by Amira Rain
Cole didn't seem like he was going to say anything else, and this time, I managed to find my voice, though I kept my arms folded tightly across my chest.
"Well, it's possible for me. I can and do see time as a linear thing, no matter what dreams you've had, and no matter how you see it. And, being that most human beings see time as linear, obviously you should have assumed that I do, too, and you should have told me that no matter how you saw things, I wasn't actually currently pregnant when you said I was."
"But you were, though...just-"
"Just in the future, or the past, or your present, or whatever. I get it. But currently, at that moment in my perception of time, I was not actually pregnant yet. Which means that you deceived me when you told me that I was carrying your child right then. And I get that it wasn't a deception to you, based on how you were seeing things, and your perception of reality and time, but it was to me. You telling me what you did was a betrayal of my trust."
Cole winced just slightly, the movement just pronounced enough to be seen. "You're right. I can definitely see how it was. I won't deny that, and I'm sorry for that. I realized even at the time that what I was telling you wasn't exactly ethical. I'm not perfect. I admit that once I got you here to the village, I really didn't know how to deal with things, how best to help move destiny along, which I had a sense that I needed to do, even though at the same time, I knew that our destiny, with our happiness and our baby, was already written, if you understand me. But I still felt like destiny required something of me...required me to take steps now, in this space of time, to make happen what was going to happen yet had already happened. I just wasn't sure what those steps were, so I just did what I thought was best."
"Which was kidnapping me and lying to me."
Again, Cole winced, almost imperceptibly. "Yes. I'll admit I did both those things. But how else was I supposed to ensure the happiness that I'd seen for us in my dreams, Lauren? Was I supposed to just waltz right on into North Haven, which, as an enemy Angel, would have been impossible for me; locate your cabin, probably having to break in during the night and scare you senseless; and then say, 'Excuse me, but I've had dreams of a future where we're in love and you're the mother of my child. Would you be so kind as to come with me and travel into a village that you perceive to be enemy territory?'"
I supposed he had a point, though I didn't want to admit it.
"See, Lauren, I told you that the events I see in my psychic dreams come to pass the vast majority of the time, and that's true. But what about the small percentage that don't? What might have happened if I hadn't felt the need to set in motion a destiny that I'd already seen? Would it still have happened, anywhere in time? Maybe, I think, and as clear as my dreams about you were, I almost think it would have, regardless of whether I'd kidnapped you or not. But we can't know that for sure. We can't know that our baby would ever exist if I hadn't done what I had."
"But then, what about when you got me here to the house? Did you have to tell me that I was pregnant with your child?"
Cole lifted his shoulders a degree in a feeble shrug. "I'm not really sure. As I said, I'll be the first to admit that I wasn't quite sure how to deal with things, and what to say, or not say. I guess my thinking was that on some level, telling you that you were pregnant with my child might cause you to somehow intuitively feel our connection, and ultimately, I think it did."
Grudgingly, I inwardly admitted that maybe it had. Maybe. It was possible. But I still wasn't happy about things. Not even close. "All I know is that you lied to me. Cutting through all the psychic dreams, and perceptions of time, and everything else, the fact remains. You lied to me. You betrayed my trust. Even if you thought that the ends justified the means, even if you thought you were doing what you were doing for a very good reason, you had to have known that you were being deceitful, and you've pretty much even admitted this.
"So, I just don't know where this leaves us, Cole. I don't know if I can ever trust you again, and because of that, I don't know if I can be in a relationship with you. Honestly, part of me feels like I don't even know who you are anymore. That's how much you breaking my trust has...." I paused, surprised to hear that my voice had suddenly developed a tremor of emotion. After taking a deep breath, I tried again, willing the tremor away. "That's how much you breaking my trust has hurt me."
I hadn't done a very good job at willing the tremor away, and with his face a clear mask of pain, Cole put his hands on my shoulders.
"I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry, Lauren. Please believe me. All I've ever wanted since seeing your smile in my dreams was for us to be happy together. I had a feeling then, which I still have now, that I can never be truly happy with anyone else...and I've thought you might be developing that feeling, too."
I had been, but I didn't want to admit that. So, tightening my arms across my chest even further, I shook Cole's hands off my shoulders. "I said don't touch me."
With his expression still one of pain, he let his hands fall to his lap, sighing. "Maybe you won't be able to right away... maybe it'll take weeks, months, or even years...but I hope that in time, you'll be able to forgive me. That's all I want. Just for you to say those words, that you forgive me. In exchange, I promise to never lie to you again...about anything. If I ever see anything that involves you in a dream ever again, I'll just tell you. When I was just a stranger to you, I didn't feel that I could, but I promise you...I will in the future. I'll tell you if I have a good idea that something that I'm telling you are likely to be perceived differently by each of us. I'll just do that, rather than lie to you ever again. I promise you this. Just say that you might be able to forgive me at some point in the future. Please."
I couldn't say it then, because I truly didn't know if I could ever forgive Cole, no matter how much time went by.
So, instead, I abruptly stood, developing a strong urge to just get away from Cole, his impossibly handsome face, and his pleading expression. "Look. I'm going to go finish drying my hair, doing my makeup, and getting dressed. Then I'm going to take a walk and maybe see Cassie. Please don't try to follow me or anything. Right now, I think I just need to be alone. If you need to take a shower, I'd thank you to do it in my old bedroom."
Before he could say anything else, I dashed off to the master bathroom, but not just because I was done listening to him. I also didn't want him to see tears that had suddenly filled my eyes.
CHAPTER 14
As I'd requested, Cole showered in my old room. With a funny, irritating ache in my chest, I could faintly hear him running water and moving around in the bathroom through the wall while I continued getting ready. After hurrying through my daily makeup and hair routine, not even drying my hair halfway, I left the house before he was out.
After walking down the long paved drive that led from the mansion to the narrow lane that connected with the main dirt lane through town, I made a beeline to the vegetable garden, not wanting to talk to anyone, not that anyone was really around that I could see. Still power-walking, I then started down the path that led through the deep woods to the stream. However, not more than maybe a hundred feet in, I paused, recalling Cassie's recent experience when she'd last taken a walk down the lane. I definitely didn't want to run into Derek or Mike alone.
Although thinking about it, I figured that they must not yet be back in the village after their little trip, because Cole hadn't said anything to me about being careful to avoid them and the forest trail, which I assumed he would if they were in the village. Just the same, though, I turned around and began heading back up the path, feeling like I just didn't want to be on it until the whole situation with Bennett, Derek, and Mike was resolved. Not to mention that I wasn't sure that I even wanted any time alone anymore. I was feeling like I just wanted to spend some time with Cassie, and not even necessarily talking about Cole. Honestly, I felt like I'd prefer if we didn't talk about him. I just wanted to talk about anything that would take my mind off him and how he'd lied to me.
W
hen I first arrived at her house, Cassie, who was something of a chatterbox, obliged me, talking a mile a minute about her pregnancy, everything Katie had said to her, her due date, and possible names she'd already picked out for her baby. It was only after she'd made us coffee and had cut us each a thick slice of cream cheese and raspberry danish that she finally paused for breath, hopping up onto a bar stool across from me at the island, studying my face.
"You okay? Maybe I've just been blabbering on, not letting you get a word in edgewise, but you seem kind of quiet today."
Not wanting to get into the topic of Cole and have to think about him, I just shrugged, picking at my danish specifically so that I could focus on it and not have to look Cassie in the eyes. "I'm all right. I guess I've just been so tired all the time during my pregnancy."
"And tiredness makes you look sad, too?"
I'd actually been working hard to not look sad, smiling when appropriate, and in a way that I hoped was convincing. But apparently, it hadn't been.
I glanced up from my danish with a quiet sigh. "I don't know. I'm just really tired. But, now, what are you thinking for middle names? With the first names you like, I think—"
"No, not so fast. I do want to talk about middle names, but not until I find out what's making you look so sad."
Pushing my plate of danish aside, not very hungry for once during my pregnancy, I finally looked up. "It's not something I really want to talk about, though. In fact, I'm specifically trying not to think about the whole situation right now."
"Why?"
I really didn't know why. Just plain avoidance of the negative, I figured, and I told Cassie that. "It's not like I think that the situation is going to spontaneously resolve itself if I don't think about it, but I guess my heart has just hurt enough for one twenty-four-hour period."
"Sometimes it helps relieve pain to talk about it, though."
"And sometimes talking about things just makes the pain even worse."
Cassie shrugged, lifting her coffee mug. "All right. Your call. You don't have to talk about things if you don't want to. But just know that you've been a good friend to me while you've been here in the village, and I actually consider you my best friend now. You've listened to me cry about how much I miss my parents, and how bitterly I still resent the fact that they were killed by Angels during the Takeover, and I'll never forget how you caught that inchworm from crawling down the back of my pants our second day in the vegetable garden."
Cassie paused, giving me a little smile, and I gave her one in return, remembering that day. She hated worms of all kinds and usually shrieked whenever she saw one, which was quite often in the garden. All of us other garden workers had gotten pretty used to it. Although on the day in question, Cassie hadn't even seen the inchworm, but I had, and I'd just picked it up with my fingers and had flung it away.
Still smiling a little, she took a sip of her coffee and set the mug down before continuing. "You saved me from a possible very traumatic event, and you also saved me from some possible serious public embarrassment, because I'm pretty sure I would have just ripped my pants and underwear right off rather than have that thing crawling around down there. So, you've been a good friend to me in many different ways, and I'd like to return the favor by listening to you talk about whatever is hurting you, and helping in whatever way I can.
"You don't have to, of course, and you don't have to get into specifics if you don't want to, but even if you just want to tell me the gist, I'm all ears. And just so you know, I'm not only your friend, I'm a loyal friend. Whatever you tell me won't ever pass my lips to anyone else...and maybe needless to say, that goes for any kind of problem or secret thing you tell me whenever. As long as you never tell anyone that I'm scared of inchworms to the point that I'd rather take my pants off and suffer public humiliation rather than have one crawling around anywhere near my privates."
I smiled, thinking that Cassie was the bubbly, irreverent friend I'd always wanted but had never connected with. During school and then college, for whatever reason, the friends I'd made had all been more possibly-slightly-introverted, like I'd always considered myself to be. Because Cassie was a couple of years younger than me, she was also kind of starting to feel like the little sister I'd never had. Although at present, she was feeling like a big sister, trying to get me to open up about my problems. And I had to admit to myself that she'd worn me down. Sighing, I decided I'd tell her the gist. But that was all. I truly didn't want to think about Cole for very long, because thinking about him and how he'd lied to me would only further hurt my heart, I knew.
"Basically, something happened with Cole. He lied to me. And the lie was...well, the whole thing is very, very complicated and difficult to explain. But the end result is that he really hurt me. So, if I look sad, that's why. Now can we get back to baby names and-"
"Well, is Cole sorry that he lied about whatever he lied about? Has he apologized to you for it?"
Gaze going to my coffee, I said yes. "He wants me to try to forgive him and make a fresh start. I don't know if I can, though...I just don't know if I can trust him again. I have the funniest sort of feeling that I don't even know who he is anymore. It's as if his lie has made me question everything he's ever told me about himself, and everything I've ever observed about him. I have some doubt now...like, I'm just not sure if he is who I've been thinking he is anymore."
Cassie was quiet for so long, at least several seconds, that I looked up from my coffee and found that she was now staring into hers.
Though after another second, she looked up and met my eyes. "I don't know if this will help how you feel or not, but it may be worth mentioning. I know who Cole is, and I know you still do, too, deep down, but maybe you just need to hear something to remind you of who he is."
"Well, what is it?"
With her expression unusually serious, Cassie hesitated before speaking, which was also unusual for her. "Do you know why Mary-Alice can't talk?"
I shook my head, thinking this was a strange, sudden shift in the conversation. "I've never asked her, and she's never told me."
"Well...okay. I'll try to keep this brief, because it's a pretty horrific story. It still even gives me chills just to think about it."
Something about the unusually quiet, deliberate way Cassie was speaking was giving me chills right then, right in the midst of her warm, sun-drenched kitchen.
"What happened to Mary-Alice?"
Frowning, Cassie looked down into her coffee for a long moment before looking up again. "Years ago, during the Takeover, her whole family was killed...husband, son, daughter-in-law, and little grandson. Everyone. She had a little catering company in the little town she lived in, so was taken prisoner to be a cook and maid for some Angel leader...I don't even know who. As different leaders were killed, she was passed around a few times, finally winding up here when Eric Winthrop took over. He had two wives, Tina and Kelly, and Kelly was pregnant.
"Despite this, Eric still beat on both of them regularly, but no one did a thing, because up until recently, that's just kind of been a part of Angel culture, for most Angel men, anyway. Not to mention that no one dared stand up to Eric Winthrop, for any reason. He was an Angel sorcerer on par with Cole's strength, which is saying a lot...and honestly, at the time, he might have even been a little stronger than Cole. Some people were saying that he was the strongest sorcerer since Alistair Jordan. Anyway, that's kind of relevant, but kind of not."
A grandfather clock out in Cassie's living room began chiming the hour, and she sipped her coffee until it had finished.
"Anyway. One night Eric was beating on Kelly, really throwing her around the dining room, and repeatedly zapping her, too. Eric had some of his top lieutenants and a few guards over for dinner, and he was even trying to get them into it, too, telling them that Kelly deserved it, because she'd gotten 'fat' during her pregnancy. Well, some of the Angels joined in, and some didn't, probably the few who actually had souls. Mary-Alice could hear all this from
the kitchen, could hear Kelly screaming and yelling, and she eventually came out to the dining room, crying, got between Kelly and Eric, and said just two words. Please and stop. And for this, Eric threw her on the table, grabbed a steak knife, and cut out her tongue before anyone could even blink."
I hadn't even realized I was crying until a tear dropped from my chin and landed on my hand. I grabbed a paper napkin and blotted my eyes, and Cassie grabbed a napkin, too, and blew her nose before continuing.
"So, then, chaos ensued, even more chaos than what had already been happening before Mary-Alice had come out of the kitchen. Kelly grabbed a knife and tried to attack Eric with it. Tina, the other wife, came out from somewhere and did the same; one of the Angels accidentally got sliced; Eric started zapping one of the guards who moved out of Kelly's way so that she could reach Eric.
"And in the midst of all this, one of the guards, an Angel named Leo, who still lives in the village, flew out of the mansion and went to Cole's house. He and Cole were pretty good friends, I guess, and Leo had sympathy for some of Cole's thinking that the village should have more law and order, and that the village leader should set a better example by, you know, not beating his wives nearly to death every night. Probably not wanting to die himself, Cole kind of kept these thoughts mostly to himself, sharing them with only close friends, like Leo and Clark and a few others, but Eric had gotten wind anyway, and Cole was already on his radar as a problem.