by Lynsey James
‘Your wish is my command.’ He reached into the box and handed me one with a Santa Claus design on it. ‘That was probably one of the strangest auditions I’ve ever seen, and I once saw someone try to recite Hamlet backwards. I thought she was going to hurt herself!’
I giggled as I scooped some red frosting off with my finger. ‘That’s why I ran up and shut the music off! The last thing we need is pensioners injuring themselves on stage doing breakdancing. There’d be a village-wide boycott of the panto if that happened!’
A strange look crossed Ethan’s face, along with a smile I didn’t quite recognise. ‘You know,’ he said, ‘this is the most fun I think I’ve had in a long time.’
I scoffed. ‘What, more fun than all the glitzy parties and awards ceremonies you go to?’
He shifted round in his seat to look at me. ‘Believe it or not, yeah. I’d much rather be here than doing any of that other stuff. Being a celebrity isn’t all it’s cracked up to be, you know. The invasion of privacy, people thinking they have a right to know everything about you, not being able to trust anybody… It gets old really, really fast. So yeah, I’d much rather be here helping you pick out people for the local panto than falling out of a swanky bar or club with a bunch of glamour models. Models have never been my thing anyway. I’d much rather have something real with someone who’s on my wavelength.’
My heart melted a little, although I managed to catch myself before it went too far. Ethan seemed like such a nice, caring person, but there was still so much I didn’t know about him. I had to keep a clear head; the panto had to come first after all.
Didn’t it?
In a very strange twist, Callum came in to audition for the part he was already playing.
‘I want to prove to you I’m worthy of playing the handsome prince,’ he said, sounding like something from a naff soap opera. ‘Christabel might’ve chosen me, but I want you to choose me too.’
I saw Ethan roll his eyes out the corner of my eye; I was tempted to do the same, except Callum was staring right at me.
‘Go on then,’ I said, suppressing a grin, ‘off you go.’
He cleared his throat and began to speak. His voice was a giant, theatrical boom that carried right to the back of the auditorium.
‘I’ve never met anyone like you; why don’t you tell me your name? I can’t explain it, but I want to know everything about you. We can’t leave things like this, can we?’
His eyes were on me the whole time as a cat-like grin spread across his face. Ethan shifted uncomfortably in his seat and looked at the scribbled notes he’d made on the pad in front of him. I was sure I heard him mutter, ‘Jesus Christ, give me a break,’ under his breath.
*
The auditions wrapped up at around four o’clock. I had a fair idea of who I’d be picking, but my brain was far too tired to make any concrete decisions. The dark cloud of grief was hovering on the horizon and it was time to go home to a tub Ben & Jerry’s Chunky Monkey and a box-set marathon.
‘Well thanks for today,’ I said as I packed my stuff away. ‘It was nice to have some company. And the cupcakes were awesome too!’
‘No worries; I had a lot of fun and some of those auditions were bloody bizarre!’
‘Are you, er, off to see Sarah now?’ I ventured, not sure I wanted to know the answer.
He nodded, a grave expression etched into his face. ‘Yeah, that’s the plan. We’ve got a lot to talk about and it’s not going to be easy. I can’t believe how much of a mess things are between us! They were never this complicated before. Women eh? Don’t think I’ll ever understand them. See you later!’
I watched him leave and my heart sank. For some reason, the thought of him going back to cosy Sunflower Cottage to be with beautiful Sarah really got under my skin. He hadn’t looked thrilled about it, but I hated it all the same.
My fragile happiness was dashed. Sarah had Ethan’s company to look forward to when he got back to the B&B. Although I’d only seen her once, she was definitely the sort of person who could command his attention.
What did I have to look forward to? Evenings of loneliness that seemed to stretch out to the furthest reaches of for ever.
The worst part was, it was entirely my fault.
Chapter Thirteen
I was glad to close my front door when I got home a few minutes later. Now, I could spend the evening exactly as I intended: being alone with my grief.
As I hauled my ice cream out of the freezer, I frowned. At the start of the day, lying on the couch and allowing myself to be as miserable as I wanted had seemed like such an attractive prospect. Yet, now that I’d spent a fun day with Ethan putting Luna Bay’s aspiring thespians through their paces, it had lost all its appeal. I wanted more than just being alone. Solitude had been my comfort blanket for so long, and I was sick of it. Especially since thoughts of Ethan and Sarah kept swirling round my mind.
‘Oh well,’ I said to my empty kitchen. ‘This is what you’ve left yourself with.’
I walked through to the living room, ice cream in hand, when I heard the doorbell ring. There was a tall, dark figure outside, although I couldn’t make out a face because of the rippled glass on the front door pane.
Uh-oh, I thought, this is how every good horror movie starts.
I gulped. ‘Who is it?’
‘It’s Ethan, can I come in?’
My jaw dropped and I nearly let go of my tub of ice cream. What the hell was he doing here? Wasn’t he supposed to be getting cosy and romantic with Sarah?
‘Um, yeah come on in!’
I walked down the hall and unlocked the front door, my insides jumping with nerves. Ethan walked in, two large square boxes in one hand and a bottle of wine in the other.
‘Ah great, you’ve got ice cream!’ he said with a smile, gesturing to the tub in my trembling hand.
‘What are you doing here?’ I tried hard to keep my voice from wavering, but failed. ‘I-I thought you were going back to the B&B to see Sarah.’
‘I did,’ he replied, ‘we had a drink and we talked, but my head wasn’t really there. I kept thinking about how upset you’d got earlier today and thought you might like some company, even if you’re sick of the sight of me.’
I smiled. ‘Well, thank you, but surely you’ve got better things to do tonight?’
He shook his head. ‘Nope. I hope you like pepperoni, by the way. Why don’t you go and sit down while I get us some plates and glasses?’
I did as I was told and parked my backside on the couch, while Ethan went in search of everything we needed. Although I didn’t want to admit to it, I was quite glad he’d come to disrupt my evening.
‘Here we are,’ he said when he made his grand return. ‘Two pepperoni pizzas and some sparkling wine I found in the local shop.’
‘You really don’t have to do this,’ I insisted. ‘Don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful but if you need to go off and see Sarah, that’s absolutely fine.’
‘Don’t be silly, you looked like you could do with some cheering up today. What better way to do that than with pizza and wine?’
He reached over and poured some pink liquid into one of the glasses before handing it to me. I took a sip and felt the bubbles fizz on my tongue. I had a feeling that my evening with Ethan was going to be very interesting indeed.
*
A little while later, after lots of pizza and wine, I patted my full belly with satisfaction. I had a warm, fuzzy feeling coursing through my veins that I put down to the wine.
‘I really appreciate this, it’s been great,’ I said, picking up my final slice of pizza. ‘So how did things go with Sarah earlier?’
I hated myself for asking, but I couldn’t help it. I had to know how things had panned out between them.
Ethan’s face darkened and his smile vanished. ‘Not too good. She’s still insisting she’s in love with me and wants to leave Adam to start something with me, but…I could never do that to him, Alice. I’ve known him since we were k
ids, before all this fame crap took over everything, and I could never betray him like that.’
He looked at me and I could see sadness written all over his face. He ran his hands through his hair and clasped them at the base of his neck.
‘He’s lucky to have a friend like you,’ I said. ‘Most blokes would jump at the chance to get together with a woman like Sarah. Why don’t you tell me your long story, like you promised?’
‘God, where do I start? It’s not like I don’t feel anything for her,’ he continued. My heart sank when he said that, though I tried not to show it. ‘In some ways, I’ve always had feelings for her, but it all got way too complicated. She was my friend first; I wanted to be more than that but when she met Adam that was it. They just knew, apparently. They got married last month; I was best man.
‘Then on a night out after they got back from their honeymoon, she took me outside the pub we were at and told me she was in love with me then tried to kiss me. I told her to go back inside to her husband and she tried to blame it on how much she’d had to drink. Then, a week or so later, she turned up on my doorstep in London. I was just about to head out, when I opened the front door and there she was. We ended up having this massive heart-to-heart in the street. She told me she’d meant every word she’d said. Before I could invite her inside, she started crying and I tried to comfort her; that was when the photographer showed up.’
I heaved a sigh. ‘Wow that sounds intense! So what, she just showed up in Luna Bay because she wants to be with you?’
He nodded. ‘Yup, that’s basically it. She’s checked into the B&B and now she won’t leave me alone. A year ago, I’d have jumped at the chance to be with her, but now… I came to Luna Bay to get away from her and all the drama she brought and at first I missed her like hell, but not any more. I-I guess I’ve just found a different way of life here and I really like it. It’s so different from LA and London and all those other busy places where life moves at a hundred miles an hour. Anyway, enough about my long story. Why don’t you tell me yours now?’
He sank back onto the couch and looked at me while his head rested against a cushion. He looked more relaxed than he had when he’d arrived, like a huge weight had been lifted off his shoulders.
‘Oh you don’t want to know mine!’ I waved a dismissive hand and Ethan caught it, lacing our fingers together and stopping me in my tracks.
‘Come on, that’s not fair,’ he said with a cheeky grin. ‘I’ve sat and poured my heart out to you and made myself look like an idiot. Why don’t you tell me about Jamie?’
I sighed in defeat and smiled. ‘OK, if you insist. Up until three years ago, I was an actress. I performed in the West End for a few years then moved to New York to do Broadway. While I was in New York, I met a man named Jamie Dryden. We were working on a production of Hairspray; I was playing Penny and he was Link Larkin. We just sort of clicked, like we’d been waiting all our lives to be together. We had an amazing life together: an apartment in Greenwich Village, consistent work doing shows, a circle of friends we loved… We couldn’t have asked for anything else, really. Then one morning, he went out to get milk because we were running out and…’
I paused as the salty tang of tears stung the back of my throat. My head began to spin; I hardly knew Ethan, yet I was telling him about the most painful experience of my life. It made no sense, yet at the same time it did. He was just so easy to talk to; I had the feeling I could trust him.
‘And what?’
Ethan squeezed my hand and I realised he’d been holding it the whole time I’d been speaking. My first instinct was to pull away, but I didn’t. His hand was so soft and warm on mine and I didn’t want to pull away from it.
‘And…’ I swallowed hard and took a few deep breaths before I trusted myself to speak again. ‘And he was hit by a car on his way back. It was going too fast and went through two red lights. Turned out some rich kid had nicked his dad’s sports car and decided to go for a joyride. He couldn’t stop in time and… Jamie was killed instantly. They said if he’d just crossed twenty seconds later, he’d have made it. It’s actually his birthday today. He’d have been twenty-eight.’
Ethan let out a low whistle and shook his head. ‘Wow… I didn’t expect that. I’m so, so sorry, Alice.’
I shook my head and looked down at the living room carpet. ‘The last three years have been the hardest of my life. I came back to Luna Bay because I couldn’t imagine staying in New York without Jamie. I haven’t performed since then either; I guess it just didn’t feel right doing it without him. To be honest, I haven’t done much since he died. Mostly, I’ve shut myself away and kept everyone else out. Seems safer that way; if I don’t let anyone in, I can’t lose anyone else.’
He nodded slowly. ‘I understand that. Have you ever thought of giving performing a go again? It’d be a shame to give up something you love altogether. Maybe you could even take one of the roles in the panto?’
‘I can’t,’ I muttered. ‘I’ve probably lost the knack now anyway. It just seems so wrong, the thought of doing something I love without Jamie there. I didn’t even want to do the panto, but…’
I trailed off, stopping short of saying that I’d signed up to the panto in a bid to move on from Jamie’s death. Although it was a perfectly valid reason, I wanted to keep it to myself, mainly in case my plan didn’t work. I didn’t want to admit that I was trying to move on because I knew there was a possibility I might not be able to. I fumbled around quickly for something to say that wouldn’t sound awful.
‘But my mum persuaded me it was a good idea,’ I finished with a tight smile. ‘And you know what, she was right. I really enjoyed myself today.’
Ethan sighed and began stroking my hand with his fingers. ‘Me too, the breakdancing pensioner was my favourite one of the day.’
We laughed as the memory of Jean strutting her stuff on stage came flooding back.
‘You know something?’ he said with a lazy smile. ‘I’d love to see you on stage again. I think you’d be amazing up there.’
‘Ethan, don’t. I couldn’t do it, especially not after all this time.’
He sat up and brushed his hand against my cheek, pushing some hair behind my ear. ‘Alice, you could do anything you wanted if you put your mind to it. Why don’t you see how extraordinary you are? If you wanted to fly to the moon on a cocktail sausage, you could do it!’
We both burst out into a fit of giggles at his ludicrous comment.
‘I’ve never thought of doing that, but I’m glad you think I can!’ I hid my mouth behind my hand as more giggles came.
‘OK, so it was a clumsy way of putting it but hopefully you see what I mean. You’re capable of so much, Alice. Honestly, I think meeting you was exactly what I needed.’
‘Oh,’ was the best I could manage. I hoped my brain would spit out some more words, preferably in a coherent sentence. ‘What makes you say that?’
‘Because whenever I spend time with you, I don’t want it to end,’ he said softly. ‘The day I met you, I’d had a huge argument with my dad because he accused me of running away from my responsibilities. Then that revolving door whacked me in the face and I met you. You were so down-to-earth and funny and you didn’t even know who I was! I get so many people trying to get close to me because they want something from me, but you’re different and I really, really like that.’
I couldn’t help but smile at how he’d said really twice. A silence fell between us, but not an awkward one. We stared into each other’s eyes and all I could hear was the sound of my heart thumping against my ribs. I swallowed hard; I was the kind of person who liked to know what was going to happen next, but this was completely out of my hands.
The next few seconds happened in slow motion.
Ethan tilted his head to one side and his hand slid to the nape of my neck. Before I knew what was happening, his lips were on mine for a brief, delicious second. I could taste the strawberry notes from the wine on his lips and his fresh, clean
smell surrounded me. His kiss was soft and sweet, making my stomach dance and my skin shiver.
He tried to pull me closer and my brain suddenly snapped into gear. I pushed him back and shot up from my seat.
‘What’s wrong?’ he asked.
‘I’m sorry, I can’t do this.’ I began hurriedly picking up the empty glasses and plates to take through to the kitchen. If in doubt, start tidying up. ‘You need to leave.’
Ethan followed me through to the kitchen and stood in the doorway as I filled the sink.
‘Alice, I’m really sorry. I don’t know what I was thinking, especially when you’d just told me it was Jamie’s birthday today. It was inappropriate and I’m really, really sorry if I put you in an awkward position.’
I plunged my hands into the hot soapy water and took a deep breath.
‘Please just go, Ethan.’ My voice was hoarse and barely a whisper. ‘I can’t deal with this right now.’
Tears ran down my face and I kept my head turned so he couldn’t see them. Guilt flooded me and I stood there crying, unable to comprehend what I’d done. My body shook as great, hulking sobs burst out of me. Soon, there was no hiding them; each sob was followed by a wail that made a banshee sound like a meek little mouse.
‘Hey, come here.’ Ethan walked over to me and put an arm round my shoulder. ‘Why don’t we go and sit down with a cup of tea and talk about this?’
I shook my head violently and started scrubbing one of the plates so hard I thought the pretty pattern would be scraped off.
‘I’m fine, I’ve just got to do this,’ I replied, keeping my eyes fixed on the soapy bubbles in the basin. ‘Otherwise they’ll—’
Ethan took my hands out of the water and held them in his. I tried to avoid his gaze, but those eyes of his drew me back every time.
‘Alice, the last thing I wanted to do was hurt you,’ he said gently. ‘And I know how you must be feeling right now—’
‘No you don’t.’ I cut across him. ‘You’ve got no idea how I feel, no idea at all.’
‘OK, why don’t you tell me then?’