The Road Without You

by H. M. Sholander

“Rae, I didn’t know you were working today,” he says.

  Liar. I always work Wednesdays, and he knows it.

  He wraps an arm around Blondie’s shoulders. She nestles into his side and sneers at me.

  She can have him.

  Obviously, he’s no longer trying to win me back.

  Thank God.

  I don’t bother responding to him. I simply ask again, “What can I get you to drink?”

  “Bring us the most expensive bottle of wine you have. Nothing but the best for my girl here.” He nuzzles her face, making me want to puke.

  I turn away from them, heading back to the kitchen, and push through the swinging door. I let out a groan, hoping it wasn’t loud enough for my boss to hear, as I slam my notepad down on the counter.

  “That bad?” Tess asks.

  “My ex.” I head toward the wine cellar where we keep the overpriced wine but stop at the refrigerator next to the wine cellar first.

  Ron is paranoid. He thinks a bottle of wine might mysteriously walk away, so he keeps them locked up, only telling a few of us where the key is. Reaching behind the giant silver refrigerator, I yank the key free from where it’s taped on the wall.

  “And the girl I caught him screwing before I broke up with him,” I add.

  “Ouch,” she says from behind me.

  Yeah, it does sting that he brought her here, and I hate him a little more for shoving it in my face.

  “I have an idea,” I say, twirling the key in my hand.

  “I don’t like the sound of that.”

  I hear the discomfort in her voice, and I picture her backing away from me, like she might get reprimanded for being a witness to my madness.

  I unlock the cellar, and I pick the bottle I know runs for $950. People should find better ways to invest their money.

  I lock the door and stick the key behind the refrigerator. I grab two wine glasses from the shelf above the counter Tess is leaning against along with a bucket for ice.

  “It’ll be fine. Don’t worry.” I pop the cork out of the bottle, placing the cork on the counter and pouring out some of the wine in the sink. Taking the clear glass bottle of vinegar, I pour seven tablespoons in it, chuckling to myself the entire time.

  Tess slaps a hand over her mouth as her eyes go wide. “Raegan!” she yelps.

  “They won’t know the difference.” I shove the cork back in the bottle and swirl the liquid around, making sure it’s mixed up before scooping ice into the bucket. “He deserves it anyway.”

  “You’d better hope Ron doesn’t find out,” she says nervously, glancing over her shoulder at the kitchen door.

  “He won’t.” I grab the glasses and place the bottle of wine in the bucket of ice.

  Then, I saunter out to Travis and Blondie’s table. I place everything in front of them with a straight face. I pop the cork once more and pour them each a glass of wine, setting the glasses in front of them.

  Blondie takes a sip, making the most ridiculous face I’ve ever seen. “This tastes funny.”

  “Just drink it.” Travis downs the whole glass with a wince.

  I guess he’s never had this wine before, so he doesn’t notice the difference.

  I feel ten times better about having to wait on them tonight.

  “Have you decided on what you would like to eat, or do you need another minute?” I ask sweetly, attempting to conceal my laugh.

  Travis orders for both of them, and I jot it down without a word.

  Before I can walk away, he says, “Don’t you want to know how Stella is doing, Rae?”

  I grit my teeth.

  “She doesn’t miss you at all.” He smirks as he pours himself another glass of wine. “In fact, I think she’s forgotten all about you.”

  My body turns to stone, unmoving and hard. “She wouldn’t forget me, and I am getting her back. She’s not yours.”

  “I don’t think you are. Not unless you move your ass back in the house.”

  “Hey,” Blondie protests.

  But Travis ignores her.

  “You can go fuck yourself,” I hiss, heat rising to my face.

  “I’d rather have you do that for me,” he jabs.

  I’m about to say something that will get me fired when an arm wraps around my waist.

  “Hey, babe. This guy giving you a hard time?” Jax’s voice falls over me, and my head whips around to him. I’m too stunned to say anything. “Sorry I couldn’t drop by earlier.”

  “Who’s this?” Travis sneers.

  “I’m Raegan’s boyfriend, Jax,” he responds without hesitation.

  Boyfriend? What is he doing?

  “Boyfriend? Really?”

  “Yeah, really.” Jax grabs my hand and yanks me away from the table before Travis can say another word. He heads back toward the restrooms, out of sight from Travis and Blondie. “Are you okay?”

  “I’m fine,” I say, my mind reeling, trying to catch up with what happened.

  “Did you really date that guy?” he asks, staring back at the table where Travis is sucking face with Blondie.

  “Unfortunately.” I sigh, wishing Travis were a memory I could erase.

  But the thing is, I was with him for a reason. I used to love him. He used to be somebody completely different—affectionate, kind, sweet. Not anymore. Now, he’s vindictive and cruel.

  “You can do way better than him.” Jax runs a hand through his short brown hair, scratching the back of his head.

  “Like you?” I huff, crossing my arms over my chest.

  “No, definitely not me,” he mutters as he stares down at his shoes.

  My lips part in surprise. I can’t believe he said no. Maybe I’ve had Jax pegged all wrong. Maybe he is a good guy after all.

  “What are you doing here?” I ask, wondering how he even knew where to find me.

  He shies away, something I’m not accustomed to seeing. “I saw you walking home today, and when I went to your house, your roommate told me where you worked.” He pulls on the back of his neck, seeming uncomfortable. “I wanted to say I’m sorry for the way I’ve been acting. You didn’t deserve me ignoring you for so long. I’m going to make it up to you.”

  “Okay?” I say as more of a question because I have no idea how to react to his apology.

  “You gonna be able to handle that guy?” He gestures back out to the dining area where I hope Travis is choking on his wine.

  “Yeah, I’ll be fine.” I wave him off.

  “All right. I’ll see you later, Red.”

  “Red?”

  He points to my lips before walking away, leaving me standing next to the restrooms in a fog.

  I don’t understand this guy. Not one bit.

  Jax

  As I walk through the restaurant, Raegan’s ex’s voice rings through the space, the sound grating on my nerves. Knowing he has touched her, has loved her, makes me crazy.

  I overheard what he said to Raegan, and it took everything in me not to throw him against the wall and choke the ever-living shit out of him. He doesn’t deserve to breathe the same air as her or to merely exist in the same world as her.

  I wonder who Stella is and why Travis is keeping her from Raegan. Whoever she is, I feel bad that she’s stuck with him.

  I stalk past his table and glare at him, hoping he falls ill at any moment. To my dismay, he doesn’t. He continues to talk to the blonde chick, who doesn’t hold a thing compared to Raegan. The girl sitting next to him looks as fake as his laugh sounds.

  Raegan is natural, beautiful, a creature I’ve never seen before, and she’s worth a thousand bad days just to have one good day with her.

  And all those things are exactly why I can’t have her because, with just our few interactions—of me being a complete asshole—I’m already taken with her. So absorbed in who she is that I can’t think straight. But I can’t divide my attention between Raegan and Sam. As much of an ass that it makes me, I feel like Raegan would win out, that she would consume me. Sam deserves t
o be my sole focus because she can’t defend herself the way Raegan can.

  I push on the glass door leading out of the restaurant, but I don’t leave. I stand outside, letting the darkness cloak me as I hover near her a little longer.

  I watch as she brings food to her ex and the blonde, Raegan’s back ramrod straight.

  This is it. Her ex is the reason she holds herself up when I can tell she wants to fall down. I can see it with each step she takes in his direction, in the way the plate shakes when she moves to place it on the table.

  When the tray is empty, she hugs it to her body, using it as a shield, as she walks away from them with her head hanging low.

  He broke her.

  And I want nothing more than to break him.

  I shut my truck door, and I hear screaming coming from the open window on the second floor of my parents’ house.

  My jaw tics as I jog up the driveway and run inside, the shouts getting louder the closer I get to the stairs. I take them two at a time, rushing down the hall, following the noise to my parents’ room.

  I push open the door as my mom throws a laptop out of the window.

  What the hell is happening?

  “Kate, stop,” Dad demands as he hauls her away from the window.

  “Put me down!” she screeches, thrashing against him. He places her on the bed, but she immediately stands, taking the pillows off the bed and tossing them out the window.

  “What’s going on?” I ask, finally finding my voice.

  Dad startles when his eyes connect with mine. “You shouldn’t be here.”

  Mom rips the cord of the lamp out of the wall and picks it up off the nightstand, heading toward the window yet again.

  I race across the room and take it from her, lobbing it on the bed before I close the window and lock it.

  Her blue eyes are wild, her chest heaving, as she looks at me with disdain, like I stole her most valuable possession.

  “Why are you throwing shit out the window?” My lungs work overtime as my heart races. I’ve never seen her act this way.

  She stares at me, unblinking, so I shift my gaze to Dad, waiting for an answer.

  “Nothing you need to worry about.” He takes cautious steps toward Mom, like she’s a skittish cat about to make a break for it.

  “It doesn’t seem like nothing,” I bite out.

  Mom turns away from me and runs in the bedroom closet, slamming the door.

  What were they fighting about that had Mom going off the deep end?

  “Dad—”

  He holds a hand up. “Not now.”

  “Tell—”

  “Jax,” Sam whimpers, hovering in the doorway. She rubs her nose with the back of her hand. “I heard shouting.”

  I take three long strides and crouch down next to her. “It’s okay, Munchkin.” I hug her to my chest, rubbing the back of her head.

  She sniffs as her small arms cling to my neck. God, I wish I could save her from this house.

  “Take her out of here,” Dad says, standing next to me. He extends his hand, holding out his credit card. “I don’t care where you go; just leave.”

  I snatch the card from him and pick Sam up, carrying her to her room. She doesn’t need to be around whatever is happening here. So, I’ll take her as far away as I can.

  I halt across from the girls’ section in Target and squat down next to Sam. “Pick anything you want,” I tell her, holding her small hand in mine.

  Her mouth drops open as she gaps at all the clothes before she looks back at me. “Anything?”

  “Yep.” I want her to have whatever her heart desires. I don’t know what happened at the house earlier or what she witnessed, but the fact that she has to endure any of it is unacceptable.

  “How many?” she asks, swinging her shoulders back and forth.

  “You can get as many clothes as you want.”

  She grips my hand as a huge grin stretches across her face. “We need a cart.”

  I should have thought of that before we walked clear across the store. I glance around and spot an abandoned cart ten feet away. “Got it.”

  I sweep her up in my arms, and she giggles as I race toward the empty cart.

  I place her in the cart on her feet, not bothering to sit her down in the top part that I know she’s too big for.

  “Hold on,” I say as I grip the bar and race back to the little girls’ section.

  She laughs louder, and a smile tugs at my mouth.

  “Okay, Munchkin, lead the way.”

  She beams as her eyes scan the sea of clothes. “That.”

  She points to a shirt with a cat on it, and I take us in the direction, grabbing the one in her size.

  I hand it to her, and she clutches it in her tiny hands, holding it close, like she treasures it more than anything.

  She spends an hour picking out clothes and toys, and I let her have everything she wants. I can’t help it. I’m a sucker for her smiles and laughter, and she warrants so much more than a shopping cart full of new things.

  As we head to the checkout, she lies in the pile of clothes and toys, tilting her head back to look at me. “Love you, Jax.”

  My eyes soften. “I love you, too, Munchkin.”

  I don’t feel bad for putting a dent on Dad’s credit card, not one bit.

  Raegan

  “Raegan, get your ass down here!” Arya yells from the bottom of the stairs.

  Looking in the bathroom mirror, I quickly apply red lipstick and fluff my straight hair, giving it more body.

  I run my hands over my skinny jeans, wiping off lint that isn’t there.

  I topped off my jeans with a cream sweater and a long silver necklace. I didn’t want to try too hard, but it feels good to go on a first date, to have jitters in my stomach instead of feeling suffocated.

  I adjust the tank top under my sweater, pulling the material down.

  Snatching my crossbody purse off the bed, I swing it over my shoulder, tossing my phone inside. I shove my feet into my tan wedges, instead of bending down and unbuckling the back straps.

  When my shoes are on, I hurry down the stairs, not wanting to hear Arya’s voice shrieking through the house again.

  The back of Nathan’s head peeks over the couch while Arya is perched on the coffee table, pestering him with questions.

  “So, you’re a junior?” she asks.

  “Yeah.”

  “You like older women then, huh? Raegan’s a senior, but you—”

  “Nathan,” I say, cutting off Arya as I move around the couch, “let’s get out of here.”

  I hold my hand out for him to take, wanting to get him away from my so-called friend.

  He takes my hand as he rises from the couch. “You look nice.” He smiles.

  I tug him behind me as I move toward the door. “Thanks,” I rush out. “You, too.” I wince, knowing I didn’t take the time to really look at him when my eyes skirted over him.

  I glance over my shoulder at Arya, and she mouths, He is so hot.

  I scowl at her as I open the door, pulling on Nathan’s hand and guiding him out of the house.

  As soon as Nathan and I step outside, Arya says, “All right, you crazy kids, have fun. And, Nathan, make sure to keep her out all night.”

  “Arya!” I scold, wishing I could slam the door in her face.

  “And use protection!” she yells before she shuts the door.

  “Ignore her.” I drop Nathan’s hand when I realize I’m still holding it.

  “I think she’s great.” He takes my hand back, leading us to his truck.

  “Try living with her.”

  He opens the passenger door for me, and I hop inside.

  The truck is small, just big enough for two, and it smells of cigarettes—a scent that’s too close to home. I wrinkle my nose, blowing out the air, but eventually, I take a breath, the smell invading me all over again.

  Nathan slides in the driver’s seat. “I borrowed my buddy’s truck for the night.”<
br />
  Good to know the tobacco scent doesn’t belong to him.

  “What are we doing?”

  “How do you feel about a drive-in movie? They have a few food trucks there, and I have plenty of blankets for when it gets too cold after the sun goes down.” He shifts in his seat. “But, uh, we can do something else if you want,” he says, fussing with his blond hair.

  “It sounds perfect. I’ve always wanted to go to a drive-in movie.”

  He beams, his deep brown eyes shining. “Great.” He turns over the ignition and drives down the street, his shoulders relaxed and his left arm propped on the driver’s door. “How’s your project going?” he asks, showcasing his white teeth.

  I let out an unattractive groan. “We haven’t even started to combine our papers. We’re supposed to get together this Sunday.”

  “That’s rough. Jax can be hard to deal with.”

  “Tell me about it,” I breathe out. “He only agreed to work with me if I went to his stupid party.”

  He glances over at me with furrowed brows. “The Halloween party?”

  “Yeah.”

  “That’s a weird bargaining chip.”

  It is, but I conceded because I would have done anything to get him to cooperate, including selling my soul if he asked me to.

  “How’s your project?” I ask, steering the subject away from me.

  “It’s going. I have a more cooperative partner than you—”

  His voice fades out as I glance out the passenger window, watching the trees pass by and the people meandering down the sidewalk.

  Jax has me all kinds of confused, and he makes me do stupid things, like attack him and pretend he’s my boyfriend. He’s all over the place, and it has me wondering who he really is. Is he an overly arrogant guy or someone who’s crying out for help?

  “What’s your story, Raegan?”

  Shit. What did I miss? I cringe before plastering a smile on my face.

  I slant my eyes to Nathan. “What do you mean?” There isn’t much to tell. I’m a college girl, attempting to find her way in a new reality.

  He makes a left before his eyes briefly meet mine. “What makes you, you?”

  If I’m being honest, I don’t know. It’s comical how I was wondering who Jax is, and I can’t seem to answer the question for myself.