When To Let Go

by Sevilla, J. M.

  “Do you remember me coming to visit you in juvie?” It had been nagging Parker since he left that day.

  “No, but I knew you had when the address that kept repeating itself in my head was yours,” Ryder revealed.

  Parker proudly smiled at his friend, “I knew you'd remember it somehow.”

  “I would have gone looking for you anyway. I had to know if you two were all right.”

  “What do you think so far?”

  “I think you’re one lucky sonovabitch,” he grinned, easing back into the couch, and crossing his legs.

  Parker laughed, nodding in agreement, “I want you to stay in town. Help me keep an eye on Ava.” He threw that last part in, knowing Ryder's noble side wouldn't be able to refuse.

  Ryder looked down at his soda can, “I'm not ready to see her yet.”

  “That's cool.” He decided to try and make Ryder remember the fun they used to have when the two of them just hung out and didn't worry about shit, “I got the new PlayStation. Ever play?”

  Apprehension shaped Ryder’s face as he shook his head no. Parker made him play anyway. He was awkward at first, but before the hour was over he was better than Parker.

  He told Ryder all about his moms and how grateful he was to them. How Naomi’s brother, his uncle, owned a custom bike shop that he knew Ryder would love. He went on about his job at the tracks, the Baxters (mainly Violet), not able to stop smiling as he told his brother about how amazing she was. He also confessed that he was trying to give up sex but he didn't know if he could do it.

  For the next three weeks Ryder slept on Parker's couch, stopping him every time he wanted to find someone to fuck, distracting him with car talk, video games, food – anything Ryder could come up with.

  Parker hadn't asked him to do any of it, but if he was honest with himself that's why he had told Ryder in the first place, knowing he would help him through it.

  Parker had his brother back.

  For the first time ever, he felt his life was exactly as it was supposed to be, and turning out to be pretty fucking fantastic.

  It scared the shit out of him.

  Chapter 22

  Underneath It All

  “Mags!” Xavier greeted, picking her up and swinging her around in his usual manner when he saw her. “Do I get a congratulations kiss later?”

  Maggie heavily considered it. After all, it's not every day you get named captain of a national champion basketball team, “Find me when my dad's distracted.”

  His broad smile lit up her insides.

  Too excited to wait, he took a quick sample by placing his hand behind her head and smashing his mouth to hers. It only lasted a second, but he looked like a very satisfied man. He put her down and went to greet the others.

  Xavier and his family, plus the Stones, were all at the Baxter’s, having a barbecue to celebrate the end of basketball tryouts. Xavier got captain and point guard, and Wesley remained the team’s lead shooting guard.

  Malik came over, bringing an arm around Maggie for a side hug, “When are you going to stop torturing my son and go out with him?”

  “After I'm announced the best drifter to ever walk the earth,” she stated, quite seriously.

  Malik laughed as though she wasn't, “You expect him to wait forever?”

  “Hey!” She lightly jabbed her elbow into his ribs as she knew he was only teasing.

  “Carol’s worried he'll go off to college next year and meet some amazing girl he wants to marry, then she and Lily's dream of you two being together will be ruined. But don't worry,” he leaned in to whisper in her ear, “he's crazy about you, just don't tell him I told you.”

  He gave her another squeeze, unlatched his arm, and joined the celebration.

  Maggie secretly worried what he said would come true. She didn't expect Xavier not to date or find girlfriends, which he had over the years, she just feared that when her dream had come true he wouldn't be there waiting anymore. It was a risk she had to take; she had to be the best.

  It never occurred to her that everything had a price, even dreams. She'd have to learn that one the hard way.

  Maggie had a strange feeling that eyes were on her. When she glanced in the direction it was coming from she only found Ryder, drinking a bottled water away from the crowd, staring off into the distance. This was the second time she'd been around him. He was an old friend of Ava and Parker's who showed up a few weeks before. Ava was thrilled that the guy she had always considered another brother was back in their lives. Big surprise, Wesley was not. One could tell he wasn't sure if Ryder was a threat or not, but you'd have to be a fool not to notice how obvious it was that Ava and Ryder truly viewed each other like siblings. But then again, her brother was a fool when it came to Ava.

  The first time Maggie met Ryder, she and everybody else had been warned not to offer him a handshake, hug, or any kind of touching. Neither Parker nor Ava would go into detail why, only giving a vague reason of how it made him uncomfortable and they wanted him to stick around.

  Maggie didn't know what she had expected him to look like, but it was definitely not the attractive man who was a yard away from her. The way Ava had talked about him in the past had her thinking he would be weird looking or something. If someone could have their features described as looking like a wise old-soul, it would be Ryder. His tormented hazel eyes also reflected a depth Maggie had never seen before. It left her a little intimidated by him. It was easy for her to keep her usually outgoing, friendly self at a distance. He was the first person she had ever met who had her feeling that way. The few times he held her gaze, it felt like he saw right through her, understanding more of herself than she had yet learned.

  Violet expressed getting the same vibe from Ryder when they stayed awake talking about him the night they had first met.

  “He's definitely the most intense person I've ever met,” Violet had said. “I give it another week or two before Mom has us bringing him plates of food.”

  They both had laughed, knowing she was right.

  Maggie decided to go talk to him.

  She saw him peeking at her out of the corner of his eye when she was only a few feet away.

  He quickly walked away, going to the food table.

  That was another thing she couldn't figure out about him. They had been warned he was anti-social and to not take offense if he didn't respond to questions or talk to them, but so far she was the only person he completely ignored, always leaving when she was close by. When he arrived on his motorcycle not too long ago, she had an opportunity to smile at him when their eyes met. She could have sworn he flinched. He bent his head down, so the longer hair in the front shielded his eyes. She got the impression he didn't like her much. She wished she could figure out why, or if maybe she had offended him somehow.

  She'd try one last time today, and if she couldn't get close she'd ask Ava about it later.

  His back was to her when she approached.

  “Hey!” She happily exclaimed.

  His back stiffened and she could see his hand came to a dead stop, the food in his fingers inches from his mouth.

  She moved to his side, keeping a small distance between them, “Malik’s going to be barbequing his famous ribs soon. I swear you feel like you died and went to heaven, they’re that good.”

  His body still rigid, he popped the food into his mouth, never even peeking her way. He seemed fixated on the track in the distance. Awkward silence had her shifting her weight, at a loss with what to say. Talking with people had always been an easy task, but this was painful.

  “So, yeah, I'm glad you could come today. It sure made Ava happy...” she trailed off as he just walked away as though she had never been talking. She definitely had to talk to Ava about it later, find out if it was something she did or why he only seemed to ignore her. It was like she was invisible around him.

  Ryder stood back from the crowd, still unsure of why he had agreed to come.

  Maggie’s joyful laughter flood
ed the area.

  He tried tuning her out, refusing to believe the quickening of his pulse had anything to do with her.

  It had to be from the cupcake Ava gave him. He never ate sugar.

  Yeah, that was it.

  When he heard her again, his stomach flip-flopped.

  Her eyes left the group she was with as though sensing someone was watching her. He looked away before she saw him doing just that. He prayed she didn't try to talk to him again. It made his insides too frazzled. When she had approached him at the food table, he pleaded with his body to say something back. His mouth refused, so he chickened out and left.

  She must think he’s a real freak, which he was.

  It was for the best. He could never be entertaining enough for someone who embraced life with as much joy as she did. What the hell would they ever even talk about?

  She was the light and everything good the world had to offer, and he was the bleak darkness that suffocated you.

  “Hey,” Violet spoke, walking to him.

  Ryder looked her in the eyes so she would know he heard her.

  Her head jerked off to the side, “I want to show you something.”

  She moved, not waiting for a response.

  Ryder followed in curiosity.

  The property's five car garage came into view the further they traveled. He knew the building attached to it was where the Baxters lived and called home.

  Only one of the door panels were open, revealing an old classic car.

  Violet gestured to it, “This is my baby. She runs, but the interior isn't ready. Once I have enough money I'll change that.”

  He ran his hands all along the exterior, admiring the vintage classic.

  “Any time someone needs to escape they come here. It's an unspoken rule that whoever is working on it or hanging out in it is left alone. My parents have even used it. My dad can be unreasonable at times, so sometimes you can find my mom lounging in the back seat, listening to music with a glass of wine until he's had time to cool off. Maggie comes here to think.” At the sound of her name, Ryder tensed. “Anyway, we all have different reasons. This is usually the time at a party I've had enough, so I work on her or hang out in the back. There's some books and things we've all left behind for entertainment.”

  Violet's fists were knocking nervously against her thighs, eyeing the car with uncertainty. Ryder sensed that it was a big deal for her to share this with him. He decided to speak, wanting her to know he understood.

  Before he could she continued, “You’re welcome to use it at any time. Nobody will call you out on it, it's like you’re invisible once you’re here. The only rule is you at least have to attempt to make an appearance at a party, and if you come here to cool off you don't forget any outside responsibilities, or anybody has the right to pull you away.” Violet laughed, a sound so similar to her sister’s that Ryder’s heart pinched. “I had to learn that one the hard way.”

  “Thank you,” he acknowledged with all the sincerity he could convey.

  She gave him a lopsided grin, “It's no big deal.”

  “Yes it is,” he confirmed.

  She was giving him a way to escape when everything got to be too much.

  She acted tough, always quick with sarcasm, but her heart was compassionate and nurturing.

  Violet cleared her throat, something all the Baxters did when they were uncomfortable or unsure about something.

  “You’re pretty intense,” she confessed.

  Ryder couldn't help but give a slight grin; he liked her blunt honesty.

  “The way you watch people or focus on them when you’re listening is a bit unnerving.”

  Ryder's skin flushed but he made no apologies. He changed the topic instead, “I can help with the interior as long as the roof remains off.”

  “Really?” She practically squeaked, trying to conceal her excitement.

  “You’re offering me a refuge, it's the least I can do.”

  “You matter to Parker, which means you matter to me.”

  She didn't wait for a response, which was for the best; he didn't have one to give.

  He watched her leave, thinking about past conversations with Parker and how the hardest part for him accepting his adoptive parents was not being chosen, but getting lucky. He wished Parker could see that there was one person who chose him; that Violet Baxter chose to care for Parker, not because she had to but because she wanted to.

  Chapter 23

  Good Luck Charm

  “Yes,” Xavier hissed triumphantly under his breath.

  Wesley followed his gaze.

  His sisters were entering the gym, talking quietly to each other as though they were the only two people around, something they had done their whole lives without realizing it.

  “They always come for warmups before the game,” Wes pointed out. It was tradition that went as far back as his very first game. They were his good-luck charms.

  “Yeah, but Mags wasn't going to come this year. I let her know how important it was to me,” Xavier smugly explained.

  Wes was surprised that she hadn’t planned on coming and never let him know.

  He was hit with a longing for Ava, one that was a constant vibration, but now it was humming so loud he couldn't ignore it. Wesley wanted her here.

  When she was in middle school she didn't have a way to get here in time, but now she did. He cursed himself for not telling her to come. She would have if he had asked, arriving before him and greeting him from the middle bleachers with her shy smile that had her eyes shining when they landed on him. He would have flashed her the smile he knew always made her blush and duck her head down, tucking back a strand of fallen hair, trying to conceal a wider smile. It was something she had done from the first moment she noticed he stared at her longer than others, longer than most kids knew to even stare, but he knew. He knew the very moment he saw her that she was his.

  He cursed under his breath, pissed at himself, wishing she had a cell phone so he could tell her to come early. She also didn't have a car and would still have to wait for when the parents came.

  Wes finished up his stretches as X yelled for the group to start pregame drills.

  “Damn, Baxter is one lucky bastard,” a player said low, only intending for the guy next to him to hear.

  Wes knew exactly what they were talking about, feeling her presence.

  Turning around, he watched Ava, with her chin tucked in, heading to the bleachers.

  She had come without him asking her to.

  His lips stretched out in a smile that hurt his cheeks.

  As though sensing it, her head lifted. She smiled back at him with one just as large.

  It made his stomach dip and his heart thump from her beauty.

  They both remained rooted in place, staring, smiles never leaving their faces until Maggie shouted for her to join them.

  He watched Ava take the stairs, praying her dress would go up a little more and give him a better view.

  She dropped something as she was sitting down and had to bend over, her cleavage almost dumping out.

  Well, not almost (it was Ava), but it was the closest he had ever seen it.

  His groin tightened from hardly touching her since homecoming, too afraid he would let things progress faster than she was ready for. He could hardly manage kissing her these days without getting aroused to the max.

  A ball purposely hit the back of his head, Xavier yelling at him to focus and quit eye-fucking his girlfriend.

  Ava turned a bright red. Maggie and Violet laughed.

  Wes tried not to laugh, not wanting to embarrass her further.

  When he turned back around to his team members, most of them were also watching Ava. His happiness evaporated. No doubt he wasn't the only one who had been admiring his girl. He stared every one of them down until they adverted their eyes and mumbled an apology.

  Luckily it didn't take long for him to get absorbed in practice, ready for the game. Years of practice havi
ng Ava in the crowd had made him learn how to tune everybody out and stay focused, or else knowing she was there would make him too distracted.

  Coach called them into the locker room for his pregame pep talk.

  He loved the adrenaline that hit him, one of his main reasons for playing.

  The crowd sat back down after the Pledge of Allegiance and Amazing Grace had been sung.

  Anticipation for the game to start had Ava squirming in her seat. She was so proud of Xavier and Wesley. The crowd had cheered when they appeared on court earlier, everyone going wild, clapping and whooping. Even Mr. Baxter let one out.

  He usually remained still, hands fisted on his lap, only clapping on occasion. Mrs. Baxter had said he was a nervous wreck for these games. It was hard to tell by looking at him; he always looked pissed to be there.

  Mrs. Baxter took Ava's hand in hers like she always did during games, both of them getting nervous while watching, finding comfort in each other.

  Xavier’s mom sat next to Mrs. Baxter, her youngest child, Brice, next to her with a friend. Her oldest son was already away at college. Their husbands sat behind them. Maggie and Violet were in front, preferring it that way, making it easier to chat.

  Dakota entered the gym, scanning it. Ava waved and her friend made her way to her, taking the seat she had saved next to her.

  Dakota's eyes were on Mr. Baxter, whispering so low in Ava's ear she almost didn't hear her, “Who is that?”

  She knew without looking who she was referring to; her look of horror was all she needed to see.

  “Mr. Baxter, Wes's dad,” she whispered back.

  “No shit,” she said with disbelief. “He's giving me the heebie-jeebies.”

  It was obvious from the fact that no one sat next to Mr. Baxter or behind him that others felt the same. It never seemed to bother him. Ava had a feeling he was happy everyone kept their distance.