The Novice

by Ava Lohan

  “You’re in love with him.”

  I struck a nerve. She jumped up, now with an even more hostile look on her face. “No. It doesn’t make sense to fall in love with someone who’s incapable of affection, don’t you think?”

  I didn’t believe her. At least, not totally. If she didn’t feel anything for him, why was she treating me this way? As if she couldn’t stand the sight of me, as if she couldn’t wait to see me walk through the gate for the last time? I had the feeling she wasn’t the only one at Lust who wanted more than sex from Kegan. Tereza, the brunette, gave me the same impression. Did they really stoop so low as to pay their boss for sex and pretend it was love? Judging by Lexi’s words, they did.

  “Listen, babe,” she said, and took a deep breath. “Falling in love with him is the dumbest thing you could do.”

  There was a strange light in her eyes now. She seemed pained. Lexi was no queen of compassion, but seeing her suffer like this made me hate her a little bit less. I felt sorry for her. Without her snobby air, she seemed more human.

  “You should go,” she encouraged me. “Take your suitcase and have someone come get you. If you want, I can call Peter to drive you back to the convent.” Now, her expression was friendly. I imagined that Peter was the driver who’d picked me up at Saint Clare and brought me to Lust. “I think Kegan is still sleeping,” she continued. "He wouldn’t even notice.”

  Although it was tempting, I shook my head. I was here for my sisters. To protect our convent. If I left now, the deal would be off. He’d already gotten what he wanted from me. If I left now, it would’ve all been for nothing, even if I had enjoyed it. It would’ve all been just a selfish venture, something I could confess to the priest and be forgiven for. But it wouldn’t save my home.

  “I can’t,” I tell her. “Not even if I wanted to.”

  By the look on her face, she didn’t seem to understand. Her usual bitchy expression was back.

  “As you wish,” she said, strutting toward the door like a true diva.

  I didn’t think she would say anything more, but before leaving the room, she turned toward me, shot me a cold glance, and launched another bomb.

  “Kegan is a beast. He only loves himself. Clients and employees alike trick themselves into thinking they can pay him for sex and make him feel something for them. They’re all the same, poor things. And if you think you’re the exception, you’re just as stupid as they are.”

  Chapter Seven

  I drank a soda as I watched the well-dressed crowd filter in and out of different rooms. Hiding in a corner, I could observe their every move and hear them laughing. I wondered who they were, if they had families at home, completely in the dark about how they spent their evenings. Or maybe they were all alone and this was their consolation. Buying the illusion of love. There were a lot of beautiful women, especially middle-aged women. I saw Finn disappear in an elevator with one of them. I had put my hair up in a ponytail and was wearing my own clothes. A black top and jeans, to match my mood. My old sneakers. I even had some makeup on. A very natural look, hardly noticeable at all, nothing like the professionally done-up faces of the employees walking around.

  I didn’t care if the people here looked at me funny or judged me for my simple clothes. I was like a fly in a still-life painting, an insect on perfect fruit, and happy to be that. Kegan would never win me over with things. With those dresses and beautiful shoes in my room. Before going downstairs for the evening, I took off everything that didn’t belong to me. I folded up the lingerie and tucked it away in the drawers, put the shoes back on the rack sorted by color. I tore the expensive dresses off their hangers and unpacked my suitcase, hanging my own clothes in their place. For the rest of my stay at Lust, I would wear nothing else.

  Now standing against the wall in the large hall, staring down anyone who dared to scrutinize my appearance, I did something that I hadn’t done in a long time: I smoked. I didn’t even know if it was allowed. I had seen clients and employees with cigarettes between their lips in a few rooms, but in the great hall, I only saw people with glasses of expensive champagne and wine in hand.

  That afternoon, Finn had come to visit me in my room to give me a packet of cigarettes and a lighter. It must’ve been his way of welcoming me, despite knowing I would only be here temporarily. Luckily. I had been able to resist the temptation all day, but now I felt the urge to light one up. The taste of smoke filled my mouth. I didn’t like it. I wasn’t used to it anymore. As I left the room, I took a few more drags, pretending to enjoy it. Once I made my way outside the doors of Lust, I ended my performance and threw the cigarette to the ground.

  I wasn’t angry; it was something more. I’d been so sure that Lexi was wrong, but then everything had gone exactly as she said it would.

  I had been in my room, praying, when a staff member knocked on my door. He left a letter signed by Kegan. I kissed the crucifix hanging from my neck and stared at the cars in the parking lot. I couldn’t believe it. It must’ve been a joke. Any minute, I expected him to appear at my door and say it was all just for fun. That he was just trying to scare me. But he had never showed up. I spent the rest of the day looking for him furiously. Tereza told me he wasn’t there, that he had left to take care of some business. I didn’t even want to imagine what that meant. I pictured the look of satisfaction on her face when she saw me in tears.

  “Welcome to our world,” she said.

  Earlier, Finn had said the exact same thing, like it was some sort of tradition. As if sleeping with Kegan had marked me forever, and linked me to a prostitution ring that I wanted no part in. Lexi and Tereza wanted to be here, to work here, and only God knew why. But me? I had no such intention. I was happy and safe in my convent. And yet, here it was, written in black and white, as was his signature.

  As of today, you are a Lust employee, and you will remain so for thirteen days.

  I cried, imagining the clients that would pick me and make me do things I didn’t want to do. What else could I do to protect myself but shield my body behind my boring schoolgirl clothes? Nothing. I hoped I wouldn’t catch anyone’s attention. As soon as I saw Kegan, as soon as he was within my reach, I would kick him in the balls, or punch him, slap him, or maybe all three. That bastard. Where was he hiding?

  “Oh, little miss nun, someone has booked you.”

  A chill raced down my spine. I slowly turned around. Tereza was watching me, sipping from a glass of champagne. She wore a tight black dress with a low neckline. On her, it was incredibly sexy, but on most other women, it would’ve been vulgar or ridiculous. It definitely would’ve been that on me—I didn’t have her cleavage or her sex appeal. The chain of her clutch glistened on her shoulder. She laughed and drank. Laughed and drank. I sank into the ground. Someone had booked me.

  “Who?” I said in the tone of a chicken about to be beheaded.

  Tereza shook her head. “No idea,” she said, taking another sip of her bubbling drink. “Your name came up on big screen, Sister Rose. You have to go to fourth floor. Room 405.”

  The fourth floor. The one that Finn told me to stay away from. I felt a knot in my stomach. “What if I refuse?”

  “You have five minutes to get to room, kukla.” She gave me a sneering half-smile. “But”—she reached out with her bejeweled hand to stroke my cheek with a fingernail—“you can decide to no go,” she said in her imperfect English.

  I let out a sigh of relief, feeling the weight lift off my shoulders. That was exactly what I would do.

  “All right then, I’m going back to my room.”

  I had better disappear, and quickly,—even though I couldn’t lock myself in my room, as the key had gone missing.

  The smile on her face widened. She took a sip and chuckled. “Just like boss said.” She walked past me and poured the remaining contents of her flute onto the gravel next to the steps. “Kegan say if you don’t go, deal off.”

  I swore under my breath and clenched my fists, digging my nails into my pa
lms. I should’ve known better. There was no easy way out. Of course he knew I would’ve chosen not to go. He even had the great idea of sending his messenger to lay the coup de grace. A hopeless tear ran down my cheek. Tereza dried it with the back of her hand. “If you don’t like client, close your eyes. Imagine someone else, like boss or boyfriend. Then you will like the sex anyways.”

  “Do you like it anyway?”

  She shrugged. “I like the money.” She opened her black clutch to check her cell phone. “You have three minutes, kukla.”

  “What does that word mean?” I asked suspiciously.

  It wasn’t the first time she’d used it. She’d said it the first time we met, too.

  “Kukla. Doll. Stupid blond doll who waste time.”

  Without saying goodbye, I turned and walked away. I crossed the atrium and made my way to the elevator. I’d never been in it. It was enormous. All the walls were covered with mirrors, reflecting my horrified face. I pressed number four and waited. In no time at all, I was there.

  Room 405.

  I stared at the door, frozen with fear. On the other side of the door, I pictured a fat naked man waiting ravenously on the bed. I felt like throwing up. I mustered up some courage and entered the room. After all, what else could I do?

  “Oh my God,” I gasped, clasping the crucifix hanging from my neck. I couldn’t believe it. There was no bed, no man waiting for me. There was music playing, music that you couldn’t hear from outside the door, thanks to the soundproofing. Room 405 was no room at all—more like a club, almost the size of the convent cafeteria. It must’ve taken up at least six rooms of the fourth floor. And if the rooms were the same size as mine, then they were definitely not small. This place was full of surprises. Perverse surprises. Half-naked women squeezed past tables, serving alcohol to the men seated around them. Other women were dancing provocatively on stage, illuminated by lights that blinked on and off, while others were performing lap dances.

  The rest of the room was dark. I didn’t know what to do. I considered going around to the tables to ask the men seated there if they had ordered the nun.

  Time was ticking; maybe it had already run out.

  Would Kegan have found out if I were late, or if I had turned on my heels and run? I imagined he had some sort of spy here somewhere to watch my every move. To tell him I’d made a run for it, or that I’d tried to find my client, or that I’d frozen and not done a thing, like I was doing now. As I stood there watching a dancer, a thought came to mind: maybe this was all just a trap. I looked around the room, confused as ever. What if Kegan only gave me the five minute deadline to have an excuse to kick me out of his lavish kingdom?

  In the pool, Kegan had told me that no one else would ever kiss me again. Then the next day he made me one of his employees, ready to welcome anybody’s tongue in my mouth.

  I froze in place.

  Kegan must not have meant what he said. Just like Paul hadn’t really been in love with me. It was just something he'd said during sex, when he was coming. Once the magic of the orgasm was gone, he’d told me that I didn’t mean anything to him and that he wanted to stay with Jenna. That night, I had found myself without a boyfriend, then without a best friend. Soon afterward, I lost my parents, too.

  History was repeating itself with Kegan. I was going to lose everything again. Sara. The convent. If our deal was off, I would never muster up the courage to set foot inside Saint Clare again.

  Just then, a hand grabbed me by the elbow, catapulting me back into the present. “Please follow me to the VIP lounge.”

  From his tone, I could tell the man would allow no objections. Not that I had a choice. I followed his lead. He stopped in front of a dark door. He opened it, gestured for me to enter, and closed it behind me. Trapping me. A bell rang to announce my arrival. The lights were dim, the music from outside muted. My heart was beating like a drum in my chest, tearing me apart with every blow.

  There was a small table with two bottles immersed in ice buckets. Two glasses were placed to the side, one half full, the other empty. A couple of poles stood in the room, the kind that no woman like me would ever lay her hands on. There were also a pair of black leather couches. They looked comfortable. But most importantly, there was Kegan, stretched out across one of the couches with his head resting on a purple cushion. He wore a beautiful bespoke suit. He stopped staring at the ceiling to look at me.

  “You’re seven minutes late. This is bad news, Sister. I hate waiting.” He sat up.

  I no longer had the strength to rush at him and slap his face like I had planned. My blood yearned for him, my lips ached for his, my whole body needed him. It was better to keep a distance. Kegan’s eyes were like two cold beams looking me up and down. He didn’t say a word.

  “Lexi warned me,” I told him, unable to control myself.

  His face lit up with interest.

  “About what?” he asked. He motioned toward the sofa. “Sit down,” he added.

  I sat as far from him as I could, practically hanging off the edge of the seat. I grabbed the cushion next to me and held it in my lap to shield myself from his glare. Although I was fully dressed, with only my arms showing, I felt completely exposed as his eyes roamed my body.

  “About you.” I remained vague, not giving him any further explanation. If he wanted more, he would have to ask.

  “About me,” he mocked. He reached forward and grabbed a glass off the table, peering at me over its rim. “Your tardiness will cost you.” He picked up an ice cube and tossed it into his glass, now nearly empty.

  “How much?” I asked, in full alarm.

  “I was going to let you go in the morning. Now, to punish you, I’ll be keeping you an extra seven hours. One for every minute you were late. You asked for it, Sister Rose.” He sighed, pretending—rather unconvincingly—that this pained him.

  Yeah, right. The ass was loving every second of it. Every single second. I was stunned. He shot me one of his beautiful smiles. Perfect teeth. Kissable lips. A shadow of a beard that gave him a rebellious look. His hair was messy, begging me to run my fingers through it. All of this on a perfectly sculpted body.

  He set his glass down on the table between us. How could he be so cruel? God had given him such beauty, but he didn’t deserve it. People like him deserved the markings of the devil, something to warn others to keep their distance instead of attracting them like flies. All of a sudden, I felt a flare of rage, snapping me back to reality.

  “You arrogant bastard!” I yelled, jumping to my feet. I chucked the cushion at him, hitting him square in the chest. “You’re… you’re a beast.” I used Lexi’s words. Now that I thought about it, Finn had used them too. That was the best way to describe him. An insensitive beast, an asshole who took advantage of my vulnerability in the pool and then threw me to the sharks lurking around his club, hotel, or whatever this was.

  “Don’t talk to me like that.”

  I ignored him as I paced back and forth. “You should be ashamed.” My hands were shaking; a battle was raging within me. One part of me wanted to pounce on him and scratch his face off, while the other wanted to kiss him. I mentally asked God for forgiveness because I just couldn’t fight my attraction to him. His charm was undeniable, and I was not immune.

  “Stop moving, you’re giving me a headache.”

  I didn’t listen to him. If he couldn’t handle it, that was too bad.

  “I said stop.”

  I froze in my steps.

  He stood up and grabbed me by the wrist. “I don’t think you understand. You’re mine.” He pulled me toward him. Judging by his expression, he had reached his breaking point. “There’s no point in fighting against it or calling me names. You are my little pet, Rose. A little pet who does everything her master says. Is that clear?”

  I didn’t answer.

  “Prove to me that you understand.”

  He stroked my cheek with his thumb and slid it between my lips. “Good girl,” he remarked, seemingl
y satisfied. His lips brushed against my ear. “Now, suck it,” he ordered.

  Blood rushed to my cheeks as a wave of desire pooled between my legs. I would be his for another thirteen days, and he wanted me to prove it. So I did. I licked his thumb, hoping he would like it, but from his hooded eyes, it was hard to decipher his reaction. He pushed his thumb in deeper, and I continued to follow his orders. I closed my eyes. I was ashamed of myself, ashamed that I was enjoying this obscene act. Finally, he slipped his thumb out, and I could look him in the eyes again. Kegan’s hands were now under my black top, touching my stomach. I could feel his wet thumb on my skin.

  “I knew you were going to do this… show up in your own clothes and refuse my gifts.”

  I broke eye contact and looked down at his black jacket. I couldn’t imagine how much it must’ve cost.

  “I thought it would hurt to see you do it, but I’m fine with it, actually.” He held my face in his hands, forcing me to look at him again. “But from now on, you will wear the clothes I bought you. I’m your god now, and you will obey me. Here’s your new first commandment: you will have no other god but me.”

  My eyes widened. I couldn’t believe he’d just said something so blasphemous to a novice. I followed him to the sofa in silence. He settled back down. Elegant, magnificent, like a king on his throne. Suddenly it was as if I, standing there, staring at him, no longer existed. He was focused on his cell phone. Some of my anxiety melted away. Maybe he was already tired of me. Maybe he would send me back to my room.

  Less than thirty seconds later, the man who’d escorted me to the room appeared in the doorway. He looked like a bouncer. I stared at him, frozen in place like a statue. He approached me with a package, handed it to me, and left. The wrapping was beautiful: a cerulean bag with a light blue bow. I looked inside. A pink satin bra and panty set.

  Kegan threw his phone on the sofa. “Now, you’re going to dance for me.”

  I stared him down, hoping to convey with my eyes just how much I hated him. Kegan, completely indifferent to my hostility, didn’t even flinch. I had studied dance for years, but not the kind of dances that the girls were performing outside the door. The door that closed me off from the world, far from the rest of Lust. Sensual music began to play as the package shook in my hands.