Something Found

by Carrie Crafton

“Yeah, something.” Joni took a long swallow of her Cosmopolitan, drinking almost half the contents in the glass.

  Emily thought about telling Joni about her own problems with Collin lately. Not that they were necessarily problems, they were just . . . . . Then she realized how hard it must be for Joni to admit to any problems of her own. It was a hard enough thing to admit to yourself much less to someone outside the situation.

  “Look, I’m sorry for bringing it up. You got his attention tonight. Let’s just focus on that. I’ll try to stop being so probing and we’ll just have some fun.”

  “Wonderful,” Joni dragged the word out sounding relieved. Then she waved her hand flamboyantly in the air and Emily guessed the alcohol was starting to take effect. “I think after another martini we’ll be just about hitting our stride.”

  Emily still felt a little uncomfortable but tried to fight past it by taking a large sip of her own drink. Then she spotted something out of the corner of her eye. “Joni, don’t look, but I think that guy over there is checking you out?”

  “Where?” Joni’s head began to swivel.

  “I said don’t look!”

  Emily woke with a hangover from hell. She hadn’t heard Collin come in during the night but she’d noticed his snoring during the early hours of the morning. Then, just as suddenly, he was gone. Funny how he could stay out later, drink more, and still get up early and function at work. She placed her hand on her throbbing head and tried to remember the events of the night. There had been shots and then Joni had approached two men at the bar, hit it off with them, and left them flat just when they thought it was going somewhere; her ego fully inflated. Then there had been more shots.

  The phone rang and Emily pulled the pillow over her head. There was no one on earth she wanted to talk to enough to answer it. Instead she managed to make it to the bathroom (on the way discovering that her legs were screaming with pain from her run the day before) and pour herself a glass of water, consuming half of it before she climbed back into bed to fall asleep.

  It seemed only minutes later when the phone rang again. This time she lifted herself from a dead sleep and answered before stopping to think what she was doing.

  “Hello,” she mumbled.

  “Is that you Emily?”

  No other voice could have sobered her as quickly. “Yes mom.”

  “Isn’t it almost one o’clock over there? I did get the time change right didn’t I?”

  “Yes. Yes. I’ve just got a bit of a bug. I’m fighting off a bad headcold,” Emily lied, feeling like a teenager as she did it.

  “Oh. Well they do have damp winters over there. I hope you’re bundling up enough. I just wanted to call and see how you’re settling in.”

  “Fine mom. We’re settling in fine.” She picked up on the tone she was using and hated herself for it, but it seemed to come out of her mouth of its own volition.

  “And you’re comfortable in the house?”

  “Yes.”

  “And you’re finding your way around town?”

  “Yes.”

  “Oh good.”

  The line went quiet and Emily wanted to kick herself. Her mother was really trying. “Look Mom, I really appreciate you calling. I’m just not feeling well today. But I promise I’ll give you a call in the next few days when I’m feeling better.”

  “Oh. Okay. Well . . . . I hope you get better soon. I love you.”

  “I love you too mom.” Emily hung up the phone and buried her head under the covers. She didn’t want to think about what she’d just done.

  As soon as she could manage to shower and pull herself together Emily left the house. She’d wanted to spend the whole day in bed, to curl up with a book when her head stopped pounding and wait for Collin to come home and make it all better. But that option was gone. She’d squirmed under the bed covers after the phone call as the guilt burrowed its way deeper and deeper into her. The only way to escape it was to get up and get out of the house.

  She had no real goal in mind, just fresh air. But she wasn’t surprised when she found herself making her way to Ryan’s Furnishings. She wanted to see Collin’s reassuring smile, to feel she wasn’t a completely horrible person.

  There were two couples browsing around the store when Emily entered and a man in his fifties was talking to Kevin. Emily spotted Collin and smiled. The dull feeling that had hung with her for the walk lifted. She waved girlishly and headed over to him. Collin smiled back, but it was a mere twitch of his lips. It wasn’t the heartwarming kind of smile she was looking for.

  “Am I disturbing you?” Emily asked quickly.

  Collin’s features softened. “No. No. It’s not you.” His eyes darted over to Kevin. “I’m just going to have to stay a little late today. Kevin and I have some things to discuss.”

  It was the emphasis on the word things that made Emily realize whatever they were they weren’t good. “Oh.” She tried to hide her own disappointment and focus on her concern for him instead. “Is everything okay?”

  “Yeah, sure. Everything’s grand.”

  There was that word she was getting sick of. Every time Emily asked how Collin’s day was the answer was the same, “grand”, with no elaboration. She used to think it was a nice word, quaint, but lately it was getting on her nerves. It was basically the same as “fine” at home. How much it rang true depended on the way it was said.

  “How was your night anyway?” Collin switched gears.

  “Good,” Emily answered enthusiastically, her hand instinctively going to her head.

  “I see,” Collin managed his first genuine smile.

  “Yeah,” Emily blushed not sure why she was embarrassed.

  “So what can I do for you? If you’d come a little earlier we could’ve gone to lunch but I just ate.”

  “I’m not sure if my stomach’s ready for food anyway,” Emily confessed. “I just needed some fresh air and I wanted to see you.”

  “Oh. It’s one of those hangovers, is it? Left you feeling down and disoriented?”

  Emily was surprised by how accurately he described her mood. “Yeah.”

  “Right. I’ll finish up as early as I can. Then we’ll curl up with a good movie and you’ll be fine by tomorrow. Just head on home and take it easy.”

  He kissed her on the top of the head and Emily felt like a child being dismissed. But once outside the door she knew she couldn’t face going home yet. The guilt wasn’t going to disappear that easily.

  Emily wandered on through the city streets wondering what to do. She didn’t feel like entering any of the buildings she passed. She didn’t want to browse through clothes and she didn’t want coffee or alcohol. She was mad at herself and felt she deserved the cold breeze in her face. She deserved a bit of suffering. But that got old as well. Then, unexpectedly, inspiration hit. She watched a woman with a full cart of groceries steering it over to her car and tried to remember the last time she’d been in a supermarket. Was it really in Chicago?

  Emily had gotten used to Collin picking up the bits and pieces they needed on his way home from work, or ordering out when they curled up with a movie. Yesterday she’d been fine with that. But suddenly it seemed to have all gotten a bit out of hand. They were still living like honeymooners instead of settling into real life. It was time she took steps to change things. She’d cook.

  Even as she thought the words she wondered at her state of mind. She obviously wasn’t feeling well. Some part of her brain must have been affected by all the drinking and decided to shut down. But she needed to feel useful. It was the only way to relieve her conscience. And it might be just what Collin needed. Not to see her acting like a tourist but like someone who actually belonged.

  Emily placed all the bags on the kitchen table feeling proud of herself. Not only had she managed to shake her hangover, she’d successfully completed her first solo food-shopping excursion. The Tesco had been a little daunting as women and men who knew what they wanted and where to get it pushed past her, but Em
ily had managed to find most of what she needed. She was disgusted with the lack of peanut butter options and found it difficult to believe that they didn’t have Monterey Jack cheese or Triscuits, but she had made do and had gotten almost everything on her list. She was determined to make a dinner for Collin.

  Humming to herself she unpacked the bags filling the fridge and the cupboards. She added more spices to their spice rack and contentedly looked over her full pantry. She’d never had a full pantry before in her life. She wasn’t even sure she’d used the word pantry before. It inspired the illusion that she could cook and she was counting on that illusion to help her through. She’d decided to make a roast chicken. It was one of Collin’s favorite meals and she’d seen a recipe for it in one of his cookbooks that wasn’t too intimidating. Still she’d had to call Joni twice while shopping to make sure she had everything she needed.

  On an impulse Emily reached for her phone again. It rang only twice and was answered by Kevin. “Ryan’s Furnishings. How can I help you?”

  “Hello Kevin. It’s Emily.” She still felt a little awkward with Collin’s brother so she skipped the small talk. “Uhm, is Collin there? I mean is he free for a minute?”

  “Oh hi Emily. Sure, I’ll get him for you.”

  Emily was put on hold only to discover that businesses in Ireland used the same horrible elevator music American ones did.

  “Em?”

  “Hey Collin,” her voice warmed with the surprise she was going to give him.

  “Feeling better? I talked to Joni. It seems her memory’s missing certain details from the evening but when the kids woke her around eight she was hating you.”

  “Well the shots were her idea,” Emily said defensively. “And I told her that myself, just a little while ago.”

  “Shots?”

  “Well, yeah. Anyway that’s not why I’m calling. I’m just back from shopping and have everything to make you a wonderful dinner.”

  “Really?” The disbelief in his voice was very apparent. “That’s great. But you don’t have to. I thought we’d order out.”

  “I know but I don’t think I can take much more of Chinese and pizza. I thought I’d surprise you.”

  “That’s wonderful Em. If you’re really up to it.”

  “Isn’t it?” She could hear the delight in his voice and allowed herself to feel a little better. “I was just wondering if we should invite your dad over. I thought it might be nice.”

  “That’s sweet but he’s actually out of town at his brother’s.”

  “Really?”

  “Yeah. I can always tell because Laura spends every night up at the house with Kevin when Dad’s away and it makes him almost human.”

  “When did he leave?”

  “Last Thursday I’m sure. She’s been up there for the last week. The place will probably be spotless when he gets home.”

  “Oh. Okay.” Emily was confused but tried not to show it.

  “I could invite Kevin and Laura if you’d like,” Collin suggested.

  “I thought you and Kevin weren’t getting on.”

  “No. No. We sorted it out. Just me overreacting a bit. Believe it or not sometimes I make mistakes.”

  “Not you,” Emily feigned shock.

  Collin chuckled. “So how ‘bout it?”

  “Uh, well . . . .” Emily hesitated. She was glad that Collin and Kevin had ironed out their differences but she wasn’t sure her first big cooking attempt was the best way to celebrate. “Maybe not yet. It’s my first real attempt and Laura’s so good at everything she does, maybe some other-.”

  “No problem Em. Don’t worry about it. I’ll see you around six. I’ll pick up a nice bottle of wine. And if it turns out horribly we can always order a pizza.”

  “Thanks for the vote of confidence.”

  “Anytime.”

  Emily hung up her mobile and stood with it still resting in her hand. It was nice to hear Collin in a good mood after their earlier encounter, but something was eating at her. Something didn’t feel quite right. It was possible that Collin was wrong or that maybe Kevin was wrong about exactly when Joseph had left, but it was definitely Friday afternoon that she’d last seen him at Kennedy’s. He hadn’t said anything about a trip to his brother’s, and he’d told her to stop in this week to see him, but that didn’t necessarily mean he hadn’t gone. Emily decided to keep her curiosity to herself until she saw Joseph again.

  “Okay, right, a chicken,” Emily pulled the bird back out of the refrigerator eyeing it nervously. “I bet you never thought you’d see me doing this,” Emily said aloud. But she didn’t turn her head from her task and she didn’t elaborate.

  Collin poked his head through the door with his nose twitching. “Has Joni been here?” His eyes narrowed suspiciously as he approached the oven.

  “No. She has not.” Emily slapped his hand playfully before he could open it. “Although I did call her a couple times,” she admitted guiltily. “I had to listen to her complain about me for a good ten minutes before I got any kind of help out of her.”

  “Serves you right, lush.”

  “Be nice or you’re not getting any dinner.”

  Collin lifted pot lids and tried again to peek into the oven. “I mean how horrible of her when she was the one forcing the drink down your throat.”

  “That’s better.” Emily stepped out of the way and let him take a look at the products of her labor.

  “It smells delicious.”

  “I know, doesn’t it?” Emily couldn’t help sounding surprised. “If it’s this easy I can’t understand why my mom couldn’t put a meal on the table at least once in a while without absolutely ruining it.” She meant it as a joke but soon saw it wasn’t taken that way.

  Collin gave her a disapproving look and Emily wished she’d kept her mouth shut.

  “Have you called her yet?”

  Emily turned back to the stove stirring the peas. “Hmm?” was all she managed to get out.

  “Your mother, the woman who gave birth to you, have you called her?”

  Emily opted not to mention her mother’s early afternoon call feeling it wouldn’t reflect well on her. “No,” she said softly. “I was too busy getting all of this done. I’ll do it tomorrow.”

  “Don’t you want her to know how you’re doing? I’m sure she’s worried about you being in a different country and all. Don’t you want her to know you’re alright?”

  Collin’s voice was filled with reproach and it only fueled her own self-loathing. “I said I’ll do it tomorrow Collin and I will,” she snapped at him. “I’ve spent the last two hours trying to make you a nice dinner. Can’t we just leave it at that for now and enjoy the evening?”

  Collin gave her an unimpressed look and tried to decide how far to push things. “Of course Em,” he eventually said placatingly. “The dinner looks lovely. And if you say you’ll do it tomorrow then I’m sure you will,” he added, refusing to give up his point completely. “Now,” he forced lightness back into his voice, “what can I do to help?”

  “You can set the table,” Emily answered in a flat voice.

  They moved around the kitchen in an uncomfortable silence as Collin got the table ready and Emily continued to keep an eye on the food. They were getting to know each other and their home better and could now read each other’s movements. They didn’t make contact or even exchange a glance as they moved back and forth through the room. But the tension continued to grow to an uncomfortable level.

  “Look Collin you’re right okay. You’re right.” Emily had moved to stand in front of the table blocking him from his task. “And my mom called this morning and I was too hung over to talk to her. And I do want her to know how I am. And I’m sorry I’m getting mad at you. I’m just messing everything up when all I wanted to do was make you happy.” Emily’s voice rose as her lips turned down.

  Collin put down the cutlery he was carrying and cupped her face in his hands. “You’re not messing anything up you fool.” He
couldn’t help being amused by her childish outburst. “All you have to do is pick up the phone and make a call tomorrow as we already agreed you would. And all you have to do right now is dish up the wonderful meal you made for us. Then we’re going to sit down and enjoy the rest of our evening. Nothing more needs to be said about it, okay?”

  Emily sniffled. “Okay.”

  “No tears. We’re a happy couple remember,” he teased.

  “Okay.”

  Chapter 8

  Putting down her book Emily looked at the clock for the third time in twenty minutes. There was no point reading anymore. She wasn’t paying attention to the words on the page and she was tired of rereading the same paragraph. Besides, it was almost one o’clock, as good a time as any to see if there was any reason for the growing suspicion in her stomach.

  She put on her shoes and coat and headed out the door. This time she didn’t pretend she was trying to see some new part of the city and she didn’t even take the time to struggle with whether or not to bring Jeremy along. She had a purpose. And after only one wrong turn she made her way to Kennedy’s.

  It took her eyes a minute to adjust to the dim interior and take things in. The scene was the same as it always was. Even the same two men were sitting at the bar, possibly in the same suits, watching the t.v. And there in the chair by the fire was the person she was looking for.

  Joseph was tucked comfortably into his corner of the bar. There was a pint of Guinness and a newspaper in front of him.

  For a minute Emily considered turning around and leaving, pretending she hadn’t seen him. But curiosity got the better of her.

  He looked up as she approached and smiled warmly at her. He didn’t look like a man who was trying to hide something.

  “Hello Emily. How’s it goin’? Good to see you again.”

  “Hi Joseph.”

  “Frank,” Joseph called out warmly. “A hot port please?” he looked inquiringly at Emily as he ordered it.

  Emily nodded. Feeling like a clumsy private investigator in a really bad movie she took a seat across from him. “I thought you were supposed to be at your brother’s,” she said in a voice she hoped didn’t quaver. There was no point beating around the bush, she wasn’t good at things like this.