The Far Side of Lonesome

by Rita Hestand

Maggie held her in her arms while she cried and Sarah couldn’t move from the graveyard for a long time.

  * * * * *

  "Dear God, I hadn’t figured on that too," Jeb said as he watched from the overgrown trees as Sarah found the graves of her daughters and doubled over with the pain of it. Jeb wanted to go to her to comfort her, but he knew he couldn’t. Sarah had found her family and unless she came to him, he wouldn’t interfere with her life further. He’d said his goodbye, even though it wasn’t like he had wanted.

  Hoot shook his head, a tear rolling down his cheek. “She’s like us; she’s just lost all her family…She ain't got nobody Jeb.”

  “We’ll keep watch, she’ll come for the baby, then we’ll head out,” Jeb said trying to push down the longings of his heart.

  “Just like that, we’re gonna leave her?” Hoot gasped.

  Jeb’s rage was past controlling, “Well, what do you want me to do? She wanted her family. There were no guarantees that it was all gonna be rosy. We know from experience, don’t we? This is all her choice and we can’t interfere for once. We done enough of that already.”

  Hoot shook his head, “Jeb, I know how you feel about her. You’re in love with her. I know it’s got to hurt to see her like this. So why don’t we just go get her and take her with us. We can make a family, the four of us. We’ll be her family…don’t you see? She don't deserve to keep hurtin' like this.”

  “She’s white…,” Jeb choked.

  “So she’s white, she’s got the guts of an Indian and the heart of a black woman. And there ain’t a place on this earth she belongs, but with us, and you know it.” Hoot cried as tears ran down his cheek. "Well don't look at me like that, I love her too, just not the same way…."

  “I do love her, Hoot. But that ain’t enough. She deserves a chance at life. She’ll get it with them….”

  “How’s she gonna get it with them when they won’t accept her baby?” Hoot gasped.

  “I don’t know. Maybe it’ll just take time….”

  “What if she don’t come get the baby? If they won’t accept it, maybe she’d be better off without him. Then what we gonna do?” Hoot demanded.

  Jeb turned with rage. “We’ll raise him, like our own, and that’s what we’ll do…”

  Hoot slumped and then shot him a crooked smile, “Yeah…I guess we will….”

  Jeb kept a watch, to see what would happen next. It didn’t take long.

  * * * * *

  Maggie’s husband rode up while Sarah and Maggie were still at the cemetery. He saw them and walked up the hill. He stopped before he got to the gate, trying to put together the scene there.

  “What’s goin’ on, Maggie?” he asked his wife, his voice shrill and penetrating.

  “Oh Michael, it’s a blessing… This is my sister, Sarah, the one I thought was dead…she’s come home,” Maggie cried.

  Michael didn’t smile, didn’t move, he just stood there. His expression was not welcoming, but Sarah still tried to control herself so she could speak. The pain of losing her children stifled for the moment as she stared into cold hard eyes.

  “Come away from there Maggie, leave her be…,” he insisted.

  “But Michael, she didn’t know the girls were gone, she’s bereavin’,” Maggie explained.

  “I just came from town, woman. Heard some disturbin’ news…” he announced loudly, so Sarah could hear.

  “What…?” Maggie asked.

  “A black man rode into town yesterday, bought a dress, the dress she’s a wearin’.” Michael announced, “Yore sister has been with black men….”

  “I don’t believe it… That can’t be. She was captured by the Indians,” Maggie told him, turning first to her husband then her sister.

  Sarah heard the words and got to her feet. She turned slowly, wiped her eyes then looked at the big man by the gate.

  “Two black men rode into the Indian camp and freed me. They was bringing me home. The dress was so I wouldn’t come home in an Indian dress an upset you.”

  “Where are they?” Michael asked.

  “On the edge of town. They have my son…” Sarah replied.

  Maggie whipped about to look at her sister. “Your son? You had a son… With a black man?”

  Her sister's reproach was more than she expected, but like the Indians she learned to not show her sorrow. She lifted her chin proudly so her sister could strike her other cheek, and she knew she would.

  Sarah shook her head, “No…with an Indian…”

  “Oh my God…tell me it isn’t so…” Maggie cried. "It can't be…you wouldn't…no…I don't believe it. Not after Daniel and the children….Sarah?"

  Sarah saw the rejection in her sister’s eyes and it felt like a knife stabbing her in the ribs. She grabbed herself, almost bent over with the pain the rejection caused.

  “How do you think I survived with the Indians? Did you think I was free to say no…?” Sarah's gaze rounded on them both.

  “Well, I…d…”

  “She’s a tramp, an Indian lover… She’s not welcome in my home. And now she’s been with them black bucks, too,” Michael said, his eyes going up and down her. "She might have been your sister…but not no more…We don't need your kind here…"

  “No…you’re wrong… I was married to the chief’s son, for four years. In time, I became pregnant. I had a son…”

  Maggie turned her head away as though she couldn’t bear to look at her own sister.

  Sarah swallowed her sorrow quickly. A numbness settled over her. “I guess I don’t belong here either, do I?” Sarah said as the tears ran silently down her cheeks.

  “You should have stayed with them….” Maggie cried, grabbing a hankie from her pocket. “How could you let them touch you…?”

  “How could I let them…." Sarah repeated. "Oh God Maggie. Goodbye, Maggie… I love you…even though you will never understand…” Sarah cried. She glanced at Michael and lifted her chin.

  She opened the gate.

  He moved out of the way.

  Sarah walked down the hill and into the forest and disappeared. She gathered the horse she’d left there and rode off slowly, never looking back. The numbness was going away as she rode away from her family.

  She found Jeb and Hoot on the edge of the property and slowed. She got down off her horse and ran to her baby. Taking him into her arms, she held him close.

  “Well, I guess I’ll be goin’ now,” she cried, wiping the tears away.

  Jeb watched her, his heart full of hurt and longing. “Where to, Sarah?”

  Sarah turned slowly around and stared from Hoot to Jeb, then at her child. She squared her shoulders, lifted her chin, and shot them a slow smile. ”With you and Hoot, of course…”

  For a long minute they stared at her, then Hoot burst into a huge grin.

  When she looked into the deep black eyes of Jeb, he smiled too. “Where ever thou goest…I will go…”

  And they rode into the sunset—the four of them—to find a home!