Rarity

by D. A. Roach

  “Why does he need to talk to you, when he can talk to me?” She seethed. That question was not for me to answer. I looked at Jay. He leaned against the car casually. None of this bothered him. Becca was like a buzzing fly and he was just trying to swat her away so he could get on with his day.

  “We’re going for coffee, get in Brogen.” He opened the car door and sat down. “I’ll call you tonight and we’ll discuss this later,” he said to Becca. I hesitantly got in the car. If Becca were a bomb, she would have exploded just then. Jay put the car in reverse and took us toward the coffee shop, looking over his shoulder at a frustrated Becca. “Sorry about that.”

  “It’s ok... to be expected.”

  Jay looked over at me, “I didn’t expect it. We are not boyfriend and girlfriend.”

  I couldn’t believe my ears. “I’m not sure she feels the same way as you.” Once we had our drinks, we found a cozy booth to settle in. “I thought you and Becca were together. Even heard you slept with her.”

  He choked on his coffee and held up his hand to halt the questions. Then he began, “When you didn’t show for the dance, I thought you rejected me. I was pretty bummed - had my own pity party at the dance.” I was trying to imagine sad Jay at the dance and felt bad for him. “Becca saw me. She danced with me most of the night till she said she ‘needed air’.” He took a sip of his drink and adjusted himself in the booth. “She didn’t want to go outside alone so she asked me to come with to ‘protect her’.” He shook his head as if he didn’t want to remember the next part. “We kissed and she tried to take it farther.” He studied me, trying to read my emotion. He didn’t add anymore.

  “Well?” I asked.

  “It went a little farther but...I’m just not into her. It didn’t feel right. I made up some excuse and headed back into the dance. We danced some more but that’s it. I made a mistake - sent mixed signals and now she thinks we’re together.” I raised my eyebrow.

  “And what about after school? You know, that time when she picked you up near your aunt’s house?”

  “Are you stalking me? How do you know about that?”

  I shrugged my shoulders, “I guess I was in the right place at the right time.”

  “Uh huh.” He looked at me suspiciously. “I’m not sure I need to answer that question.”

  “You know, whatever you did or didn’t do with her - she clearly has feelings for you. And if you aren’t wanting to take it further...well, it’s only gonna’ get worse the longer you drag it out,” I advised.

  “I know...it’s just...I can’t even think about Becca right now. My mind is racing with seeing my dad - one thing at a time, you know?” I nodded.

  “Right, your dad, how’s it going?” He shrugged his shoulders. “How did you find your shrink?” I wondered if Jay knew my mom was his shrink.

  “My doc referred me. She’s great. I’m not sure I could handle this as well as I am without her.” I nodded. I knew exactly what he meant. My mom was amazing, I was glad she was in Jay’s corner. “Do you think it’s weird that I see a shrink?”

  “No, not at all.” I sipped my coffee. “Actually, the world would be a better place if everyone saw a shrink.” I laughed.

  “Yeah - true. I felt self-conscious about it at first - made sure no one I knew was in the parking lot before I headed in. But now, I could care less. I’d be lost without her help,” he said as he took another sip.

  “Seems you’ve grown up a lot this year. I can’t believe it’s half way over.” I looked at Jay, he had a far away look in his eyes.

  “Yeah, not sure if I’ll stay at Stanton next year or head home with my dad.” Oh man, I hadn’t considered that.

  “Could you stay with Soren if your dad gets out?” I asked.

  “I haven’t asked them, they’ve already helped so much. I’d feel bad asking.” I just nodded, privately hoping he would stay at Stanton. He looked at his watch and said, “Listen, I better take you home, I have homework to finish.” We stood and cleaned up our table.

  “Thanks for the coffee,” I said. He turned and smiled as he got in the car. The remaining daylight was quickly fading and the streetlamps and house lights were turning on. As we pulled up to my house, my mom walked out of the house to the backyard. Phew, that was close. I needed to say goodbye before Jay and my mom saw each other.

  “You’re welcome, I’m glad you said yes.” I put my hand on the door handle and looked up to see my mom with the garbage bins and headed toward the curb. I silently prayed Jay was distracted with his thoughts to notice my mom. He would feel so betrayed to learn his shrink was my mom.

  As I grabbed my purse and pulled the handle... CRASH. Mom dumped a garbage bin on the ground and released a slew of profanities. We both looked her direction. Jay looked at my mom and his jaw fell open. I could feel my eyes grow wide.

  “That’s your mom? ” His face showed what I feared...betrayal. “Is that why you were being so chummy? She made you do this?” In a flash, he lost respect for my mom and me. What should I say? How could I make it right?

  “Yes, that’s my mom. I knew you were her patient, but I don’t know anything else.” I couldn’t look him in the eye any longer. I felt terrible. I wished I could rewind to earlier in the evening and just told him what I knew. Surely he would have taken it better than he was now.

  “I don’t believe you.” He was so mad. “You take pity on me - is that the only reason you want to be my friend?” He shook his head in disgust, “Unbelievable.”

  “Pity on you, for what? Because your mom died and your dad has a drinking problem?” I felt defensive and couldn’t help arguing. “I hate that that’s your life, but you’re almost 18, smart, great future ahead of you...I think you’ll be fine and I don’t feel pity about it.” I yelled back.

  “And what about the goddamn disorder that probably killed my mom...the one running through my veins? How much time do I have left before it kills me? ‘Great future’ B.S.!” He was red in the face.

  “What?” I looked at Jay, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I said quietly.

  “Bull!” He hit the steering wheel and stared straight ahead. My heart was pounding in my chest. It was so loud it was hard to think. Mom had finished picking up the trash mess and had not noticed us. Her figure was just a retreating shadow.

  “I don’t know what you are talking about, honest.” Neither of us said anything for a bit. “Is that what your bracelet is about?” He lifted his hand and studied it in disgust. Then he extended his arm so I could read the inscription:

  Fragile: Treat as Trauma

  Vascular Ehlers Danlos Syndrome

  Type O+

  Blood vessels and hollow organs extremely fragile

  Call 911

  “I’ve never heard of that before,” was all I could think to say. I didn’t know what Vascular Ehlers Danlos Syndrome was and probably wouldn’t remember it to look it up. “Was this what your mom died from?” I was feeling that dread/fear creeping up on me. Jay’s eyes looked sad and empty. My heart was thundering in my chest and I felt tingly. I tried to breathe calmly and think of something reassuring to say.

  “Can I look it up? I mean, will you write it down for me so I can look it up?” He nodded, then sat up straighter and turned to face me.

  “Um, you don’t look so good. Are you alright?” His voice changed from anger and frustration to concern. My vision was darkening. “Brogen, what the hell.” I could hear the sounds around me, a car door opening, shouts. I could feel things, the cold breeze, being lifted into the air and then placed on a soft surface. The numbness overcoming my body was paralyzing. I heard murmurs and my heart sloshing blood through me. My lungs rising and falling…

  Chapter 15

  I woke up on the couch. The tv was on and Jay was sitting in the nearby chair watching it with his hand holding mine. My mom paced in the kitchen. I let out a yawn and Jay turned toward me. “She’s up.” He called to my mom.

  “It happened again, didn’t i
t?” I asked, then he shushed me. Mom came around with orange juice and some crackers.

  “You had another panic attack,” Mom informed me. “Jay brought you in and wanted to stay till you came out of it.” I felt so embarrassed that he witnessed me freaking out like that.

  “Sorry,” I said to Jay.

  “God, you scared me so bad. I didn’t know what was happening to you. You got real pale and your eyes rolled back - then you passed out.”

  “I’m ok, I feel rotten - but I’ll be fine.” Jay stayed a little longer and helped my mom in the kitchen. I think it was just an excuse for them to talk. When he left he kissed my forehead. “Are you still mad at me?”

  “I left the disorder name with your mom. She and I agree that you should read about it with one of us present to make sure you don’t have another attack.” I didn’t miss the fact that he avoided my question, but his kiss and care must’ve meant he didn’t totally hate me.

  “That bad huh?” I was half joking.

  “Yeah - you’re a lightweight. Just promise me you’ll agree.” I nodded.

  “Thanks for helping me tonight.” He kissed my head again and said goodnight. Mom saw him out the door and then came to sit with me on the couch. She lifted my legs onto her lap. Neither of us said anything, Mom just rubbed my calves while I closed my eyes and leaned back against the comfy pillow. “I hate feeling so weak. I hate that I have panic attacks and become a mess. Jay has sooo much more to deal with and he’s holding it together better than I am.”

  “Being a teenager is hard enough. You’re doing an amazing job. Life gets hard, you just have to learn how to handle those hard moments...and you’ll get there.” I gave a nod in understanding. “And Jay has had his low points, especially with losing his mom and the diagnosis. But he’s also learning what to do and it’s becoming more bearable.”

  “Mom, can you tell me about his disorder before he sees his dad this weekend? I want to know about it so I can support him,” I asked.

  “Maybe tomorrow, let’s see how you are doing. I wanna’ make sure you are far enough out of this panic attack before adding stress to you. You really care about him,” she added.

  “I really do. Mom - he felt so betrayed when he saw you, it broke my heart. I feel awful doing that too him. I should have told him my mom was his shrink.”

  “I know, he and I talked. He felt better when my story matched yours. I told him I could recommend another therapist but he refused it. I think he just needed time to consider it all.” Mom stood and held her hand out to me. “Let’s get you to bed so you can rest before school.” Mom helped me up and I crawled into bed with my clothes on, no energy or care to change into pjs. She tucked me in and kissed me goodnight, “I love you,” she said before turning out the light.

  “I love you too Mom.”

  Chapter 16

  Jay sat next to me in Math class again and asked how I was feeling. I assured him I was better. We didn’t say much more. I felt pretty ashamed of my panic attack the night before and pretty low about betraying him - he probably thought I was an emotional headcase.

  Lunch was just Meg and I at the table with our nameless tablemates. “What’s up? You seem off today.” Meg could see through me and knew when something was up. “Did something happen at the coffee date?”

  I didn’t want to tell Meg about Jay. It was so complicated and despite that, it was his story to tell. “Coffee was great. We just talked.” I looked over at his table and Jay was in the middle of telling a funny tale to Soren and the track guys, but he looked up and caught my eye and gave a half smile. .

  “So, what? Just friends?” I shrugged in response.

  “For now - just friends.”

  “Damn shame.” Meg began telling me something, but I was only half listening. “You sure nothing else is bugging you? Oops, there goes Becca to move in on him again.” I looked over and saw Becca in her high heels and tight shirt trot over to Jay’s table. She flashed her smile and flipped her hair. Who did that stuff? And who wore heels to high school? I looked down at my outfit for the day - tight leggings, flats, a flowy geometric print tunic. Even though I looked put together, I wasn’t in the same league as Becca. I also didn’t have a line of guys dying to date me. I looked back over to their table, interested to see how Becca and Jay interacted after the parking lot exchange yesterday. “Looks like she’s changed guys...she’s all over Soren.” Sure enough, she walked past Jay and sat close to Soren.

  I turned and saw Meg staring at me now. “What? I don’t know what the heck is going on over there.” Meg looked like she didn’t believe me. “Listen, she was upset that Jay and I were having coffee and he basically said she had no right to be upset - that they weren’t an item.” Meg’s mouth dropped open.

  “But I thought they did IT.” I shrugged, not knowing if they had sex or not. “That’s HUGE.”

  “Whatever, I didn’t think too much of it because he was going to call her later. I figured they’d talk it out and be back to normal.” I crunched my apple and looked at Becca swooning over Soren. When I looked at Jay I half expected him to look jealous or sad that Becca was moving in on Soren, but instead he looked up, as if he sensed me, and smiled. I smiled again, then dropped my gaze when I felt myself blushing. “Though, Jay seems pretty ok with Becca moving on.”

  Jay and I did not see each other after lunch. I had hoped I could wish him luck with his dad tomorrow but it just didn’t happen.

  *******

  Mom was at home and had a snack ready for me when I hit the door. “Hey kiddo, how was school?”

  “It was school Mom, nothing new.”

  “How are you feeling? Any better?” I nodded while I swallowed my bite of yogurt. “Good, I was thinking you and I could take a walk and talk about Jay. It’s pretty warm out.”

  “Okay.” I was anxious to understand his disorder but afraid too. I was afraid I would look at him differently or hear something I couldn’t bear to hear. I threw my trash away and drank a glass of water while Mom got ready. She lead us toward the community park. It had several play areas, a baseball field, a gazebo, and a walking trail that followed the river that ran through town. The leaves hadn’t grown in on the branches but the days were growing warmer. It had been a snowless winter and people grew tired at looking at the dead landscape. At least if there had been snow, people would have been excited about the change in landscape and the kids would fill our town with snowmen of various shapes and sizes. But this year brought none of that - just a lifeless landscape, brown grass, stark trees, and not a flower in sight.

  “So, I guess I thought we’d be sitting in front of a computer while talking about this,” I stated.

  “Life lesson number one...Google can be overwhelming. It also can paint the rosiest and the darkest picture. I researched it after Jay came to me, and I decided that I want to be the one to tell you...not Google. Google can help you with information AFTER I talk to you.” I Googled everything I ever needed help on, but I knew she was right. There was so much information on Google - both good and bad, you had to know how to sift through it. “First, tell me what Jay has told you or what you already know.”

  “Umm, not much. I know he had a blood test. He wears a medic alert bracelet that says he’s fragile and is to be treated as a trauma patient. Umm, he loved swimming but had to quit the swim team. He had a hard time healing from the dog attack. But, he looks like a healthy kid.” Mom nodded. She was glad to get my puzzle pieces so she knew how to present the info to complete the picture. We walked for minutes or hours, the sky grew dimmer. Mom talked about body parts and functions and all other medical mumbo jumbo. It was hard for me to imagine Jay having these issues.

  “So his mom probably had it since she died at a young age of an aneurysm,” Mom concluded.

  “God, now he has to tell his dad all of this? His dad lost his wife to this, now his son has the same thing? No wonder Jay is nervous about talking to him. Is there a cure for it? Or a pill to make it better?”


  Mom gently shook her head. “No cure, not yet. Maybe not even in his lifetime. But he has the gift of knowledge. Now that he knows what’s going on with his body, he can make smarter choices and do things the doctors think might help prevent issues VEDS patients often face.” I felt my heart beating faster. “Breathe Brogen.”

  “I’m not sure learning you have a potential fatal disorder is a gift.”

  “Seems strange, I agree. But you’ll see for yourself in time.”

  “I don’t even know what to do with all this information Mom. Does he know all of this?”

  “Yes. I’m impressed at his level-headedness and drive to want to live the longest and fullest life. If he can keep his head - he’ll live life a little fuller and make more memories because he won’t take life for granted. I take life for granted all the time. I get caught up in the day to day routine and forget to make time to create new memories with you.” Mom side hugged me. “If I was hit by a bus tomorrow, I would have missed so many chances to live life fuller because I took it for granted.” She had an interesting point. I was so used to grumbling about the high school dramas, which didn’t seem to matter now, and I had stopped taking a moment to smell the roses - instead I stomped past them dwelling on the petty things.