by Nicole Dykes
I’m starting to despise that word. Friends. “I’m glad, I really am, but it is a little strange.”
“I know, it’s gonna take some time. Maybe a lot of time, but do you have plans on Friday?”
“Just working ‘til seven.”
“Cool, you want to come over after work?”
To his room? I’m not sure I’m ready to be alone with him. Being in this huge class with him is hard enough, “Um...”
“Cam, Hunter, and I are staying in, renting a movie and eating pizza. Lame I know, but it could be kind of fun. Probably not chick flicks, though.”
Oh, joy, just one of the guys now.
It sucks.
I laugh at that. He’s always given me a hard time about my love of a good RomCom. So we won’t be alone, I’m just one of the boys now. “Okay, sure.”
He seems really pleased with my answer. When the professor starts her lecture, I feel that sense of loneliness again when Luke doesn’t grab my hand as he had been doing during class. He’s keeping his distance and seems totally fine with this new change.
Which really irks me, but I’m not sure if that’s fair. I hid a secret from him for so long and hurt him deeply. He’s trying, so I should try too.
Friday, after work I make my way to Luke’s dorm with mixed feelings. I want to be around him, but at the same time, it cuts me deep. He sent me a text yesterday to make sure I was still coming, so I think he really wants me there.
Just like usual, I told Rachel I was working until ten tonight and bought myself some time. She has been driving me crazy since she found out I want to stay for the summer and I have found myself avoiding her more and more. When I have seen her, it’s been nothing but talking about how excited she is to go back home.
When I reach the door to Luke and Hunter’s room I knock softly, maybe this was a bad idea. My instinct is to avoid when things get tough, run and don’t look back, but I owe him more than that.
Luke opens the door, with his signature grin, and he looks breathtaking even in laid back jeans and a plain shirt.
I don’t know what to say so I hold up the brownies I bought on my lunch break today, “I brought brownies.”
“That’s awesome, you baked again?”
I shake my head, “No way, it’s not your birthday, I bought these.”
He laughs, and it briefly feels good to joke, “Still good, thanks. Come on in.”
I walk in and see Hunter and Cameron sitting on the couch with two beautiful girls I don’t recognize. Hunter nods politely at me, “Hi, Hannah.”
“Hi, good to see you again.”
Cam nods again and then Luke introduces me to the girls, “Vanessa and Denise, this is my friend, Hannah. Hannah, this is Vanessa and Denise, they play for K-State’s volleyball team.”
They both greet me nicely, and I smile shyly at them. I’m socially awkward nowadays, making new friends does not come easily to me anymore. And I can’t help but wonder if one or both of them is hoping for something with Luke.
Not that I have a right to wonder that.
Luke gestures for me to follow him over to the kitchen counter and I do, he says quietly, “Sorry, Cam invited some girls and we couldn’t stop him.”
He wanted to stop him?
“No problem, just a friendly night right?”
He nods, “Yeah, but Hunter and Miranda broke up a few days ago and it’s Cam’s mission to get him laid. So, you’re in for some entertainment, because Hunter wants no part of it.”
Oh, so the other girls are for Hunter, okay that makes me feel better. “That’s really sad about Hunter and Miranda. They were together for a while weren’t they?”
“Yeah they were. Come on, the movie is about to start and the pizza should be here soon.” He whispers in my ear, sending tingles throughout my entire body, “Vanessa is actually pretty cool, but watch out for Denise.”
Hunter is in the big chair, and Cameron and the two girls are on the couch. Luke sits on the floor and pats the space next to him. I gladly join him on the floor and memories of the night after my date with Nick flood my senses. The way he kissed me that night, so urgent like he had wanted to do it for so long. Now, I’m just one of his buddies.
The girl that was introduced as Vanessa looks over, “So, how do you know these guys?”
Vanessa is sitting down, but I can tell she is tall and built for playing volleyball. She has light brown hair and seems genuinely interested in my answer to her question, not catty like the girls I’ve come accustomed to lately, “Lucas and I have been friends since kindergarten, and he introduced me to Hunter and Cameron.”
Denise, who I’m wary of because of Luke’s warning, says, “Aw, how sweet.”
Yeah, she doesn’t seem as genuine, and actually sounds like she is mocking me. Vanessa smiles kindly, “It is sweet. That’s a really long time, it’s cool you guys are still friends.”
Denise purrs over at Lucas, “I bet you were an adorable little five year-old.”
I laugh, “He was, two front teeth missing and all.” I turn to Vanessa, because I really don’t have the patience for Denise, “So how did you all meet?”
She points to Denise, “We play volleyball for the school so we live in this dorm, and we were always bumping into these guys. Then Cam invited us over for pizza and beer, who could resist?”
Cameron grins, “No one can resist my charm.”
Luke and Hunter groan at his cockiness, and I can’t help but laugh. This is actually really nice, I feel like a normal college student tonight.
Cam spends the next thirty minutes trying to get Hunter to talk to Denise, and when the pizza guy calls to say he is downstairs, Hunter jumps at the chance to run down and get it.
Luke laughs and to Cam says, “Man, just give it up.”
“No way.”
Denise and Vanessa looked confused by Luke’s comment, and I just laugh at Cameron’s attempt to help his friend move on.
Vanessa looks over at me, “So Hannah, are you ready for finals?”
I haven’t spent nearly enough time studying this week as I should have, but I feel fairly confident, “Yeah, I think so. You?”
“Yeah, I’m ready for them to be over. At least my last one is Thursday morning, then I’m done.”
“Oh that’s lucky, my last one is Friday.”
And then I’m on my way back to Texas.
Hunter comes back in with the pizza, and we all dig in before settling in for some action movie.
I find myself spacing out, for the most part, I’m not a huge action movie fan, but I am happy to be here. After the movie is over, Vanessa and Denise go back to their room, although Cameron tries to get them to stay a little while longer. He then leaves and I stay to help clean up a little.
“Thanks for helping, Hannah, I’m glad you came over.”
Hunter says this before retiring to his room. I smile over at Luke, happy that tonight wasn’t quite as awkward as I had pictured. “Well, I should get going.”
“I’ll walk you.”
I don’t argue, wanting his company and we walk downstairs and out of his dorm, “Well I had fun. You’re right about Vanessa. She is pretty cool.”
“Yeah, she’s not bad, and she’s a pretty good volleyball player.”
“So what happened with Hunter and Miranda?”
“She cheated on him.”
I’m stunned, who on earth would cheat on such a nice and handsome guy, “That’s awful.”
“Yeah, he’s pretty heartbroken, but actually hides it pretty well.”
“And Cameron thinks that him sleeping with someone else will help him get over this faster?”
He kicks a rock on the sidewalk on our path to my dorm, “Yeah, Cam adopts that whole policy that the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else. Although, I don’t think Cam has ever had his heart broken.”
I don’t miss the small hint of sadness on Lucas’s face when he says that, and my heart aches that I’m the one that has made L
uke feel close to the way Hunter is feeling now, “Well, hopefully it never will.”
“Yeah, I wouldn’t wish that on anyone, especially not a friend.”
We reach my dorm, and I look up to my room above and see that the lights are out, Rachel must be asleep. “Well thank you for walking me home. You better get back, it’s almost your curfew.”
“I’ll be back in time, don’t worry. You want to study tomorrow for the Econ final?”
More time with Luke? “Sure, what time are you free? I’m done with work at three, and then I was planning to study right after.”
He turns to start walking back, “Cool, I’ll see you at the library around three.”
With that, he’s gone. Lucas amazes me. He’s been through so much and somehow he gets through it and bounces right back. I would kill to have that much confidence and bravery.
With finals week starting a couple of days, I need to make my final decision about whether or not I am staying here this summer.
Maybe I can reach some sort of compromise with my father, and still keep my family while following my heart.
Chapter 30
Luke
The next day I meet Hannah at the library to study for our final. I can’t believe this semester is almost over. Jesus, it’s been one crazy semester.
I walk in and see Hannah sitting at the same table we sat at the first time I convinced her to study with me. I stride over to the table, oozing confidence, and feeling the exact opposite inside. Inside, I just want to fucking scream and let out all of the frustration and anger I’m feeling, but I know that will just push her away, maybe for good.
I sit down across from Hannah, who looks beautiful, with her hair swept up. She’s wearing her glasses today, which I find sexy, the naughty-librarian look. Nice Luke, way to be just friends. “Ready to study this shit?”
“Yes, it’s going to be a tough exam.”
“We’ll be alright.”
This is awkward, there is no denying it—trying to be just friends after knowing exactly what the other one looks like naked, tastes like, knowing the moan that comes out of their mouth when they are turned on past the point of return.
Shit. I hope Hannah can’t read my mind.
It felt relatively okay yesterday, with other people around, but now I can’t stop staring at her lips, her fucking mouth that brought me so much pleasure over the past couple of months.
Hannah seems to be okay with just being friends, although still sad about the situation. She hasn’t run from me, she’s here and trying. “Luke?”
Oh shit, did she just say something? “Uh, yeah.”
“Does that sound like a plan?”
Good job, dumbass. “What?”
She tilts her head at me curiously, “To start with the practice quizzes at the end of each chapter?”
“Oh yeah, sounds like a great plan, Hannah.”
“Okay.”
After four hours of studying, we pack up our stuff and walk out of the library.
“Well, thank you for studying with me, I need all the help I can get.”
She laughs at that, “No you don’t, you really are a good student, even if you don’t want to be here.”
“Well, you keep me motivated.”
Man this is so fucking strange. How do we get past this? “Well, I better go.”
She gives me an awkward hug that feels more like a handshake. It’s like she’s afraid to touch me, which I totally get. I’m terrified to come into too close into contact with her.
We have to move past this. Chances are, Hannah is going back to Texas for the summer and this week may be one of the last times I have with her for three months. “Hannah, you want to study tomorrow?”
She looks surprised. I don’t blame her after today. “Um…”
“I really want to study with you tomorrow, but not at the fucking stale library.”
She laughs, “It’s not stale.”
“It is, I don’t know how you work in there, but how about my dorm?”
I can see her breathing increase at the thought of my dorm, alone, together. Yeah, that’s probably a terrible idea.
Too late. “Okay, I’m actually not working tomorrow so I’m free after church.”
“Okay how about two o’clock?”
“I’ll be there.”
The next day, Hunter and I go to the gym. Then he goes to meet with a study group for Algebra, and I go back to my dorm to wait for Hannah.
I’m determined to make this work somehow. I can’t lose her. That seems to be my mantra these days: I can’t lose her, I can’t lose her.
When I hear a knock at my door, I jump up and anxiously answer it. Hannah is standing there, no glasses today, her hair is down, and she has on subtle makeup. This is probably all left over from church, but then she has on a V-neck K-State t-shirt and cut off denim shorts. Fuck me, does she have to look so hot?
Okay, she’s just a friend. A buddy, one of the guys. With great tits, legs, smile, sexy fucking lips that have been wrapped around my…
This was a bad idea.
“Come on in.”
She walks in and seems to be in a really happy mood. When she puts her stuff on the counter, she’s almost glowing with excitement.
“Wow, you’re happy today.”
She looks almost shy now, “Oh yeah. I’m really excited.”
“Okay, you gonna tell me why?”
She makes a frustrated, girly growl and throws her hands up in the air, “I want to.”
Please, God, don’t let her have a date or something that I will have to feign excitement about, “But?”
She sits on the couch in the living room area, and I join her there, but remain standing, “Lucas, when you came back into my life, I got my best friend back, and it felt so natural to just tell you things again.”
Minus one really big thing.
“Okay.”
“You are the first person that comes to my mind when anything happens to me, even before we added sex into the equation. Now that all of that is over, I’m just not sure how to go back.”
I sit down, “We have to try Hannah. You’re my best friend too. I want to tell you everything, and I don’t ever want you to hesitate to tell me anything. Ever.”
She beams, “I talked to my dad again about staying here this summer. I just did it this morning before church.”
Okay, she’s excited. Did she really stand up to her dad? No way.
“And I’m staying this summer!”
“What, really?”
“Really! I mean there are some conditions, but I just went for it. I told him how important it was for me to stay this summer, and he agreed.”
Conditions? Well, that part can’t be good, but I’m so happy for her. I pull her into an excited hug, and she holds onto me tightly and then pulls back, “I would have never, ever, done this before, but you made me realize I need to stop being so scared of everything.”
This is incredible. Hannah isn’t going to Texas this summer. We have time to work our friendship out, minus the one month I’ll be back home working, but hell maybe she can come visit. We put space in between us on the couch, “That’s really cool, Hannah. So what are the conditions?”
She waves them off like they are no big deal, “Oh well, nothing I can’t handle. I have to still talk to my mom once a week and then check in with Rachel a couple of times a week, since she is going home this Friday.”
She’s smiling hugely when she says that last part and I match her enthusiasm, “That’s good.”
“Yeah, and I have to provide her with a key to my room, which is no big deal, lots of people’s friends have a spare key for them.”
No, that’s weird, and it’s so she can just pop in whenever Hannah’s father wants her to. I hold my tongue, and let her go on with the list of conditions her father has laid out.
“And well, my dad knows the pastor at the church on campus, and I just have to make sure I don’t miss church and go twice a week. And
the pastor has set up volunteer opportunities here for me this summer.”
So she will have a spy, just not one that lives with her. I don’t pretend to understand why Hannah allows this to happen, but she looks so happy to be staying, there is no way I’m bursting her bubble.
“Sounds doable.”
“Totally. I’m just so happy to not have to go back to Texas.”
“That’s really cool, Hannah and I’m glad you will be here this summer.”
“I still can’t believe he agreed, I mean he was really pissed when I brought it up again, but I just didn’t back down, and we worked it out. I’m going back with Rachel on Friday, and then I’ll be back up here the following Thursday when the summer dorms open up.”
The wedding will be two days after that. I’ve been holding off on asking her to the wedding because I assumed she would be back in her Texas prison by then, “So then, you can make Dylan and Brooke’s wedding?”
Hannah’s eyes widen, “You still want me to go?”
“Of course I do, and Brooke really wants you there. We can drive there together on Friday, back Sunday.”
“When does your summer vacation start?”
“A couple of weeks later, I have to stay here for a bit. Then I have a little over a month break, and after that, I’m back at it.”
“I can’t miss church on Sunday.”
“Okay, we can come back Saturday night after the wedding.”
“You don’t have to do that. I can drive myself.”
“It’ll be fun, Hannah, a road trip to Overland Park and I’ll have you back Saturday night so you won’t miss church.”
She grins at me, “Okay, sounds like a plan. I can’t wait. We better study now.”
I nod and go into my room, bringing back my Economics book, and we study for a couple of hours. Things are slowly getting less weird between us. When it comes to Hannah, I am the most patient man in the world.
I’ll wait an entire lifetime to get things right with her if I have to.
Chapter 31
Hannah
“Welcome to Texas.”
That’s the sign I see as my car drives over the state line. Rachel is in front of me in her own car, both of them loaded down with everything from the dorm we shared together.