Making Peace

by Fiona McCallum

  ‘Hmm, good point.’

  ‘Did you ask him when he got the photos and why? Maybe he has been commissioned to do a story and doesn’t have a choice. Or maybe seeing you with Henry at the opening made him think you’d changed your mind about doing a piece.’

  ‘So, the but is that I didn’t give him enough of a chance to explain?’

  Sam gave a non-committal shrug.

  ‘I still feel a bit creeped out,’ Hannah said.

  ‘That’s okay. But don’t be upset with him about the wedding ring. At least it wasn’t the other way around – him pretending not to be married when he was. I know a few single women who wear a ring on their left ring finger when they travel overseas alone so they don’t get harassed. It’s actually quite common. You probably don’t know because you haven’t travelled much and you’re still wearing a ring, anyway. I’m sure that would have been one of Jasmine’s wonderful pearls of travel wisdom had your finger been bare. So, don’t be upset with Brad for that. Be grateful he didn’t try to take advantage of you when you were so vulnerable. Plenty would have. From what you told me, he was a true gentleman. Hold onto that and be grateful for him being there that night – it was an important step for you to take. And it could have been so different for you.’

  ‘I am grateful. I really liked him, Sam. That’s why it hurts so much. I was disappointed about Pete dumping me, but not sad. I’m really sad about Brad. Devastated even. It’s irrational.’

  ‘You’re fragile, sweetie. Just like you said to me – it makes it hurt so much more than it normally would.’

  ‘Why am I being so ridiculous?’

  ‘Because you like him so much.’

  ‘But why?’

  ‘God, you sound like the boys. This guy’s really got under your skin, hasn’t he? You’re not usually such an over-thinker – that’s me.’

  ‘I know, and I don’t like it!’

  ‘Hmm. And what do you mean, why, anyway?’

  ‘I thought he was married. Why would I have fallen for a married man? That’s not me.’

  ‘You can connect with someone without wanting them in a physical, sexual way. And maybe the fact you couldn’t have him made you like him even more – it meant you wouldn’t need to be more vulnerable than you already were. Perhaps what this is all about is simply shock and having to rearrange your view of the situation and how you feel about him being available after all.’

  ‘You’re so wise.’

  ‘I try. Though only, it seems, when it comes to everyone else’s life.’

  ‘So, what do I do?’

  ‘God, I don’t know. When in doubt, do nothing?’

  ‘I really don’t want to do an interview.’

  ‘You don’t have to. But maybe it would give you closure or something. He’s right in that it might help other victims. I know,’ Sam said, holding her hands up in surrender, ‘you’re not a victim.’

  ‘And I’m not special.’

  ‘You are. You’re very special.’

  ‘You’re biased.’

  ‘Hannah, I know you can’t see it, but you befriending Louise and Henry like you have is pretty remarkable. It shows a lot of courage. Just meeting with them would, but you’ve done so much more than that. You know Brad’s going to write a story about you regardless, right?’

  ‘I know.’

  ‘So maybe you should get your side across how you want.’

  ‘I don’t think so.’

  ‘That’s up to you.’

  ‘You think I’m being stubborn, don’t you?’

  ‘It doesn’t matter what I think, it’s what you feel. Do what feels right to you, not what you think people might expect you to do.’

  ‘Okay. I need to think about it. Thanks, Sammy.’

  ‘We’re sad sacks, both of us! Come on, let’s take the dogs and our self-pity for a walk and then pick up the boys.’

  Chapter Twenty-nine

  Hannah headed out to meet Louise Peace for lunch. She’d been a little surprised to receive a call from her as she was leaving Sam’s the other day. She liked Louise and looked forward to getting to know her better so she had agreed to lunch on Monday. She’d also deliberated on sending Brad an apologetic text, but hadn’t found the right words. She still didn’t want to do an interview and it didn’t seem fair to let him think she might. The knot of sadness had loosened, but it was still noticeably present as a slight ache deep within.

  Hannah looked for a park near the café and when she found one right out the front she took it as a sign lunch would go well. After locking her car she waved to Louise through the window where she was already seated at a small table.

  Louise jumped up and hugged Hannah.

  ‘Thanks so much for coming,’ she said, beaming. ‘It’s so lovely to see you.’

  ‘Thanks for inviting me,’ Hannah said. ‘It’s really nice to see you, too.’

  ‘And thank you again so much for inviting us to the launch. Henry and I both had the most fabulous time.’

  ‘I’m glad you were able to make it – and enjoyed it so much.’

  ‘I’m not sure if you know, but Henry bought me Zoe’s piece titled Hope. He’s paying it off, bless him.’

  ‘No, I didn’t know. That’s lovely of him.’

  ‘Would you ladies like a few more minutes to decide?’ asked a waitress Hannah hadn’t noticed was standing beside them.

  ‘Oh. Yes, please. I haven’t even looked,’ Hannah said, picking up the laminated menu.

  ‘I’m in no rush,’ Louise said.

  ‘No, me neither,’ Hannah said, studying the offerings.

  ‘I’ll get you some water while you decide,’ the waitress said.

  ‘Thanks,’ Louise and Hannah said in unison.

  ‘I can recommend the chicken salad,’ Louise said.

  ‘Okay. Great. Sounds good to me.’

  ‘I think we’re ready now, aren’t we?’ Louise said when the waitress returned a few moments later. She looked at Hannah for confirmation.

  ‘Yes. I’ll have the chicken salad,’ Hannah said.

  ‘Make that two,’ Louise said cheerfully.

  Suddenly Hannah was startled to find Louise reaching across the table and gently taking hold of her hands before saying, ‘Oh, Hannah, thank you so much.’

  ‘For what?’ Hannah asked with a slight laugh. She was feeling a little disconcerted. ‘I haven’t done anything.’

  ‘Oh, but you have. You’ve done everything, changed everything – for the better.’

  ‘Sorry?’

  ‘The exhibition opening was the turning point Henry needed. To see you living, really living. And happy, truly happy, amongst your friends, has made all the difference to him. He’s let go of the guilt. I could practically see it seep out of him while he watched you that night. He thought you were taking pity on him by having him around to prune, but that evening he saw that you really are okay. Oh, Hannah, you’ve no idea how much it means. He actually moved home Sunday.’

  ‘Oh, Louise, I’m so happy for you. That’s great news.’

  ‘Thanks to you.’

  ‘Well, I’m not sure …’

  ‘You’ve given him his self-esteem and his confidence back. You’ve given him a job!’

  ‘A what? No, he only pruned …’

  ‘Your friend Joanne met him at the launch and offered him a trial at the retirement village. He’s been there a week. He has a permanent job again thanks to you, Hannah. He’s on probation for three months, but he’ll be fine. He’s a changed man. He has a sense of purpose, of belonging again. I have my family back together, Felix has his father back. It’s such a relief.’

  ‘Louise, I’m so pleased for you.’ Hannah’s eyes filled with tears as Louise’s spilled over.

  ‘And …’ Louise said, wiping her cheeks with her serviette.

  ‘There’s more?’ Hannah said with a laugh, trying to regather herself.

  ‘Your friend Brad has put Henry in touch with an industrial relations lawyer to see if
he can get anything out of his previous employer. It looks promising.’

  ‘That’s great. Brad’s great,’ Hannah added dully.

  At that moment their salads arrived and Hannah was glad of the distraction.

  ‘Has Brad done something to upset you?’ Louise asked. ‘Or have I, in mentioning him?’

  ‘Oh. No. It’s just that he wants to interview me for a story. And I don’t want to.’

  ‘He mentioned it. He phoned. Please don’t think I asked you to lunch to pressure you into anything one way or another. It’s entirely up to you. But, please understand, Hannah, how much you have done for Henry and me and how grateful we are. You don’t see it, but you are special. What you did in just talking to Henry that day at the court was special. It doesn’t matter if you contribute to Brad’s article or not, Hannah, but please know how truly grateful we are. You’ve been the glue to put us together when we didn’t know how. I hope you won’t mind if we’ve told all this to Brad.’

  ‘It’s your story to tell, Louise. I think you’re being far too generous. I’m a little lost for words, to be honest.’

  ‘You don’t need to say anything. Enjoy your salad while it’s still warm,’ Louise said, smiling at Hannah.

  Hannah concentrated on her meal while she gave Louise’s words a chance to sink in.

  ‘No matter what you say,’ Louise began again and spoke quickly between mouthfuls, ‘it is a story worth telling. Perhaps if other people affected – from both sides of a tragedy – could come together there might be less pain in the world. Fewer suicides, marriage break-ups. I’ve been reading about it. The statistics are shocking. And it doesn’t just stop with those directly involved – or even their generation. Many kids from broken homes suffer their entire lives. It changes them. Just think how it would be if more people can show forgiveness, a little bit of compassion.

  ‘I’m sorry,’ Louise said, suddenly putting her fork down. ‘I don’t mean to pressure you. And I’m absolutely not. Brad’s going to do the story and obviously Henry and I have already given our side.’

  ‘Hmm. So, is Henry going to continue doing his private gardening now he’s working?’ Hannah asked, desperate to change the subject and give her head a chance to clear. She was starting to feel a little overwhelmed.

  ‘Yes. His job is only during the week and he has a rostered day off each month. So for now he’ll continue and see how it works.’

  ‘That’s great.’

  ‘Hannah, promise me, if there’s anything Henry or I can ever do for you, you’ll let us know?’

  ‘There’s really no debt here, Louise. Our friendship is enough.’

  ‘Promise me, though.’

  ‘Okay, I promise. I’d like to have a lifetime of friendship.’

  ‘Me too. I know you deny it, Hannah, but you really are a remarkable person.’

  ‘So are you, Louise. You’ve stuck by Henry, supported him when it must have been excruciating to watch. Most women might have simply walked away, given up.’

  ‘Well, what can I say? I love the silly sod,’ Louise said with a shrug. ‘I know I’m harping on, but thank you for bringing him back to me and Felix.’

  ‘You’re welcome.’ They stayed silent while the waitress bustled about collecting their plates.

  ‘So, how about dessert?’ Louise said when they were alone again. ‘Their lemon cheesecake is just like my mum used to make.’

  ‘Okay. You’ve twisted my arm,’ Hannah said.

  ‘So, how do you know Brad, anyway?’ Louise asked after they’d both ordered the cheesecake and pots of tea.

  ‘We met quite by accident last year. I guess you could say he’s part of the ripple effect as well.’

  ‘The what?’

  ‘Doesn’t matter, I’ll explain that another time.’

  ‘Do you realise you light up when you talk about him?’ Louise said innocently when their desserts had been delivered.

  ‘Do I?’ Hannah said, equally as innocently, feeling her neck heat up.

  ‘You do,’ Louise said with a grin. ‘He does too, when he talks about you.’

  ‘Really?’

  ‘Yup.’

  ‘It’s a pity he’s a journalist.’

  ‘Freelance. And I think he’s using his powers for good,’ Louise said.

  ‘I certainly hope so.’

  *

  Hannah left the café feeling happy, not just because of all the praise and gratitude Louise had heaped on her, but because Louise was such good company. She could see her becoming a treasured friend. Hannah had heard it said that once you hit your thirties you didn’t tend to make strong new friendships. But she had become very close to Joanne and Jasmine only quite recently too, and was so grateful she had.

  In her car, Hannah dialled Brad’s number.

  ‘Hannah! Hi! How’s things?’ he said, clearly a little shocked to hear from her.

  ‘Can we meet up – say, for a coffee?’ Hannah asked.

  ‘Sure. When were you thinking?’

  ‘Could you manage today – um, now-ish? Say, in around half an hour? I’ll understand if you can’t. It’s very short notice.’

  ‘That’s okay. I’m in Carlton.’

  ‘I’m just leaving Yarraville and heading towards Hawthorn, so I can meet you in Carlton.’

  ‘Okay. I’m at the Black Pot Café on Johnston Street, but I can meet you somewhere else if you prefer.’

  ‘No, that’s okay.’

  ‘It’s just next to the 7-Eleven, which is on the corner of Johnston and Brunswick.’

  ‘Great. I’ll probably be twenty minutes.’

  ‘No problem. I’ll be here.’

  ‘Okay. See you when I see you,’ Hannah said.

  Chapter Thirty

  Hannah pushed the heavy glass door open, stepped into the café and looked around for Brad. Her stomach flipped and her heart soared when she saw him. He was busily tapping away on his laptop, deep in concentration. As she stood, fully aware she was staring but unable to tear her gaze away, she felt as if she were seeing him for the first time. Her heart began to ache, as though it had expanded so far it was squashed up hard against her ribs. She caught herself in time to wave back when he looked up and raised his hand to attract her attention.

  He closed his laptop and took it off the table. Then, as she made her way over, he seemed to be deliberating over whether to stand or remain seated. He half-rose and Hannah gave a general sort of wave and pulled out the chair opposite. He sat back down again.

  Hannah was suddenly very nervous. She’d never seen Brad looking anything other than friendly – he always had a smile on his face. Not now. He seemed troubled, perhaps a little confused. Could he be angry? As much as she liked how his smile lit up his face, she thought this brooding look suited him too. She imagined he could be quite intimidating when he was angry, but she couldn’t picture him like that, despite this slightly stern expression now. She knew he was gentle – soft underneath. She hated that she might be the reason he wasn’t smiling. Or perhaps he was just unsure of why she was really here.

  ‘Um,’ she said.

  ‘Yes?’ he said.

  Hannah took a deep breath and tried again. But before any more words had the chance to come out, a waiter appeared with notebook and pen in hand.

  ‘Hi, can I get you anything? Coffee, cake perhaps?’ he asked, looking from Hannah to Brad and back again.

  ‘A peppermint tea would be lovely, thanks,’ Hannah said, looking up.

  ‘Same for me, please,’ Brad said. And then they were alone again. Brad was looking expectantly at Hannah. She had to avert her gaze in case she became entirely lost in his brown eyes and long dark lashes and completely tongue-tied. She fiddled with the jar of packets of sugar before stopping herself.

  ‘I’ve been an idiot. I over-reacted and I’m really sorry,’ she said.

  ‘Oh, Hannah,’ he said and let out his breath. ‘God, what a relief. I’ve been going insane.’ He rubbed his hands over his face and through his h
air. Again Hannah tried not to become mesmerised. She loved the look of his long fingers and smooth, strong hands.

  ‘I’ll help with your article,’ she said quietly.

  ‘You will?’

  ‘Yes, if you still want me to. I’ve just come from lunch with Louise Peace, and I think I understand it all a bit better now. And I trust you, Brad.’

  ‘You can trust me, Hannah. I promise it’s nothing too onerous, just a couple of questions. I’ve got most of what I need.’

  ‘Okay. Fire away,’ Hannah said, linking her hands on the table.

  ‘What, now?’

  ‘If you like.’

  ‘Okay. Let me just get organised,’ he said, reaching down and then putting a notepad and pen on the table. ‘Do you mind if I record it?’ he asked, pointing to his phone still sitting on the table.

  ‘No, that’s fine. I don’t really know what you want me to say.’

  ‘It’s only me. Just talk to me and be yourself. There’s nothing to be nervous about.’

  ‘All right for you to say.’

  At that moment the waiter delivered their drinks and they both thanked him.

  ‘So, how was Louise?’ Brad asked, picking up his cup.

  ‘Great. Henry moved back home, so she’s over the moon. I’m really happy for them. I’m glad I met her, I can see her becoming a dear friend. And Henry. When he gets himself fully sorted. I can’t help thinking I haven’t seen the real Henry yet – just a bit of a shell. You know, my friend Joanne has employed him at the retirement village. It’s where my parents lived. I guess that’s a little ironic, actually, when you think about it. Of course you know all this because you’ve been in touch with them.’

  ‘Yes. I’m so pleased for them.’

  ‘Brad, I’m sorry I accused you of stalking. I was just a bit shocked seeing the photos.’

  ‘I’m very sorry about that. I didn’t think. I’ve thought so many times of trying to contact you since we met.’

  ‘So, why didn’t you?’

  ‘Timing. You were running away from the media pack, remember? You made it clear the last thing you needed was me asking questions. And it’s nearly a year on and look how you reacted,’ he added gently, smiling warmly.

  ‘Good point. I guess I got scared. Of what, I’m not entirely sure. Well, no, that’s not true. Brad, I like you. I felt a connection to you that evening. And you’ll never know how much your kindness and consideration that night meant, and will always mean. Then when I saw you at the launch I felt something I never thought I would again, which was so wrong of me when I knew you were married. And I was seeing someone. That’s not me. I don’t prey on other women’s husbands. Or cheat.’