Hers To Keep: THE QUINTESSENCE COLLECTION I

by Akeroyd, Serena

  No punishment was enough, but Sascha could make her suffer while she was here. And because Katrin was so superficial, only cared about her appearance and her wealth, she was very easy to rile.

  “It’s okay. It was a long time ago.” His tone was soothing, as was the hand that came up to pat her back.

  “No. It’s not okay. That... Bitch is too kind a word for her.”

  The laugh he released was shaky. “True.” He said something in Russian, something she knew wasn’t for Katrin but for her. Before she could ask what he’d said, his lips came to her temple, and he brushed a kiss there. “I have you now,” he murmured softly, sweetly.

  She hadn’t expected him to say that. Hadn’t expected any of them to make such a sincere and sweet declaration. Considering how insecure she’d been feeling, it was exactly what she needed to hear.

  She shuddered against him, loving when his arms came up to wrap around her waist. The comfort wasn’t sexual. But it was freely given and warmly accepted.

  “You do,” she whispered against his throat. She wanted to tack on the word ‘always’ but wasn’t sure if that was too much too soon.

  It felt like it to her, but only because of the length of time they’d been together in this way. But wasn’t time relative? Did it matter that she’d known them a few short months when it felt like she’d known them forever? Like she was born to be between them, born to be here, to be the softness to their hardness. To bring light to their somber worlds of work?

  There was that saying, ‘Too smart for your own good’. That epitomized these five. They were all so goddamn brilliant that they barely saw the woods for the trees, and yet she knew that was her role here.

  She was their opposite. She brought ease to their world.

  Oh, it wasn’t a political point of view. Any feminist would weep into their spritzer at such thoughts, but it was how she felt nonetheless.

  It was why these past few days she’d felt so disjointed—so out of place. She was all-in where they were concerned, and Katrin’s appearance made her feel that wasn’t reciprocal.

  She hadn’t liked the way that made her feel. Bereft.

  “I’m okay,” he told her softly, breaking into her heavy thoughts. “Honestly.”

  “She’s lucky you didn’t kick her out and refuse to help her.” She couldn’t understand why he hadn’t.

  Andrei shook his head. “This is the last time I will ever help her. She knows that. She’s calling in a favor.”

  Sascha blinked, reared back to stare at him with her arm still wrapped around his neck. “A favor? After what she did to you? To Kurt? To your baby?”

  His lips firmed. “Trust me, I wouldn’t if I didn’t feel obligated.”

  “Katrin helped Kurt’s family, Sascha,” Sean said softly.

  “She was his wife,” came her aggressive retort. “Isn’t that what wives do for their husbands?”

  Andrei’s smile was tight. “If they’re tigresses like you.”

  She huffed. “Don’t try to charm me.”

  He grinned. “But it’s so easy.”

  Poking him in the shoulder, she grumbled, “Don’t make me put sugar in your coffee.”

  “You wouldn’t,” he mock-gasped. But each time she made him smile, it grew less wary, softening with the natural amusement he found in the shit she said.

  “I would.” She shot both men a glower. “How did she help?”

  “The Black Blood series is based on Kurt’s family. You know that, right?”

  Her mouth dropped open. “No. I fucking didn’t. Holy shit. Are you kidding me? I read the sequel, and he never said anything. Just told me that the main character was real.”

  Andrei relented enough to say, “There are some secrets that not even you can mine so quickly, Sascha.”

  She frowned. “What does that mean?”

  “This ease we all have with you? It astonishes us as much as I’m sure it perplexes you.”

  “I-I guess. I don’t question it though. It just feels right.”

  Sean smiled. “Of course, it does, because it is.”

  “Still, we have lived a lifetime without you. A lifetime can’t be shared within the passing of a few months, can it?”

  She bit her lip. “No. I guess not.”

  He reached up, gently swiped his thumb along her mouth, tugging her lip free. “As much as you wish that were not so,” he teased, reading her expression correctly, “some things will take time. And all of us, at some point, have been hurt by the women we have cared for. Knowing you’re special and different is…” He pursed his lips. “The head and the heart don’t always work together on things, you know?”

  He sounded so Russian at that moment she wanted to melt.

  “I understand,” she whispered softly, his words somehow absolving the disappointment she’d felt in Kurt keeping a secret from her.

  That bastard Gruber… the horrendous things he’d done had been against Kurt’s family?

  She flexed her jaw. “How did Katrin help?”

  “A journalist caught wind of the fact Kurt’s father is a recluse and hasn’t left the house since the Berlin Wall came tumbling down and he made it back home.”

  Her brow puckered. “Why would that be of interest to anyone?”

  “Kurt’s family were political prisoners, but the articles tried to infer the opposite… that they’d been a part of the Stasi.”

  Her mouth dropped open. “How the hell did they manage that? Jesus, talk about fake news!”

  Sean’s mouth curled into a sneer. “They paid people to make it fit.” He shrugged. “Katrin helped out. She has clout in Munich, which is where the stories originated. She made the whole thing go away. It was just before the announcement of Kurt winning the Pulitzer. It was perfectly timed to stir up shit.”

  “He could have lost the prize?” she asked, aghast.

  “These things are decided ahead of time, but it might not have helped. Not considering the fact Kurt’s book is based on that era.”

  Her nostrils flared. “I don’t have to like her for doing something anyone with any decency would have done.” She bit off, “It’s not like she wasn’t doing it to protect herself too. God forbid her name was dropped to the papers.”

  Andrei snorted. “You think we’re not on the same page?” He rested his hand on her thigh and squeezed gently. “Once this is done, no more favors.”

  Almost on cue, his cell buzzed—he’d rested it on the armrest where it wobbled precariously thanks to her residence in the armchair.

  He pulled a face when he saw the Caller ID. “I need to take that.”

  She nodded and was grateful when he helped her back onto her feet without her jostling herself too much. The call rang off, but he didn’t seem bothered. Instead, he bussed her cheek, and whispered, “Thank you.”

  “For what?” she asked, her throat thick with emotion.

  “For being here.”

  She blinked at him, smiled a little, then watched as his focus shifted back to the matter at hand. With another kiss to the temple, he connected the call, and was speaking in Russian before he’d even headed out the door.

  She watched him go, then turned to Sean who was watching her.

  “He’ll be okay,” he told her softly, seeming to sense where her thoughts had taken her.

  “She had an abortion. Without…”

  Sean blew out a breath. “I don’t mean to sound heartless, but that situation could never have worked out. Not with Katrin for a mom. As soon as I found out, I knew it would only be a matter of time. She’s too concerned about stretch marks to give birth.”

  Because she knew he was right, she conceded his point with a grimace. He wasn’t being heartless, just reading the situation correctly.

  “Still…”

  He held up his hands. “I agree. It was a shitty thing for her to do, but she’s capable of far worse.”

  “Did he want to be a father?”

  Sean pursed his lips, watching her as she approac
hed his desk, putting her butt on the edge so she could be nearer him. “Why does that question feel like it’s loaded with dynamite?”

  She blinked, then shot him a confused smile. “I don’t know, because it wasn’t lobbed like a grenade.”

  He grimaced. “Fatherhood… is it something we think about often? No. But I guess when Katrin told Andrei and Kurt what had happened, it did cross our minds.”

  She shook her head. “How did she even know it was Andrei’s? If she was fucking everything with a pulse, I mean?”

  Sean sighed. “She said she knew, and I think Andrei wanted to believe her. Because he did, it made the baby his in his mind so…” He shrugged. “The lack of surety about the baby’s biological father didn’t ease the situation any.”

  Sean reached out and stroked a finger over her knee.

  She tried to ignore the shivers that simple caress triggered. “Do you want to be a dad?” They’d briefly glanced over this topic before, but this news changed things.

  “One day, I guess,” he admitted.

  “Would it…?” She gnawed at the inside of her cheek.

  “Would it change the household dynamic?” He cocked a brow at her. “I doubt it. Even with Katrin, the baby would have spent more time here than with her.”

  “Would you have hired a nanny?”

  He nodded. “Of course.”

  “Communal baby,” she teased a little, loving that she could take the somber notes of their conversation away and make him smile.

  “Something like that.” He eyed her, then with a blown-out breath seemed to sweep away that particular topic of conversation to leapfrog onto a new one. “How are you? Aside from the situation with Katrin, I mean.”

  She folded her arms across her chest, feeling awkward all of a sudden. “Would you believe me if I said I feel better after this conversation?”

  “Probably not, because I’m not sure why you would?” he asked, eyes widening a little in surprise.

  She forcibly unfolded her arms, refusing to let him read her body language and think she was tense and uncommunicative—she knew Sean read into shit like that. He and Devon both did. They saw an incredible amount. Too much sometimes.

  She pressed her fingers to the hand he’d clasped to her knee. “I was feeling insecure.”

  “You were?” He frowned and sat up straighter in his seat. “Why?”

  “Because you weren’t throwing her out. I-I would have, but it didn’t feel like my place.”

  “You mean, you didn’t feel you had the right? Like this place isn’t your home?”

  She ducked her head. “Yes.”

  “And now you do?”

  “Not wholly,” she admitted. “But Andrei went a huge way to making me feel a lot better.”

  He tilted his head to the side. “You know if you wanted to kick her out, we wouldn’t stop you.”

  She gawked at him. “You wouldn’t?”

  “No.”

  “Then…?” She scowled. “Why didn’t you tell me about Andrei? I thought you said this whole thing only worked with honesty between us?”

  “And I wasn’t lying, but the truth is, Andrei is still very sensitive about that situation. I also told you that I wouldn’t share secrets that weren’t mine to reveal. Remember?”

  She pouted. “I remember.”

  His smile was small. “Even then, if you had thrown her out without knowing, he’d have backed you. This is your home, Sascha. You should know that by now.”

  She scowled, folded her arms against her chest again. “I can’t throw her out now, can I?”

  He chuckled at her scowl. “Well, you can. I’d just ask you to be patient.”

  “The woman drives me batshit, Sean,” she confessed. “I can only be patient for so long.”

  He beckoned to her by squeezing her knee and murmuring, “Come here.” So saying, he scooted back in his chair and she huffed, but shifted to sit on his lap. “She’s a piece of work, but it’s important to Andrei that he settles this last score.”

  She pressed her forehead to his cheek, finding it incredible how easy it was to sit on his lap. Hell, to sit on any of their laps.

  That was probably why she was feeling so up in the air. The connection she felt to each of them was disconcerting.

  It wasn’t a normal bond, and yet, it seemed as natural as breathing.

  “What are you thinking?” he asked softly as she settled into him.

  “That I’m interrupting your work,” she lied.

  He snorted. “Liar. And when you work as much as we do, we can spare a few interruptions.”

  “Why are you so patient? With all of us?”

  The question sprung free without it being possible for her to contain it. His reaction to the outburst was lacking though. He just shrugged, but his finger began to trace a pattern on her thighs. She wished like hell she was wearing her usual skirt so that she’d feel the caress skin to skin without Lycra getting in the way, but beggars couldn’t be choosers.

  “I’m used to it,” he replied after a moment. “It’s just how things are here.”

  “Do you ever feel like it’s too much?”

  “No. Usually, I enjoy it. It’s…” He broke off, and she realized he was settling on a word to describe it. “Different. A change of pace.”

  “What do you mean?”

  He peered down at her. “Are you sure you want to know?”

  “Of course.” She wanted to know everything. Not even that would be enough.

  Andrei was right. She couldn’t learn a lifetime’s worth of information about five men in the space of a few months, but that didn’t mean she didn’t want to try. And it sure as hell didn’t mean that would stop her from absorbing as much as she could.

  “I’m working on a cold case at the moment. A mother came to me to ask me to find the person who kidnapped, raped, tortured, then murdered her eight-year-old daughter.” When she froze in his arms, he blew out a shuddery breath. “Yeah… it’s intense.”

  “I-I’m sorry.”

  “Why are you sorry? I don’t talk about work because I deal with the shitty side of humanity, Sascha. You can always ask, and I’ll always tell you, but you have to prepare yourself for the fact I don’t work with stories or numbers… I deal with people. And people are fucked-up.” He blew out another breath. “Sometimes, they’re less fucked up than usual. Thank Christ. If they were all like this case, then I’d probably go insane.”

  “Will you catch him?” she asked, feeling for him so intensely at that moment, she didn’t know what to do with herself.

  That he had to look into something like that… That a poor little girl had to endure such treatment, and that a family had to know how their baby had passed. None of it was right.

  Fucked-up didn’t even begin to explain how wrong the entire fucking thing was.

  “Oh yeah,” he gritted out. “I won’t stop until I do.”

  She reached up to cup his cheek. “Good.”

  His lips twitched. “You don’t doubt I’ll find him?”

  “No. I’m learning that if you say you intend to do something, you’ll do it.”

  He smiled. “Such faith.” He tapped her on the nose. “I hope I never disappoint.”

  “We’re all human, Sean. I don’t hold you to impossible standards. I just know that you don’t say things you don’t mean.”

  He nodded, reached up to cup her chin. “How’s your head?”

  Banging. “Fine,” she told him, opening her lips to kiss the end of his thumb.

  “Liar,” he sighed softly.

  “Nuh-uh,” she countered, then with a breathy whisper, added, “Kiss me, Sean.”

  He swallowed. “Not if your head’s aching.”

  “It’s fine. Honestly.” She needed him too much at that moment to let him go anywhere, even if it was more of a mental and emotional retreat than a physical one.

  He shuddered. “I-I don’t want to hurt you, sweetheart.”

  “You won’t. I need you, Sean
.” She felt desperate for the connection with him. “I always feel better, after…”

  His glance dropped down to the swell of her Cupid’s bow. His breathing became unsteady, rocky, and under her butt, she felt his cock grow hard and thick.

  She shuddered at the pressure, loving how responsive he was to her. They’d barely touched and already his hard on was making itself known.

  With a shudder, and refusing to wait any longer, she reached forward. Sliding her arm around his neck, she pulled him down to her, not stopping until their lips were as one.

  She shuddered into the kiss. It wasn’t their first ‘snog’ as the Brits called it, nor would it be the last make out session they’d have, but Jesus, it was the most intense.

  They breathed into each other’s mouths, gifting the other air as they supped and tasted the heat they stirred together. She moaned as his tongue fluttered against hers, feeding the frenzy of the passion flowing inside her. Her nails dug into his shoulder as he nibbled with his lips and teeth, tasting her mouth, exploring every part of her until he’d tasted all she had to give and then some.

  With a shudder, she fought back. Seeking his secrets, needing to know all of him, and know that he was hers. They staked claims on one another with that kiss. It was crazy and insane but so perfect, she felt tears burn her eyes with the power of the moment. Deep in her core, the heat swelled and surged, spilling over until it licked at her extremities, until no part of her was free from his caress. He touched her in a single spot, but her body reacted like he had a thousand hands, a thousand mouths, all of them teasing and taunting her in ways that drove her wild.

  A shiver whispered through her, and she let out a sharp moan as he pulled his lips from hers to seek the most tender parts of her throat. Her head fell back against the wing of his desk chair, cushioning its fall and supporting it as he raked his teeth along the sensitive flesh.

  She squirmed in his lap, loving how each move rubbed along his cock, how each wriggle of her hips would entice and arouse him too.

  One hand stayed on her belly, holding her securely in place, but the other came up to the curve of her breast. He didn’t do anything with it. Just kept it there. A hot, branding presence that made her shudder harder with longing.