Never Let Me Go

by McAvoy, J. J. ;

  “Please sit down, Mr. Rhys-Gallagher,” he said again, taking a seat opposite the bed. He waited until I finally took a seat.

  “The good news, and while it might not feel like good news, believe it is, we caught this very early, and that gives us a better chance at fighting this. Pancreatic cancer needs to be treated quickly and aggressively—” He went on, showing me the x-rays they’d done when I’d first come in, along with the blood test. He just went on and on, and I heard him, but I couldn’t actually comprehend what he was saying.

  “What are my chances with surgery?” I asked. It felt like I was watching myself speak, like an out-of-body experience. I was numb.

  “Stage 1A pancreatic cancer means it’s completely inside your pancreas and is more or less two centimeters in size. The five-year survival rate for people with this type of cancer is about twenty-seven percent, however, we still need to run more tests and—”

  Everything after twenty-seven percent sounded like background noise. I was waiting to wake up, waiting for this nightmare to end, to go home to Luella and Alaric.

  Fuck. What was I going to say to them?

  What was I going to say to Alaric? How many times had he begged me not to get sick? But I didn’t feel sick. I felt fine. I didn’t understand. So how could I expect a little boy to? And what about Luella? Another sick Rhys-Gallagher. She had to watch out for and take care of Donovan and now me too? What kind of life was that? What kind fate was that? Did fate even exist at this point? The moment she found out, she’d break down, and all I could see was her and Alaric crying. I was causing them pain. I wanted them to experience nothing but joy, and I was going to add to all the pain they’d already experienced. I had a twenty-seven percent chance of being here, with them, alive, in five years. So, if I was lucky, I’d see Alaric make it to double digits? But what if I wasn’t lucky? I could be dead in months.

  All these years, I fought to be healthy, to avoid the mistakes my family had made, and still, I was going to die young? Maybe we’re just cursed. Maybe, we just aren’t supposed to grow old. But I wanted to. I wanted to grow with her, with them, so badly.

  “Mr. Rhys-Gallagher, we’re here.”

  I glanced out the car to see Luella’s apartment building, and Finnick watched me carefully, holding the door open. When did I even get here? When did I leave the hospital?

  “Thank you,” I whispered, getting out.

  “Sorry, sir, but are you all right?”

  “Don’t worry about tomorrow, Finnick.”

  “Goodnight, sir,” he said, and I just nodded, walking up the stairs. I punched in Luella’s code, and the front door opened.

  Walking up the stairs, I wasn’t sure what to do or say. I tried to think of what would come next, but I kept seeing Donovan’s face as he signed that DNR, as he was dying. How weak and sick he looked. Was that how I was going to look while on chemo? Was she going to have to look at me that way?

  I didn’t want that.

  It was strange having to knock on her door. I couldn’t remember the last time I had to knock on a door. The moment I did, she opened it with a large smile on her beautiful face.

  “Welcome back!” She grinned.

  “Hi—”

  “Daddy!” Alaric ran over, hugging on to me tightly. He was like a little bowling ball to my legs. Placing my hand on his head, he grinned as he looked up at me. It was only then did I notice he had a bandage on his check and a few on his hands.

  “What happened?” I asked quickly, bending down to look him over.

  “Tell him.” Luella crossed her arms, her expression stern as she stared at him.

  He hung his head and signed “I got in a fight.”

  “He what?” I looked back up at her.

  Frowning, she nodded.

  “Alaric.” I tapped his shoulder, forcing him to look at me. I signed back “Why?”

  His lip quivered, and he opened his mouth to speak but he just couldn’t, leaving Luella to translate. “I went to school and told everybody you were my dad, and they didn’t believe me. I kept telling them, and they kept calling me a liar. Then Andy said his dad called you a filthy pig, so I hit him and…”

  He stopped, trying to clean his face, and I gave him my handkerchief. I didn’t even cringe when he rubbed his runny nose on it.

  He got into a fight defending me. I couldn’t help but be proud of him. “Alaric, why are you crying?”

  “I’m angry and sad.” He smacked his hands harder then he needed to.

  “I am your dad, and I’m not a filthy pig. So, you were right. When you’re right, you don’t cry.”

  He thought about what I said and a smile slowly bloomed on his face. “I was right.”

  Luella coughed. “The fighting.”

  “But you didn’t need to use your fists to prove that,” I added.

  “Sorry,” he muttered, though he didn’t seem to be.

  Luella said, “Just because you are suspended doesn’t mean you don’t have homework. Say good night.”

  “Night.” He hugged us both and ran to his room.

  “He was suspended? What about the kid who started it?” I asked, now fully in the living room.

  “Oh, believe me, his mother and that damn principal got an earful.” She fell on the couch. “I also got fired.”

  “Fired?” I asked, sitting next to her.

  “Alaric was upset, and his teacher was just being… I had to leave work. I planned to use my break, but when I got there, I had to sit for a conference. By the time I got back, my boss was pissed. I’ll give it a day before I go back and beg.”

  “Why didn’t you call me?”

  She thumbed the remote, turning on the television.

  “Of course, sources are saying that Dorian Rhys-Gallagher, CEO of Rhys-Gallagher National, was not only on the list of clients who used escorts from the House of L, but also has a child. This comes on the heels of the current shutdown of twelve E&E stores in the city, protestors are now gathering outside his…”

  I turned it off.

  “You seem to have a lot on your plate,” she said dryly. “If you want to tell them—”

  “It will blow over soon.”

  “It doesn’t feel like it. It feels like everything is snowballing.”

  Taking her hands in mine, I kissed them. “Everything will be fine. We’ll get through this and then get on with our lives.”

  She put her head against mine. “Our lives. I like the sound of that. Is it too soon to give you a drawer or something?”

  “I’ll happily take whatever you give me,” I whispered, kissing the top of her head. I wouldn’t tell her. Not today at least.

  Too much had happened, and I didn’t want her to look at me differently. Right now, the only thing keeping me sane was her and Alaric. Feeling her arms wrapped around me, knowing she fully and wholly depended on me, made me want to hang on to what we had.

  “Let’s take that tour tomorrow,” I whispered.

  She looked up at me. “Tour?”

  I nodded. “Remember you wanted to take me on a tour of the city? Let’s go tomorrow. You, me, and Alaric.”

  “Are you sure? What about the office—”

  “I’m sure.”

  20

  The Heartbreaker

  LUELLA

  Dorian allowed Alaric to sit on his shoulders as we walked across bridge. With his name and face all over the media, I was worried someone would recognize him. However, I could see why no one did all day. Dressed in jeans and a casual shirt, along with his hat and sunglasses, he looked like a completely different person. Just a normal dad. Well, a very hot dad, but a dad nonetheless.

  “Your ice cream is melting.” He nodded to the cup in my hand.

  “I’m full,” I replied but took another bite anyway.

  “Share then.”

  “Really?”

  He didn’t say anything and just opened his mouth. Laughing, I lifted the small spoon to bring ice cream to his mouth.

 
; “Ugh… What in the world is this flavor.” He cringed as he swallowed.

  “Apple Kiwi Pistachio.”

  “Three words that should never go together for ice cream.” He made a face, trying to rid the taste from his mouth.

  I took another bite and rolled my eyes. “What? It tastes good.”

  “It tastes like a mistake.” He laughed, causing Alaric to wave at me, not sure what was so funny.

  “Dad doesn’t like my ice cream,” I signed up to him.

  “Me taste,” he said aloud.

  I gave him a look. He’d eaten his ice cream, half of Dorian’s, and now he was coming for mine.

  “What, you’re afraid he won’t like it?” Dorian paused, and I couldn’t see his eyes through the shades, but, from the smirk on his mouth, I could tell he was mocking me.

  “Bend down, and prepare to be wrong. My son loves all kinds of food,” I said, already picking up the spoon.

  He bent down, and Alaric leaned over, allowing me to feed him. He took the biggest bite and grinned. I waited. “Well?”

  He made the same face Dorian had, shaking his head at me. “Bad Mommy.”

  Dorian laughed and raised his hand up to give him a high-five. “Let’s stick to the classics. Vanilla, chocolate, and if we are feeling really crazy, strawberry, but let’s leave the Apple Kiwi Pistachio alone.”

  I scoffed, shaking my head at them. “You both need to broaden your horizons! The world is big and full of wonderful tastes.”

  Dorian lifted his hand up so Alaric could see, copying the sign Alaric had given earlier. “Vanilla, please.”

  “Yeah, Mommy. Vanilla, please,” Alaric signed back, laughing.

  “This the last time I’m sharing my ice cream,” I said before happily taking another bite.

  They just laughed at me again, and I paused, looking at the skyline.“Man, I never get tired of looking at this.”

  “I understand the feeling,” Dorian replied, and when I looked back to him, of course he was looking at me and not the skyline.

  “Cheesy!”

  “And you love it.”

  I did.

  He gave me his elbow, and I took it, putting my chin on his shoulder just so I could whisper, “And I love you.”

  He froze, and when he looked down at me, I reached up, took off his sunglasses, and kissed his lips quickly.

  “We should get a picture before we get to the other side of the bridge,” I said, putting his shades back on. I reached into my bag to get my phone before he could say anything.

  I politely asked someone passing by to take a picture of us and, after giving them my phone, I moved to stand next to Dorian.

  “Okay, one, two, three—”

  Right as the woman said ‘three’, he leaned over and kissed my cheek.

  “Haha, nice, you guys are cute,” she said, handing me back my phone.

  “Thanks,” I replied, glancing back at Dorian. He lifted Alaric off his shoulders and down on his feet. Alaric spun back around and grinned at him.

  Dorian ruffled his hair, and I took at least a dozen pictures until they both looked over to me.

  “Where to next?” he asked.

  “How about—” I paused when I felt a drop of water on my nose.

  It was just one. Then another one, and then it just poured down on us as if we stood under a waterfall.

  “Come on!” Dorian said. He picked Alaric up with one arm, took my hand, and started running the short distance left of the bridge.

  The water beat down all over me, soaking my shoes and causing me to shiver, but I just tightened my grip on his hand and laughed. We did what most people did and sought shelter in one of the bars. It was only when I got in, heard the old school funk, and saw the old Jukebox against the brick wall, that I turned around, looking over the door to find the word ‘Shameless’ overhead.

  “We should go—”

  I heard his voice behind me. “If it ain’t the heartbreaker.”

  Shit.

  Spinning around, I saw the tall, salt-and-pepper haired man with thick-rimmed black glasses, a flat-top hat, and his signature black dress shirt, standing behind the bar pouring a drink for the man in front him.

  “Boss.”

  He looked over my shoulder. “Long time no see, Dorian.”

  My mouth dropped open, and I looked over to Dorian as he removed his wet cap. “Louden,” he greeted.

  “You know each other?”

  Dorian nodded. “The funeral.”

  Oh. I’d forgotten all about that. Louden had brought all Donovan’s friends to the funeral, of course he knew him.

  “Mommy.”

  I looked down to Alaric when he called, trying to wipe his face. It was then did I remember we were all still soaking wet. I bent down and wiped the water off his face.

  “Don’t just stand there, Heartbreaker, get towels from the back,” Louden called out to me. “They're in the same place as always.”

  “Please stop calling me that,” I muttered to him before turning to Dorian. “I’ll get some towels. You guys sit down.”

  “Once a heartbreaker, always a heartbreaker,” Louden snickered as I moved around the bar and toward the back room.

  Of all the bars… Shameless? I hadn’t been back here in years. Though you would never be able to tell. Everything was exactly the same, down to the handwritten chalk notes on the bricks inside. I stopped when I saw my name written up next to the towel racks, and right next to it an arrow with the words ‘should call Don,’ his old number right still there with lines pointed all over it.

  Taking the towels, I left quickly. I didn’t want Dorian to feel uncomfortable. Donovan and I were all over this place because we’d spent so much time here. I wasn’t even sure what he could see, but I didn’t want to risk it. However, because I was just having bad luck, I walked out as Dorian looked over the polaroid photos hanging on the wall. Alaric, the true food monster, already had a menu in his hands, excited.

  “We can go if you’d like,” I said, handing him a towel before putting one over Alaric’s head. He pointed to waffles, and it reminded me of Donovan. No matter the time of the day, he’d come in for waffles.

  “I think Alaric’s got the right idea,” Dorian snickered, taking off his sunglasses and wiping his face. He smiled at Alaric and signed, “Hungry?”

  “You don’t have to—”

  “Lulu, I’m fine,” he said and looked around. “Actually, better than fine. I’m a little jealous.”

  “I—”

  “My brother always had more friends,” he laughed, nodding to the wall. “The life of the party.”

  “Yeah,” I said softly when Alaric lifted the menu again. I glared down at him, and he pouted, putting his head on his hand, obviously not enjoying the fact that he wasn’t the center of attention. If only I could focus on want I wanted to eat.

  “Honestly, Lulu, I’m glad. Let’s just eat. Besides, it’s still raining.” Dorian lifted his menu. I glanced around the bar. It was mostly empty, with the exception of us, Louden, and two men watching an old baseball game on the screen. They were completely in their own world.

  “Louden, you gonna take our order?” I called over to him as he bobbed his head back and forth at the music.

  He paused and looked at me. “That’s the waitress’ job.”

  I looked around again. “There isn’t a waitress.”

  “Yeah, cuz she up and quit on me. If she and her guest are hungry, she knows her way around. I mean, it’s the least she could do after leaving me short-staffed.”

  “It’s been four years!”

  “Exactly, you should feel even worse! I lost half my customers cuz of you.”

  “Me?” I got up. “What did I do?”

  “All the handsome young men who just came to stare at you stopped coming. You should have seen their faces when I told them you left me, Heartbreaker.” He sighed louder than necessary.

  “You are ridiculous.” I rolled my eyes. “And stop calling me that.
”

  “Ha.” Dorian tried not to laugh but apparently something was just hilarious, and he laughed his heart out. When I looked back at him, he pretended to be just as interested in the menu as Alaric, even pointing to things for him.

  This was all so silly, but I couldn’t help but laugh. I mean really, what were the odds? After all this time, I was back where I started—in a bar called ‘Shameless’ with a Rhys-Gallagher.

  DORIAN

  Luella and Donovan had the same talent. They could so easily pick up conversations and relationships with people. Even after four years, she blended in so well, never missing a step. As the afternoon went on, more and more people came into the bar. All of them remembered her and all of them still gave me condolences, telling me how much they missed my brother. I wasn’t lying to her when I said I was jealous.

  All of them still cared. Still remembered, still had stories of my brother. When I was gone, I wouldn’t have that. I built and tore down companies, but I’d never built real relationships. I avoided them, while Donovan dove head first. Maybe that’s why he still felt alive here. Photos of him laughing, surrounded by people that truly cared, were everywhere.

  “Dorian?”

  Tearing my gaze from the photos, I looked over to Luella, the heartbreaker, holding a sleeping Alaric in her arms. She reached over and touched my arm.

  “Let’s go home,” she whispered.

  I nodded, getting up as she did.

  “See you in four years, Louden!” Luella pointed to the man still behind the bar, now much busier than before.

  “Door’s always open!” He winked at her.

  She shook her head, but she didn’t say anything else, not that she could over the music. We stepped out in the street, and I waved down a taxi, holding the door open for her to get in when it pulled to a stop at the curb. When I sat down, I felt my phone buzz. I took it from my pocket and saw four missed calls from Goldie, as well as nine others from shareholders, and lastly, a reminder from the hospital. I deleted them all and leaned back into the seat. I’d hoped for one day, one day of just us being a normal, everyday family. But the more we laughed, and the more I saw her and Alaric smile and talk, the more I didn’t want to tell her. I didn’t want to shatter all of this. Us.