When To Let Go

by Sevilla, J. M.

  Parker rolled his eyes, “Get your stubborn ass over here. I want more detail.”

  “I'm going to get back to work,” Natalie informed them. “I'll see you guys later.”

  Violet and Parker let out a “later” at the same time, never unlocking their eyes.

  He raised a brow, wondering why she was still at the door, “You scared of me or something?”

  “No, just tired.”

  “So sit in your spot. Relax.”

  She wasn't getting out of this. Reluctantly, she did what she was told.

  When he went for a tool, Violet scooted over before he had the chance to stand too close, putting enough distance between them that he would have to make a blatant effort to touch her. He stared at the few inches that now only carried her warmth. Frowning, he peered up, searching her face for reasons why. She didn't give him any, keeping it blank and emotionless. Still frowning, he grumbled under his breath an “alright” and went back to work.

  Violet didn't know how to explain it to him, how much his touch affected her. It was easier this way. She could stay focused and not get distracted with flutters, heart palpitations, and a deep longing for more.

  His voice was cautious, “I take it the dance went well?”

  So was hers, “Yeah, it was pretty fun.”

  “Great,” he clipped.

  She wanted to tell him how her date had called the following day to ask her out, but she stopped herself. It would be for catty reasons, and she wasn't the type of girl who played games. She had declined, of course.

  “He try and kiss you?”

  She paused long enough that he poked his head out.

  If she didn't know any better, she thought she recognized the worry-squint he got to his eyes; the one only she and Ava picked up on.

  That couldn't be it though.

  Could it?

  “Vi?” He whispered, setting his tool down and taking a step closer.

  She shook her head no, her throat constricting for reasons she didn't understand.

  She watched the way his Adam’s apple visibly swallowed.

  In a gruff, low voice he let out a, “Good.”

  Good?

  “Yeah,” he matched that same tone, going back to his work.

  She must have said the word out loud; a terrible trait her mother had, and that unfortunately, Violet was the only one to inherit.

  “He's a horrible dancer,” she joked, not knowing what to say.

  The awkward silence had her shifting around on the counter, trying to come up with a new topic.

  “Vi?” Parker asked, when she thought the strain of the silence might make her combust.

  “Yeah?”

  “Can we not talk about him?”

  “Okay.” She racked her brain for things that happened that he wasn't around for, and she stupidly told him the worst choice, “Maggie almost killed us.”

  His body shot straight up, stiffening, “What?”

  Violet tried making it come across as not the most terrifyingly scary moment of her life, “Her and X raced. Maggie took it a little too far.”

  Like some ninja Parker was in front of her, knuckles on the counter to her sides, face inches away, “Are you being serious, or joking about how crazy she drove?”

  He had never held her gaze like this before and her mouth only knew how to be honest, “The car almost flipped over and then she didn't move for an oncoming car. X had to slow down so she'd move over, letting her win.”

  He closed his pained eyes and with a strangled voice asked, “Were you and Ava in the car?”

  “It was boys against girls.”

  His head dropped down, his chest expanding more and more every second, to the point that she could hear his puffs of air.

  She lightly touched his arm, “Parker?”

  He jumped back, his anger visible in his features and tightened muscles. He turned around and stormed out in the direction of the tracks.

  Violet scrambled off the counter to catch up, calling out his name. Parker's hands balled into fists when Maggie came into view. She was at the guard rails, rocking back and forth on her heels, anxious for a run.

  “Magnolia!” Parker hollered with enough strength it boomed through the area.

  Maggie turned around in surprise.

  Her eyes widened and she took a step back, right into the guard rail, as Parker charged in.

  “Who the fuck do you think you are?!” Parker shouted. “If I find out you ever put their lives in danger again, I swear to God–”

  Parker was cut off by Violet's dad, who had stepped in front of Maggie with his arms crossed, a more murderous expression than Parker's, “Think before you finish that sentence.”

  Too fired up to back down, his hand pointed to Maggie, “She tell you about her little race?” He sneered.

  “I don't care what this is about, back off from my daughter,” Noah heightened himself, taking a defensive stance.

  “I'm sorry, Noah, but that shit isn’t cool. She can't fuck with people’s lives. What if something happened to Ava or my...” he trailed off, peeking over at Violet. “What would you do if someone put Lily's life in danger?”

  At the mention of his wife, Noah stiffened, narrowing his eyes further on Parker in a way that had Violet wanting to stand in front of the man she loved to protect him.

  Wait...love?

  It finally dawned on her what she had been denying for a very long time.

  Instead of the truth elating her, it dug a knife into her back, finally understanding when people said “ignorance is bliss” (a saying she’d hated up until now).

  “I'm giving you thirty seconds to explain what your tantrum’s about before we go and have a chat.”

  “Your daughter,” Parker had trouble spitting out the words, “raced against Xavier at the dance, and because of a sick obsession with winning took it too fucking far!” By the end he was back to placing his anger on Maggie, who was cowering as far into the wall as she could, never experiencing someone’s wrath before.

  Violet stood there wrapping her arms around herself, her body stressed, wanting to reach out and comfort all three of them, loving them all equally but for very different reasons.

  It was a game of tug-o-war that had Parker pulling ahead, confusing her heart and mind, never thinking she'd choose anybody above her family.

  “Somebody please tell me what the fuck he's talking about!” Noah roared, losing his extremely small amount of patience.

  There was only silence.

  Violet was having an internal battle to exploit her sister and defend the man she loved.

  She refused to give in. It was an unspoken pact between the triplets that they'd always have each other’s backs. If one of them went down, the other two would follow.

  In a timid voice Violet had never heard before, Maggie spoke up, “I challenged Xavier to a race after the dance. There were a few times I got lucky...”

  Noah twisted enough of his body to see his daughter, “How lucky?”

  Maggie bit down on her lower lip, “The kind that kept us alive.”

  Noah glared at his daughter.

  Violet wished she could see his face. All Maggie’s showed was remorse.

  Parker took a step forward. Violet instinctively reached for his arm, pulling him back.

  Her dad caught the movement and his gaze shifted to her hand on Parkers' arm, then to Violet, “Go take him to the garage, calm him down.”

  Parker protested, “No way. I need to know that shit won't happen again, or else I can't let her drive them anymore.”

  “Them?” Noah questioned with a sharp bite. “Shouldn't your demand be only about Ava?”

  Parker met him head on with a blunt, “No.”

  “That's not your call to make.”

  Violet clung to more of Parker's arm than she should, catching her father’s attention.

  Parker looked to her hands, the ones that now held Noah's complete attention. It only made her hold on tighter, gluing
herself to his side.

  Parker's lips curved to the side at her obvious, yet unintentional declaration of who she stood by.

  Sadness swept her father's now sullen eyes, still unwavering from the hold she had on Parker.

  “I need to know they’re safe,” Parker's sudden change of tone had both her and her father focus back on him. His voice had gotten quiet, pleading for his words to be listened to, “You have to understand where I'm coming from. This is only about me needing to make sure they’re safe. I wouldn’t be able to focus on anything else if I thought otherwise.”

  Violet felt Parker’s anger heating his skin as he went back to focusing on Maggie, his fury still at the surface, ready to explode.

  “I can't let you think what you did was okay. It was your sister and best friend, but it was also somebody else’s sister, daughter, and–” he choked back on whatever he was going to say next.

  “Violet,” her dad took over, taking command, “Get him back to the garage, and give him some time to cool off.”

  Silently, she tugged on Parker's arm, who seemed intent on glaring Maggie down.

  Her sister looked terrified.

  A part of her wanted to comfort her. There was another side that knew it was in her best interest to feel the remorse and guilt, hopefully making her learn from it.

  In honesty, the largest yearning in her knew her place was with Parker, that he needed her the most.

  She slid her hand down to entwine their fingers. With a squeeze and a pull she walked them back to the garage, Parker only needing an extra tug to follow.

  Silently they walked back, hand in hand, Parker's breaths still heavy and deep. His grip tightened, and before they reached his station it began to hurt from his strength. She tried letting go but that only made him take the lead, determined on a destination.

  When they were close to her usual counter spot, he lifted her by the hips, placing her there. He placed his head on her chest, encircling his arms round her, holding her close.

  Violet was stiff, unsure of what was happening.

  “I'm sorry,” Parker breathed out.

  She lifted a hand and grazed her fingertips along his scalp, her legs wrapping around him, giving him comfort in a way she instinctually knew he needed.

  “I got scared,” he continued in a weak, uncommon voice.

  “I know,” she reassured him.

  They stayed that way until her dad came in, clearing his throat.

  Parker didn't remove his arms, only lifted his head, turning it enough to see him.

  Violet tensed, expecting her dad to tell them to part or get angry with how wrapped around each other they were.

  His drained, exhausted eyes swept them from head to toe before meeting Parker's eyes, “Spoke to Maggie in private. She won't drive like that with Ava in the car again. You have my word.”

  Parker only nodded.

  “But don't you dare ever yell at her like that. This is your only warning,” Noah didn't wait for a response, now focusing on Violet. “I know you share some kind of weird womb allegiance, but that shit stops the second one of you is being reckless with their life or someone else’s. You got that Violet?”

  She also nodded.

  “No, say it out loud,” he demanded.

  “I promise, Dad,” she softly vowed.

  “Good, now get back to work.” He took two steps away before turning back around, waving a hand up and down at the two conjoined people in front of him, “I don't like this, it was better when you two hated each other. Go back to name calling and shoving.”

  Her dad left, vanishing in a short amount of strides.

  Violet and Parker looked at one another and started laughing.

  “I never hated you,” Parker said between laughs, his hands now resting on her thighs, “I just thought you were a spoiled brat.”

  “I am a spoiled brat,” she deadpanned, a grin breaking through.

  “That's okay, I'm a…what was it you first called me...an unlovable asshole?” Parker watched his fingers tuck hair behind her ear, “I still remember thinking you were beautiful.”

  “I was eight.”

  “Almost nine,” he corrected, as though that made a difference.

  “I thought you were the kind of pretty that belonged on the Disney channel.” She meant it as an insult.

  “Ouch,” he cringed, taking it as one.

  She shrugged unapologetically, “The truth hurts sometimes.”

  “That's it,” his fingers went to her sides, “time for you to take it back.”

  He tickled her in all the spots he knew would have her holding her bladder. She escaped, dodging all around the five car garage to keep away from him.

  He finally caught her with such a force that they fell into the backseat of her car; the one she pretended she couldn’t afford the last remaining parts to finish. Parker landed on top of her, but was laughing so hard he rolled off onto the decayed flooring, cracking it even more. She warned him to get up between her laughter, knowing it would give out on him.

  She sat up, moving to the place behind the driver's side, Parker taking the one behind the passenger’s seat, both trying to control their laughter.

  Parker reached for her hand.

  She moved her arms across her chest in self-preservation before he got the chance, “Don't.”

  “Is it because of that boy you went to the dance with?” His bitterness was clear.

  “No,” she answered to the steering wheel, unable to look at him. “I thought we were keeping things as only friends.”

  His head flopped to her side, “Is that what you want?”

  No, but what was the point in honesty in this situation, “Does it matter?”

  “Vi,” he murmured, reaching over for her face, wanting it to face his.

  She smacked it away, welcoming the irritation growing inside her, tired of playing his games, “I have to study for a test.”

  She hopped over the car and left the garage, closing the door leading into the house and leaning her back against it.

  She closed her eyes, hand at her heart, wanting it to stop hurting.

  Chapter 21

  Help

  Parker wiped his palms on his thighs, legs bouncing while he tried to distract himself with television.

  It wasn't working.

  He zeroed in on his keys laying on the kitchen counter.

  He stood up, then immediately sat back down, wiping his palms again.

  He could do this. He could go another night without sex.

  Parker didn't think you could get addicted to anything other than narcotics.

  Now he knew that you could.

  If he had more hair he'd be pulling it out. It had been one week since the last time he got laid.

  Stupid fucking dance.

  Stupid fucking Noah for making him want to try.

  Parker didn't know for certain if Noah really meant what he had said. What if he knew Parker couldn't really do it and didn't really want him near his daughter?

  Noah didn’t play games. That's why.

  He honestly (and quite stupidly) thought it would be easy to go without it. Just whack off more than normal and he'd be fine.

  Nope. Without it he was spiraling into darkness.

  What could he do to replace it?

  He thought about drinking, but he was certain he'd continue to use that even after this addiction was over.

  His phone beeped.

  Parker ignored it. It was Violet's reserved sound. She probably wanted to see what he was doing or hang out. That was not going to happen. The first bit of sass she threw his way he'd be attacking her, ripping off her clothes, sucking and licking every square inch of her...

  He needed to stop thinking about that shit. She was only seventeen. He wasn't going to finally have her and then go to jail for it.

  Why was he even considering it? If he actually took it that far it would be the end of their friendship and there would be no going back.

  What
the fuck was he thinking? His brain was all jumbled, he couldn't think straight. He didn't know what he wanted. One minute there wasn't any doubt in his mind he should be with Violet, and the next the idea terrified him beyond reason.

  After seeing her leave for the dance with another guy, it had him realizing one day, very soon, she'd find a boyfriend. The idea of someone kissing her or touching areas nobody ever had made him batshit crazy.

  Another hour ticked by, his palms close to rubbing right through the fabric.

  Maybe they have sponsors for this crap.

  Right, like he'd ever go to a meeting. There was no way he'd be able to share with complete strangers what caused him to need sex the way he did.

  Around and around he went in his head, until he couldn't take it anymore. He nabbed his keys, throwing open the door, ready to admit defeat.

  As though knowing his brother needed him, Ryder stood at his door, hands in his pockets. Parker's mouth dropped open, although it wasn't from surprise; it was that Ryder always knew when to ride in and save the day. He tried to not laugh out loud at his horrible joke, but seriously, the guy’s name fit him.

  Parker widened the door for him to enter, “I was wondering when you'd finally show up.”

  Ryder remained in place. It didn't faze Parker.

  Leaving the door open, he went to every window in his tiny apartment, slinking up the blinds and opening the windows. Before sitting on his couch he got them both a soda, leaving Ryder’s on the coffee table. He lazily sipped his drink, not paying his friend any attention.

  Five minutes later Ryder entered, claiming a seat on the couch and chugging back half his can.

  “You staying in town for a while?”

  Parker already knew he had an apartment. He had followed him home one day, being a much better spy than his old friend, but he knew Ryder needed to be the one to share. He also knew he had a decent job and was doing alright for a messed-up guy with a laughable education and hindering social skills.

  “Maybe,” he was refusing to look at Parker.

  “I hope you do. Ava and I aren't a complete family without you around.”

  Even though they had only spent a year of their lives together thus far, it was long enough to forge an unbreakable bond, one he knew Ryder felt too if he was stalking them for the past few months. Others would consider Ryder a freak, not taking the time to understand that he processed things differently than everybody, that he needed time to grow comfortable and assess everything.