. I loved him so desperately.

  He came back out of the bathroom. I’d left my panties on because of my pad. I hated tampons. He wasn’t happy, I could tell, but I didn’t think he wanted me bleeding all over the rug.

  “Go get a tampon and come back.”

  “Yes, Patrón,” I whispered and ran into the bathroom. When I came out, Nathan was sitting on the bed. I looked up at him, hopeful he had softened.

  “I’m sorry I was angry, Kyra. All this isn’t your fault. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

  I sighed in relief and rushed over to him. My Nathan was back! I wrapped my arms around him, but he pulled them off of him and put them at my sides.

  “But I will not allow you to invade my heart anymore. You are one of my girls and that is it. I will train you as you should have been trained when you came. You will please my guests as the other girls do. I will not be cruel to you. I will treat you as I treat the others.” His tone was even, his words frank, but they cut deep. Had he ever loved me? He was acting as if he hadn’t.

  “Now, lie down on your stomach.”

  I let out a sob of fear. He would rip me to shreds.

  “I’m going to stretch you out, Kyra. It will hurt, but I won’t force myself inside you. You still need to be able to please a man, even if you’re menstruating. Luís will come tomorrow to give you the shot and it should dissipate. The other girls have periods very rarely.”

  I laid down on the bed as instructed, trying not to cry and failing.

  He massaged my ass. “Please don’t make this harder than it has to be, Kyra. Retaking our proper places is the right thing to do. For everyone.” His voice was no longer angry, but it wasn’t warm.

  I felt something cool and wet on his fingers. “Relax. It will go better if you don’t fight me.”

  Anal sex or breaking up? Probably both.

  I lay there, legs spread apart as he began to ready me for my first anal sex. He trained me as he would have trained any other of his girls. And it cut my heart to shreds.

  My things were moved into a room in the women’s house the next day. My room was between Amé’s and Julia’s. It was small, but big enough to be comfortable. We had communal bathrooms in the corner of the house. There was a nice grass courtyard in the center which gave us a sense of privacy.

  Amé, Julia, and Lauri
e stayed by my side the entire day, trying to cheer me up. None of the girls were happy with Patrón, but there was nothing they could do about it. They didn’t speak badly of him, and I would hate for them to do so, but they were very sympathetic and told me how bad they felt for me. The only thing they said about him was they wished he would let himself be happy again like he was when we were together. I wished that, too. Even if he wasn’t with me, I wished he would let himself be happy again.

  Dr. Perez came that afternoon and gave me the birth control shot. “I’m so sorry, querida,” he said as he poked my upper arm.

  I realized this was the final step of separation from Nathan. We were no longer trying to have a baby. I was simply his sex slave. Nothing more.

  “Give him time, Kyra,” Dr. Perez said, squeezing my hand. “He may come around.”

  I winced as he squeezed my engagement ring into my finger. I needed to give that back to him; I shouldn’t be wearing it.

  When the doctor left, I brushed my hair and went to return the ring to Patrón. I knocked on his office door and awaited his response.

  “Yes, Kyra?” His voice was impassive. I hated it.

  I stepped inside, clutching the ring in my hand. I walked over to his desk. “I’m sorry for bothering you, Patrón, but I needed to return this.” I set the ring gently on his desk so he wouldn’t think I was being spiteful.

  We both stared at it for a moment. “Thank you, Kyra,” he said in a strained voice. “You may go.”

  “Thank you, Patrón.” I turned and left his office and went back to the women’s house. And I ran to my room and wept.

  Amé, Laurie, and Julia came in and comforted me until I could stop crying. By the time dinner came around, I was composed again. Mostly.

  The girls ate dinner at the same time as the men, but in their own dining room just off the kitchen. I picked at my food. Pasha encouraged me to eat more but soon realized it was a fruitless effort. She squeezed my hand after dinner. “It will work out, mija. Don’t give up hope.”

  I went into the living room with the other girls, as one of the ‘other’ girls for the first time that night. I hated it. I tried to walk by Patrón without saying anything, but he caught my elbow as I walked by.

  “That was rude, Kyra,” he said, not in an angry voice. “I know you’re angry with me, but that does not give you an excuse to be rude.”

  “I’m not angry with you, Patrón,” I protested quietly, looking up at him. “I’m sorry. I will not do it again.”

  He pressed his lips together and nodded, releasing my arm.

  I looked around, not sure what to do. Even though I’d lived here for almost a year, I’d never done this before. There were six men in the room, including Patrón, and eight girls. Pasha didn’t usually come in the evenings.

  Amé motioned for me to go to her and I did, sitting on a rug beneath one of the big picture windows. “The men will call us, or come get us, when they want us. Aside from that, we can just visit and have fun.”

  The first moment we’d had alone, Amé had apologized profusely about me seeing her in bed with Patrón. She had been shocked when he had called for her that afternoon and started having sex with her. She had tried to stop him but had been warned very firmly to not protest. I told her I understood and didn’t hold it against her. I hated the image it had left in my mind, but I knew she’d only done it because she had to.

  I stared out the window as the evening passed. None of the men called for me. I figured they still thought of me as Nathan’s and didn’t take it personally. I knew they found me attractive and honestly, I appreciated their sensitivity.

  But Patrón didn’t. He called me over after it was clear no one else would. “Kyra, I believe Toby would enjoy your attentions tonight.”

  “Yes, Patrón,” I whispered and went to the blond man in his early thirties. “May I please you, sir?” I asked in a slightly louder voice so Toby could hear me.

  He cleared his throat and nodded. “Sure, Kyra,” he said, glancing at Patrón.

  I met his gaze as I knelt before him and saw the sympathy in his eyes. He shifted in his seat and settled back as I unfastened his pants and began licking and sucking on his growing erection. I’d only given four men blowjobs, if you counted Pavel, but obviously had mostly been with Patrón. Toby wasn’t lacking in the cock department, but he was much easier to take into my throat than Patrón.

  “Oh, fuck, Kyra,” he groaned and caressed the back of my head as I took him down my throat. I took that as a good sign.

  “Enjoying her, Toby?” Patrón asked, bringing tears to my eyes. I closed them so they wouldn’t be seen. Crying was probably considered rude.

  “Uh, huh,” Toby mumbled, tangling his fingers in my hair.

  Patrón chuckled and I squeezed my eyes shut so the tears wouldn’t fall.

  A few minutes later, Toby’s hands tightened in my hair and he groaned as he came in my mouth. “Fuck,” he whispered, stroking my head as I swallowed.

  He tugged gently on my hair and had me look up at him. “Thank you, sweetie.”

  I gave him a shy smile and he stroked my cheek.

  “You can take her to bed if you want.” My mouth opened in surprise at Patrón’s words. Toby looked at him, clearly disturbed.

  “I… No, that’s okay, Nathan. That blowjob was good.”

  Patrón must have given him a look because he sucked in a deep breath and nodded. “Thanks.” He didn’t sound very enthusiastic. He glanced down at me and raised his brows. “Shall we?”

  “Of course, sir.” Well, I guess I’ll have my second anal experience tonight.

  I didn’t look at Patrón as I left. I was trying to keep my composure as I followed Toby up to the third floor. I hadn’t been up here before.

  The area surrounding the stairs was open. I saw video game systems, a couple of TVs, and even a gym area in the corner. There was a patio, like on the second floor, and Toby’s room was to the left, all the way around to the end of the U-shaped patio.

  Toby opened the double-glass doors and motioned me inside. I walked in and he close the door behind me.

  I turned to look at him and chewed my lip. He looked about as at ease as I felt, which wasn’t very much. Patrón basically told me to come upstairs and have sex with him. I knew Toby was one of the guys who liked to play rough. I knew he wouldn’t hurt me maliciously, but I had heard from Madison that he had a whole toy-box in his closet.

  “You like playing?” Toby asked from the doorway.

  “I haven’t done much,” I admitted. “Na— er, Patrón played a little with me.”

  “I won’t if you don’t want to, Kyra. We can just go vanilla.”

  “I’m here to please you.”

  “One of the rules is we don’t play with those who don’t like to play.” He sighed. “I don’t know what the hell is going on with him, but when he snaps out of it, I sure as hell don’t want him coming after me for hurting you.”

  “I don’t think there’s anything for him to snap out of.”

  “Kyra, I’ve never seen a guy more in love with a girl. Whatever is up is ass will… I dunno. He’ll get over it. He has to.”

  I shook my head. “I really don’t think so. When he took me last night, he was resolved. He wasn’t angry, just… determined to rid himself of me.” I swallowed back tears. “This is what I was brought here for, anyway. I may as well get used to it.”

  “Dr. Perez is trying to reach Mark to let him know what happened. He’ll be able to talk some sense into him.”

  I shrugged, wanting to change the subject. “I should probably tell you, I’m on my period.”

  “Is it heavy?”

  I shook my head. “Patrón, um… Well, I can do anal now.”

  “Nathan was the first in your ass?” He looked sympathetic.

  I winced and nodded. It had hurt at first, but after a while, it started feeling good. Especially when he played with my clit. I had a very intense orgasm with him in there.

 
“Are you hurting?”

  “A little. Not bad.”

  Toby studied me for a moment. “You want to try playing a little? We can stop whenever you want. You’ll have a safe-word.”

  “Okay.”

  He walked over to me and wrapped his arms around my waist. “Playing’s only fun if both parties want to do it. I promise, I won’t hurt you… well, more than you want to be. And I might be able to get your mind off of stuff for a while.”

  I smiled. A genuine smile.

  “You have such a pretty smile,” he murmured and leaned down to kiss me. He was only about five-feet-eleven but that was still several inches taller than me. His blue-green eyes were light and cheerful and he had a very cute dimple in his left cheek. He was also a very good kisser.

  I moaned as his tongue probed my lips. My lips parted and to my surprise, I eagerly accepted him into my mouth. Maybe I would be able to forget my broken heart for a little while.

  Days passed and then weeks as I tried to get used to being Patrón’s sex slave. By the end of two weeks, I’d slept with all of the men at the hacienda. Patrón made sure of that. Well, the ones who were there. Mark still hadn’t returned.

  I had to watch as the other girls got to spend time with Patrón. He never touched me. He was polite and even kind, but he never touched me. I gave up hope things would go back to the way they had been. The girls kept encouraging me to keep hoping, but I couldn’t. It was just too painful. It was easier to just accept my new place in his household. Well, not easier, but simpler. Kind of.

  About a month after my ‘status change,’ Mark came home.

  I was giving Colin a blowjob, facing away from the entryway, when he came in.

  “Ah, Mark,” Patrón said in a pleased voice. “I’m glad you’re back.”

  Mark? Mark was home? Just like that, the pain of hope returned.

  I heard several sets of footsteps come closer.

  “You must be Austin,” Patrón said, standing and disappearing from my peripheral view.