The Swear Jar

by Osorio, Audra

  “Fine. I’ll go to the next Board meeting and give them my resignation letter.”

  He picked up her white envelope. He tripped it into pieces.

  “What resignation letter?”

  Eyes flashing, she clenched her jaw. “All right, let’s play this the hard way.”

  “Meara, I need you.” He stopped himself as this was not the time or the place. “I need you at the Circulation Desk.”

  She took a good look at Duncan. They were both hurting. She was pushing his buttons because she was afraid he would say it was over.

  “I’ll be at the Circulation Desk,” she whispered.

  He watched her leave. He buried his face in his hands. He opened the bag to see she had gotten him his favorite sandwich. It was just the way he liked it, from Lynn’s Café, where they had their first lunch together. He sighed as his stomach growled.

  Meara’s least favorite job in the library was the Circulation Desk. There were so many technical details to remember. She was already overwhelmed and in no mood to be cheerful, but Duncan had said he needed her. As much as she was afraid it was over, she wanted to help him. Her heart ached every time she saw him. She was encouraged before the meeting, but afterwards, he had been distant. She felt herself pushing him away. She didn’t want to be hurt again. Before she left, Sherrie came to the Circulation Desk to talk to Meara.

  “How’s it going?”

  “Fine. It’s slow now, but if there are too many people, I’m calling him out here.”

  “That’s not what I meant. How’s it going with Duncan?”

  “He won’t accept my resignation. I’m going to have to quit at the next Board meeting.”

  “If he won’t accept it, it means he wants to work things out. Wasn’t the fact he was sucking your face this morning make you think he wants to be with you?”

  “It’s a little more complicated than that. What if he’s using me? Maybe not on purpose, but in the end, what if we’re not going to be together?” Even Meara thought she sounded crazy.

  Sherrie spoke softly. “Meara, I’ve known Duncan for years. There’s no way he’s using you. He loves you. He might be afraid. Try listening to him before you think the worst. It’s like when a parent is teaching a toddler to use words to speak. Duncan hasn’t had to use his words in a long time. He needs to find them and use them the right way. Like a child in storytime, have patience. You do it every day. Give him a chance.”

  Duncan came out of his office and went into the men’s restroom. A few minutes later, he walked behind the Circulation Desk. He stopped to speak to them although he looked nervous.

  “Please let me know if you need help, Miss Meara. Sherrie, I hope you have a good weekend.”

  Meara had an innocent look on her face. “Mr. Phillips, perhaps you can help. Sherrie and I were just talking about storytime. I was thinking about starting a grandparents’ storytime. Since that’s your demographic, I was hoping you could give us some ideas on how to appeal to the seniors in the community who have grandchildren.”

  Sherrie inhaled sharply, stepping away from Meara. Frowning, Duncan balled his hands into fists. Meara, hands on hips, smiled cruelly. He rolled his eyes and walked away. Sherrie slapped Meara on the back of the head. Meara scowled.

  “What the hell are you doing?” asked Sherrie. “Lashing out is not going to solve the problem. I’m leaving now. Will you behave until you can speak to each other?”

  “I won’t stay here if we can’t work this out. If he thinks he’s too old for me, I’m not giving in to how I feel about him. It doesn’t matter how adorable and sexy he looks in a suit. I’m not going to get sucked into those mesmerizing green eyes of his either. I hope this day ends soon. I need to get out of here and away from him. I can’t think and I’m tired. I had another nightmare last night.”

  “You were going nuts because you hadn’t seen him. Now you see him and you want to get away? The nightmares are getting worse, aren’t they? I can see it in your face. I wish you would tell me about them. I could help. Don’t run away from Duncan. Obviously, he’s not the only one learning to use words again. So are you. If you love him, stop teasing him. You’re punishing him for something you’re both guilty of and sorry for doing. Get some sleep and eat something. Behave yourself!”

  “Yes, Miss Sherrie. I’ll see you Monday.”

  The next few hours crawled. Luckily, Meara was able to handle all the Circulation transactions. She hoped Tom and Lucy’s friend was all right. She was happy to help even though she felt wildly out of her element. She tried to envision Tom substituting in storytime. She chuckled out loud. Duncan, hearing her laugh, couldn’t help sticking his head out of the office. He wanted to avoid her after her last crack about grandparents’ storytime. He needed to make it to closing and then he would talk to her. He had a plan. She saw him, her eyes twinkling. He melted.

  “What’s so funny? Or do I not want to know? I’m almost afraid to ask because you might be laughing at me.”

  “No, it’s not about you. You’re safe for now. I was thinking how I don’t like the Circulation Desk, but I’ll do it because I’m needed. Then I pictured Tom doing a storytime. It was too funny.” She giggled.

  He smiled. “It would be a hard sell. He would do it, but he would be terribly awkward. He’s definitely better with the senior citizen crowd.”

  He grimaced. He had opened himself up for another jab from her.

  She frowned. “That’s not really true. I can’t see Tom with the little kids, but he gets along with Anne. Anne’s enough to drive anyone crazy. Everyone here gets along with everyone. I don’t know enough about Circulation to feel one hundred percent comfortable.”

  “You’re doing fine. It’s something you learn over time. And we, meaning Tom, Lucy and myself, marvel at how you and Sherrie can handle the kids. We’ve had more kids in here since you started than in all the years I’ve been director. You’re amazing.”

  Without thinking, he had moved closer to her. He was dangerously close to cornering her. She had bowed her head while he was praising her. He lifted her chin and looked into her eyes. She didn’t move, inhaling deeply and sighing. He didn’t care if anyone was looking. He kissed her once on the lips.

  “You’re a warm, loving woman, Meara. I need you in my life and in my library. I have another favor to ask you,” he whispered.

  She squeaked. “Okay.”

  “I have to return the rental car today. Could you drive me home from there?” He held her gaze.

  He hoped a little guilt would make her forget to ask details. He was also counting on her being distracted by his kiss.

  She stared at him. “Sure.”

  She was smiling so dreamily he couldn’t stop looking at her. He wanted to get lost in her eyes, but she looked so tired. He stroked her dimple.

  “Did you eat lunch?” he asked quietly.

  “Diana spoon fed me some soup. Is this day over yet?” She fought to keep her eyes open.

  “Very soon. Hold on a little longer.”

  Chapter Thirty-Five

  Duncan and Meara stood at the Circulation Desk in amiable silence. As they waited for patrons to check out books, he found ways to touch her. He brushed hair out of her eyes. He held her elbow discreetly while chatting with patrons. He winked at her and touched her dimple when no one was looking. She felt as if she was slowly going insane. Her heart raced each time he touched her. She felt as if she was on fire and frozen at the same time.

  Finally, it was fifteen minutes to closing and there was one last patron. Duncan knew the elderly lady with snow white hair and twinkling eyes. The lady was in her early eighties, but still sharp and far from fragile. She carried a modest stack of books.

  “Hello, Duncan! It’s good to see you. I’m stocking up on a little light reading for the weekend. How are you?” the lady asked.

  “Hi, Sophia! I’m fine. I haven’t seen you in a while. You’re looking lovely today. I hope everything is fine?” Duncan smiled broadly.

&
nbsp; Dumbfounded, Meara checked out Sophia’s books. She wondered if Duncan was flirting with this woman right in front of her. Sophia was attractive. Swaying, Meara’s stomach ached. Cheeks flushed, she felt like crying. She wondered if she was going crazy.

  “Sophia, let me introduce Meara Martin, our Head of Youth Services. Miss Meara, this is Sophia. She was a Board member when I was hired. She’s been a dear friend of the library for years.”

  “Duncan, don’t make me sound like a dinosaur. There’s a lot more kick left in this old lady. Hello, Miss Meara, it’s nice to meet you. Don’t you two make a handsome couple? Duncan will tell you I’m a hopeless romantic. I’ve been with my husband for over sixty years. I like how you two coordinated your outfits. What? You didn’t realize?” Sophia chuckled. “It must be love. Have a nice weekend, you two. It might be the last warm one for a while.”

  Duncan and Meara looked at each other’s clothes. His deep cerulean blue tie, white shirt and dark blue suit did compliment her dress. They laughed. He kissed her and stroked her dimple.

  “The day is over, Miss Meara,” he whispered. “We do make a handsome couple. What color are you wearing on Monday? I’ll make sure I find something to match.”

  “I thought you were flirting with Sophia. I was getting jealous. We haven’t decided if I’m coming back on Monday. We still need to talk.”

  “I know, but I’m hopeful I can persuade you to stay. I’ll handle the doors and lights. You shut down the computers. Lock up your office and I’ll meet you back here.”

  Feeling very much on autopilot, she followed his instructions. The sooner they left the library, the better. She wanted to talk, but she also wanted to run away. As she went into the office to get her things, she saw his bouquet of flowers. It would be a shame to leave them here over the weekend for no one to see. She cushioned the vase in a box with some bubble wrap. She locked up the office and walked down to the Circulation Desk, the flowers blocking her view.

  Duncan’s heart dropped when he saw her leaving with the flowers. She must be leaving for good. His original plan had been to take her out to lunch after the meeting, but Tom and Lucy’s emergency had called for a change of plans. The afternoon had prolonged the agony of uncertainty between them. It dawned on him her hostility might have come from that uncertainty, especially if she was having nightmares. They needed to make up. They craved each other’s affection. He wanted to hold her until everything was better.

  Wearily, she said, “They’re so lovely. I want to take them home. I want to see them.”

  Relieved, he exhaled. “Let me carry them out to the car.”

  “That would be wonderful, Sir Duncan.”

  She handed him the box of flowers. He was carrying a small overnight bag, but she didn’t want to ask him about it. She was afraid he would tell her he was going to spend time with someone else. She shook her head to clear her thoughts. The idea sounded crazy to her. Still, it was possible he had replaced her. She trembled. He held the door open for her, frowning at her glassy stare. He walked her to the Jeep, placing the box of flowers on the floor of the backseat. He tossed his bag next to it.

  “Will you be able to follow me to the rental place?” Duncan asked anxiously.

  “If you drive slowly,” she responded robotically.

  He nodded, wondering if this was a bad plan after all. He got into his rental car and slowly pulled out of the lot. She followed him. He kept on eye on her. She was able to follow him without a problem. They pulled into parking spots. He came over to the Jeep.

  “The rental people can give me a ride home if you don’t want to stay,” Duncan said, holding his breath.

  “No, I’ll wait. I said I would take you home.”

  He returned the rental car in record time. He climbed into the Jeep. His plan was back on track.

  “You’ll have to give me directions,” she said.

  “I could, but your house is closer.” He growled quietly.

  Exhausted, her reaction was automatic. “Let’s go home.”

  Meara drove up the driveway to her house. Duncan raised his eyebrows.

  “I walked out to the street this morning in these shoes. I’m not doing that again.”

  He nodded. “Sensible. How will Diana, Ben and Anne react if I’m here?”

  “What? That’s true. Anne doesn’t know. Diana thinks we should talk. I’m not sure what Ben knows. If he tries to punch you, then he’s been told I’m upset. He’s a sweet guy, but he gets a little worked up when he thinks I’m upset.”

  “You have that effect on me too.” He leaned over and kissed her.

  She smiled as she got out of the Jeep. He took his bag and the flowers out of the back seat. They were on the front porch when they heard Diana call to them.

  “Meara? Is that Duncan with you?”

  They turned to see Diana and Ben walking towards them. Clenching his fists, Ben’s face was grim. Diana looked surprised.

  “Meara. Duncan. What’s going on?” Diana asked.

  “Hello, Diana,” Duncan replied. “Meara and I have a lot to work out. We’ve spent enough time apart. I’m here now to take care of her. She’s tired and not feeling very well. I’ll be spending the night. Possibly the whole weekend.”

  Giggling, Meara swung her head to look at Duncan. “Well, that explains the bag.”

  “Meara? Is this okay with you?” asked Diana.

  “Yes, Diana, I want Duncan to stay. We have to talk,” Meara said, swaying slightly.

  Diana took the flowers from Duncan and grabbed Meara’s hand. “Let me get you inside. Duncan, give me a minute with my sister.”

  Ben spoke through gritted teeth. “Duncan, may I have a word with you?”

  “Yes, Ben.” Duncan braced himself.

  “I haven’t been told much. All I know is Meara’s hurt. I’m not happy. If Meara wants to give you a chance, I’ll do the same. Don’t give me a reason why I have to beat you up. I like you.”

  Duncan smiled. “Thank you, Ben. I appreciate knowing how you feel. Nothing has changed. I love Meara and I want to make her happy. We’re having a rough patch. I’m here to fix it if she’ll let me.”

  Ben breathed a sigh of relief. “Good. I don’t want to beat you up. Good luck with Meara. Diana will kill me for telling you this. Meara will fight to her last breath for someone she loves or for something she believes in, but she won’t fight for herself. She’ll pull away and withdraw. She doesn’t think she’s worth it. She doesn’t know how to fight. That’s why she ran from you. That’s why she’s so tired and has stopped eating.”

  Duncan nodded. “Thank you for telling me. She’s also been having nightmares.”

  “I didn’t know that. It’s the same crappy front Meara kept up with Hank. She was different before Hank. She changed. She faded. With you, she was becoming the old Meara. She’s fading again for different reasons, but still fading. Please fix it if you can, Duncan. I can’t stand seeing her like this again. It hurts Diana too.”

  “I will, Ben.”

  Diana came out of the house. “I’ve propped her up on the couch. I can’t get her to eat. She’s also having trouble sleeping, but I think you already know that. I appreciate you wanting to take care of her. I hope you can work things out. She has a difficult time asking for what she wants and getting what she needs. I hope you can get through to her. Ben’s bark is worse than his bite, but we both love her.”

  “I love her too, Diana,” Duncan said. “That’s why I’m here. Good night to you both.”

  Diana and Ben held hands walking back to their house. Walking in to Meara’s house, Duncan locked the door behind him. He had no idea where this night would lead, so it was better to be safe than sorry. All that mattered was they were together again. She was curled up, half asleep on the couch. She wore her dress and stockings, but she had kicked off her shoes.

  Her hair was tousled. He liked the shorter hair, but he missed the long locks he could curl his fingers into when kissing her. He sat on the couch next
to her, taking her feet onto his lap. He massaged them one at a time. Her eyes flew open. Working out the tension in her feet, he had her practically purring.

  “You look good in that suit.” She flirted with him, playing with his tie. “And I know you’d look good out of that suit.”

  “You look good in that dress,” he grinned.

  “Want to see me out of it?” She pulled his tie so she could kiss him.

  “Yes, but until you’re here, heart, soul, body, and mind, I’ll wait.” He hoped he meant it.

  “You don’t think I’m all there? Like I’m crazy or something?” Her stomach growled.

  “Your stomach answered your own question. Until you’re feeling more like yourself, I’ll wait. I’m going to make you something to eat. No protesting. Sit like a good girl and I’ll be right back.”

  She inhaled sharply. He called her a good girl. It reminded her of the cottage. She wanted to remember the good memories of that time. She watched him rummage around her kitchen looking for food. He opened the refrigerator.

  “Woman! Why is there no food in this house? The state of your kitchen is sorry indeed. We’re going food shopping tomorrow. And don’t fight me on that.”

  She giggled. She put her head back on the couch and watched him. He found something to eat. He pulled two plates out of the cabinets. Her eyes became heavy. Soon, she was asleep.

  He brought over the plates. “I could only make peanut butter and strawberry preserves sandwiches.”

  Realizing she was asleep, he lowered his voice. “I’ll put these back in the fridge in case you wake up. Time for bed.”

  Duncan helped Meara to her bedroom. He sat her on the bed and kissed her forehead. She was closing her eyes again. He pushed her dress up to her thighs. He removed her stockings and placed them on the slider rocking chair in the corner. He pulled the dress over her head. She had on black panties and a silky black bra. He exhaled deeply. He hung the dress up in her closet. When he returned, she was lying on the bed, her feet on the floor. The rise and fall of her breasts made him nervous.

  He felt awkward taking off her bra. Being so close to her again had him aroused, but he wanted to behave himself. He remembered the trick she had used during her striptease at the Shore house. He sat her up, and placed her pajama top on her. Then he reached around to unhook her bra, but there wasn’t anything to unhook.