“Sounds like a plan.”
“So, tell me, how much can you bench press?” Reanell tilts her head as she looks me up and down before shifting forward with her chin on her fist.
Natalie slaps her arm so her chin falls off. She and Mason laugh as Reanell gives her the death stare. “Stop being stupid and drink your beer.”
“It was a valid question,” she says and orders a round for all of us.
Natalie relaxes a bit and begins to talk about her job and Aarabelle. We laugh and enjoy small touches. She places her hand on my leg and looks at me under her long lashes with a shy smile. My hand covers hers and squeezes. The little things like this are hard for her, but I appreciate them. I lean back and put my arm around her and she sinks into my side.
The lights dim, indicating it’s a slow song. “Wanna dance?” I ask her quietly for two reasons. One, if she says no, I’ll never live it down with these assholes. Two, I don’t want her to feel like she has to say yes.
Before she can answer me, a short blonde comes up behind me and places her hand on my shoulder. It takes a second to register.
“Hi, Liam. Would you like to dance?”
Fuck. Brittany.
The girl I almost used to fuck Natalie out of my mind.
Liam shifts as a really pretty woman stands behind him. They obviously know each other and I swear she looks familiar. I can’t place her though.
“No, thanks though,” Liam replies.
“I haven’t seen you since that night,” she says and looks over at me. Well, isn’t this nice.
Liam stands and extends his hand to me, making his intentions clear. My palm touches his and he squeezes my hand pulling me up. “Yeah,” he tries to brush her off.
“I figured you’d call.”
“Listen, Brittany, I’m here with my girl and I appreciate you coming over, but I’m not interested.”
Brittany turns to me and extends her hand. “Hi, I’m Brittany Monaco.”
I stand and look at her hand. It’s bothering me, because I know I’ve seen her around. “Natalie Gilcher,” I reply and her eyes widen quickly but then she looks away and recovers.
Odd.
“I’m—” she begins to speak, but Liam clears his throat dragging my attention to him.
“Come on, sweetheart. We have a dance floor waiting.” Liam’s eyes never leave mine as he speaks, focusing all his attention on me.
“Okay.” My voice wavers a tiny bit. He seems anxious to get me away from her and I wonder. My stomach flutters as we walk toward the wooden square. I want to ask him about her, but I’m not sure I have that right. We’re not exclusive—well, I am—but I’ve never given him that definition.
The wheels spin in my mind, each spoke that passes bringing a new worry. If he did sleep with her . . . does it change anything? He’s with me all the time, so I don’t even know when he would’ve had the chance.
“Ask me, Natalie,” Liam says as his hand wraps around my back and he pulls me against him. “Just ask me.”
I pull back slightly and our eyes lock. I hesitate and look away.
“Ask me, because I know it’s killing you.”
“Why won’t you just tell me?” I ask, still not able to force the words out.
“If you want to know, you’re going to have to ask,” Liam says, looking deep into my eyes.
Drawing on all the strength I have left, I release a deep sigh and ask, “Did you sleep with her?”
“No.” The honesty is clear in his eyes and his voice. He didn’t blink or pause. “I wanted to. I won’t lie to you, but I never got close.”
“When?”
“Before I ever touched you.” He pauses and presses his forehead to mine. The music plays and he holds me close to him. We sway to the music and my heart thumps erratically in my chest. Liam sighs and rubs his nose against mine. “I was thinking about you all the time and I wanted it to stop. I wanted to get you out of my fucking mind.” Liam’s voice is low and sounds almost angry.
“Why didn’t you?” I ask apprehensively.
There’s no reason for me to feel threatened, but I do. He’s single, incredibly sexy, and has no reason to stay. I have a past, a child, and fears that gnaw at me about getting close to him. He has every excuse at his disposal, nonetheless he keeps coming back.
“Because she wasn’t you.” I look at him, and his eyes stay closed. He looks pained and I want to ease it. I lift my chin slightly and gently touch my lips to his. Here in the middle of the bar surrounded by our friends, I kiss him. I don’t care that I’m sure people are looking. I want him to know how much his words mean. How even though we weren’t together, he chose me in some strange way.
He pulls back and rests his head against mine again as we slowly sway to the music. His arms encase me and he guides me through the dance. I can feel the eyes burning holes in my back. The stares of friends who now know where I stand. Where we stand.
“It was the night Aarabelle got sick. I had her in my car,” Liam begins to tell me quietly. “The whole time she was sitting in the front seat, I kept thinking how all I wanted was to drop her off and go to you. Tell you how I was starting to feel. And then you called.”
“Liam, you don’t have to tell me,” I murmur.
“I know I don’t, sweetheart. But I want you to know everything. I won’t keep shit from you.” He kisses the tip of my nose and I melt into his embrace. “When I saw your name on my screen, I knew there was no way I wanted to touch her. I turned around before I even answered and then when I heard what was going on . . .” he trails off and I look over at Brittany. She shifts and stares at me, biting her nail. “There was no fucking way I wasn’t going to be with you, and if I had touched her,” he pulls my chin back toward him, “I would’ve been wishing it was you.”
His words soothe my heart and I smile tenderly. “You make this easy for me. You make it hard to fight because you make sense to me. How can you know exactly what I need all the time?” I ask.
“Because I know you. And this is easy for both of us because it’s right. I know your heart, and I won’t take that for granted.”
“I know you won’t,” I reply as the song ends. This time it’s Liam who kisses me.
We walk hand and hand off the dance floor as Reanell’s eyes light up. I’m going to need more beer.
We sit and enjoy a few beers and I even get Liam to dance with me during a couple’s dance. I’m not the best dancer by any means, but I do love it. I used to come here with my friends a lot when Aaron was deployed. Liam dances with me even though he has no idea of the steps. I give him an “A” for effort—he really is something special.
Throughout the night we all talk and laugh, and I can’t help but look over at Brittany. There’s something festering inside of me about her. She looks over a couple of times, but looks away quickly. Maybe it’s nothing, but then I don’t know. Maybe she did sleep with Liam and he’s lying. Which doesn’t make sense because he seemed so genuinely honest. Plus, he has no reason to lie to me.
I head off to the bathroom to check my face, and when I get back, Liam and Reanell are dancing. I nearly fall over laughing because while the man can do just about anything—except diapers—he has awful rhythm. Well, there’s a flaw I found.
“Having fun?” Quinn plops in the chair next to me. Quinn and Aaron were close when he was active duty. They were in the same section and worked together a lot. He was the one person I was worried about disapproving of this whole situation.
“Yeah, how about you?”
“Where there’s beer and boobs, I’m a happy guy.”
“You haven’t changed a bit.” I chuckle and take a drink. Quinn has always been this laidback country boy. He drinks a lot, sleeps around, and has more guns than any human should ever need. His dark hair is buzz cut and you can see the scar behind his ear from when he was injured in Iraq.
“Life’s too short to change. I live like I want and if you don’t like me, oh fucking well.”
; “Such a charmer,” I playfully respond.
“Listen, I know it’s not my place and all, but . . .” Quinn runs his hand down his face. “I’m happy for you. I wasn’t at first. I mean, we have a code about wives. But, I think Aaron would be glad you found someone like him. If it helps you at all.”
I place my hand on Quinn’s. He doesn’t know that what he said matters. Or that maybe in some small place in my mind I needed to hear that. I do believe Aaron would be okay with it, it’s a matter of whether I’m ready to move forward. If I can live the life of dating a SEAL. Knowing what could happen because I’ve already had my worst nightmare take place.
“Thanks, Quinn.”
“Enough of this . . . you need another beer!” he exclaims and motions for the waitress.
“Natalie?” I hear my name and Brittany is standing behind me.
Okay, maybe I need shots.
“Yes?”
“I just wanted to say I’m sorry about Aaron,” she looks away and my stomach drops. Liam’s eyes cut to me and he stops dancing. I’m confused because I thought she knew Liam. Why the hell is she talking about Aaron?
“You knew Aaron?”
I’ve seen this girl. I know her face and it’s driving me insane. The way she looks at me as if she knows me too. Her eyes fill with tears and dread spreads through my veins.
Why would she be crying?
“Yes. I mean, I did. I-I met him and . . .” She stops talking and looks at the ground as a tear falls.
“Okay . . . I don’t understand why you’re so upset if you only met him.” I try to figure this out.
Suddenly, Liam’s hand is on my shoulder. “Brittany, you should go.” Liam steps forward and pulls me to the side. “I don’t know what shit you’re trying to pull.”
“How did you know Aaron?” I ask and push past him.
“Aaron?” Liam asks, sounding as confused as I am.
She sways slightly and I see Quinn stand and move behind me. “I didn’t really. I mean . . . I did . . . but it was . . .”
“Either you did or you didn’t,” I snap.
“I wanted to say I’m sorry. We were friends.”
“You said before you just met him.”
“You have a daughter, right?”
She’s lying. Woman’s intuition rings loud in my head. Something isn’t right. Something deep inside my soul is telling me not to trust her. Her face though—I’ve seen it.
“I’ve seen you before.” And then it hits me. “At his memorial.” My eyes flash and I remember the blonde that stood off to the side at his memorial. She rushed out before anyone could talk to her. I saw her crying in Pennsylvania. Why would anyone from Virginia drive up there if they’d only met. “You were there.”
“I don’t know what you mean.” Her voice is shaky and she starts to back away. “I shouldn’t have come over here.”
“Lee, let’s go.” Liam is trying to command the situation. I feel dizzy and anger starts to take over.
Reanell’s at my side, pulling me back, and my hands start to tremble. “You were at his funeral. I saw you! Why?” I yell. “I-I remember there was a woman crying off to the side. I thought it was strange, but I was so distraught I didn’t care. It was you.”
Liam pulls me against his side and Reanell starts to push past everyone with Mason behind her. “Natalie, there were a lot of people there,” she soothes as she turns to Brittany.
“I’m not stupid, Rea. She was there. Why were you there?”
“It wasn’t me.”
“Why don’t you leave now?” Reanell suggests to her.
Brittany turns to leave but I need to know. “How did you know him?” I ask once more and her eyes are filled with hurt.
“It wasn’t what you think.”
“Is this what you do? You come to a widow and talk about her husband? I mean, it wasn’t quiet that my husband was killed overseas. So when you were snubbed by Liam you felt as though you needed to do this?”
Brittany looks away and then back at me, “I knew Aaron very well . . . this isn’t a game. I’ve wanted to meet you for some time.”
“Why? Why would you want to meet me?”
“I wanted to apologize to you and meet his wife.”
Ice shoots through my body, freezing me in place. “Were you involved with Aaron?” I blurt the question out, unsure if I want the answer, but I need to know. Every muscle in my body clenches in anticipation of her answer.
“We were in love,” she says slowly and a tear falls as does my heart.
“Oh my God!” I cry and Liam’s arms are around me in a heartbeat. “Let me go!” I push him away.
“Lee, stop.” Liam grabs my face and forces me to look at him. “Stop. You don’t know anything. She could be full of shit.”
“You’re a liar! My husband would never cheat on me. We were having a baby! We were happy and in love.”
Brittany steps forward, but Reanell pushes her back slightly, keeping herself between us. “I’m sorry. We were together for a few months before he found out you were pregnant.”
“You couldn’t get to my boyfriend, so now you make up some crazy shit about my husband?”
“I wish I were making it up. But I loved him.”
“Stop saying that!” I bellow. “You’re lying. You don’t know him.” I say to myself, “He wouldn’t do that.” Liam holds me against his chest as I fight against him. “You have the wrong guy,” I say defiantly.
“He had a tattoo on his ribs and he ground his teeth when he slept. I wish it was a lie. He lied to me.”
My body shakes, and as much as I want to believe it’s a lie, there’s a part of me that knows it’s not.
“This is low and fucking ridiculous,” Liam says and he wraps his arms around me.
“I wanted to tell you so many times. And when I saw you today . . .”
My eyes close and I want to wake up from this nightmare. It hurts to breathe.
“Natalie,” Liam’s voice is calm and measured, “All you know is what she’s telling you.”
I look at him in disbelief. “She was there, Liam! She was at his fucking funeral. Who comes to a funeral for someone they just met? Five fucking states away?” I turn and Reanell has Brittany backed against the wall. I head over needing answers. I want every fucking detail. The man who I’ve been grieving was a cheater.
“I knew that man and he wouldn’t have touched you,” Reanell says and points her finger in Brittany’s face. The tears forming in Brittany’s brown eyes, she looks at me with pity.
“How long?” I ask with rage and disgust piercing their way through me. “How long and how many times?”
Brittany steps out of Reanell’s grasp and her face falls. “It wasn’t like that. I swear.”
“What was it like?” I demand an answer.
“I met him and it just happened. I’m so sorry. I-I just wanted to see you. I wanted you to know I’m not . . .”
“Not what?” I ask with tears falling down my cheeks. They burn and fuel my anger.
This night was supposed to be a step forward. A chance to feel alive a little and be a woman. It was my night with Liam and somehow this has turned into the night from hell. Each word shreds my world into pieces and burns them to ash.
“I loved him. We were together for months before I found out. I didn’t want you to find out like this.”
“You wanted me to know. You stupid bitch! You wanted me to know!” Liam’s arms are vices around me as I flail toward her. “If you cared, you could’ve not come to talk to me!”
“When I found out he was married, I ended it. But that didn’t mean I stopped loving him.”
I scoff, “I loved him. You’re selfish, do you know that? Months you were together! We have a child.”
“I saw her.” She looks away ashamed. “I wish things were different.”
“Don’t look away! You need to see my face when I say this to you,” I practically growl the words. I’m so angry! “You could’ve kept your mout
h shut and let me be, but no, you had to come make sure I knew. You stupid, selfish whore!” I scream and I’m ready to punch her in the face.
“Natalie, enough,” Liam says as he pulls me away. I’m quaking in anger and disgust. I hate her. I hate everyone.
This can’t be real. I tell myself over and over again. I was starting to be me again, and now I find this out. It’s not real. Still it is. The cruel joke is on me. The echoes of despair scream loudly through my heart. Hollowness overcomes any emotion and I try to shut down. My mind goes back to when I first found out Aaron was dead and how I trained myself to become numb. I search for that power again, but I come up empty.
“Let me go!” I cry out in Liam’s arms.
“Come on, sweetheart.” Liam’s voice is calm and it enrages me.
“Let go of me!” He practically carries me out of the bar, sets me on the ground, and takes my hand. I look up and pull my hand back. “Did you know?”
“Are you fucking kidding me? No, I didn’t know.”
Liam extends his hand and I tremble. He looks at me waiting and I just stand there. I don’t want to touch anyone. My mind starts to run crazy circles and the questions assault me. My heart is shattered and my life feels like a lie.
A man I would’ve lived the rest of my life loving is a lying piece of shit. He slept with another woman when I was pregnant with his child. I cried for months over losing him. I clutched his pillow and sobbed wishing he was home, only to find out he was doing this.
Reanell rushes toward us and places her hand on my shoulder. I look at her and tears continue to fall like rain. “Rea,” my voice is barely a whisper.
The torrent of emotions flow from one to another and I can’t seem to hold on to the anger. I could handle the anger.
“Let Liam take you home.” She nods to Liam who grabs my shoulder and pulls me toward him. “I’ll come by later.”
“Rea,” I say again, begging her to make this a lie. Make this all go away.
“I’ll find out the truth. Just go home. Liam has you.”
The entire walk to the car is a blur. I keep seeing Brittany’s face and imagining my husband kissing her, touching her, and I feel sick. When we reach the car, I lean over and the nausea is too much. My stomach heaves, whether from the news of my husband’s infidelity or the alcohol I’ve drunk, I couldn’t say. I cry and let it out.
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