Never Let Me Go

by McAvoy, J. J. ;

  So many things had run through my mind.

  Not telling them at all.

  Lying, and leaving for treatment.

  Not getting treatment and spending the last few months I had just living like we lived today.

  Leaving them for good.

  Holding back for a few more days.

  I thought about it all. Then she said those three words. She said she loved me, and it was like she yanked me back to her.

  “The door,” she said, asking me to help her when we got back to her apartment building. I held it open and followed her up the stairs, toward her front door. “I’m going to change him and let him lay down for a little bit. You should change, too.”

  I looked down at my wrinkled and still damp shirt. Heading into her bathroom, I stripped my shirt off and stopped to stare at my own reflection the mirror.

  How could I be sick?

  I didn’t feel sick!

  I didn’t fucking look sick!

  I tried to speak but my throat ached, all of me ached. I wanted to run from this but where could you run when your own body was attacking you?

  “Goddamn it!” I hollered, punishing into the glass in front of me without thinking. The force of my fist against the glass shattered it, and the glass cut into my fist. “Fucking idiot,” I muttered to myself, pulling my hand back and bending down to look for anything to stop the bleeding.

  “Dorian!”

  Before I had a chance to even blink, Luella was in the bathroom, a dark pink towel in her hand. She wrapped it around my fist. “What happened? What’s wrong?”

  I sat on the bathroom floor, placing my hand on top of hers over my fist. This isn’t how I wanted to tell her. I didn’t want her to see me break down like this.

  “I’m tired, Lulu,” I whispered. “I’m so tired.”

  She knelt in front of me and opened her mouth to speak but then closed it again. She did it one more time before finally speaking. “Of me? You’re tired of me? Is it what I said on the bridge? I’m sorry—”

  “No. No. No,” I replied, upset that I’d even let her think that. “Not of you. And it definitely has nothing to do with what you said on the bridge. You are the very last thing I’m tired of.”

  “Dorian, talk to me, I don’t understand. What went wrong?” She begged. She just didn’t realize what she was begging for. The truth didn’t help either of us.

  “I don’t want to hurt you. I don’t want you to cry because of me.”

  “Now you’re scaring me—”

  “I love you too, Lulu.” I had to at least let her know that first. “It’s because I love you, and because we are still just at the beginning, that I don’t know how to tell you…”

  “Tell me what?”

  I didn’t speak.

  “Dorian, whatever it is, I’m going to be right here. Talk to me, baby, please, because right now you are—”

  “I have cancer, Lulu.”

  Staring into her hazel eyes, I saw her heart break.

  She was frozen for just a second before she focused on my hand. “We need to clean this.”

  She got up and opened the cabinet by the door, pulling out a first-aid kit. Quietly, she came back and sat down in front me, opening the box. I didn’t say anything and neither did she. She took the towel off slowly before taking a Q-tip and some alcohol, dabbling it over my skin. It stung, but the look on her face hurt more. Reaching over, I placed my hand on her cheek and brought her closer until she rested her forehead on mine.

  “I’m sorry—”

  “Only be sorry if you aren’t willing to fight it,” she muttered, looking into my eyes. “We’re going to fight this, right? We can fight this, right?”

  We’re…We… If only she knew how comforting and yet painful it was to hear those words from her.

  “I don’t want you to see me like that—”

  “As I see you now is all that matters. You can’t tell me you love me and then leave me. It’s cruel.”

  She bit her lip to fight back the tears welling in her eyes, and so did I. “You really know how to pick ’em, Ms. Thorne.”

  I tried to joke, but the words didn’t come out. Instead, when I blinked, the tears fell. I didn’t want to leave.

  “Dorian.” She hugged me, kissing the side of my face.

  I wrapped my arms around her and held tightly. “I’m going to fight, I swear.”

  21

  Never Let Me Go

  LUELLA

  Dorian held onto Alaric’s hand as we walked up the stairs into the school. Alaric usually dragged his feet when it came to going to school in the morning. However, today he seemed to be the one dragging Dorian inside. Nothing and no one was going to ruin this moment for him. His dad was dropping him off at school. It was a big deal. It was an even bigger deal for the other parents whose nannies were watching us from their cars. I wished I could get more satisfaction from the look on their faces, but I knew they'd most likely all seen the news over the last few days. Being Dorian Rhys-Gallagher’s son would just give them more to gossip about. I thought about changing schools but in light of current events, the last thing I wanted to do was unsettle Alaric’s life even more. Besides, when I asked him, he said, “What about my friends?”

  “Lulu?” Dorian called back to me as he stood outside Alaric’s classroom. He gave me a small smile and reached for my hand.

  I squeezed tightly, not because I was nervous but because it made my heart race and made me want to hold on more. It made me feel like I was clinging on for dear life.

  “My dad!” Alaric proclaimed aloud when we stepped inside.

  His teacher, the same woman who sent him to the principal’s office because she thought he was a liar, stared long and wide-eyed at Dorian before glancing over to me.

  “Ms. Hudson, this is Dorian Rhys-Gallagher, Alaric’s father,” I paused, turning to him. “Dorian, this is Ms. Hudson, Alaric’s teacher.”

  He smiled politely and stretched his hand out to her. “Ms. Hudson, pleasure to meet you. I wanted to thank you for looking out for Alaric, we had a big talk about not resorting to violence, even when people judge or are rude. Hopefully, we won’t have any more issues.”

  “Yes…uh… Thank you for coming down. Alaric is always a pleasure to have in class.” She smiled a little hard before shaking his hand.

  I glanced down at Alaric and gave him a thumbs-up. He grinned and ran up to a few other kids in his class who were just starting to come in. I smiled when one of the girls signed hi to us… Well, to Dorian.

  Dorian noticed and signed hi back, before focusing on the redhead in front of us. “Thank you for your time.”

  “Of course.” She nodded.

  Dorian and I waved bye to Alaric, and he waved back, happily taking off his backpack and taking his seat at his desk. Dorian and I didn’t say anything on our way out. Finnick stood at the car, holding the door open for us. I slid in first, something I was getting used to now, followed by Dorian. The silence between us wasn’t awkward but somber. We’d talked all night about how to go forward, how today was going to play out. And so, there was nothing left to say. All we could do was hold on to each other and go into the storm. I tried focusing on one thing at time because if I allowed myself to drift, to get lost in my thoughts, my heart would start to ache, and fear would creep in—and once the fear crept in, I found myself thinking about the survival rates for pancreatic cancer.

  Resting my head on his shoulder, he squeezed my hand, kissing the top of my head. When we pulled up at the light, I looked up at the billboard, watching the images change, when the words ‘quote of the day’ showed up. “Life: it’s not as bad as you think. After all, you’re still here, and what a wonder that is.”

  I stared at those words until the car started to move again. I’m not sure why, but I smiled. I was dressed in designer clothes, heels, and jewelry in the back seat of a private car, driving through Time Square, with a man who loved me. If someone had told the sixteen-year-old me this would be my li
fe, I would have crossed my fingers and clicked my heels, praying for it to come true.

  Life has been hard.

  I’d been hurt over and over again.

  And yet, I was still here.

  I survived that pain, fought and compromised and struggled, but survived. I wouldn’t let this fear break me.

  “Dorian.” I sat up and looked up to him to find him already looking back at me. “You wouldn’t happen to have a house in Hyde Park, New York, would you?”

  “What?” He laughed, and then shook his head. “No, I do not.”

  “Next year I want to go to the Culinary Institute of America, but it’s about two hours away. I’m not sure you or Alaric would enjoy the commute to and from the city every day. If you don’t have one, I’ll buy one for us. I’m rich now.”

  He snickered at me. “If you’re going to say it like that, you should at least rub it in some more. Anyone can buy a house. I’ll pick you up in a helicopter.”

  “You’re not serious.”

  “Try me.”

  “Do you even know how to fly a helicopter?” I asked. He paused, and I grinned. “You don’t, so I’m guessing you’ll be picking me up, Finnick?”

  “Sure, ma’am.” Finnick nodded, meeting my eyes in the rearview mirror.

  “Finnick, are you licensed to teach?” Dorian asked, not missing a beat.

  “Yes, I am, sir.”

  Dorian nodded. “There, I’ll learn.”

  My mouth dropped open slightly, and I shook my head at him before laughing at him. “Fine, you’ll learn how to fly, I’ll learn to cook.”

  “Then we’ll open a flying restaurant?” He teased.

  “You tease now but I can see it,” I said, resting back against him. “I mean, the restaurant wouldn’t be for at least four more years, two years for school, and another two years of me cooking in other kitchens. But I’m sure the great Dorian Rhys-Gallagher can figure out the business details during that time.”

  “So, in five years, what are we calling this restaurant again?”

  “The Butcher in the Sky?”

  He laughed so hard he shook, and so did I. “Sounds appetizing.”

  “Well, not in English. I’m sure it sounds much better in French.”

  “Le boucher dans le ciel?” he asked with a sexy French accent. “Actually, it does sound so much better.”

  “Of course you know French!” I sighed out aloud and tried to say it the same way he did. “Le boucher dans le ciel…”

  “Sounds even better when you say it.”

  Before I could reply, the car came to a stop in front of his building. There weren’t as many protestors as before, but there were a lot more news trucks.

  “You ready?” I asked.

  “Stay close to me,” he whispered, kissing my hand. He stepped out first when Finnick opened the door.

  I saw Eva already waiting at the glass doors.

  Please, please, don’t stab me in the back again. Not today. Today, I hoped she was more of the friend I always knew and less of the monster I now saw.

  DORIAN

  I stared at the cameras, the reporters, and the sea of people all gathered to watch what was going to be one of the hardest days of my life. However, I couldn’t let that show. I couldn’t let anything but confidence, my usual demeanor, show.

  “I called this conference today because it became apparent that not speaking further fueled the rage and misinformation already out there. So, first, I hear and see the fear and anger in so many over the closures of E&E stores, and while it might seem harder to believe, I do understand. I now know what it feels like not knowing how you are going to survive the future. That being said, nothing could be done to save E&E, and even though we were not required to, Rhys-Gallagher National not only sent out job alternative packages but also told all of the employees months in advance to give them and their families time to search for alternatives themselves, and those who would have reached retirement benefits at the time of closing will still be paid. We cannot and could not save everyone, however, we did our best.” They typed away on their computers and glanced over to the corner where Luella, Goldie, and Rafael all stood watching. Luella looked so nervous you’d think she was the one speaking. It was strangely comforting. Everything about her made me feel like the weight of the world was no longer on my shoulders.

  “Secondly, on the recent allegations put out, I want to be clear. I did not, nor have I ever, paid for a sexual encounter with anyone. Anyone who knows me personally would not tell you differently. It is not in my character. However, it is in the character of others in the business to slander and deceive the public for their own gain, as you will see shortly. But before I explain, I wish to apologize to the shareholders and employees of Rhys-Gallagher, who over the last few days have faced harassment, by both the press and the public, simply by being associated with this company. Rhys-Gallagher National expects the best from all those who work here, and I am no different. While I wish to weather this storm, sadly my health will not permit it at this time. Effective immediately, I will be stepping down as CEO of Rhys-Gallagher National Holdings and leave my family’s company in the trusted hands of Marigold Tate.”

  Her mouth dropped open, and she flung her hands out like she was trying to strangle me. She just mouthed, “What the hell are you doing?”

  I smirked, I should have probably told her first. Oh well.

  “Mr. Rhys-Gallagher, if you didn’t do anything wrong, why are you stepping down?” A reporter called out.

  “Like I said, it is due to my health. Over the coming days, Rhys-Gallagher National will put out an official statement,” I replied.

  “You said others are seeking to slander and deceive the public?” Another called out.

  I looked just off stage to where Eva sat in an all-black pantsuit. When I nodded to her, she stood up and walked up to the podium. Stepping aside, I let her step up to the microphone.

  “My name is Eva Sotiropoulos, I am the legitimate daughter of Roman Sinclair and the daughter of Lady L, of the now infamous House of L. Over the years, I was responsible for finding various women to work for the House of L, and my father orchestrated parties and events for many of the women to network. He did this with one goal in mind, to entrap, blackmail, and extort business rivals of the Sinclair Group. Many times, it was easy to get men involved with the House of L, however there were some who did not want to participate, one of them being Mr. Dorian Rhys-Gallagher, whom my father framed and blackmailed. In so doing, he managed to get over thousands of dollars from him. To Mr. Rhys-Gallagher, and to those I hurt, manipulated, and betrayed,” she looked up, and I knew she was looking at Luella. “I’m so very sorry. I can never change what I have done, and an apology can never be enough to make up for how you must feel, but I am truly sorry and will be working with the authorities to atone for my mistakes. Thank you.”

  They all called out questions to her, and I knew this would be the beginning of a long uphill battle for her. Roman wasn’t just going to let this go. But we all had our battles to face. And I needed to start facing mine. This was as far as I could go with this, but I was sure Goldie could handle it from here anyway. Glancing over to her, I watched as Rafael fanned her with his hand while she glared at me.

  She’ll be fine.

  I looked to Luella, but she was looking to Eva.

  They still had to resolve that it seemed.

  LUELLA

  “You looked really contrite,” I said, sitting beside Eva and the windows in Dorian’s office.

  She held the water bottle in her hand tightly. “That is what I was going for.”

  “You might… You might end up going to prison for this.”

  “If I throw my mom and dad under the bus, I’ll get out with good behavior in no time,” she said causally. My head whipped to her so quickly I almost hurt my neck. She just laughed at me. “Kidding… Well, kind of kidding, I did sort of throw Roman under the bus, but then again, he caused it.”

  �
��You have balls of steel, Eva,” I muttered, shaking my head, though I couldn’t help but smirk.

  “Don’t say that. I’m a little bit terrified.” She exhaled and hung her head. “It’s easy to be big and bad when you don’t expect to be punished.”

  “I should hate you,” I told her. “I shouldn’t care what happens to you. But I do, so part of me feels like you’re taking the blame for something I did willingly.”

  “It’s not willingly if you don’t know the whole truth,” she replied. “Don’t put this on your plate, too. I got it. I’m going to be okay.”

  I looked into her eyes, and I could tell she was serious, even though she was scared. “I’ll send letters.”

  “Focus on Dorian. For your sake and Alaric’s, he’s got to make it.” I exhaled and felt that ache in my heart again. She placed her hand on my knee. “When I was a teenager, my mother said to me, ‘There are good phases like love and lust, and there are bad phases like tragedy, that we all go through in life, the only hope through the bad is to remember the good and work back toward it.’”

  “The Devil—I mean, Lady L, said that?”

  She laughed. “She was a little bit tipsy when she said it, but she said she wasn’t always who she is now. I think she just got stuck reflecting on the tragedy of her life and it made her lash out at everyone and everything. She was cruel to you all, but she never gave me much of a break either.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “You say that too much, are you sure you weren’t adopted from Canada?” she asked, and we both laughed. There was a knock on the door, and Rafael peeked his head inside, looking between us. “The detectives are waiting, but I can stall.”

  “It’s fine.” Eva took a deep breath and then got up. “See you on the other side of this phase, Lulu.”

  “Yeah.” I nodded, catching the water bottle as she tossed it to me, and got up myself. She had just reached the door when I told her, “Dorian and I are going to open a restaurant in a few years, we’re thinking about calling it The Butcher in the Sky, aka Le boucher dans le ciel.”