The Novice

by Ava Lohan

  Kegan grinned. “Put it on and dance for me.”

  I looked around—there was no dressing room.

  Without missing a beat, Kegan confirmed my suspicion. “You’ll change right here.”

  He went back to sipping his drink, taking no pity on me. His eyes, his expectations, everything about this moment was a painful reminder of my inexperience in this world. I couldn’t understand why he would want to spend the evening with me, not when anybody else here would’ve jumped at the chance to be with him. Better yet, they would’ve paid to be with him. I didn’t have money. The only possessions I had in the world were in my suitcase. All I had to give was awkwardness.

  My embarrassment turned to annoyance. If either Lexi or Tereza had been in my place, they would’ve started writhing around those fucking poles in a second. If they could see me now, those two sex bombs would burst out laughing. Stumbling, I took my shirt off and held it to my chest.

  I felt lost, like a dog who had just been abandoned on the street. I was pretty sure Kegan could read it on my face. But he was immune; there was no shred of compassion or empathy in his emerald-green eyes. I couldn’t read him at all. Kegan Anderson was a mystery. And he was crushing my soul. I threw my tee at him and proceeded to unbutton my jeans, slowly, as the awful music played on. I wouldn’t dance for him; I would just change.

  I narrowed my eyes, glaring at him in defiance. His lips parted. I couldn’t tell what part of my body he was looking at. It could’ve been the white bra with little red hearts, a perfect fit for the demure adolescent that all of Lust thought I was, or the black jeans I was sliding down my legs. I lifted one foot and then the other, angrily kicking my pants to the floor. Definitely not a sexy move. I now stood in my underwear, covered only by the innocent hearts I would soon have to remove. I stood as far as I could from the poles.

  “You’re not dancing.” He glared at me.

  “I can’t dance.”

  “Go to the pole.”

  I didn’t move. I was challenging him, and we both knew it. I was his, and I would be so until the end of this damn agreement. But I wouldn’t just do what he wanted. I wasn’t some obedient little slut who just wanted to please him; I was a lioness fighting against her tamer. What would he do if I disobeyed him? He certainly wouldn’t kill me. The worst-case scenario I could come up with was being thrown to one of his clients, like a gift on the house.

  I shivered in horror. I definitely didn’t want that to happen. But I couldn’t resist the joy I got from fighting against him. I’d sucked on his thumb, just like he’d asked, but I wouldn’t dance for him.

  It was now time for the hardest part. His eyes were fixated on me. Now he would see me naked, completely exposed to his magnetic gaze.

  Kegan took a sip from his glass, swirled the ice around the sides, and raised an eyebrow, but he never took his eyes off me. Not even for a second. He was staring at something, but only he knew what.

  “Rose.”

  The way he said my name made it sound like a threat. But it was wonderful to hear, the name of a flower coming out of his tempting lips. He wanted me to move my body, to do what he’d ordered me to do. I mustered up some courage and took off my bra. I stared at my feet as I unhooked the back and lowered the straps, exposing my chest. I clasped my bra in my hands for a moment before dropping it to the floor. I then placed my hands on my hips to take off my panties. I pretended it wasn’t real, that it was all a dream. It was all I could do to prevent my face from turning red. Red as the flames of Hell. I told myself it was all just a dream. Nobody was really watching me undress. I could take my clothes off. I was determined not to let him see how uncomfortable it made me. Once I was completely naked, I looked up at him and threw my stupid cotton underwear with the hearts at him. But I missed and they landed on the table.

  He raised an eyebrow. The rest of his face was completely devoid of expression. Of emotion. Of anything.

  “Don’t get dressed yet.”

  I clasped my crucifix to give me the strength to continue without collapsing on the ground. I was doing this for the convent. I was doing this for my sisters. Nobody would ever find out. An imaginary clock started ticking in my head, marking the seconds I stood in front of him, completely naked.

  “Okay. Now you can get dressed.”

  I put on his damn satin set, starting with the bottoms. I had to admit they were beautiful, in pink satin with a fuchsia trim. They were sweet. They made me look innocent. But I would soon be dirtying them with my body, which was already gripped by lust. I tightened my lips and narrowed my eyes. I didn’t know who I was anymore. Despite the humiliation I was feeling in that moment, and most certainly in the days to come, I loved looking at him and thinking about last night, in the pool. I wanted to keep going and see his naked body, just as he saw mine. What the hell was happening to me?

  Mother Superior would certainly not have approved of the sensations that flooded my body, the warmth between my legs and my yearning to feel him inside me again. I had no doubt she’d been praying for me, and that she would continue doing so until I made it back to the convent. But she was praying for the victim she had sacrificed, not for the eager slut I became in Kegan’s presence.

  I put on the bra. I was dressed again. A new barrier prevented him from seeing my naked body. The music continued in the background. I didn’t move.

  “Go to the pole,” he ordered.

  I shot him a dirty look and made my way to the nearest pole. I walked proudly, even though I would’ve rather fallen through a hole in the floor. I stepped onto the platform, wrapped my hand around the pole, and leaned against it, feeling the cold metal on my back and thigh. I let go and laced my fingers together behind my back. I crossed my ankles. On the outside, I was indifferent to the music and his murderous stare. Inside, I was a mixture of fear and excitement. I could stand up to him. I could do this.

  He licked his lips, looking more attractive than ever. His fingers played with a lock of ash-blond hair. His eyes were half closed, lustful. The desire painted on his face made me wet.

  “Show me your back.”

  I turned on my toes and satisfied his demand.

  “Now face me.”

  It was so hard to keep my composure and not tell him to fuck off. I tried not thinking about him. I tried to pray. Maybe Sara was praying for me too. I began to whisper the Our Father. Kegan heard me and burst out laughing, completely drowning out the music playing in the background and halting my prayer.

  “Come closer.”

  I began walking toward him. I could feel butterflies in my stomach and a tingling between my legs with every step. I stopped in front of him. My feet were practically on top of his shoes. I could feel his eyes on my body, lighting me up like a Christmas tree, little by little.

  “Now come here,” he ordered, slapping his thighs, inviting me to straddle him.

  I held my crucifix to my lips and followed his orders. My heart was beating in my throat. Kegan arched backward to rest his head on the back of the sofa. He didn’t take his eyes off me for a second as he ran his fingers down my neck and back. Stopping there, he rested a finger on my bra strap before pushing it down my arm.

  “Let your hair down.”

  I tugged on my scrunchie, letting it fall to the floor as my blond hair poured onto my shoulders and caressed my cheeks. Kegan’s fingers crept up between my breasts and then slid down to my belly button before making their way back up my side. His touch was delicate, as if he were afraid of breaking me if he used too much pressure. My heart thundered, and I wondered if he could feel it too, or if he just knew the effect he had on me. He tilted his head slightly to the side, his eyes still glued to me. He seemed to be silently studying my body like one looks at a work of art, as if I were an object worthy of his consideration. Or maybe that’s how I wanted to feel. Maybe I was just deluding myself in thinking he found anything interesting in me. Anything besides the fact that I was a novice and that he wanted to make me commit sins that I would ha
ve to share with Father Abel in the church confessional. Kegan kept caressing me. I kept basking in his touch. But he was a beast. Only someone without a heart or a sense of decency could possibly own a place like this. Only a beast could pluck a novice out of a convent and make her do what he wanted, regardless of the vows she desperately wanted to take. I could never forget that.

  “Come closer.”

  I sighed. I had sat astride him, but as far from him as I could. Any farther back and I would’ve fallen off him. Obeying, I inched slightly forward.

  “Closer.”

  In spite of my better judgement, I complied. Cupping my butt in his hands, he pulled me in, just enough to make me feel the bulge between his legs.

  “This will do.” He gave me a dark smile, stroking my back. “But I’m not going to let you off for not dancing, Sister.” He fiddled with the clasp of my bra.

  In an instant, my bra was off and flying across the room toward the other sofa. His hands moved from my back to my breasts as his thumbs rubbed against my nipples, making them harden. I closed my eyes as a burst of pleasure hit me. Kegan’s soft lips were now sucking on my neck, bound to leave a mark that everybody would see tomorrow. But I didn’t care, my hands lost in his silky hair and his tongue licking where his lips had been sucking just seconds before.

  I felt like a careless explorer lost forever in an immense forest. His kisses, his hands on me, his hot breath on my skin, his sensual smell: everything was divine. A divine torture. He brought his head toward my chest, gently licking and sucking my nipples. I saw stars. Suddenly, he stopped and leaned backward to get a better look at me. We stared at each other; he examined every inch of my body, covered only by the pink silk panties, and I admired his, despite his clothes getting in my way. I wanted to tear his jacket off and free him from his black shirt, the only thing that separated my hands from his muscular chest.

  He slid his hands up my thighs.

  Falling victim to his charm, I went for the buttons running down his chest. I opened the first, then the second, revealing his tan skin. I held my breath and caressed his neck before moving my hands down to the third button. I wanted to see more. I wanted to do more. I wanted to touch his piercing. But he stopped me. Grabbing my hands, he pulled me closer. Our chests were now touching. I forgot how to breathe. He leaned forward and pressed his mouth against mine.

  “I’m in charge here, Rose,” he said, sucking on my lower lip and making me even wetter.

  My wrists were still caught in his strong fingers.

  “Don’t do anything unless I tell you.” He let go of me and reached for my crucifix. “I want to see you with just this on.”

  I should’ve been scandalized. I should’ve made the sign of the cross. What was he going to do? Fuck a novice wearing only the sacred symbol that she was about to devote the rest of her life to?

  Shame washed over me as I realized I’d already let him, that night in the water. I hadn’t even realized it at the time.

  Lost in reflection, I hardly noticed Kegan’s next move, and in mere seconds, found myself lying on the sofa. I stared at the ceiling, waiting to see what he had planned. I trembled as his fingers ran down my hips and under the panties he made me wear for him. He bent my legs and pulled them off.

  “You look better like this,” he whispered into my stomach, tickling me with his lips. The ceiling all but disappeared, and all I could see was Kegan’s beautiful face hovering over me. I was ready to do anything he wanted. I had lost all sense of self-control; Kegan was on top of me, and there was nothing I wouldn’t do. His eyes were narrowed, his hair in his face. I brushed it away, and he didn’t comment.

  “What do you want?” he asked, as if he would satisfy my every request, no matter how impossible.

  I wanted everything. I wanted him. I wanted his mouth. I wanted him inside me. I wanted him naked. I was the only one naked; it didn’t seem fair.

  “Take off your clothes.” It hardly sounded like a command, more like a dying woman’s last wish.

  There was suffering in my voice, and an urgent note that made him smile. It was a prayer to my new god. But he didn’t listen to me, didn’t satisfy me. Instead, he rolled over onto his side and slid a hand between my thighs, straight to the spot that wanted him most.

  “And then?” He gave me an impertinent look, sending a heatwave straight to my core.

  “I want—” I took a deep breath. “I want you…”

  He didn’t let me continue. He moved his fingers across my face until his index finger rested on my lip. “Are you ready for a trip to Heaven?”

  A seductive, dangerous question. It echoed through my mind. Was I ready? I should’ve told him no, should’ve stood up and run away as fast as I could. But I didn’t have the strength. Kegan wouldn’t stop tormenting me, and if he’d gone on much longer, my desire would’ve killed me.

  “Yes,” I murmured against his finger.

  I closed my eyes and waited. I waited for him to plunge his fingers into my body. I waited to hear his clothes drop to the floor. My excitement grew. When I felt his hands opening my legs, I let out a cry. My eyes shot open. His mouth melted into mine, kissing me hungrily. Possessively. His chest pressed against mine, my hands now clinging to that damn jacket I wanted to tear off of him. Then Kegan pulled away and began to move down, going farther and farther. I could feel the tip of his tongue on my stomach, in my belly button. Then I felt nothing at all. I held my breath, quivering in anticipation. I gasped when I felt his warm breath between my legs. His mouth was on me and his tongue began to move. Exploring, tasting, driving me crazy. I was losing my mind. His tongue’s decisive movements sparked increasingly intense sensations that paved my way to Heaven. Licking and sucking, he was determined to send me straight into the sky, never to return back to Earth. I pressed my head even harder into the sofa’s soft armrest. My whole body shuddered. I gasped, screaming his name as my hips twisted, his tongue still between my legs, going deeper and deeper.

  An orgasm raged through my body. My legs shook. My heart was beating so fast I thought I would die at the age of twenty-one in the arms of the God of Sex. My new god. I was dazed when he lay down next to me and kissed me on the lips, making me taste myself.

  “You can take off my clothes now,” he said, surprising me.

  My hands were still trembling as I slid the jacket off his shoulders. I threw it on the sofa and finished unbuttoning his shirt as he followed my every movement. Then I took it off, devouring him with my eyes. I wanted more of what just happened. I was hungry for him. I needed him. My hands explored his warm, hard chest, tracing the outlines of all his muscles and running my fingers over the exposed part of his tattoo. I saw him swallow hard and close his eyes. He was so beautiful I couldn’t resist. I brought my lips toward his piercing, but he stopped me.

  “I said you could take my clothes off. I didn’t say anything else.” His tone was steel, his gaze so intense it could’ve destroyed me. I blushed. I was just about to unbutton his pants when he shook his head, stopping me dead in my tracks.

  “Lie down,” he commanded.

  I obeyed, like the obedient little pet he wanted me to be. I leaned up, propping up my body with my elbows to watch him strip down. Once his boxers were off, I could see the whole tattoo. It was more than a tribal outline: it really was a dragon. A tribal dragon with its open jaws pointing right… there.

  Kegan was perfect in every way. I was starting to understand why employees and customers alike paid to have him again and again. It took more than one go to admire it all properly. I wondered how many eyes had seen him naked before mine, and how many would come after me. A sudden wave of jealousy took me by surprise. I blinked. I couldn’t afford to be jealous. I couldn’t afford to fall for him. He was good at sex—he knew what he was doing. He could drive women crazy like no other, but he wasn’t interested in me. Kegan Anderson didn’t feel anything for me. I couldn’t afford the luxury of forgetting why I was here with him. He wasn’t in love with me. He didn’t
want me because he’d fallen head over heels for me that one time in the church. He wanted me now, yes, but not in a romantic way. I was just a novice he wanted to play around with. Soon, someone else would take my place. Thirteen days from now, if not sooner, I would be replaced. And I refused to go back to Saint Clare with a broken heart. Having to take my vows with a dirty conscience would be bad enough.

  Entranced, I watched as he tore a condom wrapper open with his teeth.

  “What are you thinking about?” he asked as he prepared to roll it on.

  We were going to have sex again, despite what Lexi had said. Once more, my core burned and my heart raced, like I was some kind of robot he could turn on and off whenever he wanted. If that were the case, he must have hit the “on” button again.

  Kegan raised an eyebrow, waiting for an answer.

  I couldn’t tell him the truth and confess that I didn’t like picturing him with other women. Honestly, even the thought of it made me uncomfortable. It was only my second day at Lust—I had to be as strong as possible for another twelve days. I had to pretend that the guy standing in front of me now was not the same one I’d fantasized about for two years. In my mind, the stranger that invaded my thoughts had a heart. The guy standing in front of me had no such thing. Another thought crossed my mind: we were about to have sex again, and I didn’t know anything about him, except that he was rich and that he owned this immoral place.

  “How old are you?” I ventured.

  His cold eyes looked puzzled. He took a long time to answer. “Twenty-four.”

  Only three years older than I was. I had so many other questions. Maybe, if I asked, he would answer. I gave in and asked about another thing on my mind: his involvement with Lust.

  “How long have you lived here?”