“Can’t say I’ll smell any better.”
I smiled at her as she went through the opening in the tent. “I’ll wait around out here. Unless you want to get some sleep? I should probably get back over to Clark soon anyhow.”
She rubbed her hands together, her face ashen. “I’ll just wash up for a minute and come back,” she said as she receded into the darkness of the tent.
I walked a few feet away and found a spot against the stone wall of the hospital to lean against. I sat down in the grass and rested my head back, feeling the rays of the sun warm my cold fears. Lord, thank You for your protection, yet again. I pray You’ll be with Henry and heal his broken body. I pray You’ll help us all find the courage to beat back this approaching evil. And Lord, I pray I would honor You with my words and actions. Forgive me for my fears and doubts. Forgive my unbelief.
I must have dozed off again, because this time I awoke to a gentle shaking of my shoulders. I opened my eyes to see Natalie kneeling in front of me. She managed a weak smile. “Time to wake up, soldier,” she said.
I pushed myself to my feet and admired how nice she looked. “I think your color’s finally returning.”
She stood and touched her hand to her cheek. “Well, a little touch of rouge never hurt anyone.”
I started to comment that she looked lovely despite her surroundings, when my heart nearly stopped beating right there and then. I had looked up just in time to see a young woman walk across the lawn and head for the nurses’ tent across from where I stood. She moved exactly like Ruby. Her frame was Ruby’s. Her face was Ruby’s.
“Matthew?” Natalie spoke to me, but I couldn’t take my eyes from the woman.
I strode across the grass to the opening of the tent, arriving just as she did. I didn’t believe it was actually her. Surely I was imagining the woman standing close enough to reach out and touch?
Ruby was dead. Buried at the bottom of Cold Spring. But there in front of me, frozen just as I was, stood Ruby Graves.
Ruby
My mind and body completely spent, I was headed to the nurses’ quarters when Matthew Doyle stepped right in my path. I stopped and stared at him, not believing what was in front of my very eyes. And from the expression on his face, he was thinking the same thing.
“Ruby?” he said, as if he didn’t trust his own voice. “Is it really you?”
I opened my mouth, but my voice wouldn’t work. It was as if I’d swallowed cotton, and I could think of nothing to say. Panic rose inside of me, and for a second, I considered running away. But where would I go? And besides, he’d seen me. There was no more hiding this from him.
He shook his head slowly. “Surely I’m dreaming…or something.”
“Matthew,” I managed somehow. “You’re here.” I swallowed. “How?”
“Then it is you. You’re…alive.” His hand went to his forehead, and his gaze dropped from me to the ground, and back up at me again.
“What’s going on?” a female voice said. Natalie stood to my right looking between us, seemingly as puzzled as we were.
Matthew didn’t seem to notice her. He only stared at me. “How is this possible? You’re supposed to be…You let me think you were dead all this time? Why?” When I couldn’t answer, he took a step toward me. “Why?”
I glanced at Natalie, whose interest in the conversation sent a jolt of fear sparking through me. “I can’t,” I started, turning back to Matthew. “I mean, I can explain, but not like this. Can we take a walk?”
His face flushed red, and he pressed his mouth into a hard frown. “You let me believe you died! That I…that I killed you! What kind of person does that?”
“Matthew, please,” I begged quietly. His voice was rising dangerously, and people were beginning to look at us. “Let me explain.”
“What’s to explain? I understand everything. You took your chance to escape and didn’t care enough to even let me know you were alive. You know, if you didn’t love me, all you had to do was say so. You didn’t have to punish me!”
With that, he turned and stormed away. I started to run after him, but Natalie’s expression stopped me cold. Her eyes were wide, and her mouth had dropped open. She lifted a finger at me. “Your…your name’s not Grace Miller. You’re that girl. I knew I recognized you.”
Matthew was now pacing back and forth across the parade grounds, shaking his head and muttering to himself. Should I go to him? Should I just run as far away from this place as possible? But there was Henry…and now Matthew knew I was alive. I had to face this.
I took a deep breath and tried to dissuade Natalie from her conclusions. “No, no. I am Grace Miller.”
She shook her head and took a step back. “He called you Ruby. I heard him.” She pointed toward the hospital. “And Henry. He said something to Matthew about finding Ruby. He meant you.” She narrowed her eyes at me. “His name’s Henry Graves. And you’re Ruby Graves.”
Matthew sat on the ground now, resting his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands. I had to go to him. Even if Natalie knew who I was, I had to explain things to Matthew. And then I’d run if I had to. I stiffened my spine and faced Natalie with as much confidence as I could muster.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about. Excuse me.”
I pushed past her and walked calmly over to Matthew, taking a seat in the grass beside him. I had no words to soothe the pain he was in. But I had to try to make him understand the truth of what had happened.
“Matthew? Can I please explain?”
He dropped his hands from his face, anger still pouring out of him. “Sure. I’d love to hear this.”
“I never meant to hurt you. Please, if you hear nothing else I say right now, you have to hear this. I would never hurt you on purpose.”
“And yet, you did.”
My throat ached, and my eyes began to well up. I had to find a way to make things clear. “Listen, I had no idea what was going on at first. A man, an old hermit who lived in the woods near the spring, he found me unconscious and took me to his cabin to try to help me. I had a bad concussion and a fever for days. All I wanted was to get to you. To make sure you were safe. But I was out of my head.”
“Are you still out of your head?” His dark eyes bore into mine, pained and accusing.
“No.”
“Then explain to me, how once you were no longer out of your head, you couldn’t let me know that you were all right.” He didn’t even give me a chance to answer. “Do you know what kind of hell I’ve been through, Ruby? I thought I killed you. I thought you were dead because of my reckless actions.”
“I’m so sorry,” I said, unable to hold back my tears. “I wanted to tell you. Henry and I talked about it over and over.”
“Henry.” He dropped his head. “That’s right. He knew you were alive too.” Then he looked back up at me with another wave of disbelief. “Every letter he wrote me was a lie. He stood there with me at your grave…at your grave…and lied to me.”
I put a hand on his arm, but he jerked it away. “We wanted to tell you. Both of us wanted to tell you the truth. But I was so afraid you’d be putting yourself in danger. That if we were caught, you’d go to prison for helping me. I couldn’t do that to you. And Henry was afraid that if you insisted on going with us, we’d be more conspicuous. He said we’d tell you when we got settled somewhere, and it would be safer for all of us. But then—”
“Then what? You forgot? You were just so happy without me you didn’t want me anymore?”
“No!” I reached for his arm again, grateful he didn’t pull away this time. “But then you joined the army, and I knew you couldn’t just drop everything and come to us. I prayed about it and prayed about it. And I thought that if you were happy, if you’d moved on, then I should give you the chance to have that life. I didn’t want you to have to look over your shoulder like I do every day.”
He shook his head and dropped it back into his hands, saying nothing for several agonizing minutes.
I prayed God would give his mind peace and clarity. That he could see my heart and its intentions. His body gradually shifted from rigid anger to melted defeat. And when he looked at me again, I could see that I might never gain his forgiveness.
“You gave up on us. On me. I guess I deserved it—”
“No—”
“Let me finish,” he demanded. “I need to say this. And then I need to go back to Clark and figure out what’s next. Our lives are hanging in the balance right now, and it’s probably not the best time to figure all this other stuff out. But I want to understand. I want to see the truth for what it is. And the truth is that you couldn’t believe in me. You couldn’t trust my love for you. That I would do anything I could to protect you and keep you safe.”
He took a deep breath and turned to face me, bringing his hand to my cheek and looking at me with moist eyes. “But I have to thank God that you’re alive. Whatever it means. Even if it means we were separated. I am grateful. I’m confused. I’m hurt. But I am grateful.”
His thumb swiped away the tears that wouldn’t stop. Again I couldn’t find my voice, because somewhere deep inside of me, I knew he was right. I had doubted him. I had doubted his love for me. And I had made the worst mistake of my life, in so many, many ways. How would I ever make this right again?
Chapter Six
Ruby
December 9, 1941
As darkness fell over Fort Stotsenburg, I sat by Henry’s side watching him breathe. His condition hadn’t changed much, and his leg was terribly swollen. But the fever worried me most. When the doctor came by to check on him, he said Henry would need further surgery, so they were sending him to Manila as soon as possible, along with some other patients in similar predicaments. I prayed God would allow him to keep his leg, remembering the terrible time Daddy had after losing his, and when no one was looking, I even spread a little extra sulfa powder on the wound.
At one point, I realized there were no nurses present, so I took the opportunity to tell Henry what happened earlier. I didn’t know what I was hoping for. Maybe that he’d open his eyes and tell me how silly I was being. That Matthew would forgive me in time, and I just needed to be patient. But I wasn’t so sure I had time.
“Someone knows who I am,” I said quietly. “And I can’t figure out what to do. I need you to wake up and tell me what to do.” He didn’t stir. “Should I run? Maybe find a local family willing to help me hide until the war’s over?”
I imagined him sitting on the side of the bed, his cocky grin reassuring me that he would take care of everything. “Rubes,” he’d say. “Don’t worry. Everything’ll be fine. We’ll go up into the mountains or something and hide out for a while.” But he was in the army now. We couldn’t just take off like we used to. I’d have to find a way to face this without running. At least for now.
I took his hand, hoping to feel his fingers tighten around mine. “I can’t leave you here. Not when you’re in such bad shape. But maybe I can go to Manila with you. Maybe Joseph can help us. He has family here.”
“Planning your escape?” said a voice from across the room. I turned and saw Natalie moving toward me. “I figured you’d be in here.” She stopped by Henry’s bedside opposite from me. “Looks like your partner in crime can’t help you right now.”
The hair on my arms prickled, and I felt a sudden chill. “I have an aunt,” she said. “She’s a bit crazy, and tends to get overly dramatic. But she does love a good story. She came up to visit us this one time right around Christmas ’bout five years ago. I remember ’cause I was about to graduate from high school. And she spun a whopper that day.”
Natalie leaned on her hands onto Henry’s bed, looking at me like she was about to share the juiciest story she’d ever heard. “See, she lives in this little town in Alabama just outside of Cullman. Hanceville or something like that. She’s widowed, which has made her even crazier, I say. Anyway, she runs a boarding house for young women just getting started in the world.”
My stomach grew nauseous as I realized exactly who her aunt was. Ms. Harmon. She’d kicked me out of the boarding house as soon as I’d been arrested. I did my best to look like I had no idea whom Natalie was speaking of, but I’d never had much of a poker face.
“She said,” Natalie continued, lowering her voice, “that one of the girls who’d been living with her had been arrested for murder. Said the girl had a Negro boyfriend, and when they got caught, they killed the poor fella who walked in on ’em.”
I swallowed the bile rising up in my throat. “Sounds terrible.”
Natalie cocked an eyebrow. “I’m sure it does.”
“And you think…you think that I’m that girl.”
She leaned back and crossed her arms over her chest. “Oh, I know you are. I seen a picture in the paper Aunt Celia brought with her. Read the article and everything. Like I said, I knew I recognized you. Just took me a while to place you.”
I didn’t want to lie anymore, and it didn’t seem to be working anyway. But I knew in my gut I shouldn’t trust Natalie. “Listen, I can explain everything. It’s not what you think at all. That newspaper told all kinds of lies just to sell papers. None of it was true.”
“You didn’t kill that man?”
I paused, my instincts to protect Samuel still as strong as they’d been five years before. “He attacked me. Twice. He beat and raped a friend of mine, and then he came after me. I was defending myself.”
As my words registered with Natalie, I thought I saw a glimmer of something—if not understanding, then perhaps pity. “Jury didn’t believe that,” she said, her brown eyes burning quizzically into mine.
I dropped my gaze and fought back my desire to run. It was time to stop running. “It’s a long story to explain, but the jury was fixed. Matthew can tell you. It was his father that did it.”
I saw another flicker of something in her eyes, felt a shift in her attitude toward me. She dropped her arms and leaned toward me again. “What’s your relationship to Matthew? Are you two involved?”
“He is…a very dear friend. We were involved for a short time during my trial, but…”
“He thought you died. I heard him say it.”
“Yes.”
She studied me for a while longer, and all I could do was wonder what she was thinking, what she was deciding about my future. Eventually she sighed and looked over at Henry, then back at me. “I have a good mind to turn you in.”
My stomach knotted. “Natalie, we’re in the middle of a war. And all I want to do is help Henry and the other brave boys here survive this thing the best they can. I don’t know what would come of your turning me in. But I know if you decide to keep quiet, and let me do my job, I’d sure be indebted to you.”
She waited, a hint of a smile on her lips. “Well, I reckon there’s nothing to be done with you way out here in the middle of this mess. So I won’t say nothing.”
“Thank you so much—”
“But you mind yourself,” she said quickly. “And stay away from Matthew. He’s a good man that don’t need to get tangled up in your lies. Besides, he cares for me. I can see that. And I don’t want him worrying over you.”
A stab of pain shot through my chest. Matthew cares for her. He was involved with Natalie, and Natalie knew who I was. I had no choice at the moment, not if I was going to stay with Henry. Maybe, given time, I could figure out how to get away once Henry was well. And maybe someday, Matthew would forgive me.
“All right,” I said. “I understand. Thank you for not saying anything.”
She let out a sigh like she was relieved, and then put on a weak smile. “Well then, I’m glad that’s settled. I better hurry on off to get some rest. And you should too. No telling when there will be another raid.”
As she headed for the door, I felt compelled to try one last time. “Natalie,” I called. She turned and faced me. “I swear. I am not a murderer.”
She glanced around the room and lowered her voice like we had some big secre
t between us. “Okay. Whatever you say, Grace.”
Matthew
December 11, 1941
I returned to my duties at Clark Field with all the strength I could muster; doing my best not to think on everything I’d learned. The Japs contributed their part to my efforts, bombing us each day around lunchtime. I was grateful that they seemed to have turned their attention on the airfield, and Fort Stotsenburg was left mostly untouched. We moved our decoy planes every day, and every day the Japs took the bait. They’d bomb those poor decoys to kingdom come while the few remaining planes that were operational were safely tucked away in our revetments. Afterward, we’d fill in the new craters and smooth them over, then move the decoys once again.
General Wainwright, the commander of the I Philippine Corps, sent some observation crews into the mountains to our northwest. They’d signal at the first sight of the Japanese bombers, and with so much advanced notice, we were able to reduce the casualties to virtually zero. It wasn’t much, but by reducing our casualties and drawing their bombs away from our planes, we felt like we were doing all we could, while the Japanese wasted their ammunition on us.
We gathered around the radio twice a day to listen to what was going on in the world. President Roosevelt’s speech before Congress was especially inspiring for us all. We came to the conclusion that we’d dig in and hold our position as long as we could until reinforcements could arrive, which we had no doubt were already on their way.
We were so busy that I didn’t get back over to Fort Stotsenburg until a couple of days later. I caught another ride to the hospital and walked the grounds until I found Ruby in one of the tents for less serious conditions, visiting with each patient to ask them if they needed anything. I walked over to her and put my hand on her elbow.
“When do you have a break?” I asked.
She looked genuinely surprised to see me. I reckoned I couldn’t blame her after the way I’d left the other day. “I’m on my break now,” she said. “Why? What’s going on?”
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