Rarity

by D. A. Roach

  “So how do you feel about it all?”

  I raised my eyebrows and let out a long breath. “It sucks. I mean, REALLY sucks. I feel so bad for him. His life is like a soap opera, almost too unreal.”

  “I know. No kid should have to go through all that he has. But he doesn’t want pity, just to live a happy life for as long as he can. But listen, please don’t share this with anyone - no one.” I nodded in agreement. “We better head back. I need to do a few things before tomorrow.” We walked back on the tree-lined path back toward the house. Squirrels chased each other in a nearby tree, frolicking about without a care in the world. Mom unlocked the back door and we washed up before starting dinner.

  We ate dinner in silence, both lost in our own thoughts and didn’t say much more before parting ways at bedtime. I brushed my teeth and got ready for bed. I noticed my message light was blinking on my phone.

  -Hey, you still awake?

  It was Jay.

  Yeah, what’s up?

  I replied back.

  -Just listening to some music. Did you talk to your mom yet?

  I wasn’t sure how to best answer that.

  Yes.

  There was a long pause before he wrote more.

  -Do you wish you never met me?

  I couldn’t believe he was asking me that?

  What??!!! No!!!!! Why would you think that?

  Why would he think that?

  -Just wondered if you got scared off.. I’m kinda used to people running when things get tough. Listen, I could use a distraction tomorrow evening, a reward for facing my dad. Are you available for a movie?

  I quickly replied.

  Yes of course. Just tell me when and who’s driving.

  Jay agreed and promised to text me tomorrow when the meeting finished. I then wished him luck and said goodnight. I grabbed my sketch journal and drew until I felt sleepy. I filled 3 pages, the most I had ever completed in one night. I turned out my light, left my room, and climbed into bed with Mom. She normally stayed up later to watch the news, but she was heading to see Jay’s dad with Jay, his Aunt and Uncle in the morning.

  “Are you still awake?” I asked as I cuddled against my mom’s back.

  “Yes. You ok?” She turned to face me, probably to read my emotions which would be hard to do in the dark.

  “Just...nauseous. I’ve been doing great with others’ emotions. In fact, I almost thought I wasn’t empathic anymore.” Mom reached over and brushed a hair back on my head. “But this stuff with Jay is so heavy. It’s...”

  “I know baby.”

  “I’m worried about tomorrow. He asked me to see a movie with him afterward.”

  “Don’t forget I will be there supporting him. I’ll make sure tomorrow is not a total mess. And I’m proud of him for thinking of a nice reward to end the day,” she remarked.

  “Why aren’t you trying to shelter me and keep me from interacting with him? Aren’t you afraid something will happen to him and I’ll be lost forever?” I felt tears pour down my face. “Even I’m scared of that. And you act like we are so good for each other - I don’t get it.”

  “Because you are.” She said very matter of factly. “He is not dying. He is very much alive. He can run, jump, talk, think, laugh, cry. He’s an amazing young man. And you’re an amazing young woman,” she argued.

  “But what if he gets in a car crash and is so hurt he dies?”

  “Really?” She asked in a ‘I can’t believe you just said that’ tone. “What if he does? Or better yet, what if YOU get really injured from a piano falling on you?”

  “Mom! You know what I mean.” I rolled my eyes out of habit but she couldn’t see it in the dark.

  “Listen Brogen, thinking and living as if a piano is going to fall from the sky and kill you every second is no way to live. Jay has to be a little more careful, take medicine, and get checked more often - but there is no guarantee of life for any of us. You and I could die in a car crash tomorrow and Jay would outlive both of us.” She stopped, waited for me to respond but I didn’t. I just soaked it in. “And what if he beats the odds and lives way past 48?”

  “What odds?” I asked. I didn’t recall any odds in our initial conversation. Mom did not answer right away. I felt a new fear and anger brewing but needed to be clear I understood what she was saying.

  “I guess I forgot to mention that.” She muttered as if she wished she could take it back. “The average life expectancy is 48.” I gasped.

  “But some live longer,” she added quickly.

  “And some don’t,” I yelled. “Right? Like his mom.” I couldn’t believe I hadn’t thought about life expectancy. This VEDS stuff seemed so much worse when you put an expiration date on it. “Jeez, could you imagine what it felt like for Jay when they told him he’d be dead by 48?” I was mostly talking outloud to myself.

  Tears rolled down my cheeks again. My heart broke for Jay. How unfair life was to put this amazing guy here, beautiful, charismatic, kind...and give him a terrible disorder that would take him out quicker than most rapists, robbers, and other felons who didn’t deserve to live a long life.

  “I don’t know if I’m strong enough for that Mom.” She could hear the tears in my voice. She wrapped her arms around me and held me. I lay there in her embrace thinking about Jay, letting the tears fall quietly. How nice it was to have my mom comfort me. Jay’s mom died, and Jay couldn’t get a hug from her now when he needed one. I wondered if he got dressed each morning and pondered whether this would be the day he died? Was it the last time he’d tie his shoes, ride a bus, see a movie? Was he afraid to die? I fell asleep with my mom holding me and endless questions filling my subconscious.

  Chapter 17

  Things always looked different the next day. Skies seemed bluer, grass was greener. The worries of yesterday were magically reduced to a manageable size and brand new ideas and thoughts were born. Oddly enough, Mom’s words were like seeds planted in the night, now growing and blossoming inside me. Jay was very much alive. He was healthy, a bit fragile, but more alive than many kids my age who lived life mindlessly. If anything, this stupid disorder made him more alive. Made ME more alive. I wanted to make memories with Jay, live each day to the fullest, laugh till my belly hurt, cry at sad movies with him, watch the sunrise and the sunset whenever I could. Life was a gift, not to be taken for granted. It could be here one day and gone the next, or it could go on for a very long time.

  My mom had left before I was even awake. I grabbed my phone and texted Jay.

  Good luck. I’m thinking about you.

  He didn’t reply so I plugged in my phone and got ready for the day.

  Seconds turned to minutes, minutes to hours, and hours felt like an eternity. I attempted homework but I was too obsessed with checking my phone. Mom’s car finally pulled in the driveway around 4pm. That was a LONG meeting, no texts or calls - I was like a cat that had been caged all day. I ran to the front door and Mom looked wary. She came up the porch steps, “Hey sweetie, let me go change, ok?” No, I really didn’t think I could wait a second longer, but what could I say? I grabbed my phone again to check for a text from Jay but there was nothing yet. Mom rounded the corner after five minutes wearing sweats, no makeup, and her hair brushed out. She headed to the kitchen and pulled out the leftover casserole. I stared at her silently, waiting for her report. She plated up two servings and heated them in the microwave. “Get yourself a drink. We’ll chat over dinner.” I obliged and got a glass of tea and poured one for her as well. I sat at the table waiting. Mom placed both plates down and unfolded her napkin in her lap.

  “You’re killing me here. I’m dying to know what happened.” I looked at Mom with a pleading face.

  “OK, well. It was very hard for Jay to tell his dad about VEDS. But he did it.” She took a bite of her food. I was feeling angry because I could have guessed all of that information, I wanted more specific details.

  “And???” I bit. Mom cleared her throat and gave me a cautioning lo
ok.

  “Jay has to be the one to tell you most of this sweetie. His dad heard us out but was very shocked and clearly upset. Time will only tell how he handles the information. I plan to visit with his on-site therapist weekly to advise and check in. If I need to visit him to chat in person, I’ll do that.” I nodded. Inside I felt thankful my mom cared so much about Jay. “It’s going to be hard, for everyone.” She continued eating.

  “How was Jay afterwards?” I asked. I was surprised to not get a text from him yet about his day or meeting up.

  “He was quiet for most of the drive home. He was emotional when he told his dad about it but then he kind of went inside of himself. He probably just needs some time to think and let his emotions settle.” I was beginning to doubt that Jay would contact me tonight. I finished dinner with Mom and we talked about plans for the next day. Mom thought it would be a great day to plant some bulbs.

  After I cleaned up the plates, I checked my phone. No message. I quickly typed a text:

  Wondering how you are and how it went. Do you still want to see a movie?

  My phone dinged and I checked my messages.

  -Thanks, I think I need to pass on the movie tonight. Too drained. Catch up with u later.

  The ball was in his court. I needed to wait for him to come to me. I plugged in my

  phone, got my running clothes on and decided I’d go for a run. The evening air was still cool so I zipped up my hoodie and put on my headphones. Mom saw me stretching in the front hall and knew I was going out for a jog. “I might end up at Meg’s, Mom. I’ll call if I do.” She nodded and waved. I ran toward the school and felt the crisp spring air in my lungs. There was still enough daylight for a short run so I tried to use that daylight efficiently. I ran countless laps around the school track, feeling the burn in my thigh and calf muscles. It felt good to push my body hard, to feel the muscles grow hard under my skin. The sky began quickly descending and I started to head back. My mind was still thinking about Jay. I felt darkness in me, sadness, like I could feel what he was feeling. Stupid empathic crap. Before I knew it, I looked up and realized I was at Jay’s house ringing the bell. As I waited for the footsteps from inside to grow louder and open the door, I began to turn and try to flee.

  “Brogen. What are you doing here?” I froze at the sound of Jay’s voice.

  “I’m sorry, I made a mistake. I shouldn’t be here.”

  “Wait, you’re already here, what’s up?” He asked. I looked at his face to see if it matched what I felt inside. Unfortunately it did. I could see the sadness in his face and his guarded posture. “Are you ok?”

  “Me? You’re asking ME if I’m ok?” I laughed in a dismissing way. “I...it drove me crazy to think about what you went through today. To not be able to comfort you. Are you ok?” He took a step outside and approached me slowly.

  “Sorry. Today sucked, but it’s over with. I was trying to drown myself in some music and hoped I’d feel better.” I turned to face him all the way. He was looking at a crack in the sidewalk. I walked over and wrapped my arms around Jay. He grabbed hold of me and held onto me as if I could save him. “I hate this,” he whispered. “I don’t want this fucking disorder, I never asked for it.” I could hear the tears in his voice.

  “I know,’ I kissed his cheek, “And I’m so sorry you have to deal with all of this.” He nuzzled in closer. He needed comfort, love, and understanding. He probably needed five years worth of hugs and love. I rubbed my hand gently along his back. “You know, even with this news, you are the same Jay you were before the diagnosis. You just have to be a little more careful.” I must have been channeling my inner Mom because it felt like something she would say. “Life goes on with no guarantees. People without VEDS can get hit by a car tomorrow and die. So you can’t live your life with one foot in the grave.”

  He looked at me, wiped a tear away and smiled. “I need to take you to the movies...too much time with you mom. You’re starting to sound like her.”

  “Yeah, I clearly need a better social life .” He laughed - that was a great sign. He sucked in a big breath.

  “Thank you.” Our eyes were locked on each other and I was glad to see he seemed lighter. He took a step closer, closing the space between us so our bodies were touching each other. I felt my heartbeat quicken and butterflies began to flutter about my stomach. This was an intimate space and he clearly entered it. The air between us changed, it was more electric. He put his hands on each side of my face, and then gently but in a possessive way, he took my mouth. He kissed gently at first and I felt my knees grow weak. His lips were soft and his breath was hot. I let my mind go and became enveloped in the overwhelming love that Jay exuded. He urged my mouth open and our kiss became more intimate. I felt the heat rising in my cheeks and followed Jay’s lead. His hands trailed down my arms and came around my torso. The kisses returned to gentle nibbles and then to sweet pecks before he pulled away to look at me. All traces of sadness were gone from his face, from inside of me. There was light and love there instead. Jay said, “I’ve been wanting to do that for a long time.”

  “Well, what took you so long?” I asked and he smiled.

  “Life, but I won’t let it happen again.” He leaned in and gave me a slow gentle kiss. “I’m picking you up at 10 tomorrow for coffee.”

  “You’re not asking, you’re telling me?” He nodded with a big smile on his face. “Ok, but only if you come help my mom and me in our garden afterward.” I wasn’t sure what he’d say, but I hoped he’d agree to it. Digging in the dirt did wonders for my soul. It cleared my head and centered me, it would be great for Jay.

  “Umm, I kinda have a brown thumb.” I felt my face fall in disappointment. “But, if it scored me a coffee with you, I’ll try.” I looked down and realized at some point that Jay had grabbed my hand and was holding it. He followed my eyes and smiled at me.

  “Deal, see you around 10.” I went up on my toes and gave Jay a quick peck before releasing his hand and waving bye. He returned the wave and put his hands in his pockets as I began jogging home. I made it home in record time to find Mom relaxing on the couch watching tv.

  “You never called. Did you stop at Meg’s?” Shoot.

  “Sorry, actually I stopped at Jay’s. I should have called,” I answered.

  “Next time call ok? Did he say anything?” She inquired.

  “He just said it was hard - looked pretty upset.” Mom listened with her therapist ears, noting my comments in her head. “But then I laid a couple of Dr. Mom lines on him and…” I wondered if I should tell the next part. He’d be here tomorrow and I really didn’t want to hide anything from Mom. “We kissed.” Her eyes grew big. She waited for more details but I was not giving any more.

  “Just, take things slow, please. Jay’s dealing with a lot.”

  “Oh, I’m in no hurry to speed through this relationship.”

  I kissed Mom goodnight and went to my room to text Meg.

  Jay kissed me.

  -SHUT UP!

  Nope, it’s true.

  -About. Frickin’. Time.

  Lol, love you.

  -Love you too

  I changed into my bedtime clothes and sketched in my journal. Mom peeked in and said goodnight to me. I turned out the light and pulled up the covers. I lay awake thinking about the kiss Jay and I shared. It was beautiful. It meant so much more than if it had happened after a first date. This kiss was spontaneous and filled with love - magical. My phone beeped and lit up my room. I unlocked my screen and saw a text from Jay.

  -Can’t stop thinking about you. Goodnight.

  I turned to mush inside.

  Me too. I’m glad I stopped by. Goodnight.

  He replied.

  -XXooo

  XXOo

  Chapter 18

  The next day Jay picked me up for coffee. We held hands most of the time and kept the conversation light. Even though he didn’t kiss me again, it was clear that Jay and I had taken a new path in our relationship. True to
his word, Jay helped plant bulbs in our garden. He started with gloves on his hands, a gardening apron Mom had in the shed, and tools in hand. He looked like Martha Stewart’s apprentice. After several pokes and jabs, I convinced him to lose the gloves - it made for a more true gardening experience. He had no idea what he was doing in the garden but he had a good attitude and did what we advised.

  The sun was high in the sky and the day was turning out to be quite warm. “I’ll make up some sandwiches while you two finish.” Mom walked back into the house and Jay’s eyes followed her. As soon as she was out of sight, he leaned over and kissed me. It was the kind of kiss that made time disappear - made you lost in the moment. The kind that poured love from his heart, directly into mine. We pulled apart and this sexy grin spread across his face.