I got out of the truck, and gave him a smile, shutting the door behind me. “I’m out,” I said pointedly.
“Devlin’s not back yet from seeing Danial,” Lash said overly casually, still leaning on the door. “He’s still trying to get him to reconsider about giving me his blood, if I began...if I need it. Titus is with him.”
I said nothing, because I knew what he meant, and why he was uncomfortable.
“Do you need to search me?” I asked, giving him a smile.
“Up against the wall, and spread ‘em,” Lash said, giving me a leer.
I gave him a roll of my eyes, but complied. Lash expertly patted me down, and then pronounced me safe. I turned to him, and he stepped into me, backing me against the wall.
Swiftly, his arms snaked around me, and then he was holding me close to him. I breathed in his scent of autumn leaves, musk, earth, and leather. I’d often wondered if that last was only from his whip, or really part of his scent. It seemed to be part of him, and I thought that curious, even as I luxuriated in the fragrance.
“I like to hold you, breathe in the scent of you,” Lash hissed, his face pressed to my throat, longing in his tone. “I miss being with you, but it’s enough—”
“About that...” I began.
Lash pulled back from me, looking at me carefully. “What about it?” Lash hissed.
He was upset already. But I had to tell him we couldn’t touch like this anymore. And the more I felt him touch me, the harder it was going to be for me to want to tell him no.
“Being like this doesn’t seem fair to you. I can’t give you anything more. I feel a little as if I’m teasing you, and I don’t want...I don’t want you to...to not...um...”
I faltered, but Lash was already nodding in understanding. “Sar, I’m an adult. I can handle this. And if it gets too much, I’ll find someone to take care of my needs. Now that I can hide my were nature, I can be with someone who isn’t snake without them suspecting or caring—”
The thought of him making love with anyone else brought jealousy in a drowning flood. “Okay!” I interrupted quickly. “I just wanted to make sure. That’s enough info—”
Lash grabbed my hair roughly, and made me look at him, his lips inches from mine. “You asked me weeks ago if it was enough for me that you wanted me to kiss you. It is.” He leaned in a little closer, so our lips almost touched as his dark eyes looked into mine. “Is it enough for you that you’re the only one I want to kiss?”
He only wanted me. Relief crashed down. I nodded once.
“It’s a moot point anyway, now,” Lash hissed sadly, pressing his cheek to mine.
“Why?” I whispered. “I—”
He drew back from me. “Because Devlin forbade me today from kissing you anymore,” Lash hissed. “He said you were his, not mine, and the only way I was getting inside you again was if you gave him another Oath. And until you did, I wasn’t to touch you at all.”
I was at a loss for words. He was touching me plenty right now.
“I’m going on a job tonight,” Lash added in explanation. “I’ll be changing my clothes after, so he won’t smell you on me. Make sure you change your clothes and shower—”
I pushed him back from me. “Why are you doing this, Lash, if he said not to?”
“Because I wanted to feel your mouth against mine one more time, to feel your ripe body under my hands,” Lash hissed, aroused. “I haven’t seen you alone since that night we came back, since you defended me to Danial, telling him you had wanted to be with me, that I hadn’t forced you to be. And I am going to have this time with you before I give you up.” He embraced me again with a sigh.
Neither of us said anything for a few minutes. It was enough that we were here together, holding each other. Besides, it was just a hug...
He suddenly pulled back from me. “Do you want me to kiss you, Sar?” Lash said softly, giving me a smoky look.
“Yes, please,” I breathed.
He covered my lips with his own, sliding his tongue into my mouth, and I gave myself up to him completely, losing myself in the warmth of his touch.
There were footsteps suddenly outside the garage door, and then the door to the garage began to open.
Chapter Ten
Nick came strolling through the widening opening to go to one of the Hummers. Lash broke the kiss, and hissed at him, his fangs elongating as his eyes went flat.
“Sorry—” Nick stammered, his widening eyes taking us in as he backed up quickly.
“Get the fuck out now!” Lash hissed, baring his fangs. “And shut the door behind you!”
Nick hurried to comply. The door slammed shut, leaving us in semidarkness.
“Must you be so disagreeable to everyone?” I said teasingly, giving his neck a gentle kiss.
“He’s lucky I didn’t bite him,” Lash said irritably, nuzzling my neck in return. “I won’t get another moment with you again, Sar, not like this. I want to make it last.”
I looked up into Lash’s dark eyes, and then I reached up and held his face in my hand, gently stroking. He went still under my hand, sighing softly, his dark eyes fastened on mine.
I hadn’t understood why he’d first touched my face that day on the trail at Hayden or even a month later, when we were dancing that night in the Everglades. There had been so much else going on that I hadn’t given it much thought. There hadn’t been any thought in my mind when I reached out and caressed his face with my hand as we’d danced, either. I had just been moved by instinct and affection to want to put my hands on him. But in the past weeks I’d come to understand what the small gesture meant to him.
Lash had seen Theo and I that day in the kitchen, when I’d reached out and held his face as I now was holding Lash’s. I’d told Theo with my eyes how much I’d loved him, and what he meant to me. I’d told him in that one look that I was his, and he was mine, and that was all that mattered. Lash had wanted to be there with me, standing in Theo’s place. He had wanted me to touch him like I had touched Theo, to tell him that he meant something to me. And every time he had held my face in his hand, he had been trying to tell me that he cared about me, that all his words about how our being lovers didn’t mean anything had been lies.
I kissed his cheek gently. “I missed you.”
Lash closed his eyes for a moment, and put his hand over my hand on his face, just holding it there as if to commit the feeling to memory. With a sigh, he reached out to me, taking my face in his hands, kissing me roughly, his hands caressing my face and neck, gently rubbing my warm skin with his. I opened my mouth on his, and gently licked him with my tongue. Lash groaned, and twined his long forked tongue around mine, stroking me gently, and making me whimper a little in longing.
Theo would be pissed if he ever found out, but part of me didn’t care. I wanted to share this last moment with Lash, and he wanted to share it with me.
And God, could he kiss.
* * * *
Lash kissed me for a good twenty minutes, until it was all I could do to stop from asking him to take me right there. I could feel his body straining against the front of his jeans, wanting to be inside me. I was aching for him, the desire to feel him stroking me with his body undeniable. It had been so good between us. I wanted badly to run my hand across the length of him, to touch our naked bodies skin to skin, to let him make love to me again...
But he was right; that was moot. Giving in to my weakness for him was not going to fix any of my problems; it was only going to give me more problems. I told myself with a little anger that I should have remembered that weeks ago, when I had given in to temptation with him. It was past time to stop thinking with my loins and to start thinking with my brain.
“We have to stop,” I said breathily, pulling back from Lash. “I want you too badly, and we can’t do anything—”
“I know,” Lash replied, agonized. He backed away from me with a sigh. “Go inside. I’ll be gone tonight and tomorrow, but wait for me on the couch, say about six
? Maybe we can watch a movie together, or get dinner. Devlin hasn’t told me your plans yet, but I doubt you’ll be going out. Devlin hasn’t gone anywhere at night at all, except to teleport to Danial, since his burning last month. Even if you are going somewhere, it won’t be without me, not after what happened last time.”
I nodded, and went inside, shutting the door after me without a last look at him. Drawing it out wasn’t going to make it any easier to leave.
I went upstairs to Devlin’s bedroom, and ran the water for a cold shower, wondering where Titus was. Maybe after all of the events of the last weeks—i.e., us now being “demon “kin”—he didn’t need to check me anymore? In any case, it was a relief. He’d have a lecture for me after one whiff of snake scent.
I disrobed, and stuck all my clothes in my bag. I’d wash them when I got home. Then I stepped into the cool water, stifling a yelp.
Along with washing off Lash’s scent, the cold shower helped cool my wanton thoughts. Sleep was probably the only thing I was going to be doing tonight in bed. I hadn’t brought anything racy with me, either. There was no point trying to look sexy for a man who only wanted to sleep in my arms.
About ten minutes later, I was in bed, pajamas on, reading the newest Vampire Hunter D book. I was fully engrossed when Dev walked in and slammed the door behind him.
I looked up and met his annoyed eyes.
“Haven’t I asked you not to read that series here?” Devlin said peevishly. “It’s like me reading a book series based on a hero serial killer.”
With sheer will, I kept in my retort that the book was fiction, that it took place in the future, and that the hunter was a good guy, a dhamphir like my son (plus if he wanted to read hero serial killer books, that was okay with me). There were bad vampires that got killed in this book series—all diabolically bad, of course—which means they had a lot in common with Dev.
I put the book aside. “Sorry,” I said apologetically. “I forgot. I’ll bring another book next time.”
Devlin nodded, and his expression softened as he gazed at me. The seconds became a minute, then two as he continued to stare at me.
What was wrong now? “Are you going to shower first, or come to bed?”
“I need to shower,” Devlin replied.
He’d always had a libido the size of Texas. Yet there was no lust in his words, no longing for me like I’d heard in Lash’s tone earlier. He didn’t even kiss me on his way to the bathroom.
As the door shut behind him with a soft click, I lay back and thought of how to broach the subject. What if Dev had been hurt too badly to regenerate? Ulysses had burned him repeatedly on his penis and his testicles, as well as cut him there. Since then, he’d been careful to keep his clothes on whenever I was around. In the beginning, I’d understood that he hadn’t wanted me to see how bad the damage was. I’d tried to give him privacy and space while he healed, knowing he was mortified that he wasn’t the gorgeous specimen of manhood that he had been before. But nearly a month had passed. Dev’s face had completely healed, so the rest of him had to be healed by now to the extent that it could happen. If the permanent damage was bad, I needed to know so we could deal with it together. But how to ask about it so he wouldn’t be hurt?
Theo had been scarred before. When we’d reunited, he’d been embarrassed about them, even though his scars weren’t permanent. It hadn’t mattered to me, but he’d been visibly relieved when the last scar tissue had faded. Theo’s scars hadn’t been on his sexual organs, just on his hip and back. How much more daunting must it be for Dev because of where he was hurt?
I understood that feeling of worry, of shame. But the issue wasn’t going to solve itself if we didn’t talk about it. Dev wasn’t going to bring it up himself.
Devlin came back in the room, his golden hair wet from the shower. He undid his robe, revealing purple colored silk pants, tossed it neatly on a nearby armchair, then crawled into bed beside me. As I cradled him to my chest, he sighed a little, but didn’t speak. I sighed inwardly, and forced the words out.
“Dev, what’s wrong?”
He immediately went rigid in my arms. “What are you talking about, Sar?” he said with a cool tone. “Nothing is wrong.”
Even if I hadn’t already known something was wrong, here was proof. “Dev, I know you,” I began as I ran my fingers through his hair, trying to calm him. “Please tell me what’s got you acting so distant from me.”
Devlin remained rigidly motionless and silent.
How to phrase it, so he wouldn’t be either hurt or offended, or feel like I was demanding sex? Even though Dev had often demanded it of me, I didn’t want to do that to him. “I care about you,” I said finally. “And it follows naturally that I want to be intimate. I don’t want you to feel rushed before you’re comfortable. Though I desire you as much as I ever did, I’m willing to wait however long you need me to, until you are ready.” I kissed his cheek. “I just wanted you to know that, Love.”
Devlin sighed and looked up at me, his golden eyes shining. Oddly, the gold of his eyes seemed to me dimmed with fear and moroseness. “I’m not ready yet, Sar,” he whispered.
I hugged him tighter. “It’s okay if you aren’t,” I reassured. “Get some sleep.”
As I reached over and turned off the light, Devlin snuggled against me, his head over my heart. We lay for a long time in the darkness, but we didn’t sleep. We just lay together, thinking our own thoughts.
* * * *
The next morning, I prodded a grumbling Dev off me and went downstairs in search of breakfast. Serena was in the kitchen.
“Hey!” she said, giving me a hug. “I didn’t know you were here.”
“Today and part of tomorrow,” I said, giving her a smile. “I haven’t been spending time with Danial, so Dev wanted the time—”
I trailed off, realizing I’d said more than I wanted to. Flushing, I got some cereal, longingly eyeing the bagels in a bag on the counter. But my jeans didn’t lie; only the loosest pair would fit me now. Until I lost some more weight, there would have to be carb sacrifices.
Sardonically, I theorized that not burning enough calories was not all my fault: if I spent more time in bed active instead of sleeping, I’d likely be back to my right weight...
“Want some coffee?”
I flushed, and put my weight out of my mind. “Yes, it smells delicious.” I poured a cup and began putting in sugar and milk.
“You drink coffee?” Serena said, confused. “I didn’t know that.”
“Very rarely,” I answered, giving her a smile. “It makes my stomach upset, usually. But it smelled good to me today, for some reason.”
“I like coffee, but I have to drink decaf,” she replied. “It makes me too edgy, otherwise. So don’t worry about the caffeine.”
“I’m glad to hear that. I don’t need to be hyper today.”
We sat at the kitchen table and sipped our drinks. I was disappointed; the coffee had smelled better than it tasted. This was why I didn’t usually ever drink it, because nine times out of ten, I always...
“It’s because of Lash, isn’t it? Danial is upset because you went to bring him that potion for Titus. And something happened, didn’t it?”
I didn’t reply.
“No one has said anything,” she added. “But I’m not blind. I see how Devlin is treating Lash—”
I shot her a beleaguered look. “Are they fighting?”
“No. But Devlin has been sending Lash out on jobs, and he never did that before this late in the fall. The jobs aren’t important enough—from what I overheard them arguing about—to warrant his skills. It’s just meeting with clients and making arrangements, mostly. I think he’s doing it so Lash isn’t around when you are.”
“I thought that, too,” I said quietly, and sipped my coffee. But it was too bitter suddenly for me to swallow. Grumpily, I got up and poured it out in the sink.
“Sar, why were you with Lash again?” Serena burst out, trying hard to keep revu
lsion out of her words. “You aren’t pregnant, and you have Theo, Danial, and Dev—”
Livid suddenly, I turned to face her in a split second, and slammed my coffee cup in the sink so hard I was surprised it didn’t break into ceramic shards. “What exactly is it about him that makes you revile him so much?” I hissed at her.
Serena’s eyes went wide at my anger, and she immediately backed off. “Sar, I—”
“Tell me,” I ordered, crossing my arms over my chest. “Is it because you smell that he’s a snake, and maybe a fox’s natural enemy? Because he kills people? Because he can be scary sometimes?”
“All of those things,” Serena said, shuddering. “But mostly because of his eyes, and how cold he can be—”
“He was never cold to me,” I said passionately.
Serena’s eyes went wider still.
“And I—”
I shut up quickly, before my mouth spilled out everything I was thinking. I wasn’t stupid. Devlin could hear me up above, and was probably listening to every word. Hearing me say what I’d almost said would have made him furious.
“And you what?” Serena ventured, watching me as if I might bite her.
“You shouldn’t bar him from your bed,” I said tiredly. “He was a good lover, Serena. I just wish you would reconsider, and let him come to you like the other weres.”
“You want me to have sex with him?” Serena said incredulously. “I don’t understand.”
Sar, you can handle this. Get out the words! “I want him to be happy, or as happy as he can be,” I said slowly, pulling the words out of me as if they were my intestines. “I care about him, Serena. I know you aren’t snake. But if he shows interest, please don’t deny him your favors. Don’t treat him like an outcast. Let him come to you like the others.”
“I’m afraid of him,” Serena said with a tremor of fear.
“He won’t hurt you,” I said with surety. “He’s not the one with the sadistic streak.”
Serena got what I was making a point to say and nodded, reluctance in her eyes. “I’ll mention when I see him that I spoke to you.”
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