With Baby in Mind

by Arlene James

  “They think this is a real marriage!” he snapped. “What was I supposed to do, tell them the unvarnished truth? You know the courts are going to be checking me out! They’re bound to ask a few questions around the office.”

  “Even real wives work, Parker,” she pointed out smartly, “and even the reigning playboy king of the Western world ought to know that!”

  That stung. He slapped his napkin down on the table and shoved his chair back. “Dammit, that’s not fair!” he shouted defensively.

  The baby jerked and started to wail, her reedy little voice sounding startled and frightened.

  Kendra jumped up and glared at him. “Fair,” she retorted. “You don’t know the meaning of the word. And now look what you’ve done! Well, fix it yourself, Parker Sugarman. I’m not primary caregiver here, and you might as well face it!” With that she swung around and marched out of the room.

  He grimaced, the fight already gone out of him. “Hell,” he said, reaching across the table and picking up the baby. He put her against his shoulder and jostled her uncertainly. “Don’t cry, honey. It’s all right. It’s okay. Come on now. That’s enough. I feel bad enough already.” He patted her back and kissed the top of her head and held her close, wondering what had happened to that happy feeling that had filled him when he’d first walked in the door. Obviously he had a lot to learn about this marriage business, not to mention babies and women. That part surprised him. But then, he hadn’t really thought about women beyond the pleasures they afforded and how to avail himself of those pleasures when the mood struck him without getting tangled up in ways that had seemed unnecessary at the time. Suddenly he realized that time was past.

  He was married. And even if he wasn’t, he’d still have Darla to think about. The old days of freedom and indulgence were over. He now had responsibilities to someone other than himself. More surprising still was the realization that even if he could change it, he wouldn’t—short of bringing her parents back, of course. This little one was his, and he’d fight God Himself for her if he had to. No one and nothing was ever again going to take someone he loved from him if he could help it, no matter what he had to do.

  “Okay, princess,” he said to the little one snuffling against his chest, “if that’s the way it has to be, that’s the way it has to be. The partnership be damned. You’re what counts now.”

  He held her to him and rocked her gently side to side, marveling as the love flowed through him. It was unlike anything he’d ever felt, and it made all the hassle worthwhile, all the hassle. He sighed, preparing himself to make an apology he’d never thought to make. The playboy king of the Western world was about to abdicate his throne.

  * * *

  Kendra threw herself on the bed, clenched her hands in the covers and tried not to sob. It was useless to try to stem the tears. They had taken her by surprise in the kitchen, so much so that all she had been able to do was run away to hide them. She was so mad, and she was so hurt. What a fool she was to let him hurt her, to believe, to hope, even for a moment that he might value her for herself, for who and what she was, that he might see her as something more than a baby sitter, a nanny with job security—for six months, anyway.

  Six months. She moaned, inaudibly castigating herself. It was all her fault, all her own stupidity, and she hadn’t even realized it until just now. Of course he couldn’t stay home with the baby tomorrow. Any idiot would know it, and yet she had gaily told the nursing supervisor over the phone that she wanted to get back to work as soon as possible. She had said it while holding the baby on her lap, while stroking that dark, silky hair and listening to the gurgling babble as little Darla played in fascination with her own fingers. She had said it while her heart contracted with pure affection. She had said it while a vision of Parker pulling her to him in his bed shimmered before her mind’s eye.

  Only now did she realize that she had been setting up a test. She had wanted him to say, “Yes, darling, whatever you want, need, expect.” But he had said, essentially, “Oh, are you a nurse? Well, you can’t be, because I need a convenient baby sitter.” Of course, that was exactly what she was. She had agreed to be that and had no right to expect more now. He had made it perfectly plain from the beginning, and it was foolish in the extreme to hope it might have changed just because he’d awakened from a sound sleep, found a half-dressed woman bending over his bed and been moved by sheer rote to take advantage of that fact. And he had just been made a partner. It was pure selfishness for her to ask him to risk that.

  But that didn’t make her hurt less, proving once again how very foolish she was. Still, she had no one to blame but herself. After all this time, as well as she knew Parker Sugarman, to think that he might have changed so drastically overnight was nothing short of lunacy. She suddenly wished quite desperately that she could just pick up the phone and call on Nathan. No one could ever talk sense to her quite like Nathan. She could almost hear him now, saying, “Ken, you make omelets with eggs, not lemons. Parker’s a lemon for a woman like you. You can peel him, squeeze him, grind him to a pulp, but you’ll never be able to make an omelet with him. Now if lemonade was your thing, you could make a sweet, sweet lemonade with him, but you’re an omelet girl, and that’s a fact.” She could laugh and say, “How true!” and believe it, and everything would be all right again. But Nathan was gone. Nathan and Candace were both gone far beyond the reach of a telephone. Suddenly she was sobbing, missing them both, wanting them both. She didn’t even hear Parker enter the room, didn’t know he was around until he called her name.

  “Kendra. Aw, honey, don’t.”

  She sat up abruptly, forcing a halt to her tears and rubbing them from her face. He was standing at the foot of the bed, the baby held against his chest with one arm. She thought, ludicrously, how well he did that now. “Never mind,” she said. “It’s all right. I was a dope, but it’s all right now.”

  He walked over to the crib and gently laid Darla on her back. He gave her a soft, squeaky, terry-cloth teddy bear to play with, cooed reassurance, kissed her on the forehead and turned away to sit on the edge of the bed by Kendra. “It is all right,” he said, laying a hand upon her shoulder. “I apologize. I’ve thought of no one but myself for so long that it’s sort of difficult to remember that I now have...a family. And family should come first, I know that, but I’m still discovering how to make it happen. Just bear with me for a while, please. I’ll do better, I promise.”

  She couldn’t believe her ears. Parker Sugarman apologizing for being Parker Sugarman? She shook her head, truly bemused. “I don’t understand. I mean, I was the one who didn’t think. You have all these new responsibilities, and you’ve just been taken on as a partner. Of course you have to go to work.”

  “No. No, I’ll stay home tomorrow. It’s only fair, just as you said.”

  “But the partnership—”

  “Isn’t what matters most,” he said gently. “If I’ve learned anything from what happened to Nathan and Candace, it’s that people matter most. Darla is what matters most now. Darla and you.”

  “M-me?”

  “Of course, you. Who else but you? After all you’ve done for us, everything you’ve given up, put on hold...” He moved his free hand to her lap and folded hers inside it. The other crept up to lay against her neck, his knuckles skimming her earlobe.

  Her heart fluttered, the stirrings of hope she didn’t dare give wing. Inexplicably, that thought brought fresh tears to her eyes. “You’re the one who’s changing your whole life to take on a baby.”

  “Not just a baby,” he said with silky earnestness, “my brother’s baby, Nathan’s baby.”

  The mention of Nathan’s name, so recently mourned, set her bottom lip to trembling. “I miss him. I miss them both so much.”

  “I know,” he said, sliding his arms around her. “Me, too.” He kissed the top of her head. “Oh, God, I want to wake up and find it all a bad dream. I couldn’t bear it without you and Darla.”

  “Yes, I know
,” she said thoughtlessly into the hollow of his shoulder. “That’s why I had to help you keep her.”

  “Is it?” he said, suddenly gripping the hair at her nape to tug her head back.

  She looked up into soft brown eyes that swept her face before locking into her own blurry gaze. She knew it was her turn to speak, knew there was something she ought to say, but she could not seem to think what it was. She could not seem to think at all. She could only feel, his arm about her, his chest against her breasts, his thigh alongside hers, his hand spreading to cradle the back of her head. She could feel his heart pounding, or was it hers? His eyes tugged free, shifting downward, and she shuttered hers, feeling his gaze upon her mouth until his own was there, soft at first, and sweet, so sweetly gentle that she ached beneath it. And then it changed. A subtle increase in pressure, a simple slanting, a parting of lips, and it was if he breathed fire into her, as if he sent flames licking down into the core of her being, into the very woman’s center of her body.

  She felt her nipples peak and harden, her hands clench in the fine fabric of his shirt. Her thigh began to tingle. The skin on her back rose up into gooseflesh, and her heart slammed against the wall of her chest and went into convulsions. She felt herself sinking back onto the bed, felt his hands begin to explore. That was when the trembling began, and when his hand closed over her breast and he drove his tongue into her mouth, she jerked against him, electrified. She pushed her hands up into his hair, pulling his head down and opening her mouth wider for his tongue. He slid a knee between her legs, shifting his weight to press his groin to hers. She moaned, feeling his heat hard against her, wanting so much more of it and pushing upward to gain it.

  He ground his mouth against hers, his body following suit. Then he was lifting the hem of her T-shirt and tearing at his own clothing, while balancing his weight on his elbows and plying her mouth with such desperation that in some part of her mind she began to pull back from him, to fear slightly what they were doing, so that when he wrenched away to yank his shirt off over his head, she was able to put her hands against his chest and push him away. He hit the floor with one foot and stumbled backward, his shirt in his hand, confusion on his face. She realized simultaneously what they’d almost done here and that her shirt was pushed up under her armpits, exposing her breasts clad only in the thin silky covering of her bra. Face burning, she scrambled up onto her knees and tugged her shirt down. When next she glanced up, it was to see that self-same realization dawning on him.

  “Oh, God,” he said, closing his eyes, “Oh God, oh God, oh God. Kendra, I didn’t mean to... It wasn’t my intention to...” He pushed a shaking hand through dark, waving hair, and swallowed audibly. “We’re both in a highly e-emotional state right now. W-we... I... It’s the situation! Married, not married...caring so much...” He pushed out a breath harshly and looked up at her. “Lady,” he confessed, “you’re a hell of a temptation!” He grinned crookedly. “And we both know I’m not very good at resisting temptation.”

  One corner of her mouth quirked up into a smile. “Well, you’re right about the state of our emotions just now, and no doubt the situation lends itself to...” She gulped. “As for temptation, I don’t really think you’ve had much practice at resisting, but...you weren’t exactly alone in that this time.”

  “I hope I wasn’t alone in it any other time, either,” he quipped.

  “Probably not,” she muttered, wondering how many others he had found tempting enough to lead into temptation.

  “Look,” he said, leaning forward to plant his hands on the bed, “I came in here to say I was sorry. You were crying. I wanted to hold you. Then I wanted to kiss you. Then I wanted to make love to you.” His voice softened. “I still do, but I know it’s not the best thing for us. I don’t want to hurt you, and I don’t want to lose what we already have. You’re my best friend now. I need that. I need you.” He straightened, turned his shirt right side out and began unbuttoning it. “So,” he said, “I’m going to stay home tomorrow and interview babysitters, and you’re going to do what you do best—besides looking gorgeous, I mean, and taking care of Darla and cooking great scampi and rescuing my butt.” He slung his shirt on and held out his hand. “Come on,” he said, “dinner’s getting cold.”

  She smiled to hide the conflict taking place inside of her. He had given her exactly what she’d wanted, and yet having it just seemed to create greater needs in her. She almost wished they’d finished what they’d started, almost wished they weren’t just friends. But no, that was nuts. She’d have to be crazy to let herself feel more for him. She’d have to be certifiable to fall in love with Parker Sugarman. Well, she just wouldn’t do it. This was one time he would have to succumb to temptation all on his own, if it came to that. She lifted her chin and put her hand in his. He pulled her off the bed and onto her feet.

  “I’ll get the baby,” he said, releasing her a bit too quickly.

  She swayed, then righted, holding her determination around her like a protective cloak. She put on a smile. “I’ll rubberize our shrimp in the microwave.”

  He gathered up the little one, glancing at Kendra with twinkling eyes. “Ah,” he said, “an exemplary wife indeed!”

  “But a better best friend,” she reminded him gently.

  He looked away, then nodded, and came back with a smile that didn’t quite cover the desire in his eyes. Kendra turned and hurried from the room, uncertain which of them was the worse liar.

  Chapter Eight

  “None of them would do?” Kendra asked, slipping off her shoes so her tired feet could breathe.

  Parker shook his head and dropped down on the sofa next to her. “You wouldn’t believe who the agency sent over here. The first one came at 10:00 a.m.—with liquor on her breath. She likes a ‘nip of the Irish’ in her coffee. It went downhill from there.”

  “That was the best? That couldn’t have been the best of them.”

  He lifted a hand, palm out. “As God is my witness. I tell you, it was a nightmare, One of them had, and I quote, ‘extensive experience.’ She had four kids of her own. Of course, they’re all living in foster homes now. The state said she neglected them, but, hey, a woman’s got to work, doesn’t she?” He shook his head woefully. “I swear to you, Kendra, I couldn’t have left Darla with one of today’s candidates if my life had depended on it. I called the agency and told them not to bother sending over anyone else. We’ll try another one, or we’ll just put an ad in the paper...something. I don’t know.” He sighed and leaned his head back against the couch. “So how was your first day back at work?”

  She grimaced. “Tough. It’s been a while since I was involved in primary care, you know, real nitty-gritty stuff. There’s this one little girl, made me think of Darla, you know? Black hair, a face that’s all eyes. She’s in a cast from the waist down. Well, I noticed she was all alone. Most of the kids have parents, adults of some kind with them, during the day, anyway. So I took a few extra minutes, tried to talk to her. She just looked at me with those big, black eyes. Finally she muttered something. It was Spanish, Portuguese, I guess. Turns out she was visiting here with her parents from Brazil. There was an accident—just like Nathan and Candace—and now her parents are dead, and she’s all alone in a strange country, while the authorities try to contact relatives on another continent. Oh, Parker, I wanted to bundle her up and bring her home with me. What if she doesn’t have someone like you who’ll take her in and love her?”

  He just looked at her; then he sat up and wrapped his arm around her, pulling her close to his side. “I bet you rescue stray puppies, too, don’t you?”

  She smiled. “I’ve been known to.”

  “You want me to have Ed check into this little girl’s situation?”

  “Oh, could you? He’d do it, wouldn’t he?”

  Parker nodded and kissed the top of her head, before leaning his cheek against it. “Thank God tomorrow is Saturday. I couldn’t face going into the office after today.”

 
Kendra rolled her eyes up at him apologetically. “I have to work tomorrow, Parker,” she told him softly.

  He groaned. “Blast!”

  “Nursing’s not a nine-to-five, weekday job.”

  “I know, I know. It’s okay. I just thought we could do some shopping for the baby, get her settled in a little better. I’d like her room to look a little more like a nursery and less like a guest room before the court starts snooping around.”

  “Well, I don’t have to go in until one. We’ll get up and start early.”

  “The stores don’t open until ten,” he pointed out.

  “So we’ve got two hours, anyway.”

  “All right.” He nodded and patted the top of her arm. “Then maybe we can all go out for dinner after you get home.”

  “Parker, I won’t be home before ten at night—more like half past, actually.”

  He shook his head. “Damn! Aren’t we ever going to see you anymore?”

  She hoped he couldn’t see how good that made her feel. “I have Sunday off,” she told him lightly, and was rewarded with a pleased smile.

  “Great! We’re taking Darla to church.”

  “Church?”

  “That’s right, church. I’m turning over a new leaf here, remember. Besides, Ed told me I had to.”

  “And you do everything Ed tells you to,” she said doubtfully.

  He kissed the tip of her nose. “I’m married, aren’t I?”

  “For the time being,” she answered, regretting it immediately.

  His brown eyes clouded, but then he smiled. “I made dinner. Lasagna. I hope you don’t mind frozen.”

  “Not when I’m this hungry,” she said, getting laboriously to her feet. “I’ll set the table.”

  “Done.”

  “Well, I’ll look in on the baby, then.”

  “She’s had her cereal and she’s napping. I think I tired her out today. We played a lot between prospective kidnappers.”